The Renegade

by Amy Dunne

  Neither spoke.

  As Evelyn tried to focus on the task at hand. Even with her jumper on, she felt certain she could feel Alex’s breath against her skin. Logic reasoned it was her imagination, but that didn’t prevent her body from reacting. Her nipples hardened, straining against the material of her bra. Another jolt of arousal struck between her thighs, increasing the ache tenfold. Her heart hammered in her chest and she felt sure Alex could hear it. Every breath hitched and her stomach somersaulted with excitement.

  Beneath her, Alex moved forward, her thighs bridging the gap and resting against Evelyn’s leg. Her breathing quickened, too.

  “I need you to just lower your face a bit,” Evelyn said, cringing at the desperateness of her voice. Alex silently did what was asked. Evelyn gently brushed her thumb across Alex’s cheek, cupping her chin and guiding her head lower.

  “Is this okay?” Alex asked, her face practically nestled between Evelyn’s breasts.

  The question and tone left Evelyn reeling. It granted a moment of almost clear sobriety from the heady inebriation of all-consuming lust. The question was loaded with subtext. Is this okay? The position of her head? Or the situation they’d found themselves in?

  “I don’t know,” Evelyn said, torn by a physical pain. She needed to get away from Alex. As in, physically remove herself from between Alex’s legs. She quickly snipped away, no longer caring if she messed up her hair. “I can’t do this,” she said, willing her body to move away, even half a step…but it didn’t happen.

  “Wait,” Alex said, gripping her wrist with speed and strength.

  Evelyn looked from her wrist into Alex’s eyes. Her irises were big; she sensed a hunger or need. “I…” She couldn’t grasp a word, let alone a sentence to utter. She remained helplessly captivated as Alex released her wrist only to grip her hips and tug her closer. Her thigh lifted, causing Evelyn to straddle the powerful muscle.

  A burst of laughter from Jamie and a yapping bark from Paddy interrupted the silence and broke the spell. Evelyn pulled away. Her own frustration and embarrassment was mirrored on Alex’s face. Face burning, she turned to Jamie, and silently gave thanks that he remained oblivious to what had happened. He was playing with Paddy and had his back to them.

  “I’m sorry,” Alex said quietly, reaching out for Evelyn’s hand.

  Evelyn stumbled back, yanking her arm away from Alex’s grasp. She registered the hurt that flashed on Alex’s face, but couldn’t bring herself to feel anything. Guilt over putting Jamie in such an awful situation topped everything. “You need to go,” she said harshly.

  “Please, I—”

  “Now. You need to go now.” To protect herself from seeing any further hurt, she rushed over to Jamie. “Hey, kiddo,” she said breathlessly, “we’ve got to let Paddy go now.”

  “Go where?”

  “With Alex.” She tried to calm her breathing down and rein in the urgency. He was looking at her warily. As if he suspected something. “They’ve got things to do.”

  Jamie’s bottom lip spilled out in a pout. “What things?”

  “That’s not any of your business. You’ve had a nice time with Paddy, haven’t you?” He reluctantly nodded. “Maybe you’ll get to see him a bit later. But right now, we’ve got to clean this room and then do some school work.”

  Jamie’s gaze flickered from her to Paddy, and finally behind her to Alex. It took all of Evelyn’s self-control not to turn around and look. “I like your hair, Alex,” he said.

  “Cheers,” Alex said sharply.

  Jamie must have noticed because his frown returned and he shrunk back a little.

  “Come on. Say good-bye quickly.” Evelyn gave Paddy a quick fuss and then stood. Jamie hugged Paddy’s furry head and kissed the top of it.

  “Here, boy,” Alex said. Paddy’s ears pricked and he bounded excitedly over to her.

  Evelyn pulled Jamie into a hug, refusing to turn and face Alex. After what felt like forever, the door slammed shut. Evelyn released her breath and hugged Jamie tighter.

  “Ow, you’re squeezing too tight.”

  “I’m sorry.” Evelyn let him go and forced a smile, trying to ignore the burning lump in her throat.

  “Alex’s hair looks like a boy’s,” Jamie said innocently. “I like it.”

  “Hey. Remember how we spoke about being careful what we say about how other people look?” Evelyn held his shoulders and looked into his eyes.

