The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)

by William Shakespeare

  Why, you are quite right; it is a pathetic cap,

  A custard-coffin, a bauble, a silken pie;

  A dessert dish, a little plaything, a silk pie;

  I love thee well in that thou lik'st it not.

  I love you for not liking it.

  KATHERINA. Love me or love me not, I like the cap;

  Love me or do not love me, I like the cap;

  And it I will have, or I will have none.

  And I want it, or I don't want any.

  [Exit HABERDASHER.]

  PETRUCHIO. Thy gown? Why, ay: come, tailor, let us see't.

  Your gown? Why, yes: come, tailor, let us see it.

  O mercy, God! what masquing stuff is here?

  Oh mercy, God! What cheap costumery is here?

  What's this? A sleeve? 'Tis like a demi-cannon.

  What's this? A sleeve? It's like a little cannon.

  What, up and down, carv'd like an appletart?

  What, up and down, caved like an apple tart?

  Here's snip and nip and cut and slish and slash,

  Like to a censer in a barber's shop.

  As if it had been to a barber's shop.

  Why, what i' devil's name, tailor, call'st thou this?

  Why, what in the davil's name, tailor, do you call this?

  HORTENSIO. [Aside] I see she's like to have neither cap nor gown.

  I see she's likely to not get the cap or the gown.

  TAILOR. You bid me make it orderly and well,

  You told me to make it neatly and well,

  According to the fashion and the time.

  PETRUCHIO. Marry, and did; but if you be remember'd,

  By Mary, I did; but if you remember,

  I did not bid you mar it to the time.

  I did not tell you to ruin it according to the time.

  Go, hop me over every kennel home,

  Go, jump over every doghouse home,

  For you shall hop without my custom, sir.

  For I will not be your customer again, sir.

  I'll none of it: hence! make your best of it.

  I'll have none of it: go! Make the best of it.

  KATHERINA. I never saw a better fashion'd gown,

  I never saw a better made gown,

  More quaint, more pleasing, nor more commendable;

  More pretty, more pleasing, or more admirable;

  Belike you mean to make a puppet of me.

  It looks like you mean to make me into a puppet.

  PETRUCHIO. Why, true; he means to make a puppet of thee.

  Why, it's true; he means to make a puppet out of you.

  TAILOR. She says your worship means to make a puppet of her.

  PETRUCHIO. O monstrous arrogance!

  Thou liest, thou thread, thou thimble,

  You lie, you thread, you thimble,

  Thou yard, three-quarters, half-yard, quarter, nail!

  You yard, three-quarters, half-yard, quarter, nail!

  Thou flea, thou nit, thou winter-cricket thou!

  You flea, you flea egg, you winter cricket you!

  Brav'd in mine own house with a skein of thread!

  Standing in my own house with a skein of thread!

  Away! thou rag, thou quantity, thou remnant,

  Away! You rag, you quantity, you remainder,

  Or I shall so be-mete thee with thy yard

  Or I will beat you with your yard

  As thou shalt think on prating whilst thou liv'st!

  As you shall think of arguing while you live!

  I tell thee, I, that thou hast marr'd her gown.

  I tell you, I, that you have ruined her gown.

  TAILOR. Your worship is deceiv'd: the gown is made

  Your worship is mistaken: the gown is made

  Just as my master had direction.

  Just as my master had directed.

  Grumio gave order how it should be done.

  GRUMIO. I gave him no order; I gave him the stuff.

  TAILOR. But how did you desire it should be made?

  GRUMIO. Marry, sir, with needle and thread.

  TAILOR. But did you not request to have it cut?

  GRUMIO. Thou hast faced many things.

  TAILOR. I have.

  GRUMIO. Face not me. Thou hast braved many men; brave not me: I will neither be fac'd nor brav'd. I say unto thee, I bid thy master cut out the gown; but I did not bid him cut it to pieces: ergo, thou liest.

  Do not face me. You have braved many men; brave not me: I will neither be faced nor braved. I say to you, I told your master to cut out the gown; but I did not tell him to cut it to pieces: therefore, you are lying.

  TAILOR. Why, here is the note of the fashion to testify.

  Why, here is a note of the directions to prove me right.

  PETRUCHIO. Read it.

  GRUMIO. The note lies in 's throat, if he say I said so.

  The note lies in his throat, if he says I said so.

  TAILOR. 'Imprimis, a loose-bodied gown.'

