The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)

by William Shakespeare

Do, do.

  GERROLD

  Persuasively and cunningly!

  Wind horns.

  Away, boys!

  I hear the horns. Give me some meditation,

  And mark your cue.

  Exeunt all but Schoolmaster.

  Pallas inspire me!

  Beautifully and cleverly!

  Off you go, boys!

  I can hear the horns. Give me time to think,

  and look out for your cue.

  Pallas inspire me!

  Enter Theseus, Pirithous, Hippolyta, Emilia, Arcite, and Train.

  THESEUS

  This way the stag took.

  This is the way the stag went.

  GERROLD

  Stay, and edify.

  Stop and learn.

  THESEUS

  What have we here?

  What's this?

  PIRITHOUS

  Some country sport, upon my life, sir.

  I swear it must be some country entertainment, sir.

  THESEUS

  Well, sir, go forward, we will edify.

  Ladies, sit down, we’ll stay it.

  Well, sir, carry on, we will learn.

  Ladies, sit down, we'll watch.

  GERROLD

  Thou doughty Duke, all hail! All hail, sweet ladies!

  You good Duke, all welcomes! All welcomes, sweet ladies!

  THESEUS

  This is a cold beginning.

  This is a dull beginning.

  GERROLD

  If you but favor, our country pastime made is.

  We are a few of those collected here

  That ruder tongues distinguish villager,

  And to say verity, and not to fable,

  We are a merry rout, or else a rable,

  Or company, or by a figure, choris,

  That ’fore thy dignity will dance a morris.

  And I, that am the rectifier of all,

  By title paedagogus, that let fall

  The birch upon the breeches of the small ones,

  And humble with a ferula the tall ones,

  Do here present this machine, or this frame,

  And, dainty Duke, whose doughty dismal fame

  From Dis to Daedalus, from post to pillar,

  Is blown abroad, help me, thy poor well-willer,

  And with thy twinkling eyes look right and straight

  Upon this mighty Morr—of mickle weight—

  Is—now comes in, which being glu’d together

  Makes Morris, and the cause that we came hither.

  The body of our sport, of no small study,

  I first appear, though rude, and raw, and muddy,

  To speak, before thy noble Grace, this tenner;

  At whose great feet I offer up my penner.

  The next, the Lord of May and Lady bright,

  The Chambermaid and Servingman, by night

  That seek out silent hanging. Then mine Host

  And his fat spouse, that welcomes to their cost

  The galled traveller, and with a beck’ning

  Informs the tapster to inflame the reck’ning.

  Then the beast-eating Clown, and next the Fool,

  The Bavian, with long tail and eke long tool,

  Cum multis aliis

  that make a dance.

  Say “Ay,” and all shall presently advance.

  If you just watch, our country pastime will prosper.

  There are a few of us gathered here

  that vulgar people call villagers,

  and to tell the truth, and not to lie,

  we are merry bunch, or else we are a rabble,

  or a company, or metaphorically, a choir,

  who will dance a morris dance for your lordships.

  And I, who is the director of everything,

  a teacher by name, who whips

  the little ones with the birch

  and the bigger ones with a cane,

  present to you this show, this device,

  and, sweet Duke, whose splendid terrible fame

  has spread around the world

  to every corner, help me, you poor well-wisher,

  and with your twinkling eyes look clearly

  upon this great “moor"–meaning great weight–

  and then we add “is”, and putting them together

  we make Morris, and that's why we're here.

  The main part of our entertainment, which isn't easy,

  I will show you now, though it's rough and raw and confused,

  let me explain what's going on to your noble grace,

  at his noble feat I offer my entertainment.

  This is the Lord of May and his bright lady,

  the chambermaid and serving man, who

  look for quiet corners at night. Then the landlord

  and his fat wife, who welcome for their profit

  the weary traveller, and make signs

  to the barman to bump up the bill.

  Then there's the beast eating clown, and then the fool,

  the monkey, with a long tail and a long tool,

  along with many others

  that make up the dance.

  Give the word and we'll start at once.

  THESEUS

  Ay, ay, by any means, dear domine.

  Yes, yes, by all means, dear schoolmaster.

  PIRITHOUS

  Produce.

  Show us.

  GERROLD

  Knock for school.

  Intrate, filii

  come forth, and foot it.

  Enter the Dance. Music. Dance.

  Ladies, if we have been merry,

  And have pleas’d ye with a derry,

  And a derry, and a down,

  Say the schoolmaster’s no clown.

