The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)

by William Shakespeare

Mercutio

  Simple life insurance? You’re simple-minded.

  The fee simple! O simple!

  Benvolio

  What now? Here comes the Capulets.

  By my head, here come the Capulets.

  Mercutio

  Let them. I don’t care.

  By my heel, I care not.

  (Enter Tybalt and others.)

  Tybalt

  Stay close, guys. I will speak to them. Gentlemen, good afternoon. May I have a word with one of you?

  Follow me close, for I will speak to them.--Gentlemen, good-den: a word with one of you.

  Mercutio

  Just one word with one of us? I think you would like to have a word and something else. Blow off.

  And but one word with one of us? Couple it with something; make it a word and a blow.

  Tybalt

  I could do that, if you give me a reason.

  You shall find me apt enough to that, sir, an you will give me occasion.

  Mercutio

  You can’t find a reason on your own?

  Could you not take some occasion without giving?

  Tybalt

  You are a friend of Romeo’s, right?

  Mercutio, thou consortest with Romeo,--

  Mercutio

  A friend! Do you think we are a band? If so, here is my drumstick (referring to his sword) and I can make you dance with it. Friends!

  Consort! what, dost thou make us minstrels? An thou make minstrels of us, look to hear nothing but discords: here's my fiddlestick; here's that shall make you dance. Zounds, consort!

  Benvolio

  Not here in public. There are too many eyes. Either we go somewhere private to hash this out, or just leave it alone.

  We talk here in the public haunt of men: Either withdraw unto some private place, And reason coldly of your grievances, Or else depart; here all eyes gaze on us.

  Mercutio

  I don’t care if we’re in public. Let people look. I am not going anywhere to please anyone.

  Men's eyes were made to look, and let them gaze; I will not budge for no man's pleasure, I.

  Tybalt

  I have no fight with you. Here comes my man.

  Well, peace be with you, sir.--Here comes my man.

  (Enter Romeo.)

  Mercutio

  I’ll be damned if he’s your man. Unless you run and he chases you, you can’t call him your man.

  But I'll be hanged, sir, if he wear your livery: Marry, go before to field, he'll be your follower; Your worship in that sense may call him man.

  Tybalt

  Romeo, I have a word for you. You are a villain.

  Romeo, the love I bear thee can afford No better term than this,--Thou art a villain.

  Romeo

  Tybalt, you have no reason to greet me that way. I love you and have no feelings of rage against you. I am no villain, so leave me alone. Things have changed. You don’t know me very well.

  Tybalt, the reason that I have to love thee Doth much excuse the appertaining rage To such a greeting. Villain am I none; Therefore farewell; I see thou know'st me not.

  Tybalt

  You may not have rage, but I do. There is no excuse for the way you have treated me. Now get ready to fight.

  Boy, this shall not excuse the injuries That thou hast done me; therefore turn and draw.

  Romeo

  I’m not fighting you. I would never hurt you. You should know that I have my reasons and they are filled with love. So, Capulet, a name I love like my own, just stop.

  I do protest I never injur'd thee; But love thee better than thou canst devise Till thou shalt know the reason of my love: And so good Capulet,--which name I tender As dearly as mine own,--be satisfied.

  Mercutio

  Oh Romeo, you wimp. You make me sick. (Draws sword.) Tybalt, you rat-catcher, are you just going to walk away?

  O calm, dishonourable, vile submission! Alla stoccata carries it away. [Draws.] Tybalt, you rat-catcher, will you walk?

  Tybalt

  What do you want?

  What wouldst thou have with me?

  Mercutio

  You, pussy! I just want one of your nine lives, or I might beat the other eight out of you. Draw your sword, or I am going to take one of your ears.

  Good king of cats, nothing but one of your nine lives; that I mean to make bold withal, and, as you shall use me hereafter, dry-beat the rest of the eight. Will you pluck your sword out of his pitcher by the ears? make haste, lest mine be about your ears ere it be out.

  Tybalt

  I’ll give you a fight if that’s what you want. (Draws his sword.)

  I am for you. [Drawing.]

  Romeo

  Mercutio, put your sword away.

  Gentle Mercutio, put thy rapier up.

  Mercutio

  Come on, sir. Give me your best shot.

  Come, sir, your passado.

  (They fight.)

