The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)
Page 558
KENT
Draw, you rascal: you come with letters against the
king; and take vanity the puppet's part against the
royalty of her father: draw, you rogue, or I'll so
carbonado your shanks: draw, you rascal; come your ways.
Draw, you rascal: you are carrying letters against the
King, and you have taken the side of that vain puppet
against the royalty of her father: draw, you rogue, or I'll
make mincemeat of you: draw, you rascal, bring it on.
OSWALD
Help, ho! murder! help!
Bring me help! Murder! Help!
KENT
Strike, you slave; stand, rogue, stand; you neat
slave, strike.
Beating him
Fight, you slave; stand up, you rogue; you foppish
slave, fight.
OSWALD
Help, ho! murder! murder!
Enter EDMUND, with his rapier drawn, CORNWALL, REGAN, GLOUCESTER, and Servants
Help, here! Murder! Murder!
EDMUND
How now! What's the matter?
What's this! What's the quarrel?
KENT
With you, goodman boy, an you please: come, I'll
flesh ye; come on, young master.
It's with you, you cheeky boy, if you want it to be: come on, I'll
teach you; come on, little man.
GLOUCESTER
Weapons! arms! What 's the matter here?
Weapons! Fighting! What's the argument about?
CORNWALL
Keep peace, upon your lives:
He dies that strikes again. What is the matter?
Stop this, if you value your lives:
whoever carries on is dead. Why are you fighting?
REGAN
The messengers from our sister and the king.
These are the messengers from my sister and the King.
CORNWALL
What is your difference? speak.
What are you quarrelling about? Speak.
OSWALD
I am scarce in breath, my lord.
I can hardly breathe, my lord.
KENT
No marvel, you have so bestirred your valour. You
cowardly rascal, nature disclaims in thee: a
tailor made thee.
It's no wonder, you've put such a strain on your bravery.
You cowardly rascal, you can't be a real man:
you're made of cloth.
CORNWALL
Thou art a strange fellow: a tailor make a man?
You are a strange fellow: a man made by a tailor?
KENT
Ay, a tailor, sir: a stone-cutter or painter could
not have made him so ill, though he had been but two
hours at the trade.
Yes, a tailor, sir: a mason or a painter would not
have made such a bad job of it, even if he had
only been in business for a couple of hours.
CORNWALL
Speak yet, how grew your quarrel?
Now speak, what started your argument?
OSWALD
This ancient ruffian, sir, whose life I have spared
at suit of his gray beard,--
This old scoundrel, sir, whose life I have spared
out of respect for his grey beard–
KENT
Thou whoreson zed! thou unnecessary letter! My
lord, if you will give me leave, I will tread this
unbolted villain into mortar, and daub the wall of
a jakes with him. Spare my gray beard, you wagtail?
You worthless Z! You unnecessary letter!
My lord, if you allow me, I will crush this
effeminate rascal into plaster, and cover the walls
of a toilet with him. Spare my grey beard, you bantamweight?
CORNWALL
Peace, sirrah!
You beastly knave, know you no reverence?
Be quiet, sir!
You beastly knave, have you no respect?
KENT
Yes, sir; but anger hath a privilege.
Yes, sir, but anger is allowed to take liberties.
CORNWALL
Why art thou angry?
Why are you angry?
KENT
That such a slave as this should wear a sword,
Who wears no honesty. Such smiling rogues as these,
Like rats, oft bite the holy cords a-twain
Which are too intrinse t' unloose; smooth every passion
That in the natures of their lords rebel;
Bring oil to fire, snow to their colder moods;
Renege, affirm, and turn their halcyon beaks
With every gale and vary of their masters,
Knowing nought, like dogs, but following.
A plague upon your epileptic visage!
Smile you my speeches, as I were a fool?
Goose, if I had you upon Sarum plain,
I'ld drive ye cackling home to Camelot.
To see that a slave like this has a sword,
when he has no honesty. Smiling rascals like this,
like rats, often bite the sacred bonds apart
which are too strongly knotted to untie; they encourage
every passion that blows up in their lord's minds;
they throw oil on the fire, add snow when they are cold;
they betray, swear, and spin around like weathervanes
at every gale and gust from their masters;
like dogs, they only know how to follow.
