The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)
Page 434
and that we would be boys forever.
HERMIONE
Was not my lord
The verier wag o' the two?
And wasn't my husband
the merrier of the pair?
POLIXENES
We were as twinn'd lambs that did frisk i' the sun,
And bleat the one at the other: what we changed
Was innocence for innocence; we knew not
The doctrine of ill-doing, nor dream'd
That any did. Had we pursued that life,
And our weak spirits ne'er been higher rear'd
With stronger blood, we should have answer'd heaven
Boldly 'not guilty;' the imposition clear'd
Hereditary ours.
We were like twin lambs playing in the sun,
bleating to each other: we matched
each other's innocence; we didn't know
about wrongdoing, nor dreamed that
anyone else did wrong. If we had stayed in that state,
never having our weak spirits raised up
through our strong ancestry, when heaven charged us
with original sin we would have boldly answered
“not guilty", thinking we had never done anything wrong.
HERMIONE
By this we gather
You have tripp'd since.
From this one might assume
that you have sinned since.
POLIXENES
O my most sacred lady!
Temptations have since then been born to's; for
In those unfledged days was my wife a girl;
Your precious self had then not cross'd the eyes
Of my young play-fellow.
O my dear lady!
Temptation has come our way since then;
in those days of youth my wife was just a girl;
your precious being had not then come to the eye
of my young playmate.
HERMIONE
Grace to boot!
Of this make no conclusion, lest you say
Your queen and I are devils: yet go on;
The offences we have made you do we'll answer,
If you first sinn'd with us and that with us
You did continue fault and that you slipp'd not
With any but with us.
Heaven help us!
Don't continue this argument, in case you say
that your queen and I are devils: but go on;
we'll take responsibility for the offences we've made you do,
if your first sin was committed with us,
and your sins continued with us, and you didn't sin
with anyone except us.
LEONTES
Is he won yet?
Has he given in yet?
HERMIONE
He'll stay my lord.
He'll stay, my lord.
LEONTES
At my request he would not.
Hermione, my dearest, thou never spokest
To better purpose.
He wouldn't when I asked him.
Hermione, my dearest, you never spoke
with better effect.
HERMIONE
Never?
Never?
LEONTES
Never, but once.
Never, except for one time.
HERMIONE
What! have I twice said well? when was't before?
I prithee tell me; cram's with praise, and make's
As fat as tame things: one good deed dying tongueless
Slaughters a thousand waiting upon that.
Our praises are our wages: you may ride's
With one soft kiss a thousand furlongs ere
With spur we beat an acre. But to the goal:
My last good deed was to entreat his stay:
What was my first? it has an elder sister,
Or I mistake you: O, would her name were Grace!
But once before I spoke to the purpose: when?
Nay, let me have't; I long.
What! Have I spoken well twice? When was the previous time?
Please tell me; fill me with praise, make me
as fat as a farm animal: one good deed going unpraised
could stop a thousand that were about to be done.
Praise is our wages: you can get us to go
a thousand furlongs with one soft kiss before
we'll cross a single one beaten with spurs. But to the point:
the last good thing I did was to persuade him to stay:
what was the first good thing? It has an elder sister,
or I've misunderstood you: oh, I wish her name was Grace!
But once before I have said something good: when?
Come on, tell me, I'm dying to hear.
LEONTES
Why, that was when
Three crabbed months had sour'd themselves to death,
Ere I could make thee open thy white hand
And clap thyself my love: then didst thou utter
'I am yours for ever.'
Why, it was when
three miserable months had withered away,
before I could make you open your white hand
to take mine with love: it was then that you said
‘I am yours forever.’
HERMIONE
'Tis grace indeed.
Why, lo you now, I have spoke to the purpose twice:
The one for ever earn'd a royal husband;
The other for some while a friend.
So it is called Grace.
Well, look at this, I have spoken well twice:
the first one earned me a royal husband for ever;
the second one a friend for some time.
LEONTES
[Aside] Too hot, too hot!
To mingle friendship far is mingling bloods.
I have tremor cordis on me: my heart dances;
But not for joy; not joy. This entertainment
May a free face put on, derive a liberty
From heartiness, from bounty, fertile bosom,
And well become the agent; 't may, I grant;
But to be paddling palms and pinching fingers,
As now they are, and making practised smiles,
As in a looking-glass, and then to sigh, as 'twere
The mort o' the deer; O, that is entertainment
My bosom likes not, nor my brows! Mamillius,
Art thou my boy?
