Forbidden Faith

by T. J. West

  “Go to hell, Danny!”

  “Gladly.” He steps further into my space and says, “Now, take a hike, and don’t come back.”

  What an asshole! I can’t believe he would say such cruel things to me. He didn’t know the first thing about love because he was so stuck on himself and never had a sense of humor. He was always so close minded, rigid, hollow—it would take the last woman on earth to help him open up his heart and to give me the benefit of the doubt. Sadly, it will never happen.

  After Danny storms off I look up at the apartment complex; I find Lucas bending forward on his balcony railing, smoking a cigarette and I am certain he heard everything. I see a puff of smoke leave his mouth, all the while glaring in my direction.

  I collected what dignity I had left and drove back to the hotel.

  Crave—Written by Lucky Jones, Composed by JINKS

  You’re just a few feet away from me, I need you, you need me

  I come running back, back to the place where it all began

  I need you, you need me.

  The dark silk that runs down your back leads to my puddle of guilt

  Wash it away and take me to your sacred place, the place that we built

  I need you, like you need me.

  It doesn’t seem real we are in the same room, I want to drown in your silk

  Kissing your lips, touching your soft creamy skin, grazing against my face

  My body needs you, craves you.

  I can’t stop feeling this way when I crave the inside of your body

  I can’t stop hiding my true self when I crave the taste of your body

  I crave your smell, crave your shell

  I can’t stop at all

  We tug at each others souls and drown into the puddle of guilt

  Wash it away, wash it away, bring me back, bring me back

  It seems so easy to say but it will never be enough, never enough

  I need you, like you need me

  Your voice haunts me to this day, your silk wraps around my skin

  Lying to you haunts me to this day, what I did will never go away

  I crave you like no other, I need you like no other

  Wash me away, take me away, bring me back inside your silk

  I can’t stop feeling this way when I crave the inside of your body

  I can’t stop hiding my true self when I crave the taste of your body

  I crave your smell, crave your shell

  I can’t stop at all

  I can’t begin what I’ve done to you

  I can’t take this shit anymore, I am falling through

  The puddle swallows me whole

  I’m drowning into your soul!

  I WANTED TO TELL HER the truth, tell her I never spent a dime on myself. I wanted her back. I needed her back; she’s the one that pumped the blood from my veins straight into my heart. It was dead without her—I was dead without her and cannot imagine my heart beating without Faith. Danny’s words kept playing over and over like a broken record. Faith’s father. If he ever found out we were seeing one another again there is no telling what he could do to us? Our career? I couldn’t jeopardize my band. We needed this break more than anything.

  Lying to her again was my only option. Even though it killed me to see her hurt, to hear how I affected her the night of the party, she needed to stay clear of me—otherwise I was going to take her to my bed and never let her leave my sight again.

  Once she left I went out to the balcony for a smoke. I bent over onto the railing, taking a puff of my cig and watched her walk toward her car; from two stories up I could see the damage I caused her. Just from the way she was walking it was noticeable.

  Although, almost immediately, everything I had said went right out the window when I witnessed my best friend slit Faith to pieces. It turned me inside out. My blood was boiling with fury and I was ready to pound him to hell.

  When Danny entered the apartment I exploded. “You’re an asshole, you know that?”

  “What the hell you talking about, man?”

  “You know exactly what I’m talking about! I saw and heard what you said to Faith. She didn’t deserve that.”

  “Like hell she didn’t, Lucky!” He shouts back. “Look at you! You’re already going down that road, becoming pussy whipped again! I am not going to let her do that to you!”

  Not in all our days of being friends have I wanted to kill him more than I want to kill him right now. I was a little taller and a little more muscular than Danny, yet that didn’t stop me from pushing him against our front door and laying my arm against his throat, in position to punch him. “You better think twice about what you say, Danny,” I warn him, seething, with my fist near his face.

  “Go ahead, Luck! If it makes you feel any better, punch me as hard as you can. It isn’t going to change anything and you know it.”

