The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)

by William Shakespeare

  HAMLET

  Swear by my sword, you will never speak of what you have seen.

  Never to speak of this that you have seen,Swear by my sword.

  Ghost

  [Beneath]

  Swear.

  Swear.

  HAMLET

  He is everywhere. Let’s move. Come over here, gentlemen, and lay your hands upon my sword. Swear you will never tell anyone what you have heard. Swear by my sword.

  Hic et ubique? then we'll shift our ground.Come hither, gentlemen,And lay your hands again upon my sword:Never to speak of this that you have heard,Swear by my sword.

  Ghost

  [Beneath]

  Swear.

  Swear.

  HAMLET

  Well said, old mole! I wished I could move that fast. He is a worthy pioneer! Try again, good friends.

  Well said, old mole! canst work i' the earth so fast?A worthy pioner! Once more remove, good friends.

  HORATIO

  I swear this is weird.

  O day and night, but this is wondrous strange!

  HAMLET

  Yes, it is strange, but you want to know. First, there are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than you know about. But, listen to what I am about to say. No matter how I act or what I say, and undoubtedly, I will act crazy and say inane things in the future, you must not let on you know what is going on. You may never say, “Oh, just as I thought,” or “If you only knew.” Swear it!

  And therefore as a stranger give it welcome.There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,Than are dreamt of in your philosophy. But come;Here, as before, never, so help you mercy,How strange or odd soe'er I bear myself,As I perchance hereafter shall think meetTo put an antic disposition on,That you, at such times seeing me, never shall,With arms encumber'd thus, or this headshake,Or by pronouncing of some doubtful phrase,As 'Well, well, we know,' or 'We could, an if we would,'Or 'If we list to speak,' or 'There be, an if they might,'Or such ambiguous giving out, to noteThat you know aught of me: this not to do,So grace and mercy at your most need help you, Swear.

  Ghost

  [Beneath]

  Swear.

  Swear.

  HAMLET

  Rest, poor spirit. So, gentlemen, I give you all my love and will repay you for your friendship. Let’s go back inside together, but you must stay quiet, please. You must not talk about any of this. I know it is extremely strange, and I curse the day I am supposed to set everything straight. Come on, let’s go inside.

  Rest, rest, perturbed spirit!

  So, gentlemen,With all my love I do commend me to you:And what so poor a man as Hamlet isMay do, to express his love and friending to you,God willing, shall not lack. Let us go in together;And still your fingers on your lips, I pray.The time is out of joint: O cursed spite,That ever I was born to set it right!Nay, come, let's go together.

  Exeunt

  A room in POLONIUS' house

  Enter POLONIUS and REYNALDO

  LORD POLONIUS

  Give him this money and these notes, Reynaldo.

  Give him this money and these notes, Reynaldo.

  REYNALDO

  I will, my lord.

  I will, my lord.

  LORD POLONIUS

  It would be wise, Reynaldo, before you visit him, to find out what he’s been up to.

  You shall do marvellous wisely, good Reynaldo,Before you visit him, to make inquireOf his behavior.

  REYNALDO

  Those were my intentions, my lord.

  My lord, I did intend it.

  LORD POLONIUS

  Good, well said. Ask around and find out what Danes are in Paris—who they are, where they live, how they make money and who their friends are? Also, find out if they know my son. You will find out more by asking these questions than if you enquired directly about him. Just say you are a friend of his father and vaguely know him. Understand, Reynaldo?

  Marry, well said; very well said. Look you, sir,Inquire me first what Danskers are in Paris;And how, and who, what means, and where they keep,What company, at what expense; and findingBy this encompassment and drift of questionThat they do know my son, come you more nearerThan your particular demands will touch it:Take you, as 'twere, some distant knowledge of him;As thus, 'I know his father and his friends,And in part him: ' do you mark this, Reynaldo?

  REYNALDO

  No problem, sir.

  Ay, very well, my lord.

