My Heart be Damned

by Gray, Chanelle

  After drying off from my time in the rain, I changed into my pajamas, shoved a film in the DVD player, and just like before, was asleep before the film even started.

  Marshall was right. When I awoke the next morning, my alarm blaring from my phone beside my head, my stomach was a whole lot better. I surveyed it in the safety of the shower, while prodding it from different angles. It wasn’t even scarring let alone hurting me.

  And though the night before had been one of the worst of my life, I was in a strangely good mood. I hummed while dressing in my school uniform, and I even made an effort with my hair and makeup. As I searched my room for my math homework, I knocked a book off the pile on my dresser, which clattered to the floor loudly. The book I’d borrowed from Marshall. My eyes stayed fixed to it, something inside me telling me that I needed to finish reading it. I picked it up and shoved it into my school bag.

  “Good morning,” Dad said as I ran into the kitchen. “Breakfast? Cindy made some very nice scrambled eggs.”

  I shook my head and grabbed an apple. “Don’t have time. Gotta run.”

  He frowned. “Yeah, Daniel said that too.”

  A lecture was coming along. I could sense it. “Look, Dad, I’m trying, okay? I’m doing this stupid food-shopping thing with Cindy, like you asked. I’m not perfect.”

  “I know, I know. I just want you to see how happy she makes me.”

  I didn’t want to hear it. I waved the apple at him and darted out of the kitchen. As I walked to the Tube station, I replayed his words over and over in my head. How happy she makes me. Mum was the only one who’d ever made him happy. He’d said that once! I shook the words out, and kept going. The only problem was now I wasn’t fixating on my dad and Cindy’s relationship; I left myself nothing to think about other than Seal’s assassins. Any of the people walking past me could be one. I hadn’t sensed the assassin until it was too late. Was that part of what made them so deadly?

  I swiped my Oyster card on the ticket barriers and trudged onto the platform, feeling incredibly angsty. It wasn’t long until the rickety Tube pulled up, and I stepped inside, grateful that it wasn’t as packed as it used to be when I travelled from further. I grabbed a seat and slipped the book out, starting back from the beginning, so I wouldn’t miss anything. Maybe this would mention the Coat of Tarham thing.

  The more I read, the more I forgot about what I was supposed to be looking for and just became engrossed in the diary entries. It was, as if, someone was retelling my life from a different perspective – talking about dangerous fights and just wanting a normal life. I was actually disappointed when the Tube pulled into the end station. Then disappointment turned to surprise when I saw Marshall waiting for me.

  “Er, what are you doing here?” I asked, shoving the book into my bag hastily.

  “Driving you to school,” he answered.

  “And you couldn’t get me from my house?”

  “Nah. Thought I’d give you space.” He stepped forward from leaning on his Honda, and pulled open the door for me. Still confused, I climbed in and fastened my seatbelt.

  “What’s this really about?” I asked.

  He started the car and pulled away. Then I spotted what was on the backseat: mounds and mounds of books.

  He glanced at me. “Okay, I have a confession.”

  “Yeah, you do.”

  “Albert practically shoved them at me this morning when I went to visit him. I was on my way back when I thought of you.”

  “Er, why?”

  “How am I going to read all of these books on my own? You and your dorky friends can help me. They like to read, right? Well, get them to help save the world. I’m sure they’d love that.”

  I rolled my eyes and turned back to the books. “Why these books?”

  “No particular reason. The Coat of Tarham could be mentioned anywhere. If you think that’s a lot, you should see how many Albert still has back at his house. I swear the guy will collect any book, so long as it’s remotely supernatural related.”

  We hit a pothole, and I jerked back to my original position. “I can’t take half, Marshall. I don’t have a car. Where am I going to keep them?”

  “Okay, take as many as can fit in your locker. Once you’re done with those, I’ll switch them with a new stack. Look, I know I don’t need to remind you of how serious this is.”

  “Of course not.”

  “Good.” He pulled into my school’s car park and jumped out the moment he yanked up the handbrake. Grabbing about eight books at random, he piled them on top of each other and handed them to me with a huge smile. To anyone else, these huge books would have weighed a tonne.