  “Yes,” Jamie said, clearly confused. “Not to say mean things that might hurt people’s feelings.”

  “Exactly.”

  “But I wasn’t saying it to be mean or hurt her feelings. It does look like a boy’s haircut. Does she know it looks like that?”

  Evelyn sighed. “Yes. She knows.”

  “So that’s what she wanted?”

  “Yes.”

  “So why would it hurt her feelings?”

  “It just might make her uncomfortable,” Evelyn said, regretting ever raising the point.

  “Why?”

  “How would you feel if people were talking about your haircut?” she asked.

  Jamie shrugged. “If they said I looked good, I’d be happy. If they said mean things I’d be sad. But I like her haircut. So that will make her happy.”

  “It doesn’t always work that way. Some people want to wear their clothes and have their hair cut, but not have people talk about them. They don’t want the attention. They want to carry on like normal. Does that make sense?”

  Jamie looked like he was thinking hard about it. “Like when people say I’ve grown tall, but I know I’m still not really tall? It doesn’t upset me, but it reminds me that I’ve still got a long time to go until I’ve grown really, really tall.”

  “Yeah. That’s it.” She ruffled his hair playfully. “Have I told you how clever you are?”

  “All the time.”

  “That’s because you’re very clever.”

  “You can keep telling me, ’cause I like it,” he said with a grin.

  “Deal. Now, you grab the brush and I’ll get the bin. We’ll have this place cleaned in no time, and then we can do some reading and writing.”

  Chapter Twenty-two

  Alex left the medical room in a state. She was shocked at what had nearly happened but she also felt frustrated with Evelyn’s signals. One minute she was kissing her and massaging her head and neck, and then the next she was kicking her out. She didn’t know where she stood, and that wasn’t fair. And now what? Judging on the time, she should probably go and get her list of chores from Claire and get on with the cleaning, like a good subdued woman should.

  “Screw that,” she said bitterly. Storming off in the direction furthest away from the mess hall, and by association Claire, she ended up on the grassy area. It was at least the size of three football pitches, if not bigger. The day was cold, but molten anger surged through her body. She needed to burn off her anger and hurt. Having a quick stretch, she jogged around the outside of the field. Paddy kept up for the first five minutes and then lost interest. He lay down sulkily and watched as Alex ran and ran.

  She lost count of how many times she’d gone around. Her legs ached and her chest burned, finally taking precedence over her raw emotions. Walking back up to Paddy, she tried to catch her breath. She had a plan. She was going to avoid Evelyn for the next few days, as they both needed time to assess their feelings. Being around her was like torture, and it wasn’t fair on either of them. Some space might help bring perspective.

  She led Paddy back to their room and fed him. Once he was settled, she decided the time had come to bite the bullet. She needed to face Claire, because the longer she avoided her, the worse seeing her would become.

  She walked through the doors into the mess hall and her heart sank. She must have been running for longer than she’d thought. The men were seated, and by the sounds of it, lunch was about to be served. Keeping her head down, she started toward the kitchen.

  “What do you think you’re doi
ng?” Claire asked, in front of everyone. The room went silent. She’d appeared from nowhere.

  Alex stood straight. “I’ve come to help out.”

  “You were supposed to be here hours ago.”

  “I’m sorry, I lost track of time.” Alex didn’t want to have a confrontation, let alone in front of the entire community.

  “You had time to go prancing around outside. And to cut your hair. Have you any idea how ridiculous you look? You may have dressed and acted like a man out there, but in here, you’re a woman. It’s time you started dressing and acting like one,” Claire said, with a shout of support from Phil.

  Alex clenched her fists and bit down on her tongue.

  “She can dress how she wants to,” Jamie said, jumping up from beside Joe.

  “Shut up,” Claire said, and turned her attention back to Alex, clearly not done with her yet. “Seeing as you’re here and you’ve come to help out, you can serve.”

  Alex went to walk around her, but Claire blocked her path. “You’ll serve everyone. The men and then the women.”

  “And what if I say no?” Alex asked, close to exploding.

  “You won’t eat,” Claire said, folding her arms defiantly. “Not one morsel, until everyone else has eaten first. You need to learn your place.”

