The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)

by William Shakespeare

  QUEEN GERTRUDE

  Oh, Hamlet, stop saying those things. I am looking into my own wretched soul, black with sin.

  O Hamlet, speak no more:Thou turn'st mine eyes into my very soul;And there I see such black and grained spotsAs will not leave their tinct.

  HAMLET

  Yes, and you live in a bed of sin, corrupt with love making.

  Nay, but to liveIn the rank sweat of an enseamed bed,Stew'd in corruption, honeying and making loveOver the nasty sty,--

  QUEEN GERTRUDE

  Say no more. You’re killing me! No more, please, Hamlet!

  O, speak to me no more;These words, like daggers, enter in mine ears;No more, sweet Hamlet!

  HAMLET

  You are married to a murderer and a villain, a shadow of your first husband, who stole the crown.

  A murderer and a villain;A slave that is not twentieth part the titheOf your precedent lord; a vice of kings;A cutpurse of the empire and the rule,That from a shelf the precious diadem stole,And put it in his pocket!

  QUEEN GERTRUDE

  No more!

  No more!

  HAMLET

  He is a pathetic king…

  A king of shreds and patches,--

  Enter Ghost

  Oh, God, sending your angel to save me. What do you want?

  Save me, and hover o'er me with your wings,You heavenly guards! What would your gracious figure?

  QUEEN GERTRUDE

  Finally, he’s gone crazy!

  Alas, he's mad!

  HAMLET

  Please don’t be upset that it has taken me so long to obey you. Tell me?

  Do you not come your tardy son to chide,That, lapsed in time and passion, lets go byThe important acting of your dread command? O, say!

  Ghost

  Don’t forget your purpose. Your mother is close to breaking. Keep talking to her.

  Do not forget: this visitationIs but to whet thy almost blunted purpose.But, look, amazement on thy mother sits:O, step between her and her fighting soul:Conceit in weakest bodies strongest works:Speak to her, Hamlet.

  HAMLET

  How are you doing, mother?

  How is it with you, lady?

  QUEEN GERTRUDE

  How are you? Who are you talking to? Your hair is standing on end. Calm down and tell me what are you looking at?

  Alas, how is't with you,That you do bend your eye on vacancyAnd with the incorporal air do hold discourse?Forth at your eyes your spirits wildly peep;And, as the sleeping soldiers in the alarm,Your bedded hair, like life in excrements,Starts up, and stands on end. O gentle son,Upon the heat and flame of thy distemperSprinkle cool patience. Whereon do you look?

  HAMLET

  At him, at him! Look how pale he is. He could make the stones move. Don’t look at me or else I will cry and be unable to kill.

  On him, on him! Look you, how pale he glares!His form and cause conjoin'd, preaching to stones,Would make them capable. Do not look upon me;Lest with this piteous action you convertMy stern effects: then what I have to doWill want true colour; tears perchance for blood.

  QUEEN GERTRUDE

  Who are you talking to?

  To whom do you speak this?

  HAMLET

  Do you not see anything?

  Do you see nothing there?

  QUEEN GERTRUDE

  I don’t see anything unusual.

  Nothing at all; yet all that is I see.

  HAMLET

  And you don’t hear anything?

  Nor did you nothing hear?

  QUEEN GERTRUDE

  Nothing but us talking.

  No, nothing but ourselves.

  HAMLET

  Look over there. See how he is going away. It is my father. He looks just like he did when he was alive. Look, he’s going out the door.

  Why, look you there! look, how it steals away!My father, in his habit as he lived!Look, where he goes, even now, out at the portal!

  Exit Ghost

  QUEEN GERTRUDE

  It is only your imagination playing tricks on you.

  This the very coinage of your brain:This bodiless creation ecstasyIs very cunning in.