  I lower my voice, “You have no right dictating how I live my life.”

  “If it has anything to do with our band, I’ll do whatever it takes—even if it means getting rid of that snobby bitch, I’ll do it.”

  It was like a rocket bursting into space; that’s how fast and hard I punched Danny. I punched him square in the face making him land on his side, bleeding.

  I spoke down at him with an aching hand. “Don’t ever speak about her like that again, or we are done, you hear me?”

  He coughs up blood and wipes his mouth, cursing under his breath. “You wouldn’t threaten our friendship or our career.”

  “Try me.” My hand is hurting like hell, but I won’t loosen my grip because I am ready to hit him again if he says anything else about Faith.

  Danny manages to upright himself against the front door. “You’d seriously choose her over our band, our future?”

  I shake my head. “No, I’d choose the band, and her over you.”

  “What?” He asks, dumbfounded.

  “You heard me. You better think twice before you give me any ultimatums. I will not let you run my life, not like Faith’s father had. I make my own decisions, not you, not anyone—me!” I point to my chest. I am done with people putting my life into their hands, making decisions that aren’t right for me. It was about time I got my other set of balls back.

  He leans his head against the wall and dabs his lip with his fist. “I have always had your back, you know that,” he reminds me.

  “Then you’ll respect my decisions and stay the hell out of my personal business—that’s including Faith. Whether I want to be with her again or not, you will stay away. Therefore you and I will continue being partners, best buds, band mates, but we will not interfere in each others personal affairs. I love you, Danny boy, but I will not let you bully me nor Faith.”

  We stare at one another and I believe I finally got through to him. I hated threatening our relationship, but it was time I set him straight. He’s a good friend, band manager, brother; I’d hate to lose him over this. Yet my love for Faith is much stronger.

  “I just hope you know if anything happens with our band, especially if her dad gets involved, the blood will be on your hands; I will no longer have your back.”

  I didn’t argue with him there. I agreed with his comeback and helped him up and got him some ice for his lip. We didn’t talk about Faith or our fight, we moved on and focused on finishing our album.

  It was smooth sailing for the next few weeks, without interruptions finalizing our album. We were finally done; it felt like heaven getting it finished. We just wrapped up the last song and closed the recording studio down for the evening.

  Gary came around and slapped me on the back with excitement. “That’s the last of it boys. Great job!”

  “Thanks a lot Gary. It’s been amazing working with you,” I answer back.

  “The pleasure has been all mine.” He goes around shaking the guys hands and gets a hug from Wayne—the hug that lifts him up, off from the ground. I think Gary lost his breath there for a minute; he holds his chest and looks winded. Brushing his
hair back with his hand, he makes us a promise. “I’ll be seeing all of you at the Grammy’s someday soon.” June is giggling when he gives her a kiss on the cheek. “Catch ya later doll.”

  Still giggling, “Bye, Gary.” Once Gary left the building June gathered us around the big conference table. “Before you head off, guys, I have some incredible news for you.”

  “Shoot, lets hear it,” Slim pitches in.

  June looks as if she’s ready to jump up and down; her hands are folded up to her mouth and is smiling like she’s in a candy shop. “I have you scheduled for your very first tour with one of the hottest bands in the country!”

  “Holy shit!” Wayne shouts.

  The guys go nuts. I cross my arms grinning like crazy and watch my brothers get emotional. It’s the greatest moment of my life.

  After a few moments June shouts, “Do you want to hear what band you’ll be playing with?” The guys quiet down and wait for her to spill the surprise—the anticipation on their faces is downright awesome. “You’re looking at a four month tour around the United States with Kings Fate!”

  Once again the guys go berserk.

  As for me, I am in complete shock. Not in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would be touring with Kings Fate. They are not just one of the biggest rock bands, but they are my favorite rock band. They have been on the Rolling Stone magazine three times, Saturday Night Live, David Letterman, The Tonight Show, Ellen, and the list goes on. For the last six years I have followed them, gone to their concerts, played their music and wished I could play with them. Not ever have I imagined I’d actually be opening their concert for them. It’s a dream come true!

