The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)

by William Shakespeare

suffer like this and don't know about it. What, boy?

  MAMILLIUS

  I am like you, they say.

  They say I am like you.

  LEONTES

  Why, that's some comfort. What, Camillo there?

  Well, that's some comfort. Hello, is that Camillo there?

  CAMILLO

  Ay, my good lord.

  Yes, my good lord.

  LEONTES

  Go play, Mamillius; thou'rt an honest man.

  Exit MAMILLIUS

  Camillo, this great sir will yet stay longer.

  Go and play, Mamillius; you're a good man.

  Camillo, this great lord will stay with us a little while longer.

  CAMILLO

  You had much ado to make his anchor hold:

  When you cast out, it still came home.

  You made a great effort to anchor him:

  you threw it out, but it still came back.

  LEONTES

  Didst note it?

  You noticed it?

  CAMILLO

  He would not stay at your petitions: made

  His business more material.

  He wouldn't stay when you asked him:

  he said he had other business.

  LEONTES

  Didst perceive it?

  Aside

  They're here with me already, whispering, rounding

  'Sicilia is a so-forth:' 'tis far gone,

  When I shall gust it last. How came't, Camillo,

  That he did stay?

  You noticed that?

  They're here with me already, whispering, passing on

  ‘Sicily is a such and such:’ the business is much advanced,

  and I'm the last to know. How did it happen, Camillo,

  that he ended up staying?

  CAMILLO

  At the good queen's entreaty.

  Because the good queen begged him.

  LEONTES

  At the queen's be't: 'good' should be pertinent

  But, so it is, it is not. Was this taken

  By any understanding pate but thine?

  For thy conceit is soaking, will draw in

  More than the common blocks: not noted, is't,

  But of the finer natures? by some severals

  Of head-piece extraordinary? lower messes

  Perchance are to this business purblind? say.

  The queen begged him: “good" should be applicable

  but as things stand it is not. Was this noticed

  by any observant mind apart from yours?

  For you pick things up quickly, you notice

  more than the common blockheads: it isn't noticed, is it,

  except by the keener minds? By a few people

  with excellent brains? The mob

  are quite blind to this business, aren't they? Tell me.

  CAMILLO

  Business, my lord! I think most understand

  Bohemia stays here longer.

  Business, my lord! I think most people understand

  that Bohemia will be staying here for longer.

  LEONTES

  Ha!

  Ha!

  CAMILLO

  Stays here longer.

  He stays here longer.

  LEONTES

  Ay, but why?

  Yes, but why?

  CAMILLO

  To satisfy your highness and the entreaties

  Of our most gracious mistress.

  To please your Highness and the pleas

  of our most gracious mistress.

  LEONTES

  Satisfy!

  The entreaties of your mistress! satisfy!

  Let that suffice. I have trusted thee, Camillo,

  With all the nearest things to my heart, as well

  My chamber-councils, wherein, priest-like, thou

  Hast cleansed my bosom, I from thee departed

  Thy penitent reform'd: but we have been

  Deceived in thy integrity, deceived

  In that which seems so.

  Satisfy!

  The pleas of your mistress! Satisfy!

  Let that be enough. I have trusted you, Camillo,

  with all my innermost secrets, my

  intimate confidences, and like a priest

  you have eased my burden, I left you

  like a reformed sinner: but I have been

  misled as to your honesty, tricked

  by what you seemed to be.

  CAMILLO

  Be it forbid, my lord!

  Heaven forbid, my lord!

  LEONTES

  To bide upon't, thou art not honest, or,

  If thou inclinest that way, thou art a coward,

  Which hoxes honesty behind, restraining

  From course required; or else thou must be counted

  A servant grafted in my serious trust

  And therein negligent; or else a fool

  That seest a game play'd home, the rich stake drawn,

  And takest it all for jest.

  To explain, you are not honest, or,

  if you are, you are a coward,

  which holds honesty back, preventing it taking

  the necessary action; either you are

  my trusted servant, in which case

  you are negligent; or else you're a fool,

  who sees a game played to a finish, a rich prize won,

  and thinks it's all in fun.

  CAMILLO

  My gracious lord,

  I may be negligent, foolish and fearful;

  In every one of these no man is free,

  But that his negligence, his folly, fear,

  Among the infinite doings of the world,

  Sometime puts forth. In your affairs, my lord,

  If ever I were wilful-negligent,

  It was my folly; if industriously

  I play'd the fool, it was my negligence,

  Not weighing well the end; if ever fearful

  To do a thing, where I the issue doubted,

  Where of the execution did cry out

  Against the non-performance, 'twas a fear

  Which oft infects the wisest: these, my lord,

  Are such allow'd infirmities that honesty

  Is never free of. But, beseech your grace,

  Be plainer with me; let me know my trespass

  By its own visage: if I then deny it,

  'Tis none of mine.

