Vagabond
Page 26
“Then we met this toddler. The fight we had after that was the worst. She admitted that she couldn’t see a future with me, and she was right. She couldn’t let go of the Republic’s teachings, and I knew the only way for her to survive the Tracks was to let them go. I had tried to show her other ways of thinking… even putting out truths into our conversations I didn’t necessarily believe. I wanted her to find other ways to see the world so she wouldn’t have to carry the burdens of shame and the pain of all the people she’d lost. After that fight, though, I realized I had no hope. She kept pushing me away, because I was holding back too. I couldn’t admit that I was just as scared as she was.
“Right in the middle of that fight, Annabeth came out of nowhere, and the guilt got worse. I remembered all the things I did with her, and it reminded me even more that I didn’t deserve Niko. I needed to let her go, and Annabeth made the exit easy. She dropped hints about a raid to get me to come along, and when she kissed me, I let her. It reminded me what more felt like. I was an idiot. I’d been wanting more from Niko for so long that when Annabeth offered it, I took it. I told myself it’d be the best way to make Niko go— make her move on completely.
“After Niko left, Annabeth did too. ‘I know what you are,’ she told me. ‘Celeste told me about Niko, and I saved her from you.’ I felt so stupid. The only person I’d ever fooled on the Tracks was myself. I tried to return to my mission, but I knew my cover was blown. With Niko gone, nothing else mattered. All the right and wrong and questions went away, like none of it existed, and the only thing that made sense was her. So I struck out to find her, but I found Celeste instead. I came completely clean to her. I told her what I knew about everything, and I started to make plans to leave the Republic…”
It was a risk to tell Ono all of it, even the treasonous parts. I had to believe he’d remain a true friend despite it all. I knew my story was painful to him, especially after he told me his side and I felt the stabs of jealousy. I closed my eyes when he told me about their night under the bridge. I tried not to imagine his lips on hers or his body bare against hers. Ono ended with his story amicably. “I can’t hate you for how you feel about her, Tycho, but you have to know she’s not meant for you.”
“Did you ever think it’s the other way around? That maybe it’s not our choice or the G.E.G.'s choice? That it should be Niko’s?”
Ono didn’t respond. He had genetics on his side, and he was going to hold onto the science of it all since it said he was the winner. We left the conversation at an impasse, and I left the 12th to meet Niko at the lake. I hoped I could get to her first and win her back before Ono got cleared for duty again.
I had a week left. One week before I had to make my decision. Did I turn my back on the Republic to become a Vagabond? Or did I return and fulfill my duties?
Ono and I had both searched in our own ways for our own reasons.
If I left, I knew he’d track her down her eventually. He’d always been smarter than me with strategies and planning. I knew the right thing to do was step away from her and give her up because I didn’t deserve her. There was no way she could possibly forgive me for Mari’s death. She wouldn’t forgive me for all the lies, or how I gave myself so easily to Anabeth.
She wasn’t mine to have, but I didn’t know how to give her up.
I spent one day at the lake. Two days. Three days. And she still didn’t come.
Celeste laughed and pushed a branch out of her way. I caught it before it swung back and hit me in the face. “Don’t you get it! The position you’re in? You can do more for our cause as a Politician in the Republic than being a Rebel out here. Chancellor Tycho! I can see it already.”
I frowned. “I know you’ve seen her, Celeste.”
“You think you know the strangest of things, Xavi. Let’s get back to what’s important. A Celebrity, huh? Just think of all the forking you’ll get to do! Why are you not more excited?” Another branch swung back.
“I’m not some breeding horse, and I’m not your political pawn. Where is she?” I demanded again.
We reached the clearing where Claire waited for us, and I was greeted with a hostile glare. “You again? Dude. You need to move your ass on. She has.”
“What?”
“Heard she’s hooking up with some dude named Loud. Heard he’s pretty hot,” Claire spat.
Celeste rolled her eyes. “Don’t listen to her Xavi. Niko and Loud are just friends. She’s just doing her job.”
“So you have seen her?”
Celeste shook her head. “No. I haven’t seen her, but I learned about it through Roll Call.” She turned and faced her sister with a stern glare. “And you. You need to stop being a jerk to him.”
“But—“
“But, I already told you. He wasn’t the spy who called in the raid. It was Mal. Remember Mal? That stupid, moon-teeth, flat faced, albino, traitor? M.P. and Garret barely got out alive. Xavi saved your life that night too, so drop it.”
Claire’s face slumped down into a pout, but her eyes quickly returned to a steady glare. “Once a traitor, always a traitor,” she mumbled.
I ignored the malice radiating off of her. “I’ve been looking for her during Roll Call. Haven’t heard of her or from her.”
Claire glared. “Take the hint, moron. She has a new name now, and she hasn’t sent you any messages.”
“Claire! Bounce. Let me talk to the boy without you harassing him.” Celeste ordered her sister away. Then she sat me down for the hard conversation— the conversation about me living a life without Niko in order to protect her.