  LORD POLONIUS

  And you may make up stories about him like he acts wildly or likes to drink, et cetera, but don’t make up anything that would be shameful. You know, make up something believable about someone of his age and position.

  'And in part him; but' you may say 'not well:But, if't be he I mean, he's very wild;Addicted so and so:' and there put on himWhat forgeries you please; marry, none so rankAs may dishonour him; take heed of that;But, sir, such wanton, wild and usual slipsAs are companions noted and most knownTo youth and liberty.

  REYNALDO

  Like gambling?

  As gaming, my lord.

  LORD POLONIUS

  Yes, or drinking, fencing, swearing, fighting, or visiting brothels.

  Ay, or drinking, fencing, swearing, quarrelling,Drabbing: you may go so far.

  REYNALDO

  But that would bring him shame.

  My lord, that would dishonour him.

  LORD POLONIUS

  Oh, heavens no, not if you say it the right way. You may say what you need to but do not make him seem scandalous. Just mention his faults in a way that seem usual of someone like Laertes, a fiery youth from a long-line of fiery men.

  'Faith, no; as you may season it in the chargeYou must not put another scandal on him,That he is open to incontinency;That's not my meaning: but breathe his faults so quaintlyThat they may seem the taints of liberty,The flash and outbreak of a fiery mind,A savageness in unreclaimed blood,Of general assault.

  REYNALDO

  But, my good sir--

  But, my good lord,--

  LORD POLONIUS

  You want to know why I want you to do this?

  Wherefore should you do this?

  REYNALDO

  Yes, my lord, I would.

  Ay, my lord,I would know that.

  LORD POLONIUS

  Okay, sir, this is what I think and if I say so myself, it is very clever. I think if you mention my son’s faults in vague conversation as if it was nothing, the other person will agree with you saying, ‘Yes, my good sir,’ or ‘No, my friend.’

  Marry, sir, here's my drift;And I believe, it is a fetch of wit:You laying these slight sullies on my son,As 'twere a thing a little soil'd i' the working, Mark you,Your party in converse, him you would sound,Having ever seen in the prenominate crimesThe youth you breathe of guilty, be assuredHe closes with you in this consequence;'Good sir,' or so, or 'friend,' or 'gentleman,'According to the phrase or the additionOf man and country.

  REYNALDO

  I understand, my lord.

  Very good, my lord.

  LORD POLONIUS

  And then sir, he will—what was I about to say?—Good lord, I was about to say something. Where did I leave off?

  And then, sir, does he this--he does--what was Iabout to say? By the mass, I was about to saysomething: where did I leave?

  REYNALDO

  You were saying how the other person would respond.

  At 'closes in the consequence,' at 'friend or so,'and 'gentleman.'

  LORD POLONIUS

  Oh yes, the other person. He’ll say, “Yes, I know that gentlemen; I saw him yesterday. He was gambling or he was fighting.” You see what I mean? See, your little lie will actually reveal the truth. That’s how you’ll find out what Laertes is doing in Paris. Understand?

  At 'closes in the consequence,' ay, marry;He closes thus: 'I know the gentleman;I saw him yesterday, or t' other day,Or then, or then; with such, or such; and, as you say,There was a' gaming; there o'ertook in's rouse;There falling out at tennis:' or perchance,'
I saw him enter such a house of sale,'Videlicet, a brothel, or so forth.See you now;Your bait of falsehood takes this carp of truth:And thus do we of wisdom and of reach,With windlasses and with assays of bias,By indirections find directions out:So by my former lecture and advice,Shall you my son. You have me, have you not?

  REYNALDO

  I understand, sir.

  My lord, I have.

  LORD POLONIUS

  May God be with you.

  God be wi' you; fare you well.

  REYNALDO

  Thank you, my lord!

  Good my lord!

  LORD POLONIUS

  Don’t forget to observe his actions for yourself.

  Observe his inclination in yourself.

  REYNALDO

  I will, sir.

