The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)

by William Shakespeare

  they cut your sister's tongue out, and raped her,

  and cut her hands off, pruning her as you saw.

  LUCIUS.

  O detestable villain! Call'st thou that trimming?

  You horrible villain!You call that pruning?

  AARON.

  Why, she was wash'd, and cut, and trimm'd, and 'twas

  Trim sport for them which had the doing of it.

  Well, she was, washed, cut and pruned, and it was

  good fun for the ones who did it.

  LUCIUS.

  O barbarous beastly villains like thyself!

  Barbarous beastly villains like you!

  AARON.

  Indeed, I was their tutor to instruct them.

  That codding spirit had they from their mother,

  As sure a card as ever won the set;

  That bloody mind, I think, they learn'd of me,

  As true a dog as ever fought at head.

  Well, let my deeds be witness of my worth.

  I train'd thy brethren to that guileful hole

  Where the dead corpse of Bassianus lay;

  I wrote the letter that thy father found,

  And hid the gold within that letter mention'd,

  Confederate with the Queen and her two sons;

  And what not done, that thou hast cause to rue,

  Wherein I had no stroke of mischief in it?

  I play'd the cheater for thy father's hand,

  And, when I had it, drew myself apart

  And almost broke my heart with extreme laughter.

  I pried me through the crevice of a wall,

  When, for his hand, he had his two sons' heads;

  Beheld his tears, and laugh'd so heartily

  That both mine eyes were rainy like to his;

  And when I told the Empress of this sport,

  She swooned almost at my pleasing tale,

  And for my tidings gave me twenty kisses.

  That's right, I was the one who taught them.

  They got their lecherous spirit from their mother,

  she guaranteed they would be like that;

  their murderousness they learned from me, I think,

  as good a dog as ever attacked head on.

  Well, let my deeds show what I'm worth.

  I enticed your brothers to that evil pit

  where the dead corpse of Bassanius lay;

  I wrote the letter which your father found,

  and hid the gold that was mentioned in that letter,

  as part of a plot with the Queen and her two sons;

  is there anything which has caused you pain

  which I didn't have a wicked hand in?

  I played the trick which won your father's hand,

  and, when I won it, I drew aside

  and almost burst my heart laughing.

  I spied through a crack in a wall

  when he got his two sons' heads in exchange;

  I saw his tears and laughed so much

  that both my eyes were full of tears like his;

  and when I told the empress of this fun,

  she almost fainted with pleasure at the story,

  and gave me twenty kisses for the news.

  GOTH.

  What, canst thou say all this and never blush?

  What, can you say all this and not blush?

  AARON.

  Ay, like a black dog, as the saying is.

  Yes, like a black dog, as the saying has it.

  LUCIUS.

  Art thou not sorry for these heinous deeds?

  Aren't you sorry for the bad things you've done?

  AARON.

  Ay, that I had not done a thousand more.

  Even now I curse the day- and yet, I think,

  Few come within the compass of my curse-

  Wherein I did not some notorious ill;

  As kill a man, or else devise his death;

  Ravish a maid, or plot the way to do it;

  Accuse some innocent, and forswear myself;

  Set deadly enmity between two friends;

  Make poor men's cattle break their necks;

  Set fire on barns and hay-stacks in the night,

  And bid the owners quench them with their tears.

  Oft have I digg'd up dead men from their graves,

  And set them upright at their dear friends' door

  Even when their sorrows almost was forgot,

  And on their skins, as on the bark of trees,

  Have with my knife carved in Roman letters

  'Let not your sorrow die, though I am dead.'

  Tut, I have done a thousand dreadful things

  As willingly as one would kill a fly;

  And nothing grieves me heartily indeed

  But that I cannot do ten thousand more.

  Yes, I'm sorry I hadn't done a thousand things more.

  Even now I curse any day - although I think

  that there were very few I had to curse -

  when I didn't do some terrible wrong;

  like killing a man, or plotting his death;

  raping a girl, or planning how to do it;

  accusing some innocent person, and perjuring myself;

  starting a deadly quarrel between two friends;

  making poor men's cattle break their necks;

  setting barns and haystacks on fire at night,

  and telling the owners to put the fire out with their tears.

  I've often dug dead men up from their graves,

  and stood them up at their dear family's door

  when they had almost got over their loss,

  and on their skins, like on the bark of trees,

  I've carved, in Roman script, with my knife,

  "Don't let your sorrow die, even though I'm dead."

  Tcha, I have done a thousand dreadful things,

  as easily as one would kill a fly;

  nothing makes me so sad

  that I can't do another thousand.

  LUCIUS.

