My Heart be Damned

by Gray, Chanelle

  When Cindy found a trolley, we crossed the car park to the large escalators – the ones you could fit trolleys on, and about a hundred people too. Cindy hummed as the conveyor belt took us up to the first floor. Trying to ignore her, I gazed around, my eyes fixing on a man coming towards us on the other side. I knew without a doubt what he was.

  Panic washed through me, and I rubbed my neck. He wasn’t an assassin that much was clear. It wasn’t until he went past me that he caught onto my scent. Our eyes locked, and I silently pleaded that he might keep moving, to forget about attacking me in front of the step-monster.

  We reached the top and Cindy took off through some double doors. I hesitated, staring back down the escalators. I couldn’t just let him walk right past me. What if he hurt someone? What the hell was he even doing here anyway? I yanked open my bag, and peered down at my Blessed dagger.

  Cindy popped her head around the door. “What’s the hold up? This food isn’t going to buy itself!”

  “I, er, I need to pee.”

  “Oh. The toilets are in here.”

  I groaned and stomped in after her. The place was at least four stories high, and from where I stood, I could look up and see what was on the other floors without difficulty. First floor was groceries. Cindy hadn’t stopped walking to gawk like a crazy person, so I hurried along behind her, hoping she was leading me to the toilets.

  She was.

  “You go ahead,” I said. “I’ll find you. I had curry for lunch, and I don’t trust my stomach. Don’t wanna keep you.”

  Cindy looked disgusted. “Oh. Okay. Well, if you need me to buy some peppermint tea, you let me know.”

  Ew. I nodded anyway and ducked into the toilet, counted to ten and ran straight back out again. He was waiting for me at the entrance to the car park, arms folded, leaning back against the stone wall. I skidded to a halt when I reached him, grabbing my dagger out of my bag, and sliding the strap across my chest.

  “Hunter,” he snarled, stepping forward. His brown hair flopped down in his eyes, and he blew it away easily.

  “I just have one question,” I said, tensing.

  “You want to know how I’m going to kill you?” He grinned, and I rolled my eyes.

  “Er, no. I just want to know why you’re shopping here. Run out of guy-liner?”

  “Guy what?”

  Gaining the upper hand, I jumped forward and punched him. He blocked too late. I pushed his hand away, punching him again. He ducked to the side and sent a kick my way, which I blocked. I slammed my fist into the side of his head and followed it through with a roundhouse kick. He flew backwards into a car, setting off the alarm.

  “You’re not even trying,” I said, tightening my grip on the dagger and walking towards him.

  He groaned and rolled off the front of the car, his chest heaving. He threw a clumsy punch at my face, which I easily pushed away. He tried again. With one hand, I grabbed his arm, twisted it behind his back, and pulled him into me so that I could easily plunge the dagger into his stomach.

  The body slumped against my chest, and making sure the coast was clear, I yanked the dagger out and gently laid him on the ground. I couldn’t just leave him here for someone to find until he woke up. With a sigh, I shoved my dagger back in my bag and grabbed both of his hands to drag him out of the car park. I found a spot behind some of the dumpsters. My work here was done.

  I took my time coming up the escalator, not particularly keen on joining Cindy for some ‘bonding’, and when I reached the double doors, I was surprised to find her waiting there with a half filled trolley. Her eyes brightened when she saw me, and then the brightness faded into sorrow. Oh, crap.

  “Where have you been?” she demanded. “You’ve been gone ages! Did you try to leave? Did you think I wouldn’t notice? That I wouldn’t mind? We’re supposed to be in this together, Amerie. You think that it’s easy on me to take on a man with two teenage kids who want nothing to do with me? I’m trying here, I really am.”

  I held my hands up, backing up a few paces. “What the hell? I went to the toilet and then I couldn’t find my phone, so I went back to the car to look through the window and check it hadn’t dropped out.” The lie came easy for once.

  “For twenty minutes?” She raised an eyebrow in disbelief.

  I glanced down at my watch. Crap – she was right. Wow, time sure did fly when you were fighting for your life. “Bad stomach and obsessive phone searching?”