  “Fantastic right?”

  Fantastic doesn’t even come close to how I’m feeling right now. “It’s beyond incredible June, thank you.”

  After the waves of noise simmered, Slim asks, “So, when do we leave?”

  “Yeah, cuz I’m itchin’ to get going!” Wayne exclaims.

  “Settle down big guy,” June chuckles. “Tour is set in a month, so get ready to rule the world boys.”

  “Let’s get out of here and celebrate!” The others agree with Wayne that a celebration is in order. However I have different plans for myself. “You all go along without me. I have something to take care of first.”

  The guys tried to get me to go with them—I really wanted to—but I had already made the decision earlier this morning; it makes more sense than ever considering we will be gone for four months. From the look in Danny’s eyes he knew I was going to see Faith. Not that I need his approval or anything, but I would really hope he can be happy for me one of these days. If he wasn’t such a hardass and possibly let his guard down every so often maybe he would learn to love someone?

  Although, with our band finally catching a break, I don’t see him falling in love any time soon.

  I make sure the guys are out of the studio when I ask June for a favor. “June, can I speak with you for a sec?”

  “Sure, what’s up?” She leans against the table and crosses her arms.

  “How serious is she with this Phillip guy?” Even though Faith has shown me how she feels about me, I still wanted to know about her and the prep.

  “Well, she’s not serious about him, if that’s the answer you were looking for.”

  I knew there was a “but” in there somewhere. “But?”

  “But. . . . .he’s very serious about her,” she mutters and looks away from me.

  I put my hands in my pockets and roll back and forth on the balls of my heels. “So, she stays with him why?”

  June throws her back and laughs without any humor to follow. This must be a touchy subject with her. “Your guess is as good as mine, Lucky. Personally I believe Phillip deserves someone better, but she likes to string him along because . . . . . .”

  “Because?” I ask.

  She stands up and places her hands on my shoulders and looks me dead in the eye. “Because she has always been in love with you. She fucks around to bury her feelings, Lucky.” Sounds pretty familiar since I’ve been doing the same thing all these years. June continues, “Not once in the past five years since we’ve been friends have I ever seen her in a serious relationship. Yeah, she’s been with Phillip for six months, but that’s because she is only after the sex. He makes her feel good in bed.” I hate the vision June is creating inside my head. I shouldn’t be jealous. Yet I am; the thought of Faith coming undone by the prep, or any other guy, makes me sick. “I don’t like it anymore than you do, but it is what it is. I love Faith like a sister, but I don’t condone what she’s doing to herself or to Phillip.”

  He did it to himself, I want to say; he must be a real pussy wanting to stay with someone who can’t return the same feelings. What’s more, it drives me crazy that he’s in love with a woman that belongs with me and only me—yeah, if that makes me a dickhead, so be it. I’ve been blind long enough—time to get Faith back.

  “What room number does Faith stay in?” I blurt out.

  “Uh, she’s at the very top of the building. Master Suite.”

  “Thanks.”

  I start to walk away when June stops me in my tracks. “Did you really spend her dads money on those vans?”

  Shit.

  “June -”

  “Because I don’t think you’d be so cruel as to stoop that low into making Faith believe you did.”

  “It’s not that simple,” I shrug. “I was blackmailed and didn’t have a choice.”

  “We all have choices.”

  I want to laugh because she has no idea what it was like for me back then. “Not where I came from I didn’t. I’ll see you around, June.”

  I’m almost to the exit when she calls out my name. “Lucky.” As I turn around she warns me, “Don’t hurt my best friend. She’s been tortured long enough.”

  I nod my head in agreement. “Thanks for being there for her, for wanting to protect her.”

  “She’d do the same for me.”

  I don’t have any doubt she would.

  The walk to the hotel wasn’t very far, just a couple blocks down, so I left my van back at the studio. The outside of the building was pretty incredible. It looked liked a million mirrors on each window, reflecting the entire street. I couldn’t even get a peek inside before I entered.

