The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated)

by William Shakespeare

  But welcome as you are. What shall we do?

  I have been alone for a long time, waiting for you.

  Welcome, terrible Goddess, to my sad house.

  Rape and Murder, you are welcome too.

  How like the Empress and her sons you are!

  You'd be identical, if you just had a Moor with you.

  Couldn't the whole of hell give you such a devil?

  For I know very well the Empress never goes

  anywhere without her Moor with her;

  if you wanted to give a true imitation of our queen,

  you ought to have such a devil with you.

  But you are welcome as you are.What shall we do?

  TAMORA.

  What wouldst thou have us do, Andronicus?

  What do you want us to do,Andronicus?

  DEMETRIUS.

  Show me a murderer, I'll deal with him.

  Show me a murderer, I'll deal with him.

  CHIRON.

  Show me a villain that hath done a rape,

  And I am sent to be reveng'd on him.

  Show me a villain who has committed rape,

  I am here to take revenge on him.

  TAMORA.

  Show me a thousand that hath done thee wrong,

  And I will be revenged on them all.

  Show me a thousand who have done you wrong,

  and I will take revenge on all of them.

  TITUS.

  Look round about the wicked streets of Rome,

  And when thou find'st a man that's like thyself,

  Good Murder, stab him; he's a murderer.

  Go thou with him, and when it is thy hap

  To find another that is like to thee,

  Good Rapine, stab him; he is a ravisher.

  Go thou with them; and in the Emperor's court

  There is a queen, attended by a Moor;

  Well shalt thou know her by thine own proportion,

  For up and down she doth resemble thee.

  I pray thee, do on them some violent death;

  They have been violent to me and mine.

  Look around the streets wicked streets of Rome,

  and, good Murder, when you find a man that looks like you,

  stab him; he's a murderer.

  Go with him good Rape, and when you have the luck

  to find another who looks like you,

  stab him; he's a rapist.

  You go with them; in the Emperor's court

  there's a queen, with a Moor waiting on her;

  you'll know her through her resemblance to you

  which is exact.

  Please, make them suffer some violent death;

  they have done violence to me and my family.

  TAMORA.

  Well hast thou lesson'd us; this shall we do.

  But would it please thee, good Andronicus,

  To send for Lucius, thy thrice-valiant son,

  Who leads towards Rome a band of warlike Goths,

  And bid him come and banquet at thy house;

  When he is here, even at thy solemn feast,

  I will bring in the Empress and her sons,

  The Emperor himself, and all thy foes;

  And at thy mercy shall they stoop and kneel,

  And on them shalt thou ease thy angry heart.

  What says Andronicus to this device?

  You have given us clear instructions; we shall do this.

  But how would you feel, good Andronicus,

  about sending for Lucius, your triply valiant son,

  who is leading a band of warlike Goths towards Rome,

  and asking him to come to a banquet at your house;

  when he is here, in the middle of your dignified feast,

  I will bring in the Empress and her sons,

  the Emperor himself and all your enemies;

  they shall bow and scrape to ask you for mercy,

  and you shall take out your anger on them.

  What does Andronicus say to this plan?

  TITUS.

  Marcus, my brother! 'Tis sad Titus calls.

  Enter MARCUS

  Go, gentle Marcus, to thy nephew Lucius;

  Thou shalt inquire him out among the Goths.

  Bid him repair to me, and bring with him

  Some of the chiefest princes of the Goths;

  Bid him encamp his soldiers where they are.

  Tell him the Emperor and the Empress too

  Feast at my house, and he shall feast with them.

  This do thou for my love; and so let him,

  As he regards his aged father's life.

  Marcus, my brother!Sad Titus is calling you.

  Go, gentle Marcus, to your nephew Lucius;

  you shall seek him out amongst the Goths.

  Tell him to come to me, and bring with him

  some of the greatest princes of the Goths;

  tell him to leave his soldiers camped where they are.

  Tell him that the Emperor and the Empress too

  are eating at my house, and he shall eat with them.

  Do this out of love for me, and tell him to do it for the same reason,

  out of respect for his elderly father.

  MARCUS.

  This will I do, and soon return again.

  Exit

  I'll do this, and be back soon.

  TAMORA.

  Now will I hence about thy business,

  And take my ministers along with me.

  Now I'll go about my business,

  and take my ministers along with me.

  TITUS.

  Nay, nay, let Rape and Murder stay with me,

  Or else I'll call my brother back again,

  And cleave to no revenge but Lucius.

  No, no, let Rape and Murder stay with me,

  otherwise I'll call my brother back,

  and let Lucius be the one who takes revenge for me.

  TAMORA. [Aside to her sons]

  What say you, boys? Will you

  abide

  with him,

  Whiles I go tell my lord the Emperor

  How I have govern'd our determin'd jest?