  “Gee. More homework.”

  “Don’t you just love your job?”

  I shot him a dirty look and began to walk away, balancing the books as I went.

  “Hey, Amerie,” he called.

  “What now, Marshall?” I didn’t turn around.

  “I’ll pick you up from school if you want. I mean, just so that we quicken things up or whatever. Maybe John will let you leave early if you get there early.”

  I grinned, happy I hadn’t turned around. “Thanks, but no thanks, Marshall. Step-monster is coming to get me. Some step-mother-she-wishes, daughter bonding crap. But I’ll see you at The Hut later.”

  He didn’t answer, and when I finally turned around, he’d already climbed back into his car and reversed out of the space. With an ear-piercing skid against the tarmac, he took off, drawing mass amounts of attention to himself and me. What an ass.

  “Why is he always around?” Sam asked, appearing beside me. He tossed his car keys from hand to hand. “Want some help with those?”

  I looked down at the title of the first book I was holding. Tales of Beheading. I shook my head, not wanting to explain why my books had titles like that.

  “Yeah, so why is he always around?” Sam asked again.

  “He’s my friend, Sam,” I said, exasperated. I hitched up the books and walked towards the school, surrounded by the usual hustle and bustle of the ‘back after the weekend’ vibe.

  “Oh, well, I was just wondering.”

  “You enjoy Saturday?” I said, changing the subject. We stopped outside of my locker where, hopefully, I could stash all of these books.

  “Yeah, it was alright. No one really got my outfit, though. Seriously, why would you guys not know who Spock is?”

  I laughed. “Oh, Sam. Don’t worry about it, mate. You see anyone there you liked? Hook up with any girls? Or guys. Whatever the weather.”

  A high-pitched voice yelling, “Think fast!” drowned out his response. A rugby ball came hurtling through the air─ right at me. Like aimed right at me. I shifted the books to one hand and grabbed the incoming ball with the other, quickly moving it under my armpit so that I could hold my stack of books without dropping them. There were a few seconds of silence, and then everyone burst into applause.

  “Wow!” Sam exclaimed, his whole face lighting up. “That was some catch!”

  I shrugged and gestured for him to take the ball. Just as he reached out, someone darted in front of him and yanked the ball out from under my arm.

  Sarah.

  “Sorry about that,” she said, panting slightly. “I was throwing it at Rob behind you.”

  Yeah, sure. “No worries. No harm done.”

  “Hmm. Yeah. Lucky that, right? Any normal person and it would have knocked everything straight out of their hands.”

  I narrowed my eyes at her, not getting her meaning. “Yeah. Lucky, I guess. Or just good reflexes. We all know how I just excel right past you in all things sport.”

  She forced a sweet smile. “For now. Well, see you in history!” She spun around and her elbow caught underneath the bottom book I was holding, knocking everything off balance. They tumbled to the floor in a messy heap, some sliding meters down the hall.

  I glared at Sarah, my whole body seething. “You did that on purpose.”

  “No, I didn’t! Why woul
d I do that, Amerie? And anyway, because of all your amazing excelling, shouldn’t you have been able to handle that no problem?” Gracefully, she bent down and picked up the nearest book to her, handing it back to me. “Here. Take your...” Her gaze focused in on the title, and she giggled. “Take your weird demon book. You know, worshipping the devil isn’t going to bring your mother back. Even if you sacrifice goats or whatever.”

  The second witch in their trio appeared. I could never remember her damn name. All I could focus on was her nose, which was the size of a country.

  “Amerie worships the devil?” she repeated, loudly.

  My ears began to ring as more and more people circled in. Sam had begun to collect my books, but I could see the confusion on his face as he read each title. How the hell was I going to explain this?

  “Yes, I worship the devil,” I said, imitating Sarah’s voice. “Of course I don’t worship the devil! You’re a flipping imbecile, Sarah. Get a life and get out of mine.”

  “Then what’s with all the voodoo books?”