A curse upon your twitching face!
Do you smile at my speech, as if I were a fool?
You goose, if I had you on Salisbury plain,
I'd drive you cackling home to Winchester.
CORNWALL
Why, art thou mad, old fellow?
What, old fellow, are you mad?
GLOUCESTER
How fell you out? say that.
Tell us what caused the argument.
KENT
No contraries hold more antipathy
Than I and such a knave.
There are no two such opposites
as me and a scoundrel like this.
CORNWALL
Why dost thou call him a knave? What's his offence?
Why are you calling him a scoundrel? What's he done?
KENT
His countenance likes me not.
I don't like his face.
CORNWALL
No more, perchance, does mine, nor his, nor hers.
And maybe you don't like mine, or his, or hers.
KENT
Sir, 'tis my occupation to be plain:
I have seen better faces in my time
Than stands on any shoulder that I see
Before me at this instant.
Sir, it's my job to be straightforward:
I have seen better faces in my time
than any of the ones
I can see at the moment.
CORNWALL
This is some fellow,
Who, having been praised for bluntness, doth affect
A saucy roughness, and constrains the garb
Quite from his nature: he cannot flatter, he,
An honest mind and plain, he must speak truth!
An they will take it, so; if not, he's plain.
These kind of knaves I know, which in this plainness
Harbour more craft and more corrupter ends
Than twenty silly ducking observants
That stretch their duties nicely.
This is some chap who,
having been praised for plain speaking, now tries
a coarse cheekiness, and twists his speech
into double meanings: he likes to think he will not flatter,
that he has an honest plain mind, so he must speak the truth!
People have to believe him, if they don't he's uncovered.
I
know these kind of scoundrels, in their blunt speaking
they have more trickery and corrupt plans
than twenty backside kissing servants
doing their duties as well as they can.
KENT
Sir, in good sooth, in sincere verity,
Under the allowance of your great aspect,
Whose influence, like the wreath of radiant fire
On flickering Phoebus' front,--
Sir, in good faith, with sincere truth,
with the permission of your noble face,
whose influence, like the ring of radiant fire
flickering around the sun–
CORNWALL
What mean'st by this?
What do you mean by this?
KENT
To go out of my dialect, which you
discommend so much. I know, sir, I am no
flatterer: he that beguiled you in a plain
accent was a plain knave; which for my part
I will not be, though I should win your displeasure
to entreat me to 't.
I'm changing my speech, which you
so disapproved of. I know, sir, that I am no
flatterer: when you have been tripped in a plain
accent you have been tricked by a plain knave;
I will not be such a person, even if you don't like it.
CORNWALL
What was the offence you gave him?
How did you offend him?
OSWALD
I never gave him any:
It pleased the king his master very late
To strike at me, upon his misconstruction;
When he, conjunct and flattering his displeasure,
Tripp'd me behind; being down, insulted, rail'd,
And put upon him such a deal of man,
That worthied him, got praises of the king
For him attempting who was self-subdued;
And, in the fleshment of this dread exploit,
Drew on me here again.
I didn't:
recently his master the King decided
to hit me, due to being misled by him;
when he, joining in and backing up his anger,
tripped me from behind; once I was down he insulted
and ranted at me, made out he was such a great man
to get himself honour, and got praise from the King
for attacking someone who was controlling himself;
and in his excitement at this foul deed
he decided to try it on with me again here.
KENT
None of these rogues and cowards
But Ajax is their fool.
There's not one of these rogues and cowards
who doesn't think he's a great warrior.
CORNWALL
Fetch forth the stocks!
You stubborn ancient knave, you reverend braggart,
We'll teach you--
Bring out the stocks!
You stubborn old knave, you old braggart,
we'll teach you–
KENT
Sir, I am too old to learn:
Call not your stocks for me: I serve the king;
On whose employment I was sent to you:
You shall do small respect, show too bold malice
Against the grace and person of my master,
Stocking his messenger.
Sir, I am too old to learn:
don't bring out your stocks for me: I serve the King;
I was sent to you on his orders:
you won't be showing any respect, you'll be attacking
the dignity and the person of my master
if you put me in the stocks.
