Finding Kate

by Pollitt, Julie

  Kate rose from the bed, wrapped her bathrobe around her, and walked into the kitchen. She poured a cup of black coffee into her mug, turned and went into the living room.

  If she couldn’t sleep she’d surf the web. She lifted the lid on her computer and squinted at the bright screen. Steam rose from the cup as Kate lifted it to her lips. A scratching at the front door startled her, and she spilled coffee on her robe.

  Silence permeated the room again. She walked to the large front window and peered out. Nothing. Again the scratching started. When she opened the front door, Kate looked down at Emma’s furry companion.

  “Max, how did you get out?” Kate bent over and scratched behind his ears. His tail wagged back and forth. “Will said he’d make sure you were fed. I don’t think he forgot about you.”

  Max walked past her to the large pink rug on the living room floor, plopped down, curled up, and closed his eyes.

  “I suppose I’ll let you stay here,” Kate said. Max lifted his head and turned to look at her. “I don’t think Will would mind. But when Emma gets home, you’re going back over there with her. Got it?”

  He sighed and closed his eyes.

  “At least someone will get some rest around here.” Kate felt a twinge of sympathy for the dog. She’d never really liked them. Taking care of her dog was the least she could do for Emma. Besides, the little furry creature was starting to grow on her.

  ***

  “Will, I’m sorry. But we need to get hospice involved,” the doctor said on the other end of the phone line.

  “Are you sure? She looked so good in the hospital. Eating and moving around a bit.” Will shuffled the papers sitting in a pile on his desk. He’d only been gone a couple of days from work, but the paperwork mounted fast.

  “I know it’s hard to understand, but she’s not getting any better. We can’t do any more for her. The scan showed the tumors growing larger in size.”

  Will knew the facts. He just didn’t want to accept them. “There’s not any type of chemo she can take or surgery to remove them?” He stared out the window of his office already guessing the answer.

  “Will, we’ve been over this.” He paused. “I’m sorry. You know I am. I wish I could do something more for her. I’ve known her all my life, too. I don’t want to see her go, but there’s nothing we can do for her.”

  “What’s the next step?” He didn’t want to ask the question. The minute the words left his mouth, he felt as though he’d given up.

  “I’ll get a hold of hospice. A nurse will contact you and make the arrangements.”

  “When can I pick her up?” Emma was weak, but she needed to be at home where she would remain comfortable. Until…he couldn’t even say the word in his mind.

  Chapter Twelve

  “Her memory will continue to worsen just like her headaches,” Karen the hospice nurse said, sitting across the kitchen table from Will. “I’m glad you brought her home. Being in her own surroundings will help her state of mind.” She’d brought pain medication to the initial meeting and now slid it over to him. “This will help.”

  He took the container from her hand and walked it to the cabinet above the refrigerator, out of Emma’s reach. He didn’t want her to get to the medicine in a confused state.

  “Are you planning on staying here?” She picked up her pen and wrote in her spiral folder.

  “I brought some things over. I’ll be here most of the time. My cousin plans to come over when I’m working.” Will sat back down at the table and placed his head in his hands.

  “It’s never easy,” she said.

  “Emma’s amazing.” He lifted his head and looked out the kitchen window. “She handles everything with such dignity and grace. My own mother became bitter at times when she battled cancer. But, not Emma.”

  “I’ve noticed she has a strong faith,” Karen said.

  “It’s more than that.” He crossed his arms and leaned against the back of his chair. “I don’t think I could ever have that kind of faith. Not like hers.”

  “It will get her through this,” Karen said.

  “Why isn’t she angry with God?” Will stood up and walked to the kitchen counter.

  “Have you ever thought of asking her?”

  “No.” Will shook his head from side to side. “When she found out this was terminal and that it wouldn’t be long at all, she cried. I thought she was crying because her life would be over. She turned to me and said, ‘I’m excited to see what task God will have for me when I get to heaven.’” He lifted his hands in the air in disbelief.

