Love Is Crazy (Love Is… #1)

by Abby Brooks

  “He speaks the truth,” said Ian as Juliet took Harry’s hand. “I’m no cook. And I can’t shut up about you.”

  “And on that note, I’m gonna let myself out and give you two some space.” Harry gave Ian a few instructions to get dinner finished up and said his goodbyes, cursing at the rain as he opened the front door into a deluge.

  “And that was Harry,” Ian said as he held up a bottle of red wine, a question on his face. “More comfortable in the pouring rain than he is next to a beautiful woman.”

  Juliet nodded at the wine and smiled at the sentiment. She’d instantly liked Harry in the same way she’d instantly liked James. She said as much to Ian as he poured them each a drink. “Seems like the Moores are just good, likeable people.”

  Ian chuckled. “You haven’t met Lilah yet. She’s good, but she makes you work to like her.” He led her to a breakfast table near a window and lightening pulsed outside. Ian shook his head. “See? Couldn’t get more ominous than that.”

  “She can’t be that bad.”

  “Let’s see. She’s beautiful and knows it. Spoiled and bossy as the day is long. She’d do anything for you, as long as you did it her way and you thanked her for the next hundred years. Preferably with gifts.”

  Juliet could see the affection he had for his little sister dancing in his eyes. “Yeah, but, I bet if anyone else talked about her like that, you’d beat them up and make them apologize.”

  “Damn straight.”

  The first bottle of wine barely made it through dinner and they were halfway through a second when Juliet finished the last bite of dessert. Her head spun with wine, lust, and laughter and Ian didn’t look all that steady himself when he led her into his living room. She sank into the brown leather couch and kicked her shoes off, tucked her legs up underneath her and took a long drink of wine.

  “Alright,” said Ian. “More questions. But let’s skip all the easy stuff. I want to know the most dangerous thing you’ve ever done.”

  Her experience with Michael pressed against her lips and she drowned it with another drink of wine. “Skydiving,” she said instead. “What about you?”

  “Skydiving,” he echoed with a quirk of his mouth. “Back to you. What else?”

  “Now hang on. I don’t believe for a second that skydiving was the most dangerous thing you’ve done.”

  “Well, I guess flying a fighter jet, landing on a battleship, trying to pull my friend out of a burning plane,” he said and then took a sip of wine to cover the flash of pain that flared across his face. “I guess those things are kind of dangerous.”

  “Kind of? I can’t even imagine the amount of courage it took for you to do your job.”

  Ian shrugged off the compliment. “Now, I’ve given you like...” He held up his hands, counting off on his fingers. “...five answers for the price of one.”

  “I don’t think that’s how this game works.”

  “Hey, now. I made the game, so you can bet your sweet ass that I know the rules backwards and forwards. Even the super advanced secret rules. So. I gave you five answers, you owe me five answers.”

  Again, the Michael Phillis thing was the first thought that came to mind, but she chased it away with another drink. “I moved to New York City all by myself just after I graduated high school.”

  Ian faked a yawn and gave her a bored look.

  “Hey! That took a lot of guts!”

  “I’m sure it did, but that doesn’t fall into the realm of what I’d call dangerous.”

  Juliet puffed out her cheeks. It’d sure felt dangerous to her. “Okay. Well, there’s the bridge jumping stuff—”

  “I’ll agree that’s dangerous, but you’ve already used that one.” Ian leaned forward. “Come on, what have you done that’s really bad?”

  Flustered, Juliet said the first non-Michael thing that came to her mind. “Sometimes, when I go through the self-checkout lanes at the grocery store, I think about how easy it would be to keep an item or two in my cart.”

  Ian laughed and shook his head. “But I bet you’ve never done it.”

  “No. I always pay for everything.” The way he was spinning it, she sounded really safe and boring. And worse, now she felt embarrassed. She finished her glass of wine and hoped that he’d assume that was the cause of the flush on her cheeks.

  “Okay, you owe me at least one more thing. Dig deep, Juliet, make it really good.” He held up a finger and looked stern. “And don’t you dare try to use the bathroom sex. That was too amazing to be dangerous.”

  “I signed a BDSM contract with my boss,” she blurted out. The words fell hard and heavy between them and her entire body went on pause while she waited for his response. Her heart stood still. Her breath caught in her lungs. She couldn’t even bring herself to blink. She didn’t even know if it felt good to have it out in the open, yet. Wouldn’t know until he responded. She swallowed, afraid that her happiness hung on the edge of a knife.

  Ian choked on his wine and set the glass on the table. “What?”

  She explained the whole sordid affair, her words coming first in short, gasping sentences, but then, as she got comfortable, they rolled out of her in great waves that matched the ocean raging with the storm outside.

  “At first, it sounded absolutely perfect. A no strings attached way to be in a relationship without actually being in a relationship. And I’d always liked sex a little rough, or at least I thought I did. I hadn’t had much experience before … you know.” Ian nodded and she continued. “But then he, well, when we signed the contract, it was all very professional. We sat in his boardroom and went over the things I said I would and wouldn’t do. You know, hard and soft limits? I wasn’t very interested in the pain stuff. Turns out I’m way more BD and not at all SM. You know, bondage and domination instead of sadism and masochism.”

