The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)

by William Shakespeare

  Hey, Guildenstern! Bring in my lord.

  Ho, Guildenstern! bring in my lord.

  Enter HAMLET and GUILDENSTERN

  KING CLAUDIUS

  Now, Hamlet, where’s Polonius?

  Now, Hamlet, where's Polonius?

  HAMLET

  He is at supper.

  At supper.

  KING CLAUDIUS

  Where at supper?

  At supper! where?

  HAMLET

  He is not eating, but being eaten by worms. We all become worm food in the end.

  Not where he eats, but where he is eaten: a certainconvocation of politic worms are e'en at him. Yourworm is your only emperor for diet: we fat allcreatures else to fat us, and we fat ourselves formaggots: your fat king and your lean beggar is butvariable service, two dishes, but to one table:that's the end.

  KING CLAUDIUS

  Enough, enough!

  Alas, alas!

  HAMLET

  The same worm that eats a king may become food for a fish which serves as the dinner for a cat.

  A man may fish with the worm that hath eat of aking, and cat of the fish that hath fed of that worm.

  KING CLAUDIUS

  What are you talking about?

  What dost you mean by this?

  HAMLET

  I just want to show you what happens to a king’s body after he is gone.

  Nothing but to show you how a king may go aprogress through the guts of a beggar.

  KING CLAUDIUS

  Where is Polonius?

  Where is Polonius?

  HAMLET

  In heaven. Send someone to see and if your messenger does not find him there, go look for yourself in the other place. If you can’t find him there, you’ll be able to smell him in the next month as you go into the lobby.

  In heaven; send hither to see: if your messengerfind him not there, seek him i' the other placeyourself. But indeed, if you find him not withinthis month, you shall nose him as you go up thestairs into the lobby.

  KING CLAUDIUS

  Go look there.

  Go seek him there.

  To some Attendants

  HAMLET

  He’s not going anywhere.

  He will stay till ye come.

  Exeunt Attendants

  KING CLAUDIUS

  For this deed you have committed, you are going to have to leave for awhile. You must be ready quickly, so go prepare yourself. The boat is ready to take you and your associates to England.

  Hamlet, this deed, for thine especial safety,--Which we do tender, as we dearly grieveFor that which thou hast done,--must send thee henceWith fiery quickness: therefore prepare thyself;The bark is ready, and the wind at help,The associates tend, and every thing is bentFor England.

  HAMLET

  For England!

  For England!

  KING CLAUDIUS

  Yes, Hamlet.

  Ay, Hamlet.

  HAMLET

  Good.

  Good.

  KING CLAUDIUS

  You act as if you knew what we were going to do.

  So is it, if thou knew'st our purposes.

  HAMLET

  A little angel told me. So, off to England. Farewell, dear mother.

  I see a cherub that sees them. But, come; forEngland! Farewell, dear mother.

  KING CLAUDIUS

  I am your loving father, Hamlet.

  Thy loving father, Hamlet.

  HAMLET

  You’re my mother. Like it says, when a man takes a wife, they become of one flesh. So, you are my mother. Come on, off to England!

  My mother: father and mother is man and wife; manand wife is one flesh; and so, my mother. Come, for England!

  Exit

  KING CLAUDIUS

  Follow him closely, and see he gets on board quickly. Don’t delay. I want him gone tonight.

  Follow him at foot; tempt him with speed aboard;Delay it not; I'll have him hence to-night:Away! for every thing is seal'd and doneThat else leans on the affair: pray you, make haste.

  Exeunt ROSENCRANTZ and GUILDENSTERN

  And, while in England, if you love me, and you should considering what all the Danes have done in the past, you will not hesitate to kill Hamlet. Obey me, England, and cure me of my sickness. I will not be well until it is done.

  And, England, if my love thou hold'st at aught--As my great power thereof may give thee sense,Since yet thy cicatrice looks raw and redAfter the Danish sword, and thy free awePays homage to us--thou mayst not coldly setOur sovereign process; which imports at full,By letters congruing to that effect,The present death of Hamlet. Do it, England;For like the hectic in my blood he rages,And thou must cure me: till I know 'tis done,Howe'er my haps, my joys were ne'er begun.