  “I saw the scan of her brain. It’s a wonder she is still walking and talking. Sometimes people hold on long enough for a loved one to understand something in their own life. I’ve seen it many times. She may be holding on until you understand.”

  “I don’t think I ever will.”

  ***

  “I haven’t seen Kate in a few days,” Emma said, pulling a blanket over her frail body.

  “I’m sure she stays busy with work,” Will said. “Besides, she doesn’t know us very well.” Will slid a wooden TV tray in front of her and walked to the kitchen, returning with a plateful of food.

  “She’ll fit in just fine here.” Emma put a small bite of mashed potatoes into her mouth.

  “Kate’s leaving at the end of the summer, remember?” Signs of her deteriorating memory were becoming more obvious.

  “I think she will learn to love the animals, don’t you?” She looked at Will, raised her eyebrows, and continued eating.

  He nodded. Will wouldn’t disagree with her. Not in her confusion. “She’s, she’s just so—“

  “Perfect for you.” Emma giggled.

  Will smiled. How could Kate have any feelings for him? She seemed so interested in Trevor. Plus, the two of them had a history.

  “You’re making this harder on yourself.”

  “Harder?” Will asked. “She lives in Chicago and she wants nothing to do with me.”

  “She does. She just may not know it yet. But she’ll figure it out. You need to get this show on the road before I die.”

  “Emma,” Will laughed. “What kind of talk is that?”

  “I know love when I see it. There’s no reason to put off the inevitable.”

  “You’re pretty convinced about this, aren’t you?” Will asked.

  “I’m old and I’m ready to go. I can finally take the liberty of being blunt,” she said as a smile widened across her face.

  “Wait a minute, you’ve always been blunt.”

  “Oh right.” She tapped her hand against her head and flittered her fingers in the air. “So you shouldn’t be surprised.” A smirk stayed on her face as she scooted to the edge of the couch and tried to stand. Will stood up, placed his hands under her arms, and lifted her to a standing position.

  “I don’t know what I would do without you,” Emma said.

  “You won’t ever have to worry about that.” Will gently wrapped his arms around her.

  ***

  The phone buzzed on the table next to Kate’s couch. Trevor’s name appeared as big as life on the caller ID. Since their last encounter several nights ago he’d called every day and she continually ignored him.

  Moments later the red message light flashed on the screen. She owed it to him to call back and talk. After all, they had been friends a long time.

  Confusion set in. Marrying Trevor was part of her plan, until Will burst into the picture. Will was a cowboy to a fault. But, her heart went crazy every time she stepped foot near him.

  Kate picked up the phone and dialed Trevor’s number. It rang once before he picked up.

  “Kate. Finally. I’ve been trying to get a hold of you,” he said. “I understand you avoiding me. I came on too strong and I’m sorry.”

  “I didn’t know what to say after the ki—after the other night.” Kate rubbed the tips of her fingers on her temples. “I’m confused.”

  “Can we talk somewhere?”

 
; “Sure,” Kate said. She wanted to wait until her feelings made more sense but she couldn’t continue to keep Trevor wondering.

  “Will you meet me at the coffee shop at one?” Kate could hear him tapping his pen on the desk in the background. He’d always exhibited the nervous habit.

  “That’s fine.” She said goodbye, hung up the phone, and looked out the window. The dark gray clouds sat low in the sky threatening to rain.

  “Ding!” The oven timer rang and the smell of brownies wafted through the air. “Emma will love these.” Since her return from the hospital Kate wanted to visit but work kept her busy.

  She covered the pan with tinfoil and carried it outside with a potholder underneath, shielding her hand from the heat. Thankfully the walk to Emma’s was short, especially with the dark clouds overhead.

  ***

  “Kate. I didn’t expect to see you.” Will stood in Emma’s doorway with his hand on the doorknob.

  “I brought some brownies for your patient. Is she around?”

  “She is. I’ll put those in the kitchen.” He took the tray of treats and with the wave of his hand he motioned her to come inside. Kate closed the door behind her and followed him in.