  “Just...just don’t. Don’t lie to me. If you don’t want to tell me the truth, then fine.”

  We lapsed into silence. I swung back on my heels and clapped my hands together, staring into space. From the corner of my eye, I could see that she was glaring at me, but I wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of arguing with her.

  “Are we, erm, shopping or what?” I finally asked. “I have work soon.”

  She shook her head. “I’ll come back and finish it after I take you. I don’t think it’ll be such a good idea with how I feel right now.”

  “Okay, whatever. Your choice.”

  She stared at me for a moment longer, sighed, and then slid her trolley up against the wall. I followed her back to the car in silence, feeling slightly guilty. But all in all, the shopping-bonding session could have been a lot worse. At least I knew I could still kick some Damned ass.

  I was used to the cold breeze in the warehouse. Taking off my coat didn’t bring me out in goose bumps anymore. Maybe it was because every time I was within a ten-foot radius of Marshall, my whole body broke out into hot sweats. I wanted to touch him, to run my hands along his muscular arms, to kiss his lips until I forgot my own name, but I would never initiate it again. The rejection was still raw.

  “Ah, home sweet home,” Marshall said, flicking on the light switch. “I spend more time here than my own place. I should probably bring my dates here too.”

  I bit down on my lip, trying not to get jealous. “Do you spend your days here too?”

  “Sometimes.” He pulled out some fresh water bottles from his bag and set them on our snack table. “Mostly, I go and hang with Albert. He’s old and lonely. I think he’s actually enjoying having that Damned locked in his basement. The other day, I caught him making it a cup of tea.”

  “The Damned have to eat too,” I pointed out.

  “Yeah, but Albert is treating it like a house guest. At some point, we’re gonna have to kill it and set the body free. Once we get all the information we can.”

  I nodded, finding Marshall’s concern for the old man quite sweet.

  “Okay. Are you ready for your challenge?” He shrugged his leather jacket off and chucked it to one side before walking over to me.

  I took a step back, my fists clenching at my sides. I would win.

  “I’m ready,” I said, tensing.

  “Good, because -”

  I punched him in the face.

  He spun through the air, landing on his feet beside me, and threw his hand out, connecting it with the side of my head. I grabbed his hand and flipped him onto his back, following through with a punch aimed right at his head. He rolled out from underneath me, and my fist hit the ground.

  Jumping to his feet, he spun and kicked up at my face. I pushed his foot away and tried to elbow him in his jaw. He dodged it, lashing out to hit me again. He missed. I grabbed his fist, then the other one when it came at me as he struggled to get his hands back; I kneed him in the groin. He was not coming back from that.

  “I win!” I yelled, letting go of his hands, which instantly flew down to cup his private area. He groaned and sunk to his knees, staring up at me with eyes full of self-pity.

  “I didn’t teach you to do that,” he hissed, still groaning.

  “Yeah, well, of course I had to do something that you wouldn’t see coming. And voila. Victory is mine.” I clapped my hands together and spun around in circles until I was dizzy.

  “Okay, okay.” He slowly rose to his feet. “I’ll admit I didn’t see that coming. But di
d you have to go for my prized jewels?”

  “Prized my ass. More like infected.”

  “Ha, ha. Very funny. I’ll have you know that they’re very prized. Just ask any girl I’ve slept with.”

  My face fell, and I turned away from him, pretending as if I needed water. “So basically I should ask any girl who goes to The Hut.”

  He didn’t answer, and I was thankful. My hands shook as I poured the Evian into a plastic cup. “How’s the research going?” I asked once I was sure my voice wouldn’t crack.

  “Albert’s had zero luck, and I’ve only just started. Time’s running out, though. It can’t be long until Seal finds it. We need to be faster.”

  I turned around. “We’ll find it.”

  “We have no choice.” He rubbed his groin again and narrowed his eyes at me. “You wearing knee pads or something, coz that flipping hurt!”

  I grinned despite myself. “Nope. Just good old fashioned bone.”

  He rolled his eyes. “So, where am I taking you?”