  Duke, if we have pleas’d thee too

  And have done as good boys should do,

  Give us but a tree or twain

  For a Maypole, and again,

  Ere another year run out,

  We’ll make thee laugh and all this rout.

  Come in, boys,

  come in and dance.

  [Dance]

  Ladies, if we have been jolly,

  and have pleased you with our music,

  say the schoolmaster isn't a clown.

  Duke, if we have pleased you to,

  and have done what good boys should do,

  just give us the tree or two

  to make a maypole, and again,

  before another year has passed,

  we'll make you laugh along with all your company.

  THESEUS

  Take twenty, domine.—How does my sweet heart?

  Take twenty, schoolmaster.–How is my darling?

  HIPPOLYTA

  Never so pleas’d, sir.

  I've never been so amused, sir.

  EMILIA

  ’Twas an excellent dance, and for a preface,

  I never heard a better.

  It was an excellent dance, and I never heard

  a better introduction.

  THESEUS

  Schoolmaster, I thank you.

  One see ’em all rewarded.

  Schoolmaster, I thank you.

  Somebody see they are all rewarded.

  PIRITHOUS

  And here’s something

  Gives money.

  To paint your pole withal.

  And here’s something

  to paint your pole with.

  THESEUS

  Now to our sports again.

  Now back to our hunting.

  GERROLD

  May the stag thou hunt’st stand long,

  And thy dogs be swift and strong!

  May they kill him without lets,

  And the ladies eat his dowsets!

  Exeunt Theseus and his company. Wind horns.

  Come, we are all made.

  Dii deaeque omnes!

  Ye have danc’d rarely, wenches.

  Exeunt.

  May the stag you're hunting wait for you,


  and may your dogs be swift and strong!

  May nothing get in the way of the kill,

  and let the ladies eat his delicacies!

  Come, we are all made.

  All you gods and goddesses!

  You danced beautifully, girls.

  Another part of the forest near Athens.

  (Palamon, Arcite, Theseus, Hippolyta, Emilia, Pirithous)

  Enter Palamon from the bush.

  PALAMON

  About this hour my cousin gave his faith

  To visit me again, and with him bring

  Two swords and two good armors. If he fail,

  He’s neither man nor soldier. When he left me,

  I did not think a week could have restor’d

  My lost strength to me, I was grown so low

  And crestfall’n with my wants. I thank thee, Arcite,

  Thou art yet a fair foe; and I feel myself,

  With this refreshing, able once again

  To out-dure danger. To delay it longer

  Would make the world think, when it comes to hearing,

  That I lay fatting like a swine, to fight,

  And not a soldier: therefore this blest morning

  Shall be the last; and that sword he refuses,

  If it but hold, I kill him with. ’Tis justice.

  So, love and fortune for me!

  Enter Arcite with armors and swords.

  O, good morrow.

  It was about this time my cousin promised

  to visit me again, and bring with him

  Two swords and two good suits of armour. If he doesn't,

  he's neither man nor a soldier. When he left me,

  I didn't think a week would have been enough

  to get my strength back, I had been laid so low

  by all my needs. I thank you, Arcite,

  you are still a fair enemy; and now that

  I am refreshed I feel that I can

  survive any danger. Any further delay

  would make people think, when they heard about it,

  that I was a pig who preferred feasting to fighting

  and was not a soldier: so this blessed morning

  shall be his last; and if that sword he offers

  doesn't break, I shall kill him with it. That is justice.

  So, love and good fortune for me!

  Oh, good morning.

  ARCITE

  Good morrow, noble kinsman.

  Good morning, noble kinsman.

  PALAMON

  I have put you

  To too much pains, sir.

  I have given you

  too much trouble, sir.

  ARCITE

  That too much, fair cousin,

  Is but a debt to honor, and my duty.

  That trouble, fair cousin,

  is just doing my honourable duty.

  PALAMON

  Would you were so in all, sir! I could wish ye

  As kind a kinsman as you force me find

  A beneficial foe, that my embraces

  Might thank ye, not my blows.

  I wish you were like this in everything, sir! I wish you

  were as good a kinsman as you are a good

  enemy to me, so I could thank you with my embraces,

  not my blows.

  ARCITE

  I shall think either,

  Well done, a noble recompense.

  I would think that either,

  if they are given well, would be a great reward.

  PALAMON

  Then I shall quit you.

  Then I shall pay you.

