Do You Trust Me?

by B. G. Thomas

  There was such beauty along the riverbanks, but it was Cole in my canoe that made it so wonderful. The shy looks, the smiles exchanged, the pleasure of him showing me his favorite sights along the way.

  Sack lunches went with us and provided a long enjoyable break at a great widening of the river around noon. Wide enough that we could swim and cool ourselves from the sun.

  But Cole had different plans.

  As the others banked their canoes on the shore, Cole held us back. We went to land at what looked at first to be a very rocky area, but that was a trick of the eye. Within twenty feet of shore, helping each other as we went, Cole took me to one of his secret places.

  A thousand years ago the river had carved a break in the rock, and I found he’d brought me to a deep, cool watering hole kept clear by the flow of river water.

  We sat on a big flat stone and had our sandwiches, apples, and bottled water, and then Cole stood up and stripped and bid me to join him in the natural pool. It was the first time I saw him naked in the bright sunlight. The first time I could truly see him in all his glory.

  I had never seen anything more beautiful in my entire life.

  How had I not known I was gay?

  Then, of course, I knew. I knew how I had kept myself from acknowledging who and what I was. For a while I thought it was a demon. For a while a perversion.

  But as I looked at Cole, I knew what I felt for him was no sickness. No aberration. No deviance. What I was feeling was natural. Right.

  Beautiful.

  And once Cole assured me we had time, I shyly stripped off my clothes—was I the same man who had been uncomfortable about getting naked alone in my hot tub?—and joined him in the water.

  It had felt wonderful to be naked in the hot tub.

  It was paradise being naked in the cool water.

  I never worried once about biting fish or snapping turtles.

  We swam together, around each other, like mermen.

  And then we made hurried love on that flat rock.

  But not too hurried.

  Because there was something I wanted to do. Something I hadn’t been brave enough to do yet.

  It hit me when he climbed out of the water before me, hiking a leg up, showing me a sight that made me almost instantly hard. His balls first, hanging down even though the water had been cool. But more. His stunning, muscular ass split wide, and there was his most secret place. To my surprise, it took my breath away.

  As a man, you saw other naked men sometimes. In high school in the shower. At the gym in the locker room. But their assholes? That was something you just didn’t see.

  I knew I wanted to see it closer.

  We were sucking each other when I knew I couldn’t wait.

  I stopped sucking him and moved so that I could get closer. So I could see that tight little puckered ring.

  It was lovely.

  And right then I knew I wanted to do something that I never thought I would want to do. Before I could begin to think about what I was doing, I pulled his legs wide and pushed them back. Even there he had only the smallest amount of hair, as if to remind me this was a man.

  I kissed it.

  More.

  Tasted it… him. Tangy. Sharp. Sexy. Real.

  “Oh my God!” Cole cried.

  I don’t know how long I kissed and licked and sucked him there. I couldn’t stop.

  “Neil. Please. Fuck me. Please.”

  I did.

  I didn’t last long. Neither did Cole.

  I had him on his back by then and looked into his beautiful eyes as I fucked him, and when I came, he shot as well, in great jets between us, covering us both. I collapsed upon him, and his powerful legs wrapped around me.

  Paradise.

  We were cleaning off when we heard Leo calling to us.

  We looked up to see him standing on our rock. I saw the hurt in his eyes, but it couldn’t be helped.

  “We’re getting ready to leave soon. Vincent had me come look for you.”

  “We’ll be there in a few minutes,” Cole assured him.

  He nodded and left.

  “Do you think he saw—”

  Cole shook his head. “No.”

  “He looked so hurt,” I said. “I feel terrible.”

  “No!” Cole put his hands on my shoulders and looked me deep in my eyes. “I don’t ever want you to feel terrible about anything we do. Especially what we just did. I wasn’t expecting that. I love it.”

  My smile came back. “I loved it too.”

  “You did?” Cole asked, and I saw the hope and longing in his eyes.

  “Yes.” And then I kissed him, and we started to get hard, damned our circumstances, and got dressed and joined the others.

  We fished, and I even managed to catch a lovely trout. Along with the other fish we all caught, we had a fine dinner.

  MY SPA treatment was something I’ll never forget. Imagine my surprise when it was a naked Cole who entered the room and not the masseuse I’d been expecting. He rubbed me in all kinds of places I’m sure would not have been on the agenda otherwise. Used things besides hands and fingers and elbows. When he crawled up onto the table and took me deep into himself, it was all I could do not to scream.

  Amy teased me later. She’d been in the next room, and Cole and I had not been as quiet as we thought.

  THERE WAS great hilarity when Cole tried to teach me to use a lasso. I was terrible, and, of course, he was an expert. I won’t talk about how he talked me into trying on some chaps, how they turned him on, and how I surprised him later that night by presenting myself to him in those same chaps. And nothing else but those chaps. And what we did with that rope.

  I was a little scared at a game Cole wanted to play—being tied down brought back some memories. By the time the night was over, however, they’d been replaced by far better ones.