  They stared at one another in a battle of wills. Claire overly confident that she’d get her way, especially in front of her audience. But she didn’t count on Alex’s pride or temper.

  Alex walked into the kitchen, picked up a plate of food, and carried it into the mess hall. The room remained silent. Everyone watched her, waiting to see what she would do. Claire seemed convinced she’d already won, as she grinned savagely. Alex walked up to Claire, presented the plate, and then dropped it on the floor. A rice dish covered Claire’s shoes, and her stunned expression was everything Alex had hoped for.

  “I’d rather starve,” Alex said, and left to the sound of whispering and Claire’s incoherent shrieks of rage.

  *

  With the exception of Scott coming to take Paddy out with him on his rounds, Alex remained undisturbed. She’d expected a visit from David, gleefully demanding she do as Claire said or suffer the punishment. He didn’t visit.

  Left alone with only her thoughts for company, she dwelled on the fight with Claire and what had happened with Evelyn. It had been a crap day. But neither showed signs of resolution any time soon. In hindsight, she wished she’d had the foresight to stock up on food and water. She had two small bottles and no food. Hunger at the moment was the least of her worries, but in time that might change. Truthfully, she felt foolish about her childish actions. There were only three possible outcomes: (1) starve and dehydrate, (2) grovel to Claire and live a hellish life with no self-respect, or (3) wait for David and Elijah to kick her out. Only time would tell which would prevail, but none of them were appealing.

  When Scott brought Paddy back, he snuck her another two bottles of water and explained that food was on lockdown. It didn’t surprise her. She supposed if things got truly desperate Paddy might share some of his food with her.

  In the early hours, she was awakened by a noise outside her door. On inspection, she found three cartons of apple juice. There was no note; clearly her champion wished to remain anonymous. She hid the cartons, put the chair back against the door, and returned to bed.

  At daylight, she snuck out to the shower room and toilets. After using the facilities, she refilled two empty bottles with tap water, took Paddy out to relieve himself, and returned to her room. She had no intention of leaving it, unless forced.

  The day passed. She heard the noises from outside the corridor and windows, but no one dared venture to see her. Whether it was due to fear of her temper or Claire’s wrath, the outcome was the same. Scott came and collected Paddy, but even his cheery disposition seemed quelled, as he wasted no time in leaving as quickly as possible.

  Hunger pangs began to niggle after lunchtime. She rolled over, closed her eyes, and tried ignoring them because her pride was still far too wounded to even consider apologising to Claire.

  As another night came to pass and the building and corridors settled into silence, a faint knocking sounded on the door, followed by a tentative turning of the handle.

  Certain David wouldn’t be so tactful, Alex warily opened the door. Her spirits systematically rose and sank as she saw Evelyn on the threshold.

  “Come with me,” she whispered sombrely.

  Needing no other persuasion, Alex followed Evelyn as she crept toward the medical room.

  “Stay back,” she hissed, flattening herself against the wall.

  Alex held her breath and forced her back again the same wall. A moment later the sound of footsteps approaching filled her with dread. A flash of light swept along the opposite wall and off to the right as a silhouette marched by, unaware of their presence. A few seconds passed before Evelyn dared to peek around the corner again. “It’s clear,” she said and took off running toward the safety of the medical room door. Alex followed. They closed and locked the doors behind them before trying to catch their breath.

  “What are you doing?” Alex asked.

  “We need to talk,” Evelyn said ominously. She picked up a cereal bar and chucked it to her.

  Alex sat and tore into the bar, too hungry to abstain.

  “What you did to Claire was beyond stupid. You’ve put yourself in a dangerous situation. Nobody can sneak you food because Claire’s watching and has her own little army of spies. Out of curiosity, what did you think was going to happen?”

  Alex shrugged. “I didn’t really think it through.”

  “Yeah, I figured. You’re meant to be fitting in and acting harmless. That’s the last thing you’ve done. And now weird things are happening, too. I’m worried. David’s not been in camp for the last few days. He’s not told anyone where he’s gone, but I think something bad is coming.”

  “Like what?” Alex asked, feeling a sense of foreboding.

  Evelyn sat and rubbed her face. “I’m not sure. Maybe the men are coming back ahead of schedule.”