  Romeo

  Help, Benvolio! Draw your sword! (Trying to break them up.) Gentlemen, this is crazy! Stop this outrage! The prince has forbidden fighting in the streets. Stop, Tybalt! Mercutio!

  Draw, Benvolio; beat down their weapons.-- Gentlemen, for shame! forbear this outrage!-- Tybalt,--Mercutio,--the prince expressly hath Forbid this bandying in Verona streets.-- Hold, Tybalt!--good Mercutio!--

  (Exit Tybalt and others.)

  Mercutio

  I am hurt. Curse both of you. I am dying. Did Tybalt walk away uninjured?

  I am hurt;-- A plague o' both your houses!--I am sped.-- Is he gone, and hath nothing?

  Benvolio

  Are you hurt?

  What, art thou hurt?

  Mercutio

  A scratch, only a scratch, but it is enough. Where is my boy? (To the page.) Go, fool, get me a doctor.

  Ay, ay, a scratch, a scratch; marry, 'tis enough.-- Where is my page?--go, villain, fetch a surgeon.

  (Exit Page.)

  Romeo

  Be brave. You can’t be hurt that bad.

  Courage, man; the hurt cannot be much.

  Mercutio

  It’s not quite as deep as a well or wide as a church door, but it is enough. If you ask for me tomorrow, I will be in my grave. I am dying. Curse the Montagues and the Capulets. I can’t believe that dog, that rat, that mouse, that cat could scratch me to death. He learned his swordsmanship from a book. Why did you try to stop us? This is your fault.

  No, 'tis not so deep as a well, nor so wide as a church door; but 'tis enough, 'twill serve: ask for me to-morrow, and you shall find me a grave man. I am peppered, I warrant, for this world.--A plague o' both your houses!--Zounds, a dog, a rat, a mouse, a cat, to scratch a man to death! a braggart, a rogue, a villain, that fights by the book of arithmetic!--Why the devil came you between us? I was hurt under your arm.

  Romeo

  I didn’t want you to get hurt.

  I thought all for the best.

  Mercutio

  Help me into a house, Benvolio. I feel faint. Curse you, Romeo, and Tybalt, too. You have made worms’ food out of me.

  Help me into some house, Benvolio, Or I shall faint.--A plague o' both your houses! They have made worms' meat of me: I have it, and soundly too.--Your houses!

  (Exit Mercutio and Benvolio.)

  Romeo

  Mercutio, the prince’s relative and my friend, has been killed because of me. He was trying to protect me from Tybalt, who has been my cousin for only an hour. Oh Juliet, your beauty has made me soft where I once was hard as steel.

  This gentleman, the prince's near ally, My very friend, hath got his mortal hurt In my behalf; my reputation stain'd With Tybalt's slander,--Tybalt, that an hour Hath been my kinsman.--O sweet Juliet, Thy beauty hath made me effeminate And in my temper soften'd valour's steel.

  (Enter Benvolio.)

  Benvolio

  Romeo, Romeo. Brave Mercutio is dead. His courageous spirit has ascended into the clouds. He was too young to die.

  O Romeo, Romeo, brave
Mercutio's dead! That gallant spirit hath aspir'd the clouds, Which too untimely here did scorn the earth.

  Romeo

  This black day is only the beginning. Today is the start of new trouble and the end is ahead.

  This day's black fate on more days doth depend; This but begins the woe others must end.

  Benvolio

  Here comes Tybalt, again.

  Here comes the furious Tybalt back again.

  Romeo

  Have you come to gloat in triumph? Mercutio is dead! You belong in heaven and I aim to put you there. Call me a villain, again. Mercutio is waiting for you or me or both of us.

  Alive in triumph! and Mercutio slain! Away to heaven respective lenity, And fire-ey'd fury be my conduct now!-- Now, Tybalt, take the 'villain' back again That late thou gavest me; for Mercutio's soul Is but a little way above our heads, Staying for thine to keep him company. Either thou or I, or both, must go with him.

  Tybalt

  You wretched boy. You will be with him soon.

  Thou, wretched boy, that didst consort him here, Shalt with him hence.

  Romeo

  We’ll see about that.

  This shall determine that.

  (They fight.)

  Benvolio

  Get out of here, Romeo! You have killed Tybalt and people are coming. Shake out of it. The prince will execute you if he finds you. Get out of here!