  When the kids had a rodeo, it was only Todd who kept Cole and me there to watch. Nothing too dangerous for the youngsters. No bronco riding or anything like that. But they rode horses between barrels and lassoed calves.

  The minute my nephew finished, Cole and I left.

  We had to find every opportunity there was to make love.

  Because there wasn’t much time.

  The end of the week was approaching rapidly, and it was something I dared not think of.

  I had no idea how I was going to return home alone.

  SOME SURPRISING conversations took place as well.

  Like the one I had with Crystal.

  Hiding what had happened between Cole and me was impossible. We couldn’t have hidden it if we’d wanted to, and I didn’t want to. I wanted to shout it to the world. Crystal was the only reason I’d held back.

  She was the one who came to me over breakfast one morning.

  She elbowed me and giggled. “Poppa, Poppa, Poppa!”

  “What?” I asked.

  She rolled her eyes. “You sure have a funny way of showing you don’t like gays.”

  “Crystal!”

  She shook her head.

  “Guess you changed your mind about Cole?”

  I nodded. “I guess.”

  “Good,” she said. “I don’t like the idea of you being alone when I go off to college.”

  “You don’t mind?” I asked, surprised.

  “Heck no!”

  “But… but… back when that woman from work asked me to dinner, you made me promise to never be with anyone again.”

  Crystal shook her head. “No, Dad. I made you promise never to be with a woman again. I said I didn’t want a stepmom. Cole can hardly be my stepmom, can he?”

  I shook my head and tried to figure the logic in that. Maybe it was something only a girl could understand? Maybe I would with time?

  But something in what she said struck me.

  She didn’t want me to be alone when she went to college?

  Well, wouldn’t I be?

  Because I lived in Terra’s Gate. And Cole lived on Black Bear Gues
t Ranch.

  Six hours away.

  It was one more time that I had to block the thoughts of the rapidly approaching end of my week out of my mind.

  Alone.

  Soon I was going to be alone again.

  And I didn’t know how I would stand it.

  I WAS pretty surprised when Darla took me aside Saturday morning and asked me what my intentions were with her nephew.

  “You have to admit,” she said, “I have a reason to be surprised and concerned. Wasn’t it just days ago a certain guest came to me saying how uncomfortable he was because Cole was gay?”

  I couldn’t help but be embarrassed.

  “You still the same man?” she asked.

  I shook my head. “I don’t think so.”

  We were walking through a big garden, filled to overflowing with flowers and shrubs. Not far away was the big house, and it was big.

  “Our Cole has been hurt enough, you know? By that son-of-a-bitch Garrett, by his parents—”

  “His parents?”

  “Didn’t he tell you?” she asked.

  I shook my head.

  “Hmph,” she muttered, then stopped and looked at me. “Maybe I shouldn’t say, but I’m goin’ to. They threw him out when he told them he was gay. Threw him right out of the house.”

  I gasped. Sad. Like me. So much like me.

  Darla started walking again. “They didn’t even let him pack a bag. He hitchhiked here all the way from Chicago. He’d been comin’ to stay for the summer for years, and we loved him, so when he showed up, we gave him a place to stay. Norma, Vincent’s sister and Cole’s mom, had called and told us he might show up and why. She wanted to warn us, she said. God, I hate that bitch.” To my surprise, Darla actually spat.

  “So you see, we don’t want to see him hurt again. It’s why I’m asking your intent.”

  “I’ll be honest with you,” I said. “I don’t know. It’s pretty new, you know? I never expected something like this to happen. And I live six hours away.”

  “Do you love him?” she asked.

  “Darla, I’ve known him less than a week! I don’t know. It’s wonderful. But are we in love?” My suddenly pounding heart had an opinion. “Or is this just the newness?” And the second suggestion wasn’t one my heart agreed with.

  She smirked. “Looks like love ta me. At least on Cole’s part. I haven’t ever seen him like this.”

  “Really?” I said, heart soaring.

  “Really,” she said.

  “He’s so young. I’m so much older than Cole.”

  “Don’t know if you’ve noticed, but he ain’t complaining,” Darla informed me. “Neil, do I have to tell you this—Cole likes ’em older.”

  Wow was all I could think.

  “Do me this favor?” she asked.

  “What?”

  “Cole is an adult. He’s no kid. He knows—at least on some level—that this might be no more than a summer affair. That you live a long ways away.”

  Suddenly my heart wasn’t soaring. It was aching. It felt like cold stone.

  “Be kind? Don’t just forget about him? Call him once or twice?”

  I looked at her and my eyes welled with tears. “Of course.”

  She gazed up into the blue sky and said, “You’ll be back home in your big city.”

  I didn’t tell her that Terra’s Gate was hardly a big city.

  “And a whole new world has opened for you. I’m not stupid enough to think you won’t be… exploring it.” She turned back to me. “But a call or two might be nice.”

  I nodded.

  “I’ll call,” I promised.

  It was hard to put on a happy face when I rejoined my Cole.

  My Cole.

  At least it felt that way.

  We had one more day.

  God!

  What was I going to do?

  I did one thing.

  We made love that night in an entirely different way.