  Yield to his humour, smooth and speak him fair,

  And tarry with him till I turn again.

  What do you say, boys?Will you stay with him

  whilst I go to tell my lord the Emperor

  how I have carried out our plans?

  Play along with his madness, calm him and speak sweetly,

  and keep him occupied until I come back.

  TITUS. [Aside]

  I knew them all, though they suppos'd me mad,

  And will o'er reach them in their own devices,

  A pair of cursed hell-hounds and their dam.

  I knew who they were, though they thought I was mad,

  and I'll beat them at their own game,

  a pair of cursed hellhounds and their mother.

  DEMETRIUS.

  Madam, depart at pleasure; leave us here.

  Madam, leave when you wish; we'll stay here.

  TAMORA.

  Farewell, Andronicus, Revenge now goes

  To lay a complot to betray thy foes.

  Farewell,Andronicus, Revenge is now going

  to start a plot to bring down your enemies.

  TITUS.

  I know thou dost; and, sweet Revenge, farewell.

  Exit TAMORA

  I know you are, and farewell to you, sweet Revenge.

  CHIRON.

  Tell us, old man, how shall we be employ'd?

  Tell us, old man, what do you what us to do?

  TITUS.

  Tut, I have work enough for you to do.

  Publius, come hither, Caius, and Valentine.

  Enter PUBLIUS, CAIUS, and VALENTINE

  Come, I have enough work for you to do.

  Publius, come here, Caius and Valentine.

  PUBLIUS.

  What is your will?

  What do you wish?

  TITUS.
/>   Know you these two?

  Do you know these two?

  PUBLIUS.

  The Empress' sons, I take them: Chiron, Demetrius.

  They're the Empress' sons, I see; Chiron and Demetrius.

  TITUS.

  Fie, Publius, fie! thou art too much deceiv'd.

  The one is Murder, and Rape is the other's name;

  And therefore bind them, gentle Publius-

  Caius and Valentine, lay hands on them.

  Oft have you heard me wish for such an hour,

  And now I find it; therefore bind them sure,

  And stop their mouths if they begin to cry.

  Exit

  [They lay hold on CHIRON and DEMETRIUS]

  Don't be stupid, Publius!You have been tricked.

  One is Murder and the other is called Rape;

  so tie them up, gentle Publius-

  Caius and Valentine, grab hold of them.

  You've often heard me say I'd like this chance,

  and now I have it; so tie them tight,

  and gag them if they try to shout.

  CHIRON.

  Villains, forbear! we are the Empress' sons.

  Villains, give over!We are the Empress' sons.

  PUBLIUS.

  And therefore do we what we are commanded.

  Stop close their mouths, let them not speak a word.

  Is he sure bound? Look that you bind them fast.

  Re-enter TITUS ANDRONICUS

  with a knife, and LAVINIA, with a basin

  And so we'll do what we were told.

  Gag them tightly, don't let them say a word.

  Is he well tied?Make sure the knots are fast.

  TITUS.

  Come, come, Lavinia; look, thy foes are bound.

  Sirs, stop their mouths, let them not speak to me;

  But let them hear what fearful words I utter.

  O villains, Chiron and Demetrius!

  Here stands the spring whom you have stain'd with mud;

  This goodly summer with your winter mix'd.

  You kill'd her husband; and for that vile fault

  Two of her brothers were condemn'd to death,

  My hand cut off and made a merry jest;

  Both her sweet hands, her tongue, and that more dear

  Than hands or tongue, her spotless chastity,

  Inhuman traitors, you constrain'd and forc'd.

  What would you say, if I should let you speak?

  Villains, for shame you could not beg for grace.

  Hark, wretches! how I mean to martyr you.

  This one hand yet is left to cut your throats,

  Whiles that Lavinia 'tween her stumps doth hold

  The basin that receives your guilty blood.

  You know your mother means to feast with me,

  And calls herself Revenge, and thinks me mad.

  Hark, villains! I will grind your bones to dust,

  And with your blood and it I'll make a paste;

  And of the paste a coffin I will rear,

  And make two pasties of your shameful heads;

  And bid that strumpet, your unhallowed dam,

  Like to the earth, swallow her own increase.

  This is the feast that I have bid her to,

  And this the banquet she shall surfeit on;

  For worse than Philomel you us'd my daughter,

  And worse than Progne I will be reveng'd.

  And now prepare your throats. Lavinia, come,

  Receive the blood; and when that they are dead,

  Let me go grind their bones to powder small,

  And with this hateful liquor temper it;

  And in that paste let their vile heads be bak'd.

  Come, come, be every one officious

  To make this banquet, which I wish may prove

  More stern and bloody than the Centaurs' feast.

  [He cuts their throats]

  So.

  Now bring them in, for I will play the cook,

  And see them ready against their mother comes.

