The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)

by William Shakespeare

  Why does the world report that Kate doth limp?

  Why does the world report that Kate limps?

  O sland'rous world! Kate like the hazel-twig

  Oh slandering world! Kate is like the hazel-twig,

  Is straight and slender, and as brown in hue

  Straight and slender, and as brown in color

  As hazel-nuts, and sweeter than the kernels.

  As hazelnuts, and sweeter than the kernels.

  O! let me see thee walk: thou dost not halt.

  Oh, let me see you walk: you do not stagger.

  KATHERINA. Go, fool, and whom thou keep'st command.

  Go away, fool, and whoever you command.

  PETRUCHIO. Did ever Dian so become a grove

  Did Diana [the Greek goddess] ever suit a grove

  As Kate this chamber with her princely gait?

  As much as Kate this room with her graceful walk?

  O! be thou Dian, and let her be Kate,

  Oh, you should be Diania, and let her be Kate,

  And then let Kate be chaste, and Dian sportful!

  KATHERINA. Where did you study all this goodly speech?

  Where did you study all these compliments?

  PETRUCHIO. It is extempore, from my mother-wit.

  It is spontaneous, from my mother-wit.

  KATHERINA. A witty mother! witless else her son.

  A witty mother! Her son is otherwise witless.

  PETRUCHIO. Am I not wise?

  KATHERINA. Yes; keep you warm.

  PETRUCHIO. Marry, so I mean, sweet Katherine, in thy bed;

  Indeed, so I mean to, sweet Katherine, in your bed;

  And therefore, setting all this chat aside,

  And therefore, enough with all this chatter,

  Thus in plain terms: your father hath consented

  Basically: your father has given permission

  That you shall be my wife your dowry 'greed on;

  For you shall be my wife, your dowry agreed on;

  And will you, nill you, I will marry you.

  And whether you like it or not, I will marry you.

  Now, Kate, I am a husband for your turn;

  Now, Kate, I am a husband for your type;

  For, by this light, whereby I see thy beauty,--

  For, by this light, which allows me to see your beauty, --

  Thy beauty that doth make me like thee well,--

  Your beauty that makes me like you a lot, --

  Thou must be married to no man but me;

  You must be married to no man but me;

  For I am he am born to tame you, Kate,

  For I am the man born to tame you, Kate,

  And bring you from a wild Kate to a Kate

  And bring you from a wild Kate to a Kate

  Conformable as other household Kates.

  As easy to deal with as other household Kates.

  Here comes your father. Never make denial;

  Here comes your father. Never say no;

  I must and will have Katherine to my wife.

  I must and will have Katherine as my wife.

  [Re-enter BAPTISTA, GREMIO, and TRANIO.]

  BAPTISTA. Now, Signior Petruchio, how speed you with my daughter?

  Now, Sir Petruchio, how are you doing with my daughter?

  PETRUCHIO. How but well, sir? how but well? It were impossible I should speed amiss.

  How but well, sir? How but well? It would be impossible for me to do poorly.

  BAPTISTA. Why, how now, daughter Katherine, in your dumps?

  Why, what's going on, daughter Katherine, are you down in the dumps?

  KATHERINA. Call you me daughter? Now I promise you

  Do you call me your daughter? Now I promise you

  You have show'd a tender fatherly regard

  You have showed a tender fatherly fondness

  To wish me wed to one half lunatic,

  To wish me married to a half-crazy man,

  A mad-cap ruffian and a swearing Jack,

  A madcap troublemaker and a promising Jack,

  That thinks with oaths to face the matter out.

  That thinks to bluff his way through with oaths.

  PETRUCHIO. Father, 'tis thus: yourself and all the world

  Father, this is the situation: you and all the world

  That talk'd of her have talk'd amiss of her:

  That have talked with her have been inaccurate:

  If she be curst, it is for policy,

  If she is cursed, it is out of habit,

  For she's not froward, but modest as the dove;

  For she's pushy, but humble as a dove;

  She is not hot, but temperate as the morn;

  She is not hot, but as temperate as the morning;

  For patience she will prove a second Grissel,

  She is as patient as Grissel,

  And Roman Lucrece for her chastity;

  And as chaste as the Roman Lucrece;

  And to conclude, we have 'greed so well together

  And to conclude, we have agreed so well together

  That upon Sunday is the wedding-day.