  'First of all, a loose-bodied gown."

  GRUMIO. Master, if ever I said loose-bodied gown, sew me in the skirts of it and beat me to death with a bottom of brown thread; I said, a gown.

  Master, if I ever said 'loose-bodied gown', sew me into its skirts and beat me to death with a roll of brown thread; I said, 'a gown.'

  PETRUCHIO. Proceed.

  Go ahead.

  TAILOR. 'With a small compassed cape.'

  GRUMIO. I confess the cape.

  I admit to the cape.

  TAILOR. 'With a trunk sleeve.'

  GRUMIO. I confess two sleeves.

  I admit to two sleeves.

  TAILOR. 'The sleeves curiously cut.'

  'The sleeves uniquely cut.'

  PETRUCHIO. Ay, there's the villainy.

  Yes, there's the problem.

  GRUMIO. Error i' the bill, sir; error i' the bill. I commanded the sleeves should be cut out, and sew'd up again; and that I'll prove upon thee, though thy little finger be armed in a thimble.

  It's a mistake in the bill, sir; an error in the bill. I said the sleeves should be cut out, and sewed up again; and I'll prove that to you, even if your little finger is armed with a thimble.

  TAILOR. This is true that I say; an I had thee in place where thou shouldst know it.

  I am telling the truth; and I had you in a place where you should know it.

  GRUMIO. I am for thee straight; take thou the bill, give me thy mete-yard, and spare not me.

  Fine, do you want to fight? Spare me nothing.

  HORTENSIO. God-a-mercy, Grumio! Then he shall have no odds.

  God-a-mercy, Grumio! Then he won't have a chance.

  PETRUCHIO. Well, sir, in brief, the gown is not for me

  GRUMIO. You are i' the right, sir; 'tis for my mistress.

  You are in the right, sir; it is for my lady.

  PETRUCHIO. Go, take it up unto thy master's use.

  Go, take it up for your master's use.

  GRUMIO. Villain, not for thy life! Take up my mistress' gown for thy master's use!

  Villain, not for your life! Take my lady's gown for your master's use!

  PETRUCHIO. Why, sir, what's your conceit in that?

  Why, sir, what's your point in that?

  GRUMIO. O, sir, the conceit is deeper than you think for. Take up my mistress' gown to his master's use! O fie, fie, fie!

  Oh, sir, there is more meaning to it than you think. Take up my lady's gown to his master's use! Oh enough, enough, enough!

  PETRUCHIO. [Aside] Hortensio, say thou wilt see the tailor paid. [To Tailor.] Go take it hence; be gone, and say no more.

  [Aside] Hortensio, say you will make sure the tailor is paid. [To Tailor.] Go take it from here; be gone, and say no more.

  HORTENSIO. [Aside to Tailor.] Tailor, I'll pay thee for thy gown to-morrow;

  Tailor, I'll pay your for your gown tomorrow;

  Take no unkindness of his hasty words.

  Do not be offended personally by hi
s hasty words.

  Away, I say! commend me to thy master.

  Away, I say! Speak of you to your master.

  [Exit TAILOR.]

  PETRUCHIO. Well, come, my Kate; we will unto your father's

  Well, come, my Kate; we will go to your father's

  Even in these honest mean habiliments.

  Even in these honest, humble clothes.

  Our purses shall be proud, our garments poor

  For 'tis the mind that makes the body rich;

  For it is the mind that makes the body rich;

  And as the sun breaks through the darkest clouds,

  So honour peereth in the meanest habit.

  So honor peers through the most meager outfit.

  What, is the jay more precious than the lark

  Because his feathers are more beautiful?

  Or is the adder better than the eel

  Because his painted skin contents the eye?

  Because his painted skin pleases the eye?

  O no, good Kate; neither art thou the worse

  Oh no, good Kate, your are also none the worse

  For this poor furniture and mean array.

  For this shabby appearance.

  If thou account'st it shame, lay it on me;

  If you consider this shameful, blame it on me;

  And therefore frolic; we will hence forthwith,

  And therefore be happy; we will go soon,

  To feast and sport us at thy father's house.

  To feast and have fun at your father's house.

  Go call my men, and let us straight to him;

  Go call my men, and let us go straight to him;

  And bring our horses unto Long-lane end;

  And bring our horses to Long-land end;

  There will we mount, and thither walk on foot.