  Sam struggled to keep all of my books balanced, but he waddled over anyway. “Sarah, make up your mind. Either she’s worshipping the devil, or she’s practicing voodoo. Which one is it?”

  A few people snickered around us. I had never been more appreciative of Sam than I was at that particular moment. I could wipe the floor with Sarah without moving more than my big toe, but here, in the battlefield that was school, she was the hunter, and I was the prey. It was nice to have someone watching my back against her.

  “Well, I don’t know,” she said, shooting Sam an evil look. “I’m not into all this supernatural crap. Either way, it’s creepy and weird. Just like her. So, I guess it makes sense.”

  “The books are for a history assignment I’m doing for a makeup essay I failed earlier. Okay? Happy?” I snapped. “I’m looking into the paranormal beliefs that people in the Middle Ages took on to explain sickness they couldn’t cure. Pick up a text book for once in your life, why don’t you.” I turned away from her and unlocked my locker. Then I grabbed the books from Sam and shoved them inside, slamming it shut. People had started to disperse; realizing there wasn’t going to be an actual fight, but the seeds of a rumor had already been planted. By lunchtime, there would be at least ten different retellings of our encounter. My popularity was probably at a whole new low. Just what I needed. Thank you, Marshall.

  “You wanna get to class?” Sam asked, gesturing to the stairs with his head.

  I nodded. “Sure as hell don’t wanna stick around here.”

  “Don’t go sacrificing any of the horses for one of your spells!” Sarah called after us. “You freak.”

  “Don’t worry about her,” Sam muttered as we trudged up the stairs. “She’s bitter because you’re prettier than her.”

  I smiled. “Thanks, Sam. Doesn’t matter, though. People will probably side with Sarah, and decide I’m a freak who sacrifices animals for whatever reason. As if I could become any more unpopular.”

  “You’re not unpopular,” Sam argued. “Okay, you’re not popular, but people don’t avoid talking to you. You don’t smell, or have boils all over your face, or have hair you could fry stuff in.”

  “No. I’m just the devil worshipping freak,” I countered. We stopped outside of my classroom. “Look, thanks for having my back, Sam. It’s not your fault, but I’m just gonna wallow in self-pity for a couple classes. See you at lunch?”

  He nodded. “Sure.”

  I shouldered the door open and plodded to my desk, fully prepared to write the longest note in the history of notes to Mercy when, she sat down beside me. I grabbed a pen out of my bag and began tapping it on the edge of my desk. Oh, Sarah was definitely going to pay. I ground my teeth together, and in my hand, the pen snapped.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Priorities

  “You want us to what?” Chuck demanded.

  I cocked my head to the side, giving him an ‘I told you so’ look as the school librarian hushed us. It was lunchtime, and much to my friends’ dismay, we were in the library, right at the back, with three of the books stacked in the middle of our table.

  “Research,” I answered simply. “We need to research.”

  “I wasn’t aware I was the Hunter.” Chuck folded his arms like a sullen child.

  “I’m not happy about this either,” I said. “Like I have the time to be doing all this extra reading. You know, I’m only one girl. I have to travel far to get here and back each day. And I have shifts at The Hut. And Hunting duties, as well as training. And my dad is planning all these bonding activities without my knowledge and springing them on me. Oh, let’s not forget the mass amounts of homework I need to catch up on so I can pass the year with a decent mark. Somewhere, in between all that madness, I need to find time to, you know, survive. Eat. Bathe. Watch reruns of Family Guy.”

  “Okay, okay,” Chuck muttered. “I get your point. You’re Miss Busy-bee.”

  “You should probably find time to do your nails too,” Mercy said, grabbing my hand. “When was the last time you had a manicure?”

  “Erm, about fifty Damned ago.”

  She shrugged and leaned back in her seat. “Well, I’m okay with the whole research thing. You know me. I like to read. Pass me a book and I’m your girl.”

  I smiled gratefully. “Thanks, Mercy.”

  “Yeah. Thanks for making me look bad,” Chuck said. He groaned and stretched, reminding me of a lazy cat waking up from a nap in front of a fire. “Okay, so we’re looking for something called the Coat of Tarham? Can’t you just Google it?”