  That the wedding-day is on Sunday.

  KATHERINA. I'll see thee hang'd on Sunday first.

  I would rather see you hanged on Sunday first.

  GREMIO. Hark, Petruchio; she says she'll see thee hang'd first.

  Listen, Petruchio; she says she'd rather see you hanged first.

  TRANIO. Is this your speeding? Nay, then good-night our part!

  Is this how you're doing? No, then goodbye to our part!

  PETRUCHIO. Be patient, gentlemen. I choose her for myself;

  If she and I be pleas'd, what's that to you?

  If she and I are pleased, what's that to you?

  'Tis bargain'd 'twixt us twain, being alone,

  It is still a bargain between the two of us, being alone,

  That she shall still be curst in company.

  That she shall still be rude in company.

  I tell you, 'tis incredible to believe

  I tell you, it is incredible to believe

  How much she loves me: O! the kindest Kate

  How much she loves me: oh, the kindest Kate

  She hung about my neck, and kiss on kiss

  She hung around my neck, and kiss upon kiss

  She vied so fast, protesting oath on oath,

  She promised so fast, declaring oath on oath,

  That in a twink she won me to her love.

  That in a blink she won me to her love.

  O! you are novices: 'tis a world to see,

  Oh, you are inexperienced men: it is a world to see,

  How tame, when men and women are alone,

  How tame, when men and women are alone,

  A meacock wretch can make the curstest shrew.

  A simple man can make the rudest woman.

  Give me thy hand, Kate; I will unto Venice,

  Give me your hand, Kate; I will go to Venice,

  To buy apparel 'gainst the wedding-day.

  To buy clothes for the wedding day.

  Provide the feast, father, and bid the guests;

  Provide the feast, father, and invite the guests;

  I will be sure my Katherine shall be fine.

  I will make sure my Katherine will be richly dressed.

  BAPTISTA. I know not what to say; but give me your hands. God send you joy, Petruchio! 'Tis a match.

  I do not know what to say; but give me your hands. God send you joy, Petruchio! It is a match.

  GREMIO, TRANIO. Amen, say we; we will be witnesses.

  Amen, we say; we will be witnesses.

  PETRUCHIO. Father, and wife, and gentlemen, adieu.

  Father, and wife, and gentlemen, see you soon.

  I will to Venice; Sunday comes apace;

  I will go to Venice; Sunday comes soon;

  We will have rings and things, and fine array;

  We will have rings and things, and all sorts of riches;r />
  And kiss me, Kate; we will be married o' Sunday.

  And kiss me, Kate; we will be married on Sunday.

  [Exeunt PETRUCHIO and KATHERINA, severally.]

  [Exit PETRUCHIO and KATHERINA, separately.]

  GREMIO. Was ever match clapp'd up so suddenly?

  Was a match ever slapped together so suddenly?

  BAPTISTA. Faith, gentlemen, now I play a merchant's part,

  By faith, gentleman, I am acting like a merchant now,

  And venture madly on a desperate mart.

  And go out recklessly on a desperate bargain.

  TRANIO. 'Twas a commodity lay fretting by you;

  It was a commodity that was worrying you;

  'Twill bring you gain, or perish on the seas.

  It will bring you rewards, or be lost on the seas.

  BAPTISTA. The gain I seek is, quiet in the match.

  The reward I hope for is quiet in the match.

  GREMIO. No doubt but he hath got a quiet catch.

  No doubt but he has got a quiet catch.

  But now, Baptista, to your younger daughter:

  Now is the day we long have looked for;

  Now is the day we have waited for a long time;

  I am your neighbour, and was suitor first.

  I am your neighbor, and was a suitor first.

  TRANIO. And I am one that love Bianca more

  And I am the one that loves Bianca more

  Than words can witness or your thoughts can guess.

  Than words can show or your thoughts can guess.

  GREMIO. Youngling, thou canst not love so dear as I.

  Youngling, you cannot love as preciously as I.

  TRANIO. Greybeard, thy love doth freeze.

  Graybeard, your love freezes.

  GREMIO. But thine doth fry. Skipper, stand back; 'tis age that nourisheth.

  But yours fries. Kiddo, stand back; it is age that nourishes.