  HAMLET

  You think I am crazy! My heart beats as well as yours. I am not mad; test me. I know exactly what I am saying. Mother, for the love of the Lord, don’t blame your crimes on my madness. You will only suffer. Confess your sins to heaven and repent. Avoid the obvious outcome of your sins. Don’t let this go on any longer and forgive me for trying to do good in these horrible times.

  Ecstasy!My pulse, as yours, doth temperately keep time,And makes as healthful music: it is not madnessThat I have utter'd: bring me to the test,And I the matter will re-word; which madnessWould gambol from. Mother, for love of grace,Lay not that mattering unction to your soul,That not your trespass, but my madness speaks:It will but skin and film the ulcerous place,Whilst rank corruption, mining all within,Infects unseen. Confess yourself to heaven;Repent what's past; avoid what is to come;And do not spread the compost on the weeds,To make them ranker. Forgive me this my virtue;For in the fatness of these pursy timesVirtue itself of vice must pardon beg,Yea, curb and woo for leave to do him good.

  QUEEN GERTRUDE

  Oh Hamlet, you have torn my heart in two.

  O Hamlet, thou hast cleft my heart in twain.

  HAMLET

  Throw away the worst part of your life and live more purely. Have a good night, but do not go to my uncle’s bed. Pretend to be virtuous, if you have none. Do not give in to temptation. Start saying no to my uncle tonight. Once again, have a good night.

  O, throw away the worser part of it,And live the purer with the other half.Good night: but go not to mine uncle's bed;Assume a virtue, if you have it not.That monster, custom, who all sense doth eat,Of habits devil, is angel yet in this,That to the use of actions fair and goodHe likewise gives a frock or livery,That aptly is put on. Refrain to-night,And that shall lend a kind of easinessTo the next abstinence: the next more easy;For use almost can change the stamp of nature,And either rein the devil, or throw him outWith wondrous potency. Once more, good night:And when you are desirous to be bless'd,I'll blessing beg of you. For this same lord,

  Pointing to POLONIUS

  I will repent for this murder, even though it was God’s will. I am only God’s instrument. I know I will have to pay in the end. One other thing…

  I do repent: but heaven hath pleased it so,To punish me with this and this with me,That I must be their scourge and minister.I will bestow him, and will answer wellThe death I gave him. So, again, good night.I must be cruel, only to be kind:Thus bad begins and worse remains behind.One word more, good lady.

  QUEEN GERTRUDE

  What would you have me do?

  What shall I do?

  HAMLET

  Whatever you do, do not let that bloated king tempt you into his bed again, call you his mouse, or pinch your cheek. Don’t let him touch you with his damned fingers or convince you to think badly of me. But, what wise queen would do fall for a pig like him. Go ahead and tell him what’s what, even if it means the end for you.

  Not this, by no means, that I bid you do:Let the bloat king tempt you again to bed;Pinch wanton on your cheek; call you his mouse;And let him, for a pair of reechy kisses,Or paddling in your neck with his damn'd fingers,Make you to ravel all this matter out,That I essentially am not in madness,But mad in craft. 'Twere good you let him know;For who, that's but a queen, fair, sober, wise,Would from a paddock, from a bat, a gib,Such dear concernings hide? who would do so?No, in despite of sense and secrecy,Unpeg the basket on the house's top.Let the birds fly, and, like the famous ape,To try conclusions, in the basket creep,And break your own neck down.

  QUEEN GERTRUDE

  Rest assure that I will not breathe a word of what you said tonight.

  Be thou assured, if words be made of breath,And breath of life, I have no life to breatheWhat thou hast said to me.

  HAMLET

  Did you know I have to go to Eng
land?

  I must to England; you know that?

  QUEEN GERTRUDE

  Oh yes, I had forgotten that, but it has been decided.

  Alack,I had forgot: 'tis so concluded on.

  HAMLET

  There are two sealed letters that state my two friends from school, whom I do not trust any more than a snake, will take me to England. So what? Let them try. His plan is going to blow up in his face. However, I will come out just fine. I am going to have to leave in a hurry now. I’ll carry the body into the other room. Good night, Mother. This man is indeed a great counselor; he can keep secrets forever. Good night.