“I can’t do it,” I whispered.
“It’s the right thing to do, Xavi. It’s the right thing to do.”
The fourth day came. I still had hope. I held onto Randolf’s dues ex machina, and I had a feeling luck was still in my cards. So I waited at our lake. I just knew she had to return to it— that the cords that tethered us together would tug her in my direction if I just hoped for it hard enough.
I soaked in the sun and replayed the message in my head.
She’d finally contacted me.
“Name’s Gray.” The boy had a gray look about him. It was a fitting name.
“Xavi.”
“Know a Niko by any chance?” he asked.
My heart galloped, and I nodded. “Ye-yes.”
“She’ll meet you at your lake.”
Except it’d been days, and she never showed. The fifth day came, and I only had two left. Two.
My uncle, General Tripoli, was usually more of a pushover. As long as he had results and intel, he let a lot slide, but lately he’d been getting too much pressure from the Department of Human Relations.
“Ty. Seriously? It’s time. You put off being a Celebrity long enough. We’ve given you your space and let you have time to come to terms with it, but you have a greater duty to Humanity and a greater destiny than sniffing out Terrorists.”
“But—“
“We can’t risk your line any longer with these shenanigans on the Tracks. You need to grow up.”
“Is that an order, General Tripoli?”
“Yes.”
“One more month?” I pleaded.
“One more week. Don’t push it,” he said before clicking off the com.
One day left, and the gods in my machine were laughing at me.
The decision had to be made.
I could keep waiting. I could wait past the days I was allotted. I could wait for Niko forever, and she’d be worth it.
But Celeste was right. The only way to help Niko was to make her world out here better. If I loved her the way I claimed to, I needed to give her up. I needed to fight the war in another way.
I paced back and forth, and I struck out my steps to shake out all the energy and questions in front of me. I walked back and forth, back and forth, between this answer or that answer.
I heard a crack in the trees, and the footsteps of someone approaching. I slowed my pacing to a halt and stepped tow
ards the noise. Maybe I wouldn’t have to make the decision? Maybe Niko could make it for me? Hope flittered through my chest, but when the voice came, it wasn’t hers.
“Hey, Xavi.” Polo slithered out of the woods.
“Where is she?”
He wore grief on his face.
“The message said she’d be here. Where is she, Polo?”
His eyes crunched up and a tear made its way down his cheek. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry?”
He nodded.
Sorry. I’m. Sorry. Like that was the appropriate way to tell someone about death?
“How?” I choked out. I wrapped my arms around my chest and fell to my knees. I crumpled into the moist beach of the lake and lost myself in the crevices of my own skin. I couldn’t breathe. I tried to suck in air, but it was as if air had never existed. “How!”
Polo’s voice came closer, but I couldn’t look at him. I could barely listen. “When I met up with her, she thought she’d gotten food poisoning from a food-car she stole from. She said, ‘It was an entire boxcar of peaches, and we gorged ourselves on them. After everything, I thought a stupid peach had done me in, but noooo, my gods in my machines are far too funny for that.’”
I sobbed in the lack of answers. My lungs clawed for air, and my eyes grew dizzy. I could hear his footsteps as he neared and knelt down next to me. “How?” I repeated, but my voice barely rose above a scratchy whisper.
“Xavi, you have to listen.” His words weren’t harsh, nor were they kind. I pulled my face up out of my arms and looked at him. Polo afforded me no pity in his face. Instead, he moved the jacket he cradled in his arms. As he adjusted it, I noticed something was off about how he carried it. He was being too gentle. “Meet Anicetus. We call him Ani for sort.” The way he said the name was soft, and the ‘Ahhh’ sound fell gently into the ‘Knee’ sound. He pulled the jacket back to show me what he held— who he held.
“I don’t understa—“ but then I saw.
I saw two faces I knew all too well melted into one. The celery green eyes. The soft curls. The caramel of skin. The button nose. The stoic cheeks.
“She made me promise I’d find you,” Polo whispered. He put his pointer finger in Ani’s small hand and moved it back and forth so the boy cough-giggled. “But they— they only had that one night?”
“Once was all it took. They don’t really explain much to you Colony-kids, do they? Here. You hold him like this. Make sure the head is supported. He’s not as wobbly as he was a few weeks ago, and he’s growing strong.” Ani was light and heavy at the same time. He stared at me with her eyes— eyes that trusted without needing a reason— eyes that took in every question and broke them down into truths. A little mouth opened and closed, and he wasn’t afraid. He didn’t cry. He just looked and took it all in, just the way Niko always does— did.
The tears wouldn’t stopped, and my voice was scratchy and phlegmy. “Why didn’t Celeste tell me?”
“Niko asked her not to.”
“Why me? Why not find Ono?”