  I shall, my lord.

  LORD POLONIUS

  Make sure he is studying his music.

  And let him ply his music.

  REYNALDO

  No problem, sir.

  Well, my lord.

  LORD POLONIUS

  Goodbye!

  Farewell!

  Exit REYNALDO

  Enter OPHELIA

  Ophelia, what is wrong?

  How now, Ophelia! what's the matter?

  OPHELIA

  Oh, father, I have been so scared!

  O, my lord, my lord, I have been so affrighted!

  LORD POLONIUS

  By what, in the name of God?

  With what, i' the name of God?

  OPHELIA

  My lord, as I was sewing in my bedroom, Lord Hamlet appeared. His vest was unbuttoned, there was no hat on his head, his socks were dirty and down around his ankles, and he was as pale as his shirt. He was pitiful looking with his knees knocking together, as if he had seen the demons in hell.

  My lord, as I was sewing in my closet,Lord Hamlet, with his doublet all unbraced;No hat upon his head; his stockings foul'd,Ungarter'd, and down-gyved to his ancle;Pale as his shirt; his knees knocking each other;And with a look so piteous in purportAs if he had been loosed out of hellTo speak of horrors,--he comes before me.

  LORD POLONIUS

  Was he insane with love for you?

  Mad for thy love?

  OPHELIA

  I don’t know, but that is what I’m afraid of.

  My lord, I do not know;But truly, I do fear it.

  LORD POLONIUS

  What did he say?

  What said he?

  OPHELIA

  He took me by the wrist with a hard grip. Then, he holds me at arm’s length and stares at me like an artist preparing to draw a portrait. He stayed like that for so long, my arm began to shake. He shook his head three times and sighed so loudly and pitifully, it seemed he was about to die. Then he let me go and without opening his eyes he left, like I was the last thing he wanted to see.

  He took me by the wrist and held me hard;Then goes he to the length of all his arm;And, with his other hand thus o'er his brow,He falls to such perusal of my faceAs he would draw it. Long stay'd he so;At last, a little shaking of mine armAnd thrice his head thus waving up and down,He raised a sigh so piteous and profoundAs it did seem to shatter all his bulkAnd end his being: that done, he lets me go:And, with his head over his shoulder turn'd,He seem'd to find his way without his eyes;For out o' doors he went without their helps,And, to the last, bended their light on me.

  LORD POLONIUS

  Come on, let’s go see the king. He is acting like he is in love with you and I am afraid of what he might do in the name of passion. I am sorry, but have you spoken harshly to him lately?

  Come, go with me: I will go seek the king.This is the very ecstasy of love,Whose violent property fordoes itselfAnd leads the will to desperate undertakingsAs oft as any passion under heavenThat does afflict our natures. I am sorry.What, have you given him any hard words of late?

  OPHELIA

  No, father. I did as you told me. I wouldn’t receive his letters or let him visit me.

  No, my good lord, but, as you did command,I did repel his fetters and deniedHis access to me.

  LORD POLONIUS

  That is probably what made him angry. I’m sorry. I should have monitored him more closely before I gave you such advice, but I thought he was just trying to use you. I guess people my age think we know more. Let’s go see the king and tell him what is going on. It is better to have this out in the open.

  That hath made him mad.I am sorry that with better heed and judgmentI had not quoted him: I fear'd he did but trifle,And meant to wreck thee; but, beshrew my jealousy!By heaven, it is as proper to our ageTo cast beyond ourselves in our opinionsAs it is common for the younger sortTo lack discretion. Come, go we to the king:This must be known; which, being kept close, mightmoveMore grief to hide than hate to utter love.