  “Do I smell brownies?” Emma emerged from her room. “Kate, I knew you’d come.” She brushed up next to Will, pinched his arm, and winked at him.

  “I brought you a treat.” Kate hugged Emma as if she were a delicate flower.

  “Oh, let’s pig out.” She threw her hands up when she saw the pan. “They’re still piping hot. You really know how to treat a girl, don’t you?” She turned to face Kate and tapped her hands against her cheeks.

  Will ran a knife through the brownies. He slid a fork underneath the square and set it on a plate. Steam rose from the soft, doughy pile of chocolate.

  “These smell delicious. Did you make them from scratch?” Will asked, handing Kate a plate.

  “Why does everyone want homemade desserts? If they taste good that’s all that matters, right?” She smiled as she put a small bite in her mouth.

  “Guess that means you didn’t make them.” He laughed and followed Kate into the living room where Emma sat on the couch.

  “Hon, will you do me a favor?” Emma asked, looking at Kate.

  “Anything, unless it involves animals.” She grinned, and put another piece of brownie in her mouth.

  “I would love to hear you read. My eyes are getting worse by the day.”

  Kate figured the tumors must be affecting her eyes now. Kate and Will glanced at each other. Her features softened and she smiled hoping he would understand her comforting look.

  Emma lifted a book and placed it in her own lap. “Can you grab it for me?” Her hands shook as she rested them at her side. “I’m so worn out.”

  Kate stood up and took it from Emma, flipped through the pages, and found a passage to read. She started reading over several pages. Kate paused and peered over at Will. He’d rested his head against the back of the couch and closed his eyes. Kate fought back tears, but they insisted on coming.

  ***

  “He’ll get you through this Will,” Emma said.

  Will raised his head off the couch and nodded. He’d let her believe he’d be okay. Deep inside his heart felt as though it would ache forever.

  “I am going to heaven, that place with many rooms, prepared just for me. Your parents are there now.”

  He looked at Kate. She wiped a tear from her eye and looked down at the floor. She must’ve felt like an intruder in their conversation. Normally, he wouldn’t want anyone around for the exchange with Emma, but this time he wanted Kate to stay. Her presence gave him a sense of comfort he hadn’t felt in a long time.

  “I appreciate that you trust God as much as you do. But truthfully Emma, I don’t think I’ll ever be at that point. Too many things have happened for me to be thankful.” He didn’t want to question Emma’s faith when she needed it most, but he still couldn’t comprehend the depth of her love for God in the midst of her circumstances.

  “I can’t tell you how to feel, but I know Jesus is wanting to help you get through the unrest that’s keeping you from fully experiencing him.”

  “It’s just too hard. I can’t do that.” He lifted his shoulders and dropped them again.

  “I’d better rest a bit. Those brownies made me sleepy.” Emma winked at Kate.

  “I need to head out. I have to meet someone.” She leaned over Emma and kissed the top of her head and touched her frail hand.

  “I’m giving a tour tomorrow up at Mesa Verde. Would you like to join me? You can write up a story,” Will said while walking her to the front door.

  “Sure. That would be fine.”

  “Great, it’s a date—well, a date to see the park. Not a date, date.” Will waved his hands trying to get his point across. “Just a way for me to show you Mesa Verde.”

  He couldn’t talk around Kate without fumbling his words. He hoped his feelings weren’t as obvious to her as they were beginning to feel to him.

  Chapter Thirteen

  The whir of grinding coffee beans drowned out the cafe music. Trevor raised his voice, “I want to be sorry for coming on too strong, but I care for you. A lot.” He stared into Kate’s eyes. “Do you remember the time we went down to the river? They dyed it green for St. Patrick’s Day.”

  Kate laughed. She always got a kick out of the Chicago’s holiday tradition of dumping green dye into The Chicago River. “How could I forget?”

  “The wind blew and the cold cut into our faces. But, we held hands and didn’t move. I…I didn’t care about the cold bite in the air. I just wanted to keep talking, soaking you in. Doesn’t that say something about how much we care for each other?”