  There's letters seal'd: and my two schoolfellows,Whom I will trust as I will adders fang'd,They bear the mandate; they must sweep my way,And marshal me to knavery. Let it work;For 'tis the sport to have the engineerHoist with his own petard: and 't shall go hardBut I will delve one yard below their mines,And blow them at the moon: O, 'tis most sweet,When in one line two crafts directly meet.This man shall set me packing:I'll lug the guts into the neighbour room.Mother, good night. Indeed this counsellorIs now most still, most secret and most grave,Who was in life a foolish prating knave.Come, sir, to draw toward an end with you.Good night, mother.

  Exeunt severally; HAMLET dragging in POLONIUS

  A room in the castle

  Enter KING CLAUDIUS, QUEEN GERTRUDE, ROSENCRANTZ, and GUILDENSTERN

  KING CLAUDIUS

  What’s wrong with you, making these deep sighs? You must tell me what’s going on. Where is Hamlet?

  There's matter in these sighs, these profound heaves:You must translate: 'tis fit we understand them.Where is your son?

  QUEEN GERTRUDE

  Let us have some privacy for a bit.

  Bestow this place on us a little while.

  Exeunt ROSENCRANTZ and GUILDENSTERN

  You won’t believe what I have seen tonight!

  Ah, my good lord, what have I seen to-night!

  KING CLAUDIUS

  What Gertrude? How is Hamlet?

  What, Gertrude? How does Hamlet?

  QUEEN GERTRUDE

  He is completely crazy. He heard something behind the curtains and in a rage he drew his sword and cried, “A rat, a rat!” Then he killed the old man.

  Mad as the sea and wind, when both contendWhich is the mightier: in his lawless fit,Behind the arras hearing something stir,Whips out his rapier, cries, 'A rat, a rat!'And, in this brainish apprehension, killsThe unseen good old man.

  KING CLAUDIUS

  Oh, what a terrible thing! It would have been me, if I had been there. His freedom is a threat to everyone. How are we going to answer this murder? It is our responsibility to restrain this young madman. We loved him so much we could not see clearly. Now, this has happened like a contagious disease. Where is he, now?

  O heavy deed!It had been so with us, had we been there:His liberty is full of threats to all;To you yourself, to us, to every one.Alas, how shall this bloody deed be answer'd?It will be laid to us, whose providenceShould have kept short, restrain'd and out of haunt,This mad young man: but so much was our love,We would not understand what was most fit;But, like the owner of a foul disease,To keep it from divulging, let it feedEven on the pith of Life. Where is he gone?

  QUEEN GERTRUDE

  He has gone to dispose of the body. He is sorry for what he has done.

  To draw apart the body he hath kill'd:O'er whom his very madness, like some oreAmong a mineral of metals base,Shows itself pure; he weeps for what is done.

  KING CLAUDIUS

  Oh Gertrude, be sensible. We must send him away as soon as the sun rises. We will have to find some way to excuse this murder. Hey, Guildenstern.

  O Gertrude, come away!The sun no sooner shall the mountains touch,But we will ship him hence: and this vile deedWe must, with all our majesty and skill,Both countenance and excuse. Ho, Guildenstern!

  Re-enter ROSENCRANTZ and GUILDENSTERN

  Gentlemen, both of you go find some people to help Hamlet. Out of his madness, he has killed Polonius. Now he is dragging the body out of his mother’s bedroom. Go speak to him and bring the body to the church. Hurry, please.

  Friends both, go join you with some further aid:Hamlet in madness hath Polonius slain,And from his mother's closet hath he dragg'd him:Go seek him out; speak fair, and bring the bodyInto the chapel. I pray you, haste in this.

  Exeunt ROSENCRANTZ and GUILDENSTERN

  Come on, Gertrude, we’ll get our wisest friends to let them know what we are doing and what has been done. Let’s go! My soul is heavy.