  Bring down the devil, for he must not die

  So sweet a death as hanging presently.

  Bring the devil down, for he must not die

  such an easy death as instant hanging.

  AARON.

  If there be devils, would I were a devil,

  To live and burn in everlasting fire,

  So I might have your company in hell

  But to torment you with my bitter tongue!

  If there are devils, I wish I was a devil,

  to live and burn in eternal flames,

  so I could have you with me in hell,

  just to torture you with my bitter tongue!

  LUCIUS.

  Sirs, stop his mouth, and let him speak no more.

  Enter AEMILIUS

  Sirs, gag him, don't let him say anything else.

  GOTH.

  My lord, there is a messenger from Rome

  Desires to be admitted to your presence.

  My lord, there is a messenger from Rome

  who wants to be let in to see you.

  LUCIUS.

  Let him come near.

  Welcome, Aemilius. What's the news from Rome?

  Let him in.

  Welcome Aemilius.What's the news from Rome?

  AEMILIUS.

  Lord Lucius, and you Princes of the Goths,

  The Roman Emperor greets you all by me;

  And, for he understands you are in arms,

  He craves a parley at your father's house,

  Willing you to demand your hostages,

  And they shall be immediately deliver'd.

  Lord Lucius, and you Princes of the Goths,

  the Roman Emperor sends you all greetings through me;

  and, as he knows you have gathered an army,

  he wants a meeting at your father's house,

  telling you to say what hostages you want,

  and they shall be given to you at once.

  FIRST GOTH.

  What says our general?


  What does our general say?

  LUCIUS.

  Aemilius, let the Emperor give his pledges

  Unto my father and my uncle Marcus

  And we will come. March away.

  Exeunt

  Aemilius, let the Emperor give his guarantees

  to my father and my uncle Marcus

  and we will come.March away.

  Enter TAMORA, and her two sons, DEMETRIUS and CHIRON, disguised

  TAMORA.

  Thus, in this strange and sad habiliment,

  I will encounter with Andronicus,

  And say I am Revenge, sent from below

  To join with him and right his heinous wrongs.

  Knock at his study, where they say he keeps

  To ruminate strange plots of dire revenge;

  Tell him Revenge is come to join with him,

  And work confusion on his enemies.

  They knock and TITUS opens his study door, above

  So, in this unusual and dark clothing,

  I will meet Andronicus,

  and say I am Revenge, sent from below

  to join him and right his terrible wrongs.

  Knock on his study door, where they say he sits

  brooding over strange plots of terrible revenge;

  tell him Revenge has come to join him,

  and wreak havoc on his enemies.

  TITUS.

  Who doth molest my contemplation?

  Is it your trick to make me ope the door,

  That so my sad decrees may fly away

  And all my study be to no effect?

  You are deceiv'd; for what I mean to do

  See here in bloody lines I have set down;

  And what is written shall be executed.

  Who's disturbing my meditations?

  Is this a trick to make me open the door,

  so that my sad plans can be blown away,

  and all my work be useless?

  You are mistaken; I have written down

  the bloody deeds I shall do,

  and what is written down shall be done.

  TAMORA.

  Titus, I am come to talk with thee.

  Titus, I have come to talk to you.

  TITUS.

  No, not a word. How can I grace my talk,

  Wanting a hand to give it that accord?

  Thou hast the odds of me; therefore no more.

  No, not a word.What's the point in talking,

  when I haven't got a hand to put whatever I say into practice?

  You have more hands to do things than I have; so that's an end of it.

  TAMORA.

  If thou didst know me, thou wouldst talk with me.

  If you knew who I was, you would talk to me.

  TITUS.

  I am not mad, I know thee well enough:

  Witness this wretched stump, witness these crimson lines;

  Witness these trenches made by grief and care;

  Witness the tiring day and heavy night;

  Witness all sorrow that I know thee well

  For our proud Empress, mighty Tamora.

  Is not thy coming for my other hand?

  I am not mad, I know you perfectly well:

  look at this wretched stump, look at these scars;

  look at these lines scored by grief and care;

  look at how tiring my days are, how heavy my nights;

  see all the sorrows which say I know that you are

  our proud Empress, mighty Tamora.

  You haven't come for my other hand?

  TAMORA.

  Know thou, sad man, I am not Tamora:

  She is thy enemy and I thy friend.

  I am Revenge, sent from th' infernal kingdom

  To ease the gnawing vulture of thy mind

  By working wreakful vengeance on thy foes.