  ARCITE

  Defy me in these fair terms, and you show

  More than a mistress to me; no more anger,

  As you love any thing that’s honorable.

  We were not bred to talk, man. When we are arm’d

  And both upon our guards, then let our fury,

  Like meeting of two tides, fly strongly from us,

  And then to whom the birthright of this beauty

  Truly pertains (without obbraidings, scorns,

  Despisings of our persons, and such poutings,

  Fitter for girls and schoolboys) will be seen,

  And quickly, yours or mine. Will’t please you arm, sir?

  Or if you feel yourself not fitting yet

  And furnish’d with your old strength, I’ll stay, cousin,

  And ev’ry day discourse you into health,

  As I am spar’d. Your person I am friends with,

  And I could wish I had not said I lov’d her,

  Though I had died; but loving such a lady

  And justifying my love, I must not fly from’t.

  Defy me in these fair terms, and you'll be like

  more than a mistress to me; no more anger,

  for the sake of honour.

  We were not made for talking, man. When we are armed

  and both on guard, then let our anger,

  like two tides meeting, be unleashed,

  and then we will see who truly deserves

  to have this beauty, without criticism, scorn,

  name-calling and other such pouting,

  more fit for girls and schoolboys,

  the winner will be decided quickly. Would you like to arm yourself, sir?

  Or if you don't feel you're yet ready,

  and have regained your strength, I'll wait, cousin,

  and every day I will do everything I can

  to bring you back to health. I am your friend,

  and I wish I hadn't said I loved her,

  even if it had killed me; but loving such a lady

  and having to prove my love, I can't ignore it.

  PALAMON

  Arcite, thou art so brave an enemy

  That no man but thy cousin’s fit to kill thee.

  I am well and lusty, choose your arms.

  Arcite, you are such a brave enemy

  that no one but your cousin is suitable to kill you.

  I am well and strong, choose your weapons.

  ARCITE

  Choose you, sir.

  You choose, sir.

  PALAMON

  Wilt thou exceed in all, or dost thou do it

  To make me spare thee?

  Are you going to be so fine in everything, or are you doing it

  to get me to spare you?

  ARCITE

  If you think so, cousin,

  You are deceived, for as I am a soldier,

  I will not spare you.

  If you think that, cousin,

  you are deceived, for I am a soldier

  and I will not spare you.

  PALAMON

  That’s well said.

  That's well said.

  ARCITE

  You’ll find it.

  You'll see the truth of it.

  PALAMON

  Then as I am an honest man, and love

  With all the justice of affection,

  I’ll pay thee soundly. This I’ll take.

  Then as I am an honest man,

  and am justified in my love,

  I'll give you what you deserve. I'll take this.

  ARCITE

  That’s mine then.

  I’ll arm you first.

  This is mine then.

  I'll put your armour on first.

  PALAMON

  Do. Pray thee tell me, cousin,

  Where got’st thou this good armor?

  Do. Please tell me, cousin,

  where did you get this good armour?

  ARCITE

  ’Tis the Duke’s,

  And to say true, I stole it. Do I pinch you?

  It's the Duke's,

  and to tell the truth, I stole it. Is that too tight?

  PALAMON

  No.

  No.

  ARCITE

  Is’t not too heavy?

  It's not too heavy?

  PALAMON

  I have worn a lighter,

  But I shall make it serve.


  I've worn lighter,

  but it will do.

  ARCITE

  I’ll buckle’t close.

  I'll fix it up tight.

  PALAMON

  By any means.

  By all means.

  ARCITE

  You care not for a grand-guard?

  You don't want a chest protector?

  PALAMON

  No, no, we’ll use no horses. I perceive

  You would fain be at that fight.

  No, no, we won't use horses. I see

  you would rather fight like that.

  ARCITE

  I am indifferent.

  I'm not bothered.

  PALAMON

  Faith, so am I. Good cousin, thrust the buckle

  Through far enough.

  Neither am I, I swear. Good cousin, push the buckle

  through far enough.

  ARCITE

  I warrant you.

  I certainly shall.

  PALAMON

  My casque now.

  And now my helmet.

  ARCITE

  Will you fight bare-arm’d?

  Will you fight bare armed?

  PALAMON

  We shall be the nimbler.

  That will make us nimbler.

  ARCITE

  But use your gauntlets though. Those are o’ th’ least;

  Prithee take mine, good cousin.

  But wear your gloves though. Those are the worst pair;

  please take mine, good cousin.

  PALAMON

  Thank you, Arcite.