The Renegade

by Amy Dunne

  “Don’t you regret the last kiss?” The words tumbled out of her mouth unceremoniously.

  “Why do you think that?” Evelyn asked.

  “You said we couldn’t do it again.”

  “Because it’s dangerous, not because I don’t want to.”

  “You want to?” Alex asked, her voice many octaves higher than usual.

  A knock on the door made them fly apart. Evelyn rushed to the door and opened it. Jamie rushed in, oblivious to what he’d interrupted. “Mum, the welcome meal is nearly ready. We’ve got to go.”

  Evelyn was still flustered as Joe entered the room. His keen gaze swept from her to Alex. He cleared his throat and said to Alex, “Claire’s on the warpath. I think it’s time we took you to the kitchen.”

  Alex looked guilty. “Sure.”

  “See you later,” Joe said to Evelyn, with a knowing look.

  From his tone, he seemed to have pieced together the hidden subtext. Evelyn didn’t know what to say. If he could spot what was going on so easily, they stood no chance. Cold logic was an anticlimax, but it also reasoned the dangers she’d put them in. She was attracted to Alex and the feelings were reciprocated, but the punishment for getting caught was too severe to risk.

  “What have I done?” she asked herself, astounded by her stupidity. If they’d been caught, there would have been hell to pay. What was wrong with her? She was usually so calm and collected. She hardly ever let her emotions—especially lust—rule her head when the outcome could be detrimental to Jamie or others. Now she categorically did regret the kiss—there was no choice. This was a matter of life and death. She needed to end things with Alex before they even began.

  Chapter Twenty-one

  The welcoming meal took place in a large communal dining room that everyone referred to as the mess hall. Alex didn’t know if she was less enthused by the set-up or by the roles.

  The hatch from the kitchen to the mess hall was open and had a serving plate minus the working heat lamps. The tables were set out basically: cutlery, glasses, and napkins. Jamie and Joe left her as soon as they reached the mess hall. Alex made her way into the kitchen area only to be greeted with disdain from Claire. She was given the task of serving the food. While she waited for the plates to be prepared, she looked around in despair.

  The men were all seated at the tables in the mess hall with the exception of Elijah, who was nowhere to be seen. The women were all present in the kitchen except for Evelyn. It quickly became apparent that the chauvinistic rules were just as prominent in the kitchen and at meal times as they were throughout the rest of the camp. It probably had something to do with the fact Claire was in charge of the kitchen.

  “Where’s Elijah?” Alex asked Tanya.

  Tanya glanced around furtively before whispering, “He takes most of his meals in his personal chambers,” then bolting away.

  The kitchen was a hive of activity. It seemed like well-ordered anarchy. Some women were stirring saucepans, others were washing up, some plated up the food, and like Alex, Tanya had been delegated to take out the dishes. Carrying two dishes at a time, Tanya and Alex served all of the men. Alex ignored David’s smug expression as she dropped his dish down in front of him. Fortunately, Tanya served Phil so Alex didn’t have to go near him. Once the first course was out, the women hovered in the doorway and together everyone said grace. The women returned to their chores while the men tucked in.

  The meal, like Tanya had warned, was a mix of dried and tinned cupboard staples. Tinned soup of the day was chicken. The main meal was pasta, with tinned tuna, sweet corn, and a tomato sauce. The desert was custard and tinned peaches. None of it looked appetising, but as Alex had so far gone the whole day without eating, her stomach betrayed her by rumbling.

  Only once the men were finished and had left the dining room were the women allowed to sit. So much for a welcoming meal. Claire finally granted permission for them to eat, and in silence they ate their tinned delights. It tasted as bad as it looked, but Alex didn’t want to appear rude, not on her first official day anyway. Plus, she was still reeling from Evelyn’s kiss to let tasteless mush get her spirits down.

  After the meal, she was given the honour of washing the dishes. It took nearly an hour to finish, and during that time, Claire took great delight in criticizing just about everything she did. She’d hoped to be able to take Evelyn her meal, but Tanya had beaten her to it. Dismissed, she was surprised at just how tired she felt. She fell in line with the other women and used the bathroom before heading to her room in time for the curfew.