  My gracious lord,

  I may be negligent, stupid and cowardly:

  no man can ever be completely free of these things,

  and amidst all the many happenings of the world

  his negligence, stupidity and cowardice

  will sometimes appear. In doing your business, my lord,

  if I was ever deliberately negligent

  it was through stupidity; if in my work

  I played the fool, it was negligent of me,

  not thinking of the outcome; if I was ever afraid

  to do anything because I feared the outcome,

  when it was proved right once done, that's a fear

  which often takes hold of the wisest. My lord,

  these are common weaknesses that an honest man

  can never be free of. But, I beg your grace,

  be straight with me, let me know exactly

  what I've done wrong; if I then deny it,

  you can be sure I didn't do it.

  LEONTES

  Ha' not you seen, Camillo,--

  But that's past doubt, you have, or your eye-glass

  Is thicker than a cuckold's horn,--or heard,--

  For to a vision so apparent rumour

  Cannot be mute,--or thought,--for cogitation

  Resides not in that man that does not think,--

  My wife is slippery? If thou wilt confess,

  Or else be impudently negative,

  To have nor eyes nor ears nor thought, then say

  My wife's a hobby-horse, deserves a name

  As rank as any flax-wench that puts t
o

  Before her troth-plight: say't and justify't.

  Haven't you seen, Camillo–

  but you must have done, if your glasses

  are thinner than a cuckold's horn–or heard–

  for with your sharp ears you must pick up

  the rumours–or thought–for speculation

  doesn't happen in the mind of the unthinking man–

  that's my wife is unfaithful? If you will admit it–

  because otherwise you would have to boldly deny

  things that you can see, hear and think–then say

  my wife's a tart, deserving a reputation

  as bad as any flighty girl who puts out

  before she is married: say it and explain it.

  CAMILLO

  I would not be a stander-by to hear

  My sovereign mistress clouded so, without

  My present vengeance taken: 'shrew my heart,

  You never spoke what did become you less

  Than this; which to reiterate were sin

  As deep as that, though true.

  I won't stand by to listen to

  my royal mistress being so insulted

  without responding: damn me sir,

  you never let yourself down so badly

  as you do in saying this; repeating it

  is a sin as bad as the one you're describing.

  LEONTES

  Is whispering nothing?

  Is leaning cheek to cheek? is meeting noses?

  Kissing with inside lip? stopping the career

  Of laughing with a sigh?--a note infallible

  Of breaking honesty--horsing foot on foot?

  Skulking in corners? wishing clocks more swift?

  Hours, minutes? noon, midnight? and all eyes

  Blind with the pin and web but theirs, theirs only,

  That would unseen be wicked? is this nothing?

  Why, then the world and all that's in't is nothing;

  The covering sky is nothing; Bohemia nothing;

  My wife is nothing; nor nothing have these nothings,

  If this be nothing.

  Does whispering mean nothing?

  Does leaning cheek to cheek? Does rubbing noses?

  Kissing on the lips? Breaking off from laughing

  to sigh?–a sure sign

  of dishonesty. Playing footsie?

  Hiding in corners? Wishing time would speed up?

  Wishing hours were minutes? That noon was midnight?

  That all eyes were covered with cataracts except theirs, only theirs,

  so they could be with cute undetected–is this nothing?

  Well, then the world and everything in it is nothing;

  the sky above is nothing; Bohemia is nothing;

  my wife is nothing; and there is nothing in these nothings,

  if this is nothing.

  CAMILLO

  Good my lord, be cured

  Of this diseased opinion, and betimes;

  For 'tis most dangerous.

  My good lord, drop

  this horrible thought, and quickly;

  it is dangerous.

  LEONTES

  Say it be, 'tis true.

  Say I'm right, it's true.

  CAMILLO

  No, no, my lord.

  No, no, my lord.

  LEONTES

  It is; you lie, you lie:

  I say thou liest, Camillo, and I hate thee,

  Pronounce thee a gross lout, a mindless slave,

  Or else a hovering temporizer, that

  Canst with thine eyes at once see good and evil,

  Inclining to them both: were my wife's liver

  Infected as her life, she would not live

  The running of one glass.