  Exit

  A plain in Denmark

  Enter FORTINBRAS, a Captain, and Soldiers, marching

  PRINCE FORTINBRAS

  Go, Captain, and greet the Danish king. Tell him that I would like to march through his kingdom, with his permission. You know the place. Let him know we will grant him his favor.

  Go, captain, from me greet the Danish king;Tell him that, by his licence, FortinbrasCraves the conveyance of a promised marchOver his kingdom. You know the rendezvous.If that his majesty would aught with us,We shall express our duty in his eye;And let him know so.

  Captain

  I will do it, my lord.

  I will do't, my lord.

  PRINCE FORTINBRAS

  Go quietly.

  Go softly on.

  Exeunt FORTINBRAS and Soldiers

  Enter HAMLET, ROSENCRANTZ, GUILDENSTERN, and others

  HAMLET

  Hello sir. Whose army is this?

  Good sir, whose powers are these?

  Captain

  They are from Norway, sir.

  They are of Norway, sir.

  HAMLET

  What is their purpose, sir?

  How purposed, sir, I pray you?

  Captain

  They are on their way to Poland.

  Against some part of Poland.

  HAMLET

  Who is in command, sir?

  Who commands them, sir?

  Captain

  The nephew to the old king of Norway, Fortinbras.

  The nephews to old Norway, Fortinbras.

  HAMLET

  Is he attacking the heart of Poland or some part of it?

  Goes it against the main of Poland, sir,Or for some frontier?

  Captain

  We are going to gain a little land that I wouldn’t pay five dollars to farm.

  Truly to speak, and with no addition,We go to gain a little patch of groundThat hath in it no profit but the name.To pay five ducats, five, I would not farm it;Nor will it yield to Norway or the PoleA ranker rate, should it be sold in fee.

  HAMLET

  Well, then the Poles will never defend it.

  Why, then the Polack never will defend it.

  Captain

  Yes they will. It is already guarded.

  Yes, it is already garrison'd.

  HAMLET

  Two thousand souls and twenty thousand dollars will not settle this dispute. This is the result of too much money and peace. It is quite pointless. Thank you for the information, sir.

  Two thousand souls and twenty thousand ducatsWill not debate the question of this straw:This is the imposthume of much wealth and peace,That inward breaks, and shows no cause withoutWhy the man dies. I humbly thank you, sir.

  Captain

  God be with you, sir.

  God be wi' you, sir.

  Exit

  ROSENCRANTZ

  Are you ready to go, my lord?

  Wilt please you go, my lord?

  HAMLET

  Go ahead. I’ll be there soon.

  I'll be with you straight go a little before.

  Exeunt all except HAMLET

  Everything is telling me to hurry up and get on with my plan. What is a man if he only eats and sleeps? He is no more than
a beast. God did not create us to waste our minds and abilities. There is a reason for my existence. Let me not ignore this opportunity, a silly young prince led by selfish ambition is offering his life for the sake of honor. I will not have another idle thought. I will think of nothing but revenge.

  How all occasions do inform against me,And spur my dull revenge! What is a man,If his chief good and market of his timeBe but to sleep and feed? a beast, no more.Sure, he that made us with such large discourse,Looking before and after, gave us notThat capability and god-like reasonTo fust in us unused. Now, whether it beBestial oblivion, or some craven scrupleOf thinking too precisely on the event,A thought which, quarter'd, hath but one part wisdomAnd ever three parts coward, I do not knowWhy yet I live to say 'This thing's to do;'Sith I have cause and will and strength and meansTo do't. Examples gross as earth exhort me:Witness this army of such mass and chargeLed by a delicate and tender prince,Whose spirit with divine ambition puff'dMakes mouths at the invisible event,Exposing what is mortal and unsureTo all that fortune, death and danger dare,Even for an egg-shell. Rightly to be greatIs not to stir without great argument,But greatly to find quarrel in a strawWhen honour's at the stake. How stand I then,That have a father kill'd, a mother stain'd,Excitements of my reason and my blood,And let all sleep? while, to my shame, I seeThe imminent death of twenty thousand men,That, for a fantasy and trick of fame,Go to their graves like beds, fight for a plotWhereon the numbers cannot try the cause,Which is not tomb enough and continentTo hide the slain? O, from this time forth,My thoughts be bloody, or be nothing worth!