  There we will get on the horses, after walking there

  Let's see; I think 'tis now some seven o'clock,

  Let's see: I think it's now around seven o'clock,

  And well we may come there by dinner-time.

  And we will be in good time for dinner.

  KATHERINA. I dare assure you, sir, 'tis almost two,

  I can tell you, sir, it's almost two,

  And 'twill be supper-time ere you come there.

  And it will be suppertime before you get there.

  PETRUCHIO. It shall be seven ere I go to horse.

  It will be seven before I go to the horse.

  Look what I speak, or do, or think to do,

  Pay attention to what I speak, or do, or think to do,

  You are still crossing it. Sirs, let 't alone:

  Or are still going against it. Sirs, leave it alone:

  I will not go to-day; and ere I do,

  I will not go today; and before I do,

  It shall be what o'clock I say it is.

  HORTENSIO. Why, so this gallant will command the sun.

  Why, this man wants to order around the sun.

  [Exeunt.]

  Padua. Before BAPTISTA'S house

  [Enter TRANIO, and the PEDANT dressed like VINCENTIO.]

  TRANIO. Sir, this is the house; please it you that I call?

  Sir, this is the house; is it all right if I visit?

  PEDANT. Ay, what else? and, but I be deceived,

  Yes, what else? And, unless I am mistaken,

  Signior Baptista may remember me,

  Near twenty years ago in Genoa,

  From nearly twenty years ago in Genoa,

  Where we were lodgers at the Pegasus.

  When we were guests staying at the Pegasus.

  TRANIO. 'Tis well; and hold your own, in any case,

  That's all right; and behave, in any case,

  With such austerity as 'longeth to a father.

  With such solemness as belongs to a father.

  PEDANT. I warrant you. But, sir, here comes your boy;

  I promise to. But, sir, here comes your boy;

  'Twere good he were school'd.

  It would be best if he were informed.

  [Enter BIONDELLO.]

  TRANIO. Fear you not him. Sirrah Biondello,

  Don't fear him. Biondello, young man,

  Now do your duty throughly, I advise you.

  Imagine 'twere the right Vincentio.

  Imagine this were the actual Vincentio.

  BIONDELLO. Tut! fear not me.

  It's nothing! Don't worry about me.

  TRANIO. But hast thou done thy errand to Baptista?

  But have you done your errand to Baptista?

  BIONDELLO. I told him that your father was at Venice,

  And that you look'd for him this day in Padua.

  And that you were looking for him today in Padua.

  TRANIO. Thou'rt a tall fellow; hold thee that to drink.

  You have done well; keep it up.

  Here comes Baptista. Set your countenance, sir.

  Here comes Baptista. Get ready, sir.

  [Enter BAPTISTA and LUCENTIO.]

  Signior Baptista, you are happily met.

  Sir Baptista, you came at the perfect time.

  [To the PEDANT] Sir, this is the gentleman I told you of;

  I pray you stand good father to me now;

  Please be a good father to me now;

  Give me Bianca for my patrimony.

  Let me have Bianca.

  PEDANT. Soft, son! Sir, by your leave: having come to Padua

  Hush, son! Sir, begging your pardon: having come to Padua

  To gather in some debts, my son Lucentio

  Made me acquainted with a weighty cause

  Let me know about the serious issue

  Of love between your daughter and himself:

  And,--for the good report I hear of you,

  And, -- because of the good reputation I hear of you,

  And for the love he beareth to your daughter,

  And for the love he holds for your daughter,

  And she to him,--to stay him not too long,

  And she to him, -- to not make him wait too long,

  I am content, in a good father's care,

  I am content, like a good father,

  To have him match'd; and, if you please to like

  To have him married; and, if you are pleased to like

  No worse than I, upon some agreement

  Me shall you find ready and willing

  With one consent to have her so bestow'd;

  With permission to have her granted in marriage;

  For curious I cannot be with you,

  For I cannot be suspicious of you,

  Signior Baptista, of whom I hear so well.

  BAPTISTA. Sir, pardon me in what I have to say. Your plainness and your shortness please me well.

  Your plain talk and short speech please me well.

  Right true it is your son Lucentio here

  It is true that your son Lucentio here

  Doth love my daughter, and she loveth him,

  Loves my daughter, and she loves him,

  Or both dissemble deeply their affections;

  Or they are both faking their emotions very well;

  And therefore, if you say no more than this,

  That like a father you will deal with him,

  And pass my daughter a sufficient dower,