That's a bit too much!
If you take friendship too far it becomes sex.
I have palpitations: my heart is dancing;
but not for happiness; no not happiness. This welcome
might look innocent, might take its liberties
from cordiality, from generosity, from abundant affection,
and suit the giver very well; it might, I'll grant;
but to be toying with their hands and twining their fingers,
as they now are, and making studied smiles,
as if in a looking glass, and then sighing, as if
they were a dying deer; oh, this is a game
my heart does not enjoy, nor does my head!
Mamillius, are you my boy?
MAMILLIUS
Ay, my good lord.
Yes, my good lord.
LEONTES
I' fecks!
Why, that's my bawcock. What, hast
smutch'd thy nose?
They say it is a copy out of mine. Come, captain,
We must be neat; not neat, but cleanly, captain:
And yet the steer, the heifer and the calf
Are all call'd neat.--Still virginalling
Upon his palm!--How now, you wanton calf!
Art thou my calf?
By God!
Well, that's my good lad. What, have you
got a smudge on your nose?
They say it is identical to mine. Come, captain,
we must be neat; not just neat, but clean, captain:
after
all even cattle
can be called neat. Still playing a tune
on his palm! Now then, you frisky calf!
Are you my calf?
MAMILLIUS
Yes, if you will, my lord.
Yes, if that's what you want, my lord.
LEONTES
Thou want'st a rough pash and the shoots that I have,
To be full like me: yet they say we are
Almost as like as eggs; women say so,
That will say anything but were they false
As o'er-dyed blacks, as wind, as waters, false
As dice are to be wish'd by one that fixes
No bourn 'twixt his and mine, yet were it true
To say this boy were like me. Come, sir page,
Look on me with your welkin eye: sweet villain!
Most dear'st! my collop! Can thy dam?--may't be?--
Affection! thy intention stabs the centre:
Thou dost make possible things not so held,
Communicatest with dreams;--how can this be?--
With what's unreal thou coactive art,
And fellow'st nothing: then 'tis very credent
Thou mayst co-join with something; and thou dost,
And that beyond commission, and I find it,
And that to the infection of my brains
And hardening of my brows.
You need a shaggy head and the horns I have
to really be like me; yet they say we are
almost as identical as eggs. Women say so,
women who will say anything. But they are
as false as re-dyed clothes, as wind, as the waters, false
as dice are, desired by someone who makes no distinction
between what's mine and what's his, but it is true
to say this boy is like me. Come, my lad,
look at me with your sky-blue eye. Sweet rascal!
My dearest! My flesh and blood! Can your mother? Can it be?
Desire, you strike right to the heart of the soul.
You make possible things thought impossible,
that were only seen in dreams–how can this be?–
You are partner with the impossible,
and so nothing is impossible. Then it's very likely
that you can partner something else; and you have,
and that is beyond belief, and I have found it,
and that is what has driven me mad,
and made me a cuckold.
POLIXENES
What means Sicilia?
What does Sicily mean?
HERMIONE
He something seems unsettled.
He seems a little disturbed.
POLIXENES
How, my lord!
What cheer? how is't with you, best brother?
Hello, my lord!
What's the story? How are things with you, my dearest brother?
HERMIONE
You look as if you held a brow of much distraction.
Are you moved, my lord?
You look as if something is bothering you.
Are you upset, my lord?
LEONTES
No, in good earnest.
How sometimes nature will betray its folly,
Its tenderness, and make itself a pastime
To harder bosoms! Looking on the lines
Of my boy's face, methoughts I did recoil
Twenty-three years, and saw myself unbreech'd,
In my green velvet coat, my dagger muzzled,
Lest it should bite its master, and so prove,
As ornaments oft do, too dangerous:
How like, methought, I then was to this kernel,
This squash, this gentleman. Mine honest friend,
Will you take eggs for money?
No, I assure you.
Sometimes perfection will show its weakness,
its tenderness, and become a plaything
for harder hearts! Looking at
my boy's face, I thought I went back
twenty-three years and saw myself as a small child,
in my green velvet coat, my dagger with a cork
on the point, in case it will should stab me, and so be
as ornaments often are, too dangerous.