  Exit

  Elsinore. A room in the castle

  Enter QUEEN GERTRUDE, HORATIO, and a Gentleman

  QUEEN GERTRUDE

  I will not speak with her.

  I will not speak with her.

  Gentleman

  She won’t go away. She needs to be pitied.

  She is importunate, indeed distract:Her mood will needs be pitied.

  QUEEN GERTRUDE

  What does she want?

  What would she have?

  Gentleman

  She talks about her father. She says there are tricks in the world and cries and beats her heart. She is talking out of her head. People listen to her and hear what they want. It seems she is trying to tell something horrible.

  She speaks much of her father; says she hearsThere's tricks i' the world; and hems, and beats her heart;Spurns enviously at straws; speaks things in doubt,That carry but half sense: her speech is nothing,Yet the unshaped use of it doth moveThe hearers to collection; they aim at it,And botch the words up fit to their own thoughts;Which, as her winks, and nods, and gesturesyield them,Indeed would make one think there might be thought,Though nothing sure, yet much unhappily.

  HORATIO

  She needs to be spoken with because she is causing people to think the unthinkable.

  'Twere good she were spoken with; for she may strewDangerous conjectures in ill-breeding minds.

  QUEEN GERTRUDE

  Bring her in.

  Let her come in.

  Exit HORATIO

  Everything within me tells me something awful about to happen. Perhaps it is just my guilt eating away at me.

  To my sick soul, as sin's true nature is,Each toy seems prologue to some great amiss:So full of artless jealousy is guilt,It spills itself in fearing to be spilt.

  Re-enter HORATIO, with OPHELIA

  OPHELIA

  Where is her majesty of Denmark?

  Where is the beauteous majesty of Denmark?

  QUEEN GERTRUDE

  How are you, Ophelia?

  How now, Ophelia!

  OPHELIA

  [Sings]How can you tell your true love from another? By his hat and walking stick or his shoe?

  How should I your true love knowFrom another one?By his cockle hat and staff,And his sandal shoon.

  QUEEN GERTRUDE

  What brings about this song?

  Alas, sweet lady, what imports this song?

  OPHELIA

  Did you say something? No? Just listen.

  Say you? nay, pray you, mark.

  Sings

  He is dead and gone, lady. Dead and gone. Grass grows over his head and a stone is placed at his foot.

  He is dead and gone, lady,He is dead and gone;At his head a grass-green turf,At his heels a stone.

  QUEEN GERTRUDE

  Stop, Ophelia…

  Nay, but, Ophelia,--

  OPHELIA

  I beg you to listen.

  Pray you, mark.

  Sings

  His shroud is as white as the mountain snow…

  White his shroud as the mountain snow,--

  Enter KING CLAUDIUS

  QUEEN GERTRUDE

  At last, look at this girl, my lord.

  Alas, look here, my lord.

  OPHELIA

  [Sings]Covered in sweet flowers which were tossed to the ground by true love showers.

  Larded with sweet flowersWhich bewept to the grave did goWith true-love showers.

  KING CLAUDIUS

  How are you, pretty lady?

  How do you, pretty lady?

  OPHELIA

  I’m well, and may God give you yours. They say the baker’s daughter was an owl. My lord, we know what we are, but not what we are to become. May God be at your table.

  Well, God 'ild you! They say the owl was a baker'sdaughter. Lord, we know what we are, but know notwhat we may be. God be at your table!

  KING CLAUDIUS

  She is thinking about her father.

  Conceit upon her father.

