The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)

by William Shakespeare

  Who will suit your need.

  TRANIO. What is he, Biondello?

  BIONDELLO. Master, a mercatante or a pedant,

  Master, a merchant or a traveling teacher,

  I know not what; but formal in apparel,

  I don't know what; but dressed formally,

  In gait and countenance surely like a father.

  In way of walking and appearance surely like a father.

  LUCENTIO. And what of him, Tranio?

  And what about him, Tranio?

  TRANIO. If he be credulous and trust my tale,

  If he believes things easily and trusts my tale,

  I'll make him glad to seem Vincentio,

  And give assurance to Baptista Minola,

  As if he were the right Vincentio.

  As if he were the actual Vincentio.

  Take in your love, and then let me alone.

  Take your love inside, and then leave me alone.

  [Exeunt LUCENTIO and BIANCA.]

  [Enter a PEDANT.]

  PEDANT. God save you, sir!

  TRANIO. And you, sir! you are welcome. Travel you far on, or are you at the farthest?

  And you, sir! You are welcome. Are you traveling much further, or is this your destination?

  PEDANT. Sir, at the farthest for a week or two;

  Sir, this is as far as I'm going for a week or two;

  But then up farther, and as far as Rome;

  And so to Tripoli, if God lend me life.

  TRANIO. What countryman, I pray?

  What country are you from, may I ask?

  PEDANT. Of Mantua.

  TRANIO. Of Mantua, sir? Marry, God forbid,

  You are of Mantua, sir? By Mary, God forbid,

  And come to Padua, careless of your life!

  And come to Padua, so recklessly with your life!

  PEDANT. My life, sir! How, I pray? for that goes hard.

  My life, sir! How, may I ask? For I would hate to lose it.

  TRANIO. 'Tis death for any one in Mantua

  It's certain death for anyone in Manua

  To come to Padua. Know you not the cause?

  To come to Padua. Don't you know why?

  Your ships are stay'd at Venice; and the duke,

  Your ships are stranded in Venice; and the duke,

  -- For private quarrel 'twixt your duke and him,--

  -- Because of a private quarrel between your duke and him, --

  Hath publish'd and proclaim'd it openly.

  Has published and proclaimed it all around.

  'Tis marvel, but that you are but newly come

  It is a marvel, and if you hadn't been so new here

  You might have heard it else proclaim'd about.

  You would have otherwise might have heard it announced.

  PEDANT. Alas, sir! it is worse for me than so;

  Oh no, sir! It will be even worse for me;

  For I have bills for money by exchange

  From Florence, and must here deliver them.

  From Florence, and must deliver them here.

  TRANIO. Well, sir, to do you courtesy,

  Well, sir, to do you a favor,

  This will I do, and this I will advise you:

  I will do this, and I will give you this advice:

  First, tell me, have you ever been at Pisa?

  First, tell me, have you ever been to Pisa?

  PEDANT. Ay, sir, in Pisa have I often been,

  Yes, sir, I have often been to Pisa,

  Pisa renowned for grave citizens.

  Pisa which is well known for its wise citizens.

  TRANIO. Among them know you one Vincentio?

  Among them do you know Vincentio?

  PEDANT. I know him not, but I have heard of him,

  I do not know him, but I have heard of him,

  A merchant of incomparable wealth.

  TRANIO. He is my father, sir; and, sooth to say,

  He is my father, sir; and, to tell the truth,

  In countenance somewhat doth resemble you.

  Has a face that somewhat resembles yours.

  BIONDELLO. [Aside.] As much as an apple doth an oyster, and all one.

  As much as an apple looks like an oyster, anyway.

  TRANIO. To save your life in this extremity,

  To save your life in this difficulty,

  This favour will I do you for his sake;

  I will do you this favor for his sake;

  And think it not the worst of all your fortunes

  And do not think it the worst of your luck

  That you are like to Sir Vincentio.

  That you are similar to Sir Vincentio.

  His name and credit shall you undertake,

  You shall take his name and duties,

  And in my house you shall be friendly lodg'd;

  And in my house you shall be lodged as a friend;

  Look that you take upon you as you should!

  Make sure you behave as you should!