  Neither spoke, as the statement hung between them.

  “Then we’re running out of time,” Alex said, stating the obvious.

  “What were your plans, before here?”

  Alex sat back and considered the question. “I didn’t have any plans other than to survive at first. But then when I met Murphy and Paddy, things changed. We talked about maybe one day having a small farm. Growing our own food. Maybe near the coast so there’s the possibility of fishing, too.” They seemed like childish dreams now.

  Evelyn’s eyes sparkled. “That was my dream too. Being self-sufficient, but also being a part of a community. A safe place for Jamie to grow up.”

  Alex reached out and held Evelyn’s hand. “Maybe we could have that.”

  “I’d give anything for that to happen.” Evelyn’s eyes glistened. “I’m scared, Alex. I feel like we’re missing our chance to escape. The thought of being here when they come back is…”

  Alex nodded. “I’ll keep looking for a way out. But without a weapon, or the right time, it’s too dangerous.” A low moan interrupted them. Startled, they both froze. The sound came again and both rushed to Murphy’s bedside. After a few minutes more of incoherent moaning and fluttering of his eyelashes, he finally opened his eyes. Blearily, he looked from Evelyn to Alex.

  “Ouch,” he said in a croak.

  “You Irish idiot. You’ve had me worried sick,” Alex said, unable to stop grinning.

  “Happened?” he asked.

  “You went and got yourself shot. Not your finest hour,” Alex said, stroking his hand.

  He looked at Evelyn and his eyebrows arched.

  “This is Evelyn, she saved your life.”

  Murphy blinked slowly four times and slowly rolled his eyes back to Alex. “Where are we?”

  “Hell,” Alex said in a matter-of-fact tone. “And guess what, lover boy? You and me are officially marr
ied.” She held up her ringed finger and gave it a wiggle.

  *

  After four futile attempts to fill Murphy in on what happened and their concocted backstory, he finally seemed to appreciate the severity of their situation. Their immediate plan was to keep his consciousness a secret, until he’d had some time to adjust to the situation and recover. Easier said than done. They agreed that Alex would have to go and apologise to Claire. It was the only way to avoid suspicion and stop her from starving. Evelyn would claim Murphy was still unconscious and hopefully no one would be any of the wiser.

  As tempting as it was to seek Claire out when she was alone, Alex knew it wouldn’t do the trick. She needed to grovel in front of people. The next morning she made her way to the mess hall in time for breakfast. As she walked in, the room fell silent with the exception of cutlery dropping.

  Claire marched in from the kitchen to investigate and came to a halt. Eye to eye, they regarded one another coldly. “Well, look what’s crawled in.”

  “I’ve come to apologise to you,” Alex said, trying to channel a beseeching tone. “How I reacted the other day was disgusting. I’m ashamed of my behaviour—”

  “And hungry, too,” Claire snapped.

  “I’ve come to ask for your forgiveness. I’m sorry.”

  Claire grinned. Her gaze took in the expressions of her audience. “I can forgive, but I won’t forget. You’ll not eat until you’ve served us all and cleared away after. Then you’ll set about the chores.”

  “Of course,” Alex said, holding in all of her hate and keeping it at bay. She walked into the kitchen, picked up the first two bowls of porridge, and served them to Phil and Bob.

  *

  The next five days dragged by at a snail’s pace. Alex kept her distance from the medical room, and it was horrible. She visited after breakfast but was only allowed to stay for a short time. Every time it came to leaving, she left with a heavy heart. The two people she desperately wanted to be with were the two she couldn’t see for more than half an hour a day. She whiled away the hours by doing her daily chores. She spent at least an hour in the gym building up her strength. She cleaned more that she’d ever cleaned in her entire life. Because electricity was considered a valuable amenity, she was expected to dust, polish, sweep, and mop. Claire ensured she got the crappy jobs such as cleaning the shower room and toilets. All sharp and potentially useful objects such as knives and scissors were monitored by Claire and locked away at the end of each meal. She walked Paddy around the grounds under the pretence of exercise and enjoying the cold autumn weather. The fences were high and in excellent condition. There wouldn’t be time to climb or cut through them without being caught.