  Paddy was waiting for her, and after his dinner, they cuddled up together on the bed. Sleep wouldn’t come easily as she tried to make sense of the day’s events and information. But one decision was set in stone: She would find a way for them all to escape. Regardless of what it took.

  *

  Evelyn lay in the dark medical room listening to both Jamie’s and Murphy’s snores. She was tired, but her brain refused to switch off. She kept going over the day’s events in her mind’s eye. She’d been foolish to kiss Alex back. She clearly hadn’t been thinking, and that was what worried her. If someone had walked in—Elijah, David, or Claire—the consequences weren’t even worth thinking about. Elijah wouldn’t have believed the kiss had been innocent. He’d view it as adultery and punish her, but worse still, he’d punish Alex and Jamie with his wrath. Her stomach squirmed and gurgled with fear. How could she have been so stupid?

  Alex.

  Alex was the reason why she’d acted out of character. From the very first moment she’d seen her, she felt a connection. Her libido had skyrocketed and left her reeling in its wake. Physically, Alex was everything Evelyn looked for in a partner: strong, muscular, short hair, incredible eyes, and that potent mix of perfect masculinity and femininity. Just thinking about Alex’s body shot another surge of arousal between her legs.

  She sensed a darkness in Alex, which only added to the allure. It wasn’t cruel or manic like Elijah’s darkness, but emotional and fiery. It was formed from loss, pain, and regret. Evelyn was helplessly drawn to it like a moth to a flame. She wanted to fix Alex’s pain, to hold her tight, so the cracked and broken pieces would mend together and make her whole. It’d always been the same. She’d fall head over heels for the bad girl, the one everyone disapproved of and warned her about. She’d thrive on the danger and only see how misunderstood they were. With kisses, words, and time, she would strip back the layers to see the softer, vulnerable person beneath. She’d give everything to fix them, even at the detrimental toll it took on herself.

  It never worked, though.

  It always led to heartbreak, tears, and sorrow.

  No matter how many times she vowed to learn her lesson and break the vicious cycle, she couldn’t. This wasn’t the place for attraction or lust. The wrong look or word could destroy everything she held dear. When she’d adopted Jamie she swore to God and herself that he would always come first, that his safety was paramount. If anything happened to him, she’d never forgive herself, and that was the stone-cold perspective she needed.

  She’d bury her feelings and desire for Alex for both their sakes. If they actually managed to escape from this hellhole, things could change. They might stand a chance. But in the meantime, they needed to keep their heads down and get on with surviving from day to day.

  *

  Evelyn wiped Murphy’s brow gently, noting that his fever was practically gone. Against all odds, it looked like he was going to be okay. It was a good feeling.

  “I got you some breakfast,” Jamie said.

  “What culinary delights do we have today?” Evelyn asked, watching as he carefully walked up to her. He held a cup close to his chest and his tongue stuck out of his mouth in concentration.

  “A cereal bar and a cup of coffee.”

  Evelyn noted the spilled stains drying on the outside of the chipped, half-filled cup. The cereal bar was battered, too, although that probably had nothing to do with Jamie. “You
must be a mind reader. I was just thinking about how much I wanted a cereal bar and a coffee.”

  “Really?” Jamie asked, handing them over.

  “Really. I’m lucky to have you.” She planted a kiss on his forehead.

  “I’m lucky to have you, too,” he said with a cheesy grin. “What are we doing today?” He ran his fingers through his hair, swiping the unruly fringe out of his eyes.

  “I’m not sure.” Evelyn took a sip of the coffee and forced herself to swallow it. It was lukewarm and way too strong. Her stomach lurched and she thought for a terrible moment that she might be sick again.

  “Is it good?”

  “The best cup of coffee I’ve ever had.” She placed the cup down beside the cereal bar. “I’m not feeling hungry yet, so I’ll save this for later.”

  Jamie’s forehead burrowed with a frown. “You’ve been sick again, haven’t you?”

  Evelyn hesitated. His worry was palpable, and it threatened to break every single one of her heartstrings. “Only once. I think I’m getting over it now.”

  “It’s every day.”