  “ARE YOU sure?” Cole asked.

  “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life,” I told him.

  “It’s a big thing,” he said. “Are you sure you want to give that to me?”

  “Yes,” I said. “I told you. I’ve never been more sure of anything.”

  It was our last night, and I could hardly bear it. How was I going to go home to… not being with Cole? Since that night we’d made love for the first time, we had spent nearly every moment together. How was I going to be without him?

  I tried to remind myself that I hardly knew this young man… and yet I felt I knew him better than anyone I had ever met in my life—I had never felt so close to another human being.

  It was why I wanted to give him something so I would never forget him. Like that could happen!

  The evening had started with a hayride, and without being blatant, we were able to get quite close sitting back in those hay bales, Cole with his arm behind me, fingers just touching my right shoulder. I so wanted to kiss him, but for goodness sake, my family was sitting right there around us!

  The ride ended at the main house, and we had steaks grilled on the fire again, but these were thick and made in heaven. There were baked potatoes to go with it and heaping helpings of real macaroni and cheese. Also baked beans, with big pieces of pork, but I only tasted those. I had plans. And corn! Again with the corn, dripping with butter. Corn bread too, and I was most happy to see I was going to get one last taste of that incredible fry bread.

  Then came the bonfire.

  Cole and I stayed barely a few moments, and then we snuck off.

  “Really?” Cole asked.

  “Yes,” I whispered.

  “I—I’m not small,” Cole said, stating the obvious.

  I laughed nervously. “I know.”

  We were lying naked in his big brass bed. We had already fucked. He wanted me the moment we got in the cabin and had me take him bent over the bed, jeans at his knees and boots still on. He couldn’t even wait for me to get undressed. So I did it that way, my own jeans open only enough to free my cock. Neither of us lasted for long.

  “It can hurt at first….” Those eyes of his were filled with concern and—dare I hope it?—something else.

  “You said you wanted me to hurt you,” I replied.

  “What?”

  “The first time I… was in you. You said you wanted it to hurt.” I hadn’t understood, but if hurting was part of it, then okay. But for something that sounded painful, he sure seemed to love it. I wanted to understand that too. Would I love it? I wanted to. Could you like something that hurt?

  Cole nodded. “Yes. I wanted to know you were in me. And it had been so long. And the hurting can be part of it. But if it’s done right—and you did it right, baby—then it turns into something else.”

  I nodded. “Yes,” I said with a gasp. “I want that. I want to know that.”

  And then he began to kiss me.

  Things were different this time. I noticed that immediately. We always somehow needed each other so badly that our sex could be fast and rampant, the desire so deep that we practically consumed each other.

  But tonight?

  Tonight Cole was showing me a different side of himself. We started slow. He wasn’t rushing. He laid me back and leaned over me and then kissed me gently, sweetly, unhurriedly. He made me wait before he opened his mouth to me, wait for his tongue. And when it did come, that tongue was so soft and gentle and light. He cupped my face with his big hand, and soon I was high at his touch.

  Finally, the kisses got more urgent, and our tongues dueled and danced together. I could hardly believe the level of need he brought up in me. Then he released my mouth and let his kisses travel down my jaw, my neck, my Adam’s apple, my collarbone—sometimes giving little nips, never hard, but not gentle either. He was waking every cell in my body.

  I wanted to return the favor, but he was having none of it.

  “Not this time, my love,” he said and my heart surged.

  My lo
ve? Had he just said “my love”?

  Down, down the kisses went, and watching him, seeing Cole’s mouth and lips and face travel over my body, made me want to cum without scarcely being touched! Was this what I had denied myself for so long?

  How foolish I had been.

  Then he was sucking my nipples, sucking and then taking them between lip-covered teeth, and finally nipping fully, those sharp teeth bringing out a pleasure-pain I had never experienced.

  All the while, Cole ran his hands everywhere, causing wave after wave of delightful shivers to run all over my body—ripples of gooseflesh, tingling pleasure without end.

  My cock throbbed with need, was so hard it hurt, and ran freely with precum. I would have had no problem taking him, and it always delighted Cole that my leakings were so plentiful and viscous that we never needed some manufactured lubrication.

  But me taking Cole was not what this was about.

  He reached my cock and then breathed on it, the heat from his breath thrilling and tantalizing, and then… then the bastard passed it by, sparing it not even one kiss, one lick, one touch.

  I cried out in frustration, and he chuckled and traveled on.

  Now it was my legs and then my knees and calves and ankles(!), and the tops of my “hobbit feet,” and finally my toes. Cole sucked each one lovingly and slowly, like ten tiny cocks, and I writhed in pleasure, smacking at the bed now with my open palms.

  Then Cole kissed and bit at the bottoms of my feet, and it tickled and felt so damned good. He kissed and nibbled even at my heels and then lifted my legs so he could make love to the backs of my knees!

  And next he lifted my legs higher, spreading them wide and letting them fall to either side of him, so high that they didn’t fall back to the bed but stayed spread out in the air. He gave my tightly drawn balls one long lick… and then bent me back farther… and made love to my ass.