CORNWALL
Fetch forth the stocks! As I have life and honour,
There shall he sit till noon.
Bring out the stocks! I swear on my life and honor
that he will sit there until noon.
REGAN
Till noon! till night, my lord; and all night too.
Till noon! Till night, my lord; and all night too.
KENT
Why, madam, if I were your father's dog,
You should not use me so.
Why, madam, you shouldn't treat me like this
if I was your father's dog.
REGAN
Sir, being his knave, I will.
Sir, as you are his knave, I will.
CORNWALL
This is a fellow of the self-same colour
Our sister speaks of. Come, bring away the stocks!
Stocks brought out
This looks like one of those fellows our sister
warned us about. Come on, bring the stocks!
GLOUCESTER
Let me beseech your grace not to do so:
His fault is much, and the good king his master
Will cheque him for 't: your purposed low correction
Is such as basest and contemned'st wretches
For pilferings and most common trespasses
Are punish'd with: the king must take it ill,
That he's so slightly valued in his messenger,
Should have him thus restrain'd.
Let me beg your Grace not to do this:
he is most in the wrong, and the good King, his master,
will make him pay for it: your intended punishment
is given to the lowest most hated wretches
for petty theft and other minor offences:
the King will certainly take offence
to see that his messenger gets so little respect
that he is locked up like this.
CORNWALL
I'll answer that.
I'll risk that.
REGAN
My sister may receive it much more worse,
To have her gentleman abused, assaulted,
For following her affairs. Put in his legs.
My sister would take it far worse
to see her gentleman had been abused and assaulted
when going about her business. Put in his legs.
KENT is put in the stocks
Come, my good lord, away.
Exeunt all but GLOUCESTER and KENT
Come on, my good lord, let's go
GLOUCESTER
I am sorry for thee, friend; 'tis the duke's pleasure,
Whose disposition, all the world well knows,
Will not be rubb'd nor stopp'd: I'll entreat for thee.
I am sorry for you my friend; this is the Duke's whim,
and all the world knows that once his mind is made up
he can't be stopped or changed: I'll put in a word for you.
KENT
Pray, do not, sir: I have watched and travell'd hard;
Some time I shall sleep out, the rest I'll whistle.
A good man's fortune may grow out at heels:
Give you good morrow!
Please don't, Sir: I have gone without sleep and have a hard journey;
I will get some sleep and the rest of the time whistle.
A good man can be down on his luck:
good day to you!
GLOUCESTER
The duke's to blame in this; 'twill be ill taken.
Exit
The Duke's to blame for this; this will not be well received.
KENT
Good king, that must approve the common saw,
Thou out of heaven's benediction comest
To the warm sun!
Approach, thou beacon to this under globe,
That by thy comfortable beams I may
Peruse this letter! Nothing almost sees miracles
But misery: I know 'tis from Cordelia,
Who hath most fortunately been inform'd
Of my obscured course; and shall find time
From this enormous state, seeking to give
Losses their remedies. All weary and o'erwatch'd,
Take vantage, heavy eyes, not to behold
This shameful lodgin
g.
Fortune, good night: smile once more: turn thy wheel!
Sleeps
Good King, you are proving the old proverb
jumping out of the frying pan
into the fire!
Come on, you lamp of the Earth,
so that I can use your handy sunbeams
to read this letter! When we are miserable
we love any relief: I know it's from Cordelia,
who very luckily has been told
about my secret plans; she will find the time
in this lawless state of affairs to make good
these losses. I'm tired, I've been up too long,
let my heavy eyelids fall so that I can't see
the shameful place I'm in.
Good night, Fortune: shine on me once again: spin the wheel!
Enter EDGAR
EDGAR
I heard myself proclaim'd;
And by the happy hollow of a tree
Escaped the hunt. No port is free; no place,
That guard, and most unusual vigilance,
Does not attend my taking. Whiles I may 'scape,
I will preserve myself: and am bethought
To take the basest and most poorest shape
That ever penury, in contempt of man,
Brought near to beast: my face I'll grime with filth;
Blanket my loins: elf all my hair in knots;
And with presented nakedness out-face