  Exeunt

  A room in the castle

  Enter KING CLAUDIUS, QUEEN GERTRUDE, ROSENCRANTZ, GUILDENSTERN, and

  Attendants

  KING CLAUDIUS

  Welcome Rosencratntz and Guildenstern. We have looked so forward to seeing you, but we sent for you so hastily, because we need your assistance. I’m sure you have heard of Hamlet’s “transformation,” or at least that’s what I call it. He is not like he used to be. He doesn’t even look the same. I have no idea what has caused this change other than his father’s death. So, I am asking for both of you, being so close in age to Hamlet, to stay here and spend some time with him. Try to figure out what is wrong with him and let us know, so we may help him.

  Welcome, dear Rosencrantz and Guildenstern!Moreover that we much did long to see you,The need we have to use you did provokeOur hasty sending. Something have you heardOf Hamlet's transformation; so call it,Sith nor the exterior nor the inward manResembles that it was. What it should be,More than his father's death, that thus hath put himSo much from the understanding of himself,I cannot dream of: I entreat you both,That, being of so young days brought up with him,And sith so neighbour'd to his youth and havior,That you vouchsafe your rest here in our courtSome little time: so by your companiesTo draw him on to pleasures, and to gather,So much as from occasion you may glean,Whether aught, to us unknown, afflicts him thus,That, open'd, lies within our remedy.

  QUEEN GERTRUDE

  Gentlemen, Hamlet has talked so much about you, I am sure there are no others alive to whom he is as close. If you would be so kind to spend some time with us and help us with Hamlet, I am sure your visit would be compensated befitting a king.

  Good gentlemen, he hath much talk'd of you;And sure I am two men there are not livingTo whom he more adheres. If it will please youTo show us so much gentry and good willAs to expend your time with us awhile,For the supply and profit of our hope,Your visitation shall receive such thanksAs fits a king's remembrance.

  ROSENCRANTZ

  I beg your pardon, your majesties, but knowing the power you have over us, it seems as if your request is more of a command than a question.

  Both your majestiesMight, by the sovereign power you have of us,Put your dread pleasures more into commandThan to entreaty.

  GUILDENSTERN

  It would be our pleasure to be of service. We are at your command.

  But we both obey,And here give up ourselves, in the full bentTo lay our service freely at your feet,To be commanded.

  KING CLAUDIUS

  Thanks, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern.

  Thanks, Rosencrantz and gentle Guildenstern.

  QUEEN GERTRUDE

  Thank you, Guildenstern and gentle Rosencrantz. I ask you to go to Hamlet, who has changed so much lately. Attendants, some of you take these gentlemen to Hamlet.

  Thanks, Guildenstern and gentle Rosencrantz:And I beseech you instantly to visitMy too much changed son. Go, some of you,And bring these gentlemen where Hamlet is.

  GUILDENSTERN

  May God bless us in helping Hamlet!

  Heavens make our presence and our practisesPleasant and helpful to him!

  QUEEN GERTRUDE

  Amen!

  Ay
, amen!

  Exeunt ROSENCRANTZ, GUILDENSTERN, and some Attendants

  Enter POLONIUS

  LORD POLONIUS

  I see the ambassadors from Norway have happily returned.

  The ambassadors from Norway, my good lord,Are joyfully return'd.

  KING CLAUDIUS

  You are still the bearer of good news.

  Thou still hast been the father of good news.

  LORD POLONIUS

  Am I, my lord? I assure you I take my duty to the King as seriously as my soul to God. I think I know what may be wrong with Hamlet and causing him to act so crazily.

  Have I, my lord? I assure my good liege,I hold my duty, as I hold my soul,Both to my God and to my gracious king:And I do think, or else this brain of mineHunts not the trail of policy so sureAs it hath used to do, that I have foundThe very cause of Hamlet's lunacy.

  KING CLAUDIUS

  Do tell me what I long to hear.

  O, speak of that; that do I long to hear.

  LORD POLONIUS

  First, let me get the ambassadors. My news will be the cherry on top of what they have to say.

  Give first admittance to the ambassadors;My news shall be the fruit to that great feast.

  KING CLAUDIUS

  Sure. Bring them in.

  Thyself do grace to them, and bring them in.

  Exit POLONIUS