  “I know what BDSM stands for.”

  Juliet couldn’t read Ian’s face, but she’d broken the dam and the words flowed forth. “This guy—”

  “Michael Phillips.”

  “Yeah. Michael Phillips. CEO of Tech Lord. He was a total sadist…” she trailed off, her voice beginning to shake. “He was happiest when it hurt. And I took as much as I could. But I had to use my safe word. Twice. The first time he stopped but was just awful about it. The second time? He just didn’t stop.” Juliet swallowed and wished her glass wasn’t empty.

  Ian had wanted dangerous. There was a whole lot of dangerous right there between them, and he just kept sitting there, without saying a word. She needed him to talk. Needed him to say something, anything. Even if it was just to tell her to get out of his house because he couldn’t be with someone who’d done something so … dirty.

  Well, no. Not that. That was the last thing she wanted to hear. But at least then she’d know. At least then she could stop sitting here, holding her breath, hands shaking, waiting to hear if she’d just ruined everything.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Fucking hell. He’d wanted the truth about Michael Phillips and here it was. Of all the things he’d been imagining, this was the one thing that never came to mind. No wonder she was so skittish that first night, when he’d grabbed her wrists and smacked her ass. And here she was, staring at him with her wide brown eyes, chest heaving, lips quivering, waiting for him to reply.

  He was just so mad. That asshole had hurt her, and sure, their relationship had been kind of about that, but from the sounds of it, she’d marked that kind of stuff as off limits. But he’d kept going, pushed her past her limit, and then, when she’d finally cried out that it was enough, kept right on going some more. That was no kind of man. That was weakness wrapped up in power so little Michael Phillips could feel big and strong.

  “If you want me to go…” Juliet started to stand, her voice catching in her throat.

  “No. I most definitely do not want you to go.” Ian took her hand and pulled her into his lap where she perched rigidly for only a second before she melted into him.

  “I’
m sorry,” she said, her breath brushing against his neck.

  “Why?”

  “For…” She sat up and he didn’t like the scared little girl he saw in her eyes. Not one bit. “For being … all that.”

  She dropped her eyes to his collar bones. “Juliet, look at me.” He put a finger to her chin and lifted her face. “You have nothing to apologize for. This doesn’t change how I feel about you. Doesn’t change how much I want you. It only helps me understand you.”

  “Promise?” she whispered.

  “Promise.” He shifted a little, freeing an arm to grab his wine glass, doing his best to look casual. “Tell me why you did it.”

  Her eyes flickered to his. “I was curious.” She shrugged. “It seemed like a safe way to experiment.”

  “I get that. And I’m not gonna lie, I love that you’re so willing to try new things, but why did you need a contract? Why did you need a relationship like that? One that was so cold and clinical? All rules and obedience?”

  Juliet bit her lip and pursed her eyebrows together. “I’d never really thought about it. Just came with the territory, you know? But, honestly, it was safe to relax into it. I was tired of having to guess my way through life. The contract gave me clear things to do and not do. I knew exactly which actions were good and which were bad. What would lead to reward and what would lead to punishment. It was soothing after a whole life of making it all up on my own and not knowing if I was doing any of it right.” She sighed. “That sounds so weak…”

  “From what I gather, you’ve been making hard decisions for a long time, probably since way before you were ready. When you think about it, it makes sense.”

  “You really think so?”

  “Yes. I really do.” Ian slid out from underneath her and reached out. “Come with me.”

  He hated the way her hand trembled when she placed it in his. Couldn't stand to think about all the things that had made her this fragile. He was going to fix it, damn it, all the little things that life had broken in her. All the careless people in her life had taken her for granted and he was going to make her feel like a queen for a change. Ian took both their wine glasses in one hand and led her back into the kitchen. She protested when he filled hers and handed it back to her.

  “My head’s already spinning. It’s probably a bad idea.”

  “You afraid to get dangerous with me?” Ian still had her hand and he gave it a squeeze, looked her deep in the eyes and leaned in. “Stop worrying about being so perfect all the time, about always making the right decision. Sometimes, the wrong ones are the best ones. Besides, I promise I’ll keep you safe.” Her lips parted and he heard her sharp intake of breath. Saw fear dance with trust in her wide eyes. She took the glass he offered and sipped from it, and then followed as he led her up the stairs and into his bedroom.

  “Take another drink.” He smiled at her and she did as she was told and he most definitely liked that. “Another.”

  “Ian…”

  “Another,” he said with more force. She liked domination? He was more than willing to play that game.

  Juliet took another drink and waited for him. Damn, if she wasn’t beautiful. He could just look at her all day.