I thought how similar I was then to this seed,
this unripe plant, this gentleman. My honest friend,
will you allow yourself to be conned?
MAMILLIUS
No, my lord, I'll fight.
No, my lord, I'll fight.
LEONTES
You will! why, happy man be's dole! My brother,
Are you so fond of your young prince as we
Do seem to be of ours?
You will! Well, may happiness be your future! My brother,
are you as fond of your young prince as I
seem to be of mine?
POLIXENES
If at home, sir,
He's all my exercise, my mirth, my matter,
Now my sworn friend and then mine enemy,
My parasite, my soldier, statesman, all:
He makes a July's day short as December,
And with his varying childness cures in me
Thoughts that would thick my blood.
When I'm at home, sir,
he's everything to me, my laughter, my serious moments,
one minute my greatest friend, and then my enemy,
my beggar, my soldier, politician, everything:
he makes a July day fly by as if it was December,
and with his childish moods he alleviates
any melancholy in me.
LEONTES
So stands this squire
Officed with me: we two will walk, my lord,
And leave you to your graver steps. Hermione,
How thou lovest us, show in our brother's welcome;
Let what is dear in Sicily be cheap:
Next to thyself and my young rover, he's
Apparent to my heart.
That's the way it is
with this lad and me: he and I shall walk together, my lord,
and leave you to your adult pastimes. Hermione,
show your love for me in the way you entertain our brother;
let him have all the best things in Sicily cheap:
after you and my young scamp, he
is the heir of my affections.
HERMIONE
If you would seek us,
We are yours i' the garden: shall's attend you there?
If you want us,
we will be in the garden: shall we meet you there?
LEONTES
To your own bents dispose you: you'll be found,
Be you beneath the sky.
Aside
I am angling now,
Though you perceive me not how I give line.
Go to, go to!
How she holds up the neb, the bill to him!
And arms her with the boldness of a wife
To her allowing husband!
Exeunt POLIXENES, HERMIONE, and Attendants
Gone already!
Inch-thick, knee-deep, o'er head and
ears a fork'd one!
Go, play, boy, play: thy mother plays, and I
Play too, but so disgraced a part, whose issue
Will hiss me to my grave: contempt and clamour
Will be my knell. Go, play, boy, play.
There have been,
Or I am much deceived, cuckolds ere now;
And many a man there is, even at this present,
Now while I speak this, holds his wife by the arm,
That little thinks she has been sluiced in's absence
And his pond fish'd by his next neighbour, by
Sir Smile, his neighbour: nay, there's comfort in't
Whiles other men have gates and those gates open'd,
As mine, against their will. Should all despair
That have revolted wives, the tenth of mankind
Would hang themselv
es. Physic for't there is none;
It is a bawdy planet, that will strike
Where 'tis predominant; and 'tis powerful, think it,
From east, west, north and south: be it concluded,
No barricado for a belly; know't;
It will let in and out the enemy
With bag and baggage: many thousand on's
Have the disease, and feel't not. How now, boy!
Do as you please: you will be discovered,
as long as you are somewhere on earth.
[Aside] I am fishing now,
although you can't see my cunning technique.
Go on, go on!
Look at how she's holding her mouth up towards him!
Look how she's taking advantage
of her husband's permissiveness!
Gone already!
I'm deep into my betrayal!
Go and play, boy, play: your mother is playing and I
am playing too–but the part I'm playing is so disgraceful
that I shall be hissed for it to the grave. Contempt and booing
will be my funeral bell. Go and play, boy, play. There have been,
unless I am much mistaken, cuckolds before now;
and there is many a man who, even right now,
now, as I'm speaking, is holding his wife's hands,
hardly suspecting that she has been diverted while he's away,
and that his next door neighbour has been fishing in his pond,
his smiling next door neighbour. I suppose it's a comforting thought
to know that other men have their property broken into
against their will, as I do. If everyone who had
a cheating wife was to despair, a tenth of mankind
would hang themselves. There's no cure for it:
it's influenced by a lusty planet that ruins everything
when it's in the ascendant; and you can be sure it's powerful
in the east, west, north and south. It can be seen
that there is no way to blockade a womb. Be certain:
it will let the enemy be in and out
with all his bags and baggage. Many thousands of us