  It is; you lie, you lie:

  I say you are lying, Camillo, and I hate you,

  call you a gross lout, a mindless slave,

  unless you are a two-faced waverer, who

  can see both good and evil at the same time

  and treat them both the same: if my wife's liver

  was as diseased as her lifestyle, she would not live

  another hour.

  CAMILLO

  Who does infect her?

  Who has given her this disease?

  LEONTES

  Why, he that wears her like a medal, hanging

  About his neck, Bohemia: who, if I

  Had servants true about me, that bare eyes

  To see alike mine honour as their profits,

  Their own particular thrifts, they would do that

  Which should undo more doing: ay, and thou,

  His cupbearer,--whom I from meaner form

  Have benched and reared to worship, who mayst see

  Plainly as heaven sees earth and earth sees heaven,

  How I am galled,--mightst bespice a cup,

  To give mine enemy a lasting wink;

  Which draught to me were cordial.

  Why, the one who wears her like a medal, hanging

  round his neck, Bohemia: the one who, if I

  had loyal servants, who had an eye

  to my honour as well as their own profits,

  their own benefit, they would do something

  to stop his carrying on: yes, and you,

  his cupbearer–whom I promoted from a

  low position to be in my service, who can see,

  as plainly as heaven sees earth and vice versa,

  how I am tormented–might slip something in a cup,

  to give my enemy a permanent sleep.

  That would be tasty drink to me.

  CAMILLO

  Sir, my lord,

  I could do this, and that with no rash potion,

  But with a lingering dram that should not work

  Maliciously like poison: but I cannot

  Believe this crack to be in my dread mistress,

  So sovereignly being honourable.

  I have loved thee,--

  Sir, my lord,

  I could do this, and not with some harsh potion

  but with a sweet tasting drop that would not

  work horribly like poison: but I cannot

  believe that my awe-inspiring mistress has such a flaw,

  being of such royal honour.

  I have loved you–

  LEONTES

  Make that thy question, and go rot!

  Dost think I am so muddy, so unsettled,

  To appoint myself in this vexation, sully

  The purity and whiteness of my sheets,

  Which to preserve is sleep, which being spotted

  Is goads, thorns, nettles, tails of wasps,

  Give scandal to the blood o' the prince my son,

  Who I do think is mine and love as mine,

  Without ripe moving to't? Would I do this?

  Could man so blench?

  If you doubt it, then go to hell!

  Do you think I am so filthy, so mad,

  to lay this burden on myself, dirty

  the purity and whiteness of my sheets,

  which if clean let me sleep, if dirty

  then they become a bed of nails,

  call into question the paternity of my son the prince,

  who I think is mine and love as mine,

  unless I had good reason for it? Would I do this?

  Could any man be so far wrong?

  CAMILLO

  I must believe you, sir:

  I do; and will fetch off Bohemia for't;

  Provided that, when he's removed, your highness

  Will take again your queen as yours at first,

  Even for your son's sake; and thereby for sealing

  The injury of tongues in courts and kingdoms

  Known and allied to yours.

  I must believe you, sir:

  I do; and I will kill Bohemia for it;

  provided that, once he's gone, your Highness

  will take your queen back into your arms,

  at least for your son's sak
e; and in that way

  you will stop the gossip in the courts and kingdoms

  that are known and allied to yours.

  LEONTES

  Thou dost advise me

  Even so as I mine own course have set down:

  I'll give no blemish to her honour, none.

  This advice of yours

  is exactly what I was going to do:

  I will not put any stain on her honour, none.

  CAMILLO

  My lord,

  Go then; and with a countenance as clear

  As friendship wears at feasts, keep with Bohemia

  And with your queen. I am his cupbearer:

  If from me he have wholesome beverage,

  Account me not your servant.

  Go then my lord,

  and with an open smiling face

  such as a friend shows on holiday, stay with Bohemia

  and your queen. I am his cupbearer:

  if he gets a healthy drink from me,

  you can say I am not your servant.

  LEONTES

  This is all:

  Do't and thou hast the one half of my heart;

  Do't not, thou split'st thine own.

  This is the deal:

  do it and you have won half of my heart;

  don't do it, and your own will be torn.

  CAMILLO

  I'll do't, my lord.

  I'll do it, my lord.

  LEONTES

  I will seem friendly, as thou hast advised me.

  Exit

  I'll pretend to be friendly, as you have advised me.

  CAMILLO

  O miserable lady! But, for me,

  What case stand I in? I must be the poisoner

  Of good Polixenes; and my ground to do't

  Is the obedience to a master, one

  Who in rebellion with himself will have

  All that are his so too. To do this deed,

  Promotion follows. If I could find example