Polo frowned. “I asked her that too, but Niko wanted you to be the one to bring him home. She made me promise this. I asked her why I couldn’t raise him instead. I could have brought him up on the tracks and taught him to be a Vagabond, but she said he’d have better chances of survival if he grew up in the Colonies. She only chose you to bring him in, because you’d flipped, and you’re helping our cause. She was worried about Ono’s loyalty, and wanted you to have this information instead of him. She wants you to still bring him to Ono, though. She wants Ani to grow up with his father, but Ono can never know what you are about to learn.”
“Of course,” I whispered. Ani let out a puff of air and smiled. He didn’t understand yet what heartbreak was. He didn’t understand what my tears meant.
“But she wanted you to look after him too— help keep his head on his shoulders, and when the time comes, tell him the truth. There are things you don’t know yet. Dangerous things.”
Ani reached out and tugged at my collar, and his tiny fingers wrapped around the fabric in a fist. “Hi, little guy,” I whispered. He’d be safe. I’d see to it.
“Xavi, you’re not listening.”
I looked at Polo and saw hatred in his eyes. Celeste must have told him everything I’d confessed. I was the man who practically killed his sister. I took the beating. I let him hate me. I didn’t defend myself. “I don’t like you. I don’t like this plan. You cannot pretend this child is yours. You have to hand him over to Ono, because that’s the only way Ani can be accepted into the Colony. He’s technically sanctioned by the G.E.G. You have to do this exactly how we discuss.”
“I will.”
“Even after everything, Niko is trusting— trusted you with this. I still think it’s a crap idea. You don’t deserve this, and I hope you prove me wrong. I hope you loved her enough to prove me wrong. Your job is still to become a Celebrity and work your way up the Political ladder, but keep an eye on Ani. Protect him. There are people who’ll want him dead if they find out what the G.E.G. did to him.”
“Dead?”
“Look up Project Prometheus. It’ll tell you all you need to know.”
Ani sneezed. It was so soft and squeaky that it elicited a smile from both Polo and me.
“Repeat it back to me so I know you heard,” Polo growled.
“Project Prometheus. Got it,” I growled back. I wasn’t an idiot. I’d heard everything he’d said.
“I have to go… Bye Buckets,” Polo whispered and bent down to kiss the little forehead.
“His first Track-name is Buckets?”
He laughed. “Just wait. Spend a day with him, and you’ll figure out real fast the joys of carrying around a baby.” He took a satchel off his arm and laid it by my feet. “You need to call this in sooner than later. You’ll need more supplies than what I have.”
“Okay,” I whispered.
“Okay,” Polo said. He looked at Ani one last time and started to walk into the forest. He paused before he disappeared behind the trees. “You really screwed up, Xavi. She could have been yours, you know. She loved you even till the end…” Polo’s voice cut off in a sob, and within seconds of it, he was gone.
Minutes passed. Then an hour.
Ani slept like a rock while I sat like one.
I cried for Niko. She’d never know how much I loved her. She’d never know that I hadn’t meant to hurt her.
I watched the clouds race across the lake. I watched the sun burn into the water and the ducks slice through its surface. I tasted my last gulps of freedom, because I knew what came next. I’d given up one set of chains for another.
I had to move on. I had things to do, and I would do them.
I would do them for Ani.
And I would do them for Niko.
Vagabond’s Unofficially-Official Soundtrack
I know I’m not the only author who feels this way, but music plays such a vital role in my writing. Music inspires. It gets my fingers tap-dancing against the keyboard and typing to the rhythms. Although these artist in no official capacity endorse my novel (and I say this in case something in my novel disagrees with any personal beliefs they may have), I would like to give a shout out to them. I would like to thank them for giving me the energy to right Vagabond.
Please support these artists by purchasing their music to create your very own Vagabond Playlist as you read.
Chapter 1
Ticking Bomb: Aloe Blacc
Chapter 2
1977: Ana Tijoux
Chapter 3
Walking With a Ghost: Tegan and Sara
Chapter 4
C’est La Mort: The Civil Wars
Chapter 5
Walt Whitman: Trampled by Turtles
Chapter 6
The One That Got Away: The Civil Wars
(P.S. This music video was also a big inspiration for the novel.)
Chapter 7
Rebels of the Sacred Heart: Flogging Molly
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br /> Chapter 8
Biting Down: Lorde
Chapter 9
Lucky Ones: Lana Del Rey
Chapter 10
Torch: Pinback
Chapter 11
No One Knows My Name: Gillian Welch
Chapter 12
Heartbeats: Jose Gonzalez
Chapter 13
Dark Horse: Katy Perry (ft. Juicy J)
Chapter 14
My Boy Builds Coffins: Florence + the Machine
Chapter 15
Rivers and Roads: The Head and the Heart
Chapter 16
Love is Greed: Passion Pit
Chapter 17
Go: The Civil Wars
Chapter 18
If I Ever Leave This World Alive: Flogging Molly
Chapter 19
Apologize: Timbaland (ft. One Republic)
Chapter 20