  I looked up at the ceiling, pretending to contemplate. “I think I’ll let you decide, but, make it nice. Don’t be cheap. And remember that if I’m not impressed, I will hurt you.”

  “You can try,” he said, and we smiled at each other.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Grave

  It had been just over a week since I had won my challenge for a date with Marshall, and though we saw each other every day for hardcore training sessions, he didn’t once bring up any plans for the occasion, and I was too afraid to bring it up myself.

  Between training, school, and working extra shifts at The Hut in order to pay for a dress I’d had my eye on, I read through boring or sometimes gruesome books, trying to find out any information on our missing ritual component. So far, no luck.

  Though we all tried to get as much reading done during lunch in the library, it was becoming harder and harder to do with Sam breathing down our necks. Not that I minded Sam hanging around. He’d become my number one defender when people would walk past me and call me ‘Devil Worshipper’ or ‘Evil Witch’, or any other unimaginative combination of the two ,but he couldn’t know about what I was. He was innocent in all this, and I, horribly, didn’t know him long enough to trust that he would keep my secret. Harsh but true.

  “Some of this stuff is really gross,” Mercy declared during my shift at The Hut, sipping on a Coke I’d just refilled for her.

  I slipped onto the vinyl seat next to her and wiped my sweaty hands on my apron. The Hut was pretty busy today, and I was working my ass off trying to get everyone’s orders right. Not only that, but Marshall was over in the corner chatting to a blonde girl that I’d never seen before. Was she a date? Was he flirting with her? Were they just friends?

  “Yeah,” Chuck agreed, flipping a yellowed page of the book he was reading. “And still no mention of your ritual thingy.”

  I smiled at him gratefully. “We’ll find it, guys. Thanks for helping me.”

  Mercy nodded and stared back down at her open book. “Pretty interesting, though.”

  My attention was still fractured. Through the crowd, I watched Marshall like a stalker. If he caught me, just staring, how would I explain it? Still, I didn’t turn my gaze away from him.

  “Really?” I asked just to be polite.

  “Oh yeah. Like this book is a diary, and the part I’m reading now talks all this seriously cool stuff.” Mercy explained.

  I looked closely at the book she was reading. I’d borrowed the same book from Marshall’s house. In all the confusion, I must have put it with the other research books and handed it to her to read. I thought back to where I’d stopped reading. Oh, right, it was trying to find merit in an old myth about half-Damned creatures. A bunch of bullshit – probably why I’d stopped reading. Before she’d died, my mother had done her very best to make sure I knew everything about the Damned. I’d obviously know if there was half Damned roaming around.

  “Oh, that book isn’t supposed to be one of the research ones,” I said, reaching over and closing it for her. “Put it to one side. I’ll get you another one.”

  Without waiting for her answer, I slid out of the booth before I was caught relaxing. One of my tables had just left, and I headed over, stacking the dirty plates and glasses. I hadn’t even finished cleaning when two people slid into the booth, staring at me expectantly. Sarah and Sam. I didn’t see this coming...

  “Can we have some menus, please?” Sarah demanded.

  I ground my teeth together and nodded once, balancing the dirty cutlery in my arms and storming into the kitchen. I dumped them in their tubs, grabbed a couple menus, and walked back to the table to hand them over.

  “Can I get you anything to drink?”

  “I would love a drink,” Sarah said, smiling widely, wearing her trademark bright red lipstick. “I’ll have a tropical sun-dance. How about you, Sammy?”

  I nearly gagged. Sammy?

  “Yeah, how about you, Sammy?” I asked, trying not to laugh.

  He blushed and flipped the menu over to the drinks section. “Erm...I’ll have the same, I guess...”

  “You’re gonna love it,” Sarah said, putting a pale hand over his. “It’s all tropical and sweet.”

  “I would never have guessed that from the name,” I muttered under my breath.

  Sarah shot me a dirty look, and Sam smiled down at his menu. I scribbled their drink order on my notepad and without saying anything else, stormed over to the bar. While I waited for the drinks, I leaned back against the slightly damp counter and stared over at Sam and Sarah. Were they on a date? Something twisted in my stomach. What the hell? I wasn’t jealous, was I? No, I wasn’t jealous. That wasn’t it. It was probably because he happened to be on a date with her.