  You understand me, sir; so shall you stay

  You understand me, sir; and so you shall stay

  Till you have done your business in the city.

  If this be courtesy, sir, accept of it.

  PEDANT. O, sir, I do; and will repute you ever

  Oh, sir, I do; and will always consider you

  The patron of my life and liberty.

  The savior of my life and liberty.

  TRANIO. Then go with me to make the matter good.

  Then go with me to settle the matter.

  This, by the way, I let you understand:

  My father is here look'd for every day

  My father is waited for here every day

  To pass assurance of a dower in marriage

  To promise a dower in marriage

  'Twixt me and one Baptista's daughter here:

  Between me and a man named Baptista's daughter, here;

  In all these circumstances I'll instruct you.

  Go with me to clothe you as becomes you.

  Go with me to clothe you as fits the role.

  [Exeunt.]

  A room in PETRUCHIO'S house

  [Enter KATHERINA and GRUMIO.]

  GRUMIO. No, no, forsooth; I dare not for my life.

  No, no, truthfully; I do not dare - it's life or death.

  KATHERINA. The more my wrong, the more his spite appears.

  The more I am wronged, the more his anger appears.

  What, did he marry me to famish me?

  What, did he marry me to starve me?

  Beggars that come unto my father's door

  Beggars that come to my father's door

  Upon entreaty have a present alms;

  After begging receive a small donation;

  If not, elsewhere they meet with charity;

  And even if not, they get charity somewhere else;

  But I, who never knew how to entreat,

  But I, who never knew how to beg,

  Nor never needed that I should entreat,

  Or never needed to beg,

  Am starv'd for meat, giddy for lack of sleep;

  Am starved for food, dizzy for lack of sleep;

  With oaths kept waking, and with brawling fed.

  With yells kept awake, and with noise fed.

  And that which spites me more than all these wants,

  And that which bothers me more than all these wants,

  He does it under name of perfect love;

  He does it in the name of perfect love;

  As who should say, if I should sleep or eat

  As if saying, if I slept or ate

  'Twere deadly sickness, or else present death.

  That it were deadly sickness, or else immediate death.

  I prithee go and get me some repast;

  Please go and get me a meal;

  I care not what, so it be wholesome food.

  I do not care what, as long as it is nutritious food.

  GRUMIO. What say you to a neat's foot? />
  What would you say to a pig's foot?

  KATHERINA. 'Tis passing good; I prithee let me have it.

  That would be very good; please let me have it.

  GRUMIO. I fear it is too choleric a meat. How say you to a fat tripe finely broil'd?

  I fear it would be too rich for you. What about some finely boiled tripe?

  KATHERINA. I like it well; good Grumio, fetch it me.

  I like it very much; good Grumio, bring it to me.

  GRUMIO. I cannot tell; I fear 'tis choleric. What say you to a piece of beef and mustard?

  I can't tell; I fear it is too rich. What do you say to a piece of beef and mustard?

  KATHERINA. A dish that I do love to feed upon.

  A dish that I do love to eat.

  GRUMIO. Ay, but the mustard is too hot a little.

  Yes, but the mustard is a little too hot.

  KATHERINA. Why then the beef, and let the mustard rest.

  Why then the beef, and skip the mustard.

  GRUMIO. Nay, then I will not: you shall have the mustard,

  No, then I will not; you shall have the mustard,

  Or else you get no beef of Grumio.

  Or else you will get no beef from Grumio.

  KATHERINA. Then both, or one, or anything thou wilt.

  Then both, or one, or anything you wish.

  GRUMIO. Why then the mustard without the beef.

  KATHERINA. Go, get thee gone, thou false deluding slave,

  Get out of here, you lying slave,

  [Beats him.]

  That feed'st me with the very name of meat.

  That feeds me just the name of food.

  Sorrow on thee and all the pack of you

  May unhappiness come to you and all the rest of the pack

  That triumph thus upon my misery!

  That are enjoying my misery!

  Go, get thee gone, I say.

  Go, get out of here, I say.

  [Enter PETRUCHIO with a dish of meat; and HORTENSIO.]

  PETRUCHIO. How fares my Kate? What, sweeting, all amort?

  How is my Kate? All is well, sweeting?

  HORTENSIO. Mistress, what cheer?