  “I caught a cold the next day.” Sure, it might have meant something, but she stayed home sick in bed for three days. And, it was a long time ago.

  Trevor didn’t speak. He glanced outside then down at his iced tea and lifted the cup, swirling the ice inside. Drops of condensation fell onto his napkin, still on the table.

  “I just meant…I meant the cold made me sick. Not you.” The day held fond memories for her, too. “Maybe you’re just confused. You broke up with Victoria and you have a lot to think about right now,” she said.

  “We had something. It’s been awhile I know. But it was something,” he said. His voice rose higher. He set his drink down and strummed his fingers against the table.

  He does know me after all. All her idiosyncrasies, her ambitions, her insecurities—and he still wanted her. That says something, right? Or was he confused and trying to convince himself that he loved Kate, in an effort to avoid committing to Victoria?

  “You’re here for the summer. We could give it a try. See how things go.” His eyebrows rose as he posed the question.

  Kate remained quiet. What is wrong with me? Say yes. Say yes. She swallowed. “I need to sort some things out.”

  His fingers stopped moving.

  She wanted to reach across the table, hold Trevor’s hand—this time to comfort, not share a romantic moment with him.

  “I need to know soon Kate.” Trevor stood up. “C’mon. Let me walk you to your car.”

  She lifted her purse off the chair and followed him outside.

  Trevor lifted the handle on her car door and opened it. He rubbed his hand along her arm. “I just care so much about you Kate.” He leaned forward and kissed her cheek.

  As she turned around to get in her car, she stopped before sitting down, in time to see Will driving past. He peered out of the window at the two of them from his truck.

  Trevor lifted his hand in a wave.

  Will turned his face forward. No wave. He saw the kiss, no doubt.

  ***

  “If you’re afraid of heights or can’t climb down a ladder, this tour is not for you,” Will said to a small group of tourists, waiting to explore Balcony House cliff dwellings in Mesa Verde National Park.

  As much as he wanted to sit by Emma’s si
de, it was refreshing to be back at work in the open, fresh air.

  “Those of you who want to succumb to the adventure of a lifetime, hand me your tickets.” He smiled wide and the group lined up.

  “We have room for one more.” He’d told Kate to be at the bus stop over thirty minutes ago but there was no sign of her. She must’ve changed her mind. His heart sank a bit at the notion she wouldn’t be a part of today’s tour. After seeing her embrace his friend in town the day before, Will figured she loved Trevor.

  Kate suddenly walked through the crowd. “I have a ticket.” His pulse quickened and Will took a deep breath as she walked up and handed it to him.

  He adjusted his hat and couldn’t force his facial muscles to bring his smile to a close. “I’m glad you’re here.”

  Kate placed her hand on Will’s forearm and said, “Me too. Although the twists and turns on the highway up here just about did me in. That’s why I’m late.”

  She had to be on to Will. His smile always gave him away.

  “Ready to crawl through a twelve-foot tunnel and climb up and down ladders? It’s pretty strenuous.”

  “Are you saying you have reservations about my abilities?” Kate crossed her arms and lifted one eyebrow.

  “Not you. I just wondered if your shoes could handle it?” His line of vision took a nosedive to her shoes. She needed a good pair of boots.

  “I’ll be fine. I assure you. I’ll take extra care.”

  “I’ve got others to look after, so I won’t be able to keep an eye on you at all times. We know how you’re a magnet for trouble.” He wanted to focus on her all the time, but duty called, not a beautiful woman.

  “I can handle my own.” Kate kept her arms crossed and a smile on her face.

  ***

  Not wanting to slow down the group, Kate decided to bring up the rear. She climbed the stairs and wheezed before entering the child-sized tunnel. The altitude took a toll on her breathing.

  Massive rocks flanking Kate arched up from the ground and rose far above her head, leading to the tunnel. She glanced at the other end of the small, rectangular hole and filled her lungs with air. I can handle this. There’s light shining through at the other end.