  TRANIO. But youth in ladies' eyes that flourisheth.

  But youth in ladies' eyes that flourishes.

  BAPTISTA. Content you, gentlemen; I'll compound this strife:

  Be content, gentlemen; I'll add to this conflict:

  'Tis deeds must win the prize, and he of both

  It is actions that must win the prize, and he with both

  That can assure my daughter greatest dower

  That can assure my daughter a greater fortune

  Shall have my Bianca's love.

  Say, Signior Gremio, what can you assure her?

  GREMIO. First, as you know, my house within the city

  Is richly furnished with plate and gold:

  Basins and ewers to lave her dainty hands;

  Basins and sinks to wash her dainty hands;

  My hangings all of Tyrian tapestry;

  My decorations are all of Tyrian tapestry;

  In ivory coffers I have stuff'd my crowns;

  I have stuffed my coins in ivory boxes;

  In cypress chests my arras counterpoints,

  My other goods in chests of cypress wood,

  Costly apparel, tents, and canopies,

  Expensive clothes, tents, and canopies,

  Fine linen, Turkey cushions boss'd with pearl,

  Fine linen, Turkish cushions embossed with pearls,

  Valance of Venice gold in needle-work;

  Flag of Venice gold in needle-work;

  Pewter and brass, and all things that belong

  To house or housekeeping: then, at my farm

  I have a hundred milch-kine to the pail,

  I have a hundred dairy cows being milked,

  Six score fat oxen standing in my stalls,

  Twelve dozen fat oxen standing in my stables,

  And all things answerable to this portion.

  Myself am struck in years, I must confess;

  I myself am getting on in years, I must confess;

  And if I die to-morrow this is hers,

  If whilst I live she will be only mine.

  If while I live she will be only mine.

  TRANIO. That 'only' came well in. Sir, list to me:

  That 'only' is the point. Sir, listen to me:

  I am my father's heir and only son;

  If I may have your daughter to my wife,

  If I may have your daughter to be my wife,

  I'll leave her houses three or four as good

  I'll leave her three or four houses as good

  Within rich Pisa's walls as any one

  Old Signior Gremio has in Padua;

  Besides two thousand ducats by the year

  Of fruitful land, all which shall be her jointure.

  Of good land, all which shall be her inheritance.

  What, have I pinch'd you, Signior Gremio?

  What, have I intimidated you, Sir Gremio?

  GREMIO. Two thousand ducats by the year of land!

  My land amounts not to so much in all:

  My land does not come to be worth that much;

  That she shall have, besides an argosy

  That she shall have, besides a bunch of ships

  That now is lying in Marseilles' road.

  What, have I chok'd you with an argosy?

  What, have I choked you with a bunch of ships?

  TRANIO. Gremio, 'tis known my father hath no less

  Gremio, it is known that my father has no less

  Than three great argosies, besides two galliasses,

  Than three huge groups of ships, besides more of another kind of ship,

  And twelve tight galleys; these I will assure her,

  And twelve smaller boats; these I will promise her,

  And twice as much, whate'er thou offer'st next.

  And twice as much, no matter what you offer next.

  GREMIO. Nay, I have offer'd all; I have no more;

  No, I have offered all; I have no more;

  And she can have no more than all I have;

  If you like me, she shall have me and mine.

  TRANIO. Why, then the maid is mine from all the world,

  By your firm promise; Gremio is out-vied.

  By your solid promise; Gremio is outdone.

  BAPTISTA. I must confess your offer is the best;

  And let your father make her the assurance,

  She is your own; else, you must pardon me;

  If you should die before him, where's her dower?

  If you end up dying before him, where is her inheritance?

  TRANIO. That's but a cavil; he is old, I young.

  That's just nitpicking; he is old, I am young.

  GREMIO. And may not young men die as well as old?

  BAPTISTA. Well, gentlemen, I am thus resolv'd.

  Well, gentleman, I have made my decision.

  On Sunday next, you know,

  Next Sunday, you know,

  My daughter Katherine is to be married;

  Now, on the Sunday following, shall Bianca

  Now, on the following Sunday, Bianca

  Be bride to you, if you make this assurance;

  Shall be your bride, if you make this promise;

  If not, to Signior Gremio.

  And so I take my leave, and thank you both.

  GREMIO. Adieu, good neighbour.