  How are you, madame?

  KATHERINA. Faith, as cold as can be.

  PETRUCHIO. Pluck up thy spirits; look cheerfully upon me.

  Lift your spirits; look cheerfully on me.

  Here, love; thou seest how diligent I am,

  Here, love; you see how hardworking I am,

  To dress thy meat myself, and bring it thee:

  To prepare your food myself, and bring it to you:

  [Sets the dish on a table.]

  I am sure, sweet Kate, this kindness merits thanks.

  I am sure, sweet Kate, this kindness deserves thanks.

  What! not a word? Nay, then thou lov'st it not,

  What! Not a word? No, then you don't like it,

  And all my pains is sorted to no proof.

  And all my trouble is for nothing.

  Here, take away this dish.

  KATHERINA. I pray you, let it stand.

  Please, leave it there.

  PETRUCHIO. The poorest service is repaid with thanks;

  And so shall mine, before you touch the meat.

  KATHERINA. I thank you, sir.

  HORTENSIO. Signior Petruchio, fie! you are to blame. Come, Mistress Kate, I'll bear you company.

  Sir Petuchio, enough! You are to blame. Come, Madame Kate, I'll keep you company.

  PETRUCHIO. [Aside.] Eat it up all, Hortensio, if thou lovest me.

  Eat all of it up, Hortensio, if you are my friend.

  Much good do it unto thy gentle heart!

  May it do much good to your gentle heart!

  Kate, eat apace: and now, my honey love,

  Kate, eat after him: and now, my honey love,

  Will we return unto thy father's house

  We will return to your father's house

  And revel it as bravely as the best,

  And enjoy it as well as the best,

  With silken coats and caps, and golden rings,

  With silk coats and hats, and golden rings,

  With ruffs and cuffs and farthingales and things;

  With ruffs and cuffs and decorations and things;

  With scarfs and fans and double change of bravery,

  With scarfs and fans and two changes of lovely clothes,

  With amber bracelets, beads, and all this knavery.

  With amber bracelets, beads, and a lot of other stuff.

  What! hast thou din'd? The tailor stays thy leisure,

  What, have you eaten? The tailor is here at your convenience,

  To deck thy body with his ruffling treasure.

  To decorate your body with his ruffled treasure.

  [Enter TAILOR.]

  Come, tailor, let us see these ornaments;

  Lay forth the gown.--

  Spread out the gown. --

  [Enter HABERDASHER.]

  [Enter HATMAKER.]

  What news with you, sir?

  HABERDASHER. Here is the cap your worship did bespeak.

  Here is the cap your worship ordered.

  PETRUCHIO. Why, this was moulded on a porringer;

  Why, this looks like it was shaped on a bowl;

  A velvet dish: fie, fie! 'tis lewd and filthy:

  A velvet dish; enough, enough! It's improper and dirty:

  Why, 'tis a cockle or a walnut-shell,

  Why, it's a clam or a walnut shell,

  A knack, a toy, a trick, a baby's cap:

  A knickknack, a toy, a trick, a baby's cap:

  Away with it! come, let me have a bigger.

  Get rid of it! Come, let me have a bigger.

  KATHERINA. I'll have no bigger; this doth fit the time,

  I don't want a bigger one; this one is fashionable,

  And gentlewomen wear such caps as these.

  PETRUCHIO. When you are gentle, you shall have one too,

  And not till then.

  HORTENSIO. [Aside] That will not be in haste.

  That won't be any time soon.

  KATHERINA. Why, sir, I trust I may have leave to speak;

  Why, sir, I trust I have permission to speak;

  And speak I will. I am no child, no babe.

  And I will speak. I am no child, no baby.

  Your betters have endur'd me say my mind,

  Men better than you have endured me speaking my mind,

  And if you cannot, best you stop your ears.

  And if you cannot, then you should cover your ears.

  My tongue will tell the anger of my heart,

  Or else my heart, concealing it, will break;

  Or else my heart, hiding it, will break;

  And rather than it shall, I will be free

  And rather than that happening, I will be free

  Even to the uttermost, as I please, in words.

  No matter what, as I please, in words.

  PETRUCHIO. Why, thou say'st true; it is a paltry cap,