  Exeunt, bearing the dead bodies

  Come,come, Lavinia; look, your enemies are tied up.

  Sirs, gag them, don't let them speak to me;

  but let them hear the fearsome things I have to say.

  You villains, Chiron and Demetrius!

  here is the spring which you have polluted with mud;

  the sweet summer which you mixed with winter.

  You killed her husband, and for that evil crime

  two of her brothers were condemned to death,

  and my hand was cut of to mock me;

  you inhuman traitors held her down and stole

  both of her sweet hands, her tongue,

  and the thing more important to her

  than both, her unblemished chastity.

  What would you say, if I let you speak?

  Villains, you wouldn't have the nerve to beg for mercy.

  Listen, wretches!I'll tell you how I mean to kill you.

  I have this one hand left to cut your throats,

  while Lavinia holds the basin between her stumps

  which will collect your guilty blood.

  You know your mother intends to come to my feast,

  and calls herself Revenge, and thinks I am mad.

  Listen, villains!I will grind your bones into dust,

  and I'll mix it into a paste with your blood,

  and I'll make a piecrust of that paste,

  and make two pies out of your sinful heads;

  I'll ask that strumpet, your unholy mother,

  to swallow her own produce, she'll be your grave.

  This is the feast I have invited her to,

  and the banquet she shall be stuffed with;

  for you have treated my daughter worse than Philomel,

  and I will take a worse revenge than Progne.

  Now prepare your throats.Lavinia, come,

  collect the blood; and when they are dead,

  Let me go and grind their bones to fine powder

  and mix it with this foul liquid,

  and let their foul heads be baked in that paste.

  Come, come, let everyone get busy

  in arranging this banquet, which I hope will

  prove to be more stern and bloody than the Centaur's feast.

  It's done.

  Now bring them in, for I will be the cook,

  and have them prepared for their mother's arrival.

  Enter Lucius, MARCUS, and the GOTHS, with AARON prisoner, and his CHILD in the arms of an attendant

  LUCIUS.

  Uncle Marcus, since 'tis my father's mind

  That I repair to Rome, I am content.

  Uncle Marcus, as it's my father's wish

  that I return to Rome, I am happy to do so.

  FIRST GOTH.

  And ours with thine, befall what fortune will.

  And we're happy to go along with whatever you decide, whatever happens.

  LUCIUS.

  Good uncle, take you in this barbarous Moor,

  This ravenous tiger, this accursed devil;

  Let him receive no sust'nance, fetter him,

  Till he be brought unto the Empress' face

  For testimony of her foul proceedings.

  And see the ambush of our friends be strong;

  I fear the Emperor means no good to us.

  Good uncle, take this barbarous Moor into your custody,

  this ravenous tiger, this cursed devil;

  don't feed him, chain him,

  until he can be brought face to face with the Empress

  as a witness to her foul behaviour.

  Make sure our forces are strong;

  I fear the Emperor means to do us harm.

  AARON.

  Some devil whisper curses in my ear,

  And prompt me that my tongue may utter forth

  The venomous malice of my swelling heart!

  I'd like some devil to whisper curses in my ear,

&nbs
p; giving me inspiration to speak out

  the poisonous evil in my swollen heart!

  LUCIUS.

  Away, inhuman dog, unhallowed slave!

  Sirs, help our uncle to convey him in.

  Exeunt GOTHS with AARON. Flourish within

  The trumpets show the Emperor is at hand.

  Sound trumpets. Enter SATURNINUS and

  TAMORA, with AEMILIUS, TRIBUNES, SENATORS, and others

  Away with you, inhuman dog, unholy slave!

  Gentlemen, help my uncle take him away.

  The trumpets show the Emperor is nearby.

  SATURNINUS.

  What, hath the firmament more suns than one?

  What's this, is there more than one sun in the sky?

  LUCIUS.

  What boots it thee to call thyself a sun?

  What use is it to call yourself a sun?

  MARCUS.

  Rome's Emperor, and nephew, break the parle;

  These quarrels must be quietly debated.

  The feast is ready which the careful Titus

  Hath ordain'd to an honourable end,

  For peace, for love, for league, and good to Rome.

  Please you, therefore, draw nigh and take your places.

  Rome's emperor, and you my nephew, start the negotiations;

  these arguments must be debated peacefully.

  The feast is ready which the suffering Titus

  has ordered for honourable purposes,

  out of peace, love, alliance, and the good of Rome.

  So please, come in and sit down.

  SATURNINUS.

  Marcus, we will.

  [A table brought in. The company sit down]

  Trumpets sounding, enter TITUS

  like a cook, placing the dishes, and LAVINIA

  with a veil over her face; also YOUNG LUCIUS, and others

  Marcus, we will.

  TITUS.

  Welcome, my lord; welcome, dread Queen;