  Come down and welcome me to this world's light;

  Confer with me of murder and of death;

  There's not a hollow cave or lurking-place,

  No vast obscurity or misty vale,

  Where bloody murder or detested rape

  Can couch for fear but I will find them out;

  And in their ears tell them my dreadful name-

  Revenge, which makes the foul offender quake.

  You should know, sad man, I am not Tamora:

  she is your enemy and I am your friend.

  I am Revenge, sent from hell

  to stop the anguish that's eating away at you

  by wreaking vengeance on your enemies.

  Come down and welcome me to your world;

  speak to me about murder and death;

  there's no cave or hiding place,

  no great unknown plain or misty valley,

  where bloody murder or horrible rape

  can hide without being afraid that I'll find it out.

  and whisper in their ears my dreadful name-

  Revenge, which makes the foul criminal tremble.

  TITUS.

  Art thou Revenge? and art thou sent to me

  To be a torment to mine enemies?

  Are you revenge?And have you been sent to me

  to torture my enemies?

  TAMORA.

  I am; therefore come down and welcome me.

  I am, so come down and welcome me.

  TITUS.

  Do me some service ere I come to thee.

  Lo, by thy side where Rape and Murder stands;

  Now give some surance that thou art Revenge-

  Stab them, or tear them on thy chariot wheels;

  And then I'll come and be thy waggoner

  And whirl along with thee about the globes.

  Provide thee two proper palfreys, black as jet,

  To hale thy vengeful waggon swift away,

  And find out murderers in their guilty caves;

  And when thy car is loaden with their heads,

  I will dismount, and by thy waggon wheel

  Trot, like a servile footman, all day long,

  Even from Hyperion's rising in the east

  Until his very downfall in the sea.

  And day by day I'll do this heavy task,

  So thou destroy Rapine and Murder there.

  Do something for me before I join you.

  See where Rape and Murder are standing at your side;

  now give me some proof that you are Revenge -

  stab them, or pull them to pieces with your chariot wheels;

  and then I'll come and be your driver

  and fly among the stars with you.

  Provide two good horses, black as night,

  to pull your vengeful wagon at great speed

  and find the murderers in their guilty hideouts;

  and when your carriage is loaded with their heads

  I will get down and trot along by the side

  of your carriage like a servile footman all day long,

  from the moment the sun rises in the east

  until he sets in the sea.

  I'll do this onerous task every day,

  as long as you destroy Rape and Murder, who are standing there.

  TAMORA.

  These are my ministers, and come with me.

  These are my ministers, and they have come with me.

  TITUS.

  Are they thy ministers? What are they call'd?

  They are your ministers?What are they called?

  TAMORA.

  Rape and Murder; therefore called so

  'Cause they take vengeance of such kind of men.

  Rape and murder; they are called that

  because that's the type of revenge they take on mankind.

  TITUS.

  Good Lord, how like the Empress' sons they are!

  And you the Empress! But we worldly men

  Have miserable, mad, mistaking eyes.

  O sweet Revenge, now do I come to thee;

  And, if one arm's embracement will content thee,

  I will embrace thee in it by and by.
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  Good lord, how similar they are to the Empress' sons!

  And you to the Empress!But we earthly men,

  have weak, mad, error-prone eyes.

  Oh sweet Revenge, I'm coming to you;

  and if being embraced by one arm is enough for you

  I will embrace you with it shortly.

  TAMORA.

  This closing with him fits his lunacy.

  Whate'er I forge to feed his brain-sick humours,

  Do you uphold and maintain in your speeches,

  For now he firmly takes me for Revenge;

  And, being credulous in this mad thought,

  I'll make him send for Lucius his son,

  And whilst I at a banquet hold him sure,

  I'll find some cunning practice out of hand

  To scatter and disperse the giddy Goths,

  Or, at the least, make them his enemies.

  See, here he comes, and I must ply my theme.

  Enter TITUS, below

  This agreement with him shows he is mad.

  Whatever I make up to feed his madness,

  you play along with it in what you say,

  because he now really thinks I am Revenge;

  now he's convinced by this mad idea,

  I'll make him send for his son Lucius,

  and whilst I keep him, convinced, at a banquet,

  I'll improvise some cunning plan

  to scatter and disperse the volatile Goths.

  Or, at least, make them his enemies.

  See, here he comes, and I must carry on my deceit.

  TITUS.

  Long have I been forlorn, and all for thee.

  Welcome, dread Fury, to my woeful house.

  Rapine and Murder, you are welcome too.

  How like the Empress and her sons you are!

  Well are you fitted, had you but a Moor.

  Could not all hell afford you such a devil?

  For well I wot the Empress never wags

  But in her company there is a Moor;

  And, would you represent our queen aright,

  It were convenient you had such a devil.