  “Hey,” Marshall said, leaning beside me. “You okay? You look supremely pissed.”

  I smiled. “I’m absolutely fine.”

  “Is your boyfriend here on a date with someone else? Did you guys break up or something?” He seemed to be mocking me.

  “Yep. We broke up,” I said sarcastically. “I caught him sleeping with my sister and then she found out she was pregnant. It didn’t work out between them, though, and he left her for that girl.” I gestured at Sarah. “My sister’s gonna take him on Jerry Springer.”

  Marshall raised an eyebrow. “You don’t have a sister.”

  “And you don’t have any brain cells.”

  “Order’s up,” the barman said behind me. Thank God.

  I spun around, grabbed the two tropical sun-dances, and without saying anything else, headed back to the table. I dumped the drinks down so hard that juice sloshed over the top, coating the already dirty table.

  “Er, watch it!” Sarah snapped, quickly grabbing her Dolce and Gabbana bag before the drink could spill over it. I used to have the same bag in red.

  “You okay, Amerie?” Sam asked, looking at me with kind eyes.

  No, I was not okay. My supposed friend was on a date with my enemy. I ignored him and took my notepad out of my apron, pen at the ready. “What can I get ya?”

  “Have you looked yet?” Sarah asked Sam. She peered over his menu, as if, his was different to hers. Then she flicked her auburn hair back, baring her neck to him. Oh for crying out loud.

  “If you need extra time...”

  “No,” Sam said. “I’ll have the chicken burger.”

  “Same,” Sarah agreed, closing her menu and handing it to me with an innocent smile. She deserved an Oscar for her performance.

  “Two chicken burgers.” I wrote it down and turned to the kitchen. Sam scrambled out of the booth and grabbed my arm, spinning me to face him. I had to admit, he looked pretty nice today. Dark jeans, a white hooded jumper, and white Vans. He ran a hand through his blonde hair and sighed.

  “Amerie...”

  “You don’t have to explain anything,” I said. “We’re friends. I’m not gonna judge you for your momentary lapse of sanity. If Sarah is the thing tha
t makes you happy...”

  “You’re what makes me happy!” he exclaimed.

  I stared at him for a moment. I couldn’t deny that Sam was growing on me, but he was no Marshall. As if reading my thoughts, Marshall walked past behind Sam, eyes fixed on me. He winked and disappeared in the crowd around the pool tables. Sam couldn’t have my heart because it was already taken.

  “Sam,” I said, looking down at my grubby apron. “You should date Sarah if it makes you happy.”

  “I don’t want to date her. You’ve been keeping me out of the loop for like a week now. Like there’s this secret that I can’t know. No one even told me that you were coming down here tonight. Sarah called and invited me out. What was I supposed to say? ‘No thanks, Sarah. I’ll stay at home and hope that my friends actually call me’?”

  My head snapped up to look at him. He just didn’t get it. I didn’t even want Mercy and Chuck to find out, they just forced my hand. If I could keep one more person safe by not revealing my secret, then I was going to do that. I didn’t even want to think about what The Sisterhood would do to me if they found out that two people knew, let alone three. I just couldn’t take that risk with Sam. Not yet.

  “We’re not hiding anything from you,” I lied. “I guess they thought the other invited you. I’m sorry, Sam.”

  He shrugged. “No biggie. So, er, guess I’ll see you at school tomorrow.”

  “Of course. Have fun on your date.”

  He opened his mouth, maybe to correct me, but then thought better of it and went back to the booth, sliding in next to Sarah rather than in front of her. She beamed and flicked her hair over her shoulder again. Another twinge twisted in my stomach, and I realized I was jealous. Not because I wanted Sam for myself, but because I wanted their normality. To sit at home and wait for the phone to ring, for my biggest worry to be how to wear my hair so that my crush would notice me. I didn’t want to have to worry about rituals that could end the world, or a hot-and-cold guy who maybe did or didn’t want anything to do with me.