  OPHELIA

  I beg you to not talk about that. But, when asked tell them the song means:

  Pray you, let's have no words of this; but when theyask you what it means, say you this:

  Sings

  Tomorrow is Saint Valentine’s day, and in the early morning, I will be at your window to be your Valentine. Then he got up and dressed and opened the bedroom door. He let in a maid, but let out a woman.

  To-morrow is Saint Valentine's day,All in the morning betime,And I a maid at your window,To be your Valentine.Then up he rose, and donn'd his clothes,And dupp'd the chamber-door;Let in the maid, that out a maidNever departed more.

  KING CLAUDIUS

  Pretty Ophelia!

  Pretty Ophelia!

  OPHELIA

  I promise, I will end it soon…

  Indeed, la, without an oath, I'll make an end on't:

  Sings

  By Jesus and Saint Charity, shame young men who must do it. They are to blame. She said you promised to marry me before you brought me into your bed, but now you won’t because I came to your bed.

  By Gis and by Saint Charity,Alack, and fie for shame!Young men will do't, if they come to't;By cock, they are to blame.Quoth she, before you tumbled me,You promised me to wed.So would I ha' done, by yonder sun,An thou hadst not come to my bed.

  KING CLAUDIUS

  How long has she been like this?

  How long hath she been thus?

  OPHELIA

  I hope everything works out well. We must wait and see. But I can’t help crying, thinking about his body in the cold ground. My brother will be told about this, so thank you. Thank you for your advice. Come on, Driver. Good night, sweet ladies. Good night.

  I hope all will be well. We must be patient: but Icannot choose but weep, to think they should lay himi' the cold ground. My brother shall know of it:and so I thank you for your good counsel. Come, mycoach! Good night, ladies; good night, sweet ladies;good night, good night.

  Exit

  KING CLAUDIUS

  Follow her closely and watch her.

  Follow her close; give her good watch,I pray you.

  Exit HORATIO

  This is the result of deep grief. It comes from the death of her father. Sadness comes in swells. First, her father is killed. Next, your son is sent away by his own doings. Poor Ophelia did not get to mourn her father properly; we buried him so quickly. Now, the peopl
e are spreading nasty rumors about his death. She is now crazy with grief, and her brother who has secretly returned from France hears the gossip. He is going to think I killed his father, which is killing me.

  O, this is the poison of deep grief; it springsAll from her father's death. O Gertrude, Gertrude,When sorrows come, they come not single spiesBut in battalions. First, her father slain:Next, your son gone; and he most violent authorOf his own just remove: the people muddied,Thick and unwholesome in their thoughts and whispers,For good Polonius' death; and we have done but greenly,In hugger-mugger to inter him: poor OpheliaDivided from herself and her fair judgment,Without the which we are pictures, or mere beasts:Last, and as much containing as all these,Her brother is in secret come from France;Feeds on his wonder, keeps himself in clouds,And wants not buzzers to infect his earWith pestilent speeches of his father's death;Wherein necessity, of matter beggar'd,Will nothing stick our person to arraignIn ear and ear. O my dear Gertrude, this,Like to a murdering-piece, in many placesGives me superfluous death.

  A noise within

  QUEEN GERTRUDE

  What was that?

  Alack, what noise is this?

  KING CLAUDIUS

  Where are my guards? Let them stand by the door.

  Where are my Switzers? Let them guard the door.

  Enter another Gentleman

  What is going on?

  What is the matter?

  Gentleman

  Save yourself, my lord. Young Laertes is leading a riotous group across the lowlands. The crowds call him lord and shout, “We want Laertes to be our king,” like they have forgotten our customs. They are throwing their caps in the air and cheering, “King Laertes.”

  Save yourself, my lord:The ocean, overpeering of his list,Eats not the flats with more impetuous hasteThan young Laertes, in a riotous head,O'erbears your officers. The rabble call him lord;And, as the world were now but to begin,Antiquity forgot, custom not known,The ratifiers and props of every word,They cry 'Choose we: Laertes shall be king:'Caps, hands, and tongues, applaud it to the clouds:'Laertes shall be king, Laertes king!'