  “This is one of the keys for the ritual Chuck. You can’t Google it. It’s probably thousands of years old.”

  Mercy laughed. “Well, Google does have everything.”

  “I’m going to try,” Chuck decided. He pulled out his phone and began to type into a search browser. We waited quietly until he swore and shoved the phone back in his pocket. “Okay, maybe it’s not on Google. It kept bringing up fur coat sellers.”

  “I told you,” I said, shooting him a glare my mother would have been proud of. “So, pick a book and get looking. And don’t try to find an index and look that way. These books are old. Like, really old. It could be mixed in anywhere.”

  “Okay, we get the point,” Chuck said. “Read carefully and thoroughly. Geesh. Ever thought of becoming a teacher? You’d do well in the patronizing department.”

  I ignored him. “Thanks, guys. And remember not to tell Sam. I don’t want him involved in all of this.”

  “Where is he anyway?” Mercy asked, opening her book at a random page and screwing up her face. “Ew. There’s a picture of some fungus looking thing. Great. I’m gonna get nightmares from this, aren’t I?”

  “I told Sam to meet us in the canteen. With any hope, he won’t think to look here, and Sarah will pounce on him and start trying to convince him that I’m evil.” I grabbed the remaining book, which also happened to be the biggest.

  “Oh, yeah, I heard that rumor. Pretty ironic if you think about it,” Mercy said. “You know, because you fight evil and they think you are evil...”

  “Yes, I got it, thanks.”

  “I didn’t,” Chuck admitted. “I’m still stuck on the world ending. So, erm, if we fail and they find it first, then these monsters are just going to roam around and make us all their bitches?”

  “Basically. They’ll probably eat a lot of you, too.”

  “Eat?” Mercy and Chuck repeated together.

  “Oh, did I not tell you? The Damned have to feed on human souls in order to stay up here permanently. They don’t need many. Maybe like one a year. The rest of the time, they can sustain their host on normal food. I have no idea how many these new kinds of Damned will need to feed on. In any case, they can’t feed on their host’s soul.”

  Chuck paled, and Mercy slumped in her chair.

  “Too much for you?” I asked, grinning.

  “It’s not funny,” Mercy mumbled. “I w
ant to go back to thinking you were on drugs, thanks. Or just plain old not believing you. Damn these books that show you’re not crazy.”

  “I was thinking the same thing,” Chuck said.

  “I’d take the drugs over this any day,” I said, ducking my head. “Guess we all want what we can’t have.”

  With all the drama at school, I’d completely forgotten about my dreaded shopping trip with Cindy, until I’d walked out of the school entrance, to find her beast car pulled right up front, along with all the other parents collecting their children. Back in my first year of high school, Mum had dropped off and collected me every day, until I decided I was cool enough to catch the bus. I regretted that decision now.

  “Hi!” Cindy beamed as I climbed into the passenger seat, slamming the door behind me. “How was school? I brought you a little snack in case you were hungry.”

  I narrowed my eyes. It was, as if, she was too perfect to be true. She handed me a clear sandwich bag filled with cookies. They were still warm.

  “What about Daniel?” I asked as she pulled away from the school.

  “He didn’t want to come, but it’s no matter. We’ll have fun. Just us girls.” She turned and smiled at me. It was somewhat creepy, so I shoved a cookie into my mouth to give myself an excuse not to talk to her.

  Cindy made small talk with me for the majority of the journey. She drove at a snail’s pace and followed the Highway Code down to every single rule. She was like the world’s best citizen or something. Finally, we arrived. It wasn’t a brand named supermarket - it was one I’d never heard of and was absolutely gigantic. The kind of place that sold a bit of everything. Furniture, food, cosmetics, clothes, and electronics – you name it. If she turned out to be anything like my mum when it came down to food shopping, we were going to be here a while.

  “I’m just going to get a trolley,” she said, locking the car and strutting off, high heels clicking on the tarmac.

  I leaned back against the car, arms folded, face straight. I didn’t enjoy food shopping at the best of times, but food shopping with Cindy? This was going to be so much fun.