  Evelyn shook her head. “Not every day.”

  “What is it?”

  Evelyn sat and motioned for him to come over. “I’m not sure.” He came close and cuddled against her. “Remember how lots of people had the sickness bug a couple of weeks ago?” He nodded solemnly. “Well, maybe it’s a delayed version of that. Or it could be caused by stress. I’m going to be okay, though.”

  His eyes stared into hers, seeking reassurance but also watching warily for signs of lies. “You don’t know that.”

  “Yes, I do. It’s a stomach bug. I’ve not had any other symptoms. It’s just taking its time to pass.” She squeezed him tight. He was small and thin; she could feel his bones beneath his clothes.

  “Is there medicine for it?” he asked, fidgeting with his hair again.

  “Nope. Just rest. I’ve got an idea. How about I give you a haircut?” she asked, adding extra cheer to her voice.

  “Now?”

  “Yeah. What do you think?”

  He shrugged. “Okay.”

  She stood and went in search of a pair of scissors. When she found them, he was already in the chair, his legs swinging high above the floor. “Ready?” she asked.

  “Yeah.”

  She began snipping while he hummed different tunes and asked all of the random questions that popped into his head. She was nearly finished when a knock sounded on the door. “Come in,” she said, over her shoulder.

  Alex entered the room with Paddy at her heels. One look at Jamie and Paddy sprinted to the chair. He balanced on his hind legs, his tail wagging and his tongue dishing out lots of sloppy licks.

  “Paddy,” Alex said, exasperated. She rushed to pull him away. “I’m sorry.”

  “Can I play with him?” Jamie asked Evelyn.

  “I’m supposed to be cutting your hair.”

  “It’s done. Please?” Jamie asked, fidgeting in the seat so he could get a good look at Paddy from around Evelyn’s legs.

  “All right, but you’re both staying in here. Take him over to that corner.” Evelyn watched as Jamie ran to the corner and knelt. Paddy bounded over a second later. She tried to remind herself that she needed to keep a distance between Alex and herself. Having Jamie in the room was an extra incentive to behave.

  “Scott and Joe weren’t kidding when they said those two are as thick as thieves,” Alex said, blushing. Her eyes darted around the room, but her gaze always came back to Evelyn. She looked awkward and Evelyn found it irresistibly cute. She was dressed in the same jeans and hoodie as the day before, but a collar from a yellow polo shirt stuck up over the hoodie’s hood. It was clear from her body language and posture that Alex didn’t feel comfortable in the clothes she was wearing.

  “It’s good to see him happy.” Evelyn looked over and laughed. Paddy’s legs were stuck up in the air as his head rolled from side to side, tongue happily lolling.

  “How’s Murphy?” Alex asked, looking over to his bed.

  “He’s doing a lot better. His temperature is definitely improving. He hasn’t come around yet, but his breathing is regular and he moans a lot more frequently.”

  “Yeah, he’s definitely a moaner. That’s good, though,” Alex said, shifting her weight from one foot to the other.

  “Yeah,” Evelyn said, regretting that awkwardness lay between them. But it wasn’t so much a horrible awkwardness, more the sweet, shy type that accompanies a first date. The thought invoked a fluttering of butterfly wings in her stomach.

  “I didn’t realise you were the camp’s hairdresser, too,” Alex said, prodding a little lock of Jamie’s hair with her foot.

  “I’m not. Most people know me well enough to trust me with their lives, but not their hair. And rightly so.”

  “I’d trust you with my hair,” Alex said quickly and then blushed an even darker shade of red. “Murphy cut my hair the last few times, but he’s not exactly an expert.” She ran her fingers through the untamed tufts. “It’s driving me mad.”

  Evelyn knew she shouldn’t even consider cutting Alex’s hair. She was supposed to be building barriers between them, not encouraging interaction. But Alex looked so uncomfortable. Over the last few days, she seemed to be touching her hair constantly, and giving a haircut was hardly classed as foreplay. If it made Alex feel better, what was the harm?

  “Would you like me to give you a trim?” Evelyn asked, immediately regretting the offer but also anxious in the hope that Alex would accept. “I’m really not very good. Be warned, it might end up not being straight.”