  Romeo, away, be gone! The citizens are up, and Tybalt slain.-- Stand not amaz'd. The prince will doom thee death If thou art taken. Hence, be gone, away!

  Romeo

  I am the biggest fool. My future is over!

  O, I am fortune's fool!

  Benvolio

  Why are you still here?

  Why dost thou stay?

  (Exit Romeo.)

  (Enter Citizens.)

  Citizens

  Which way did Mercutio’s murderer go? Which way did Tybalt go?

  1 Citizen. Which way ran he that kill'd Mercutio? Tybalt, that murderer, which way ran he?

  Benvolio

  Tybalt is lying over there.

  There lies that Tybalt.

  Citizens

  Get up, sir, and go with me. In the name of the Prince, I command you to obey my orders.

  Up, sir, go with me; I charge thee in the prince's name obey.

  (Enter Prince, Montague, Capulet, their wives, and others.)

  Prince

  Where are the villains who started all of this?

  Where are the vile beginners of this fray?

  Benvolio

  I can tell you everyone who was involved. There lays the man killed by Romeo, who killed his friend, Mercutio.

  O noble prince. I can discover all The unlucky manage of this fatal brawl: There lies the man, slain by young Romeo, That slew thy kinsman, brave Mercutio.

  Lady Capulet

  My cousin, Tybalt? Oh no, my brother’s child! Oh, Prince! Husband! Oh, my poor cousin is dead! Prince, you must avenge his death with the death of a Montague. Oh, cousin, cousin!

  Tybalt, my cousin! O my brother's child!-- O prince!--O husband!--O, the blood is spill'd Of my dear kinsman!--Prince, as thou art true, For blood of ours shed blood of Montague.-- O cousin, cousin!

  Prince

  Benvolio, who started all of this?

  Benvolio, who began this bloody fray?

  Benvolio

  Tybalt started it. Romeo tried to speak with him and calm him down. He got down on his knees to try and reason with him, but Tybalt would not let up. Romeo tried to break them up, but Tybalt got around him and stabbed Mercutio. Then, he ran. When Tybalt came back, Romeo was so angry he killed him. I tried to stop them, but it all happened so fast. Then, Romeo fled. This is the truth. I swear it on my life.

  Tybalt, here slain, whom Romeo's hand did slay; Romeo, that spoke him fair, bid him bethink How nice the quarrel was, and urg'd withal Your high displeasure.--All this,--uttered With gentle breath, calm look, knees humbly bow'd,-- Could not take truce with the unruly spleen Of Tybalt, deaf to peace, but that he tilts With piercing steel at bold Mercutio's breast; Who, all as hot, turns deadly point to point, And, with a martial scorn, with one hand beats Cold death aside, and with the other sends It back to Tybalt, whose dexterity Retorts it: Romeo he cries aloud, 'Hold, friends! friends, part!' and swifter than his tongue, His agile arm beats down their fatal points, And 'twixt them rushes; underneath whose arm An envious thrust from Tybalt hit the life Of stout Mercutio, and then Tybalt fled: But by-and-by comes back to Romeo, Who had but newly entertain'd revenge, And to't they go like lightning; for, ere I Could draw to part them was stout Tybalt slain; And as he fell did Romeo turn and fly. This is the truth, or let Benvolio die.

  Lady Capulet

  He is lying. He is related to the Montagues. It would take at least twenty of them to take Tybalt down. Now, I beg for justice, Prince. Romeo killed Tybalt, so he must not live.

  Lady Capulet. He is a kinsman to the Montague, Affection makes him false, he speaks not true: Some twenty of them fought in this black strife, And all those twenty could but kill one life. I beg for justice, which thou, prince, must give; Romeo slew Tybalt, Romeo must not live.

  Prince

  Romeo killed Tybalt, who killed Mercutio. So, who will you have me kill, next?

  Romeo slew him; he slew Mercutio: Who now the price of his dear blood doth owe?

  Montague

  Not Romeo, Prince. He was Mercutio’s friend. He was only following the law, an eye for an eye.

  Not Romeo, prince; he was Mercutio's friend; His fault concludes but what the law should end, The life of Tybalt.

  Prince

  And for that, we will exile him. Remember, Mercutio was my relative, too, and I will heap fines so heavy upon both of you that you will wish this feud had never begun. I will not listen to any more of your pleading and excuses, or your tears and prayers. Therefore, Romeo may live in exile. If he is found, he will be executed. Take away this body and listen to what I say. Showing mercy to murderers only means more bloodshed.