  I twisted the skull ring on my right middle finger, and took a deep breath. I know this place looks bigger than who I really am, but I need to get in there and take a chance. I wonder if she’ll give me another chance? Only one way to find out. I open the glass door and step inside. If I thought the outside looked amazing, it didn’t even compare to what the inside looked like. Faith’s vision was exactly how she described it when we were together.

  As I was looking around, a big, giant security guard, who has to be over 6’4 and looks like The Rock, comes over to my side. “Can I help you?” He asks me in a very deep voice.

  “Yeah, I’m here to see Faith Montgomery.”

  “Are you on the list?”

  “List?” I scoff. “Uh, I doubt it.”

  “Then I cannot let you in, sir.”

  “Can you call her for me? Let her know Lucas Jones is here.”

  I look around the huge empty lobby as The Rock phones Faith. “Miss Montgomery, I have a Lucas Jones here to see you.” I hope she’ll see me; I won’t blame her if she doesn’t want to. I didn’t exactly make nice with her a few weeks back. “Yes Mam.” He hangs up and shakes his head. “Sorry, Mr. Jones, but she has company at the moment.”

  Company. I wonder what kind of company? Someone who dresses like Richie Rich perhaps? The thought makes me uncomfortable and jealous as hell.

  I stuff my hands into my pockets and nicely say, “Right. Thanks,” and turn myself toward the glass door.

  “Wait a minute!” The Rock shouts. “I know you! You’re Lucky Jones from JINKS!”

  I cross my arms and smile. “Yeah, that’s right.”

  “I knew it! Hell, I took my girlfriend to see you pla
y last month. She loves you guys! Hell, even I love ya!”

  Wow, he really surprised me and made my unwanted visit worth it. “Thanks, I appreciate that.”

  “Here,” he takes out a notepad. “Can you sign this for me? My girlfriend is going to flip when she finds out I talked with the main man of JINKS.”

  “Sure,” I chuckle. He tells me to sign it with the names Larry and Ruth. At least I now know he’s not The Rock anymore.

  “Wow, this is fantastic! Thank you!” He suddenly grabs me and gives me the biggest bear hug ever.

  I felt so damn small near this guy. “You’re welcome,” I laugh. This fame thing is feeling pretty awesome at the moment. I can’t imagine what it will be like when we go on tour. I wave Larry goodbye. “Have a good night.”

  As I push the heavy glass doors open I hear Larry saying, “Lucky, fuckin’ Jones.” I grin as I walk out. Yeah, it’s going to be a crazy ride once we hit the road with Kings Fate.

  Once the night time heat hits my face my mind immediately switches back to Faith—switches back to her “company.” I am really not liking this feeling of jealousy and uncontrolled imagination. I’ve never had a reason to feel this way—not until now. I want more than anything to go back inside and beg Larry—The Rock—to let me go see her. I don’t though. I push my way back to the studio and get my van and meet the guys at Whiskey Flats. Maybe a few shots of something will help take away my tension?

  OUR FIRST DATE WAS UNLIKE any date I have ever gone on. It was simple, organic, lovely and just plain. . . . real. After that night there was no way I couldn’t, and wouldn’t stop seeing Lucas. I think he felt the same way; he showed me through our first kiss—he didn’t want to separate himself from me either. What I found most original in him was he didn’t even try to get inside my panties. I am used to my dates wanting to go to third base the minute we get alone together. Not Lucas. He may look like a bad boy, but he is by far the most respectful guy I have ever gone out with—he treats me like a lady. Despite this I have to hide dating Lucas from my parents. I know my dad does not approve, he has given me hints that disturb me. He invited a rich client and son to dinner one night at our house. He had the nerve to discuss my future with his client and son. . . . right there in front of me, like I was not there; discussing marriage without my permission with people I did not know. It was becoming both insane and terrifying. I don’t want to marry someone I don’t love, and I certainly don’t like how he has turned into some kind of power monster, taking control of my life. I will not let him choose who I marry and how I live my life.