  Come, Gertrude, we'll call up our wisest friends;And let them know, both what we mean to do,And what's untimely done. O, come away!My soul is full of discord and dismay.

  Exeunt

  Another room in the castle

  Enter HAMLET

  HAMLET

  There, the body is safely stowed away.

  Safely stowed.

  ROSENCRANTZ: GUILDENSTERN:

  [Within]

  Hamlet! Lord Hamlet!

  Hamlet! Lord Hamlet!

  HAMLET

  What is that noise? Who is calling me? Here they come.

  What noise? who calls on Hamlet?O, here they come.

  Enter ROSENCRANTZ and GUILDENSTERN

  ROSENCRANTZ

  What have you done with the body, my lord?

  What have you done, my lord, with the dead body?

  HAMLET

  Put it in the dirt.

  Compounded it with dust, whereto 'tis kin.

  ROSENCRANTZ

  Tell us where it is so we can take it to the church.

  Tell us where 'tis, that we may take it thenceAnd bear it to the chapel.

  HAMLET

  I don’t believe it.

  Do not believe it.

  ROSENCRANTZ

  Believe what?

  Believe what?

  HAMLET

  That I can trust you and expose my secret. Besides, who are you, a mere sponge, to command the son of a king?

  That I can keep your counsel and not mine own.Besides, to be demanded of a sponge! whatreplication should be made by the son of a king?

  ROSENCRANTZ

  You think I am a sponge, my lord?

  Take you me for a sponge, my lord?

  HAMLET

  Yes sir, that soaks up whatever the king says and does. He is just using you and when he is done, you will be left high and dry.

  Ay, sir, that soaks up the king's countenance, hisrewards, his authorities. But such officers do theking best service in the end: he keeps them, likean ape, in the corner of his jaw; first mouthed, tobe last swallowed: when he needs what you havegleaned, it is but squeezing you, and, sponge, youshall be dry again.

  ROSENCRANTZ

  I don’t understand, my lord.

  I understand you not, my lord.

  HAMLET

  I am glad. You are too foolish to understand.

  I am glad of it: a knavish speech sleeps in afoolish ear.

  ROSENCRANTZ

  My lord, you must tell us where the body is and go with us to the king.

  My lord, you must tell us where the body is, and gowith us to the king.

  HAMLET

  The body is with the king, but he is not there. The king is just a thing…

  The body is with the king, but the king is not withthe body. The king is a thing--

  GUILDENSTERN

  A thing, my lord!

  A thing, my lord!

  HAMLET

  He is a thing of no importance. Take me to him and tell him to hide.

  Of nothing: bring me to him. Hide fox, and all after.

  Exeunt

  Another room in the castle

  Enter KING CLAUDIUS, attended

  KING CLAUDIUS

  I have sent someone to find him and bring back the body. He is dangerous on the loose. But, we can’t put the law on him too strongly. He’s very loved by the people, and they will not take too kindly to his punishment. The only way to handle thi
s is to send him away. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

  I have sent to seek him, and to find the body.How dangerous is it that this man goes loose!Yet must not we put the strong law on him:He's loved of the distracted multitude,Who like not in their judgment, but their eyes;And where tis so, the offender's scourge is weigh'd,But never the offence. To bear all smooth and even,This sudden sending him away must seemDeliberate pause: diseases desperate grownBy desperate appliance are relieved,Or not at all.

  Enter ROSENCRANTZ

  What’s going on?

  How now! what hath befall'n?

  ROSENCRANTZ

  He won’t tell us where the body is hidden.

  Where the dead body is bestow'd, my lord,We cannot get from him.

  KING CLAUDIUS

  Where is he?

  But where is he?

  ROSENCRANTZ

  He is being guarded outside.

  Without, my lord; guarded, to know your pleasure.

  KING CLAUDIUS

  Bring him here.

  Bring him before us.

  ROSENCRANTZ