  “Just like me, then.”

  Evelyn’s cheeks warmed. “You really need to stop that,” she said, berating Alex softly. “If anyone else hears there will be trouble.”

  “It was supposed to be a joke,” Alex said, shoving her hands inside her pockets and looking everywhere except directly at Evelyn.

  “They wouldn’t find it funny.” She knew she sounded harsh, but Alex really didn’t seem to understand the danger she was in. “Come on, take a seat.” She brushed the stray strands of Jamie’s hair off the seat before stepping behind it.

  Alex sat, but looked solemn. Her hands remained tucked inside the front pockets of the hoodie and her shoulders were hunched.

  “Just a trim?” Evelyn asked, trying to mask her nervousness and clear the air between them.

  “Yeah. Thanks.”

  Her hands trembled ever so slightly as she picked up the comb and scissors. She’d never considered hairdressing to be an intimate thing. Even with Jamie, it was a mundane task that she did out of love. This already felt different. She was worried about ruining Alex’s hair, but that didn’t account for how her body was responding. Her pulse had quickened and her stomach kept flipping with excitement.

  She started cutting in the hopes that the sooner she started, the quicker she’d be done. It was just a haircut—no hidden agenda. And yet her excitement grew. She touched Alex’s hair and ran it between her fingertips. It was soft. And it smelt the same as hers, thanks to the communal shampoo.

  As she tentatively snipped, she had to accept this felt more sensual than she’d expected. The cut hair fell onto Alex’s shoulders, and it didn’t take long for the stray hairs to irritate her. She tried to dislodge the bristling hairs with her chin and cheeks. A few seconds later, she was brushing her neck, which had turned pink with irritation.

  “Sorry, I guess I should’ve covered you with something,” Evelyn said, stepping back to give Alex some space.

  “It’s okay.” Alex stood and unzipped the hoodie. She took it off and used it to wipe around her neck. The yellow polo shirt clung to her torso, moulding around her muscles. It rode up enough to teasingly reveal her toned abdomen. A breath hitched in Evelyn’s throat. Alex’s chest was flat with not so much as a hint of breasts, which made Evelyn wonder if she used a bind. Her arms were tanned and looked strong.

  “That’s better,” Alex said with a smile.
She sat, keeping the folded hoodie in her lap.

  Evelyn’s conscience warned her to stop this now. It was dangerous and in no way innocent. But she couldn’t just stop—she was only halfway through. It wasn’t fair to make Alex suffer because she was losing her mind. She needed to regain her composure and act professional. She hadn’t even been this bad when she was a teenager and had her first crush. It was so out of character—that was what worried her the most.

  She took a deep breath and released it slowly. She stepped forward and began cutting again. The more she cut, the quicker she got. She couldn’t help but look at the nape of Alex’s neck. She could make out where the curve of her shoulders and back came together. Against her better judgement, she ran her fingers from the nape to the base of Alex’s skull. She could feel the muscles tense beneath her fingertip. Unable to exert control, she followed the same path again, only this time exerting more pressure. Alex groaned and lifted her head.

  Evelyn watched as the tiny blond hairs on Alex’s skin stood on end. Her own body reacted wildly from the simplest of touches. Her heart skipped two consecutive beats, making her gasp for breath. She felt giddy and a little nauseous from excitement. She wanted to touch Alex’s neck again, to trail her fingertips down and feel the tenseness of the muscles in her shoulders and back, to trace the hard physical curves.

  “Evelyn?” Alex whispered, in a shaky gasp.

  The huskiness of Alex’s voice sent a jolt of painful arousal between Evelyn’s legs. She needed to get a grip—things were spiralling out of her control. “I’m just going to take a little more off the top,” she said weakly, amazed she’d managed to form a coherent sentence.

  “Okay,” Alex said, her voice sounding hoarse.

  Evelyn moved around to each side, cutting and snipping. Eventually, all that was left was the front. She positioned herself directly in front of Alex and immediately became overly aware of how close her body was to Alex’s face. Struggling to reach, she had to take half a step forward, moving her right leg inside Alex’s legs.