  And for that offence Immediately we do exile him hence: I have an interest in your hate's proceeding, My blood for your rude brawls doth lie a-bleeding; But I'll amerce you with so strong a fine That you shall all repent the loss of mine: I will be deaf to pleading and excuses; Nor tears nor prayers shall purchase out abuses, Therefore use none: let Romeo hence in haste, Else, when he is found, that hour is his last. Bear hence this body, and attend our will: Mercy but murders, pardoning those that kill.

  (Exit all.)

  Scene II:

  A room in Capulet’s house.

  (Enter Juliet.)

  Juliet

  Hurry up sun and set already. Come on cloudy night, bring my love to me. They say love is blind, and so what a perfect time for lovers to be together. Come on black night, so I may give myself to Romeo. Come on night. Come on Romeo. You brighten the night like freshly fallen snow on the wings of a raven. Come on night, gentle, loving night. Bring me my Romeo and when he dies, turn him into stars to decorate the face of heaven. Then, everyone will be in love with night, and forget about the sun. Even though I am married, I have not performed my wifely duties. I have not enjoyed my husband. I feel like a child, with new clothes on the night before a festival, unable to wear them. Here comes my nurse. I bet she has news. Everyone who says the name, Romeo, sounds angelic. (Enter Nurse.) What news do you have, Nurse? Is that the rope ladder for Romeo?

  Gallop apace, you fiery-footed steeds, Towards Phoebus' lodging; such a waggoner As Phaeton would whip you to the west And bring in cloudy night immediately.-- Spread thy close curtain, love-performing night! That rude eyes may wink, and Romeo Leap to these arms, untalk'd of and unseen.-- Lovers can see to do their amorous rites By their own beauties: or, if love be blind, It best agrees with night.--Come, civil night, Thou sober-suited matron, all in black, And learn me how to lose a winning match, Play'd for a pair of stainless maidenhoods: Hood my unmann'd blood, bating in my cheeks, With thy black man
tle; till strange love, grown bold, Think true love acted simple modesty. Come, night;--come, Romeo;--come, thou day in night; For thou wilt lie upon the wings of night Whiter than new snow upon a raven's back.-- Come, gentle night;--come, loving, black-brow'd night, Give me my Romeo; and, when he shall die, Take him and cut him out in little stars, And he will make the face of heaven so fine That all the world will be in love with night, And pay no worship to the garish sun.-- O, I have bought the mansion of a love, But not possess'd it; and, though I am sold, Not yet enjoy'd: so tedious is this day As is the night before some festival To an impatient child that hath new robes, And may not wear them. O, here comes my nurse, And she brings news; and every tongue that speaks But Romeo's name speaks heavenly eloquence.-- [Enter Nurse, with cords.] Now, nurse, what news? What hast thou there? the cords That Romeo bid thee fetch?

  Nurse

  Yes, this is the rope ladder.

  Ay, ay, the cords.

  (Throws it down.)

  Juliet

  Well, what is your news? Why do you look so worried?

  Ah me! what news? why dost thou wring thy hands?

  Nurse

  It has been a day! He’s dead. He’s dead. He’s dead! We are in big trouble, lady, big trouble. What an awful day—He’s gone, he’s killed, and he’s dead.

  Ah, well-a-day! he's dead, he's dead, he's dead! We are undone, lady, we are undone!-- Alack the day!--he's gone, he's kill'd, he's dead!

  Juliet

  Can heaven be so jealous?

  Can heaven be so envious?

  Nurse

  Romeo can be, but not heaven. Romeo, Romeo! Who would have ever thought him capable of such awfulness?

  Romeo can, Though heaven cannot.--O Romeo, Romeo!-- Who ever would have thought it?--Romeo!

  Juliet

  Stop talking like that! It is torture. Has Romeo killed himself? If you say, yes, then I will poison myself. If he is dead, say yes or no. Hurry, and end my worries and decide my fate.

  What devil art thou, that dost torment me thus? This torture should be roar'd in dismal hell. Hath Romeo slain himself? say thou but I, And that bare vowel I shall poison more Than the death-darting eye of cockatrice: I am not I if there be such an I; Or those eyes shut that make thee answer I. If he be slain, say I; or if not, no: Brief sounds determine of my weal or woe.