  And if she’d spent too many years struggling to find true north, feeling scared and alone, scared enough to think a relationship with a sadist pain-monkey who needed to demean her in order to feel powerful, then Ian Moore was the man to make all that right.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Never in all her life had Juliet felt so vulnerable. So out there in the open, all her secrets on display. So in need of contact and reassurance. Ian’s silence downstairs had sent her head reeling, her stomach dropping about a million feet down into the earth’s core, taking any kind of logical thought with it. Her head was a mess of emotion and reaction and now, here she was, standing in Ian’s bedroom, waiting to discover just how much she’d messed things up.

  “Put your glass down, Julz.” Her heart spasmed to hear him use her childhood nickname for the first time. “And get undressed.”

  If her nickname had brought a spasm, his order brought on a full body paroxysm. Nerves jumped around in her hand and she hated to watch it tremble as she deposited her wine glass on his bedside table. Being with Ian usually made her feel powerful. Secure. Not now. Right now she was weak and worried and uncertain. She dropped her eyes to the floor and reached around to undo the zipper in the back of her dress. Her hair fell over her shoulders and covered her face from view.

  “Look at me.” Ian’s voice, while stern enough to command her attention, held affection, too. The combination melted all the doubt and uncertainty and filled her with confidence. Ian would take care of her. He’d make her safe. He had said it over and over, and proved it time and again. She tossed her hair, getting it out of her face and over one shoulder, and looked Ian in the eye. If his voice had turned her on, his expression set her on fire. His eyes blazed into hers, hooded and passionate.

  Ian wanted her.

  There was power in that. Power and confidence.

  Holding eye contact, she pulled the zipper down and shrugged out of her dress. It pooled at her feet on the soft carpet and Juliet stepped out of it. She stood in her white lace bra and panties, watching his eyes travel her body. Feeling brave, she ran a finger over her collarbone, traced it down her chest, over the swell of her breast, and circled a taut nipple.

  “Damn if you’re not amazing.” Ian’s voice was thick with lust and it brought goosebumps flaring across Juliet’s arms. “Lie down,” he said, indicating his bed.

  “Yes, Sir.” The response was automatic, brought on by the authority in his voice.

  “No,” Ian said, crossing the room to her as she stretched out on top of his goose down cover. “I don’t want you sir-ing me.” He stroked her cheek and she turned her head into his hand, needing even more contact. “You and me? We’re equals in this, you got me?”

  Juliet nodded and smiled.

  God, she wanted him. She wanted his hands, roughened by hard work, to trail down her body, to touch her everywhere. She wanted his damn clothes off so she could enjoy looking at him. So strong, so capable. And she wanted her hands on his velvety dick, wanted to move them up and down his shaft, watch his eyes roll back in his head as she brought him pleasure.

  “I need you to say it.” Ian traced a finger from the soft spot of her neck, down between her breasts, and right on down towards her belly button. She arched her back, her desire for him to continue on down becoming a physical need. “Say you understand.”

  “I understand.”

  “What do you understand?”

  If he didn’t touch her again, she might explode. “That we’re equals.”

  “That’s right, you and me, we’re in this together. And you never have to worry again because I got you.”

  “I like the sound of that.”

  “Do you now?” He dropped a finger down onto her stomach, that spot between her hip bones, and started tracing downwards. Tucked it under the waistband of her panties and stopped. Juliet moaned and arched her back, needing him to go lower, needing contact and friction. “And I think I know something else you’ll like.”

  He withdrew his hand and stood. Her eyes flew open and she watched him cross the room to his closet, disappear inside, and come out with something held in both hands behind his back.

  “You say you like the BD way more than the SM? Well, here’s the good news. Me, too. I like it a lot. I’m going to tie you up and dominate you, angel. And you’re gonna like the way I do it, because I’m very giving. It gives me pleasure to give you pleasure and you’re gonna come for me all night long. Understand?” He waited for Juliet to nod before continuing. “And Juliet? You ever feel uncomfortable, you say the word and I’ll stop. I don’t need to make you feel small in order to feel big.”

  Ian brought his hands out from behind his back and showed her what he’d been hiding. Rope. Yards and yards of smooth, black rope. Her eyes went wide and
she smiled despite herself and a shock of adrenaline coursed through her body and pooled between her legs. He took his time binding her wrists, pulling the knots taut, stopping to stroke her arms and trail kisses along her jawline. Juliet writhed, desperate for more of his touch. Once her wrists were bound, he ran the rope through the slats of his headboard and finished things up with a strong pull on the knot.

  “Do you like that? Being bound?”

  Juliet met his eyes and nodded.

  “Good girl. I like it when you look at me. But I like it more when you use your voice.”

  “Yes,” she managed. “Yes, I like it a lot.”

  “You said you don’t like pain, but when I slapped your ass that first night, you sure seemed to want more.” Juliet blushed and dropped her eyes, heat and need swirling through her body.

  “I liked it,” she murmured, and then brought her eyes to his, needing the connection as much as he did. “The way you did it.”

  “And what about this?” Ian brought his mouth to her breast, kissed her through the sheer lace of her bra. “Do you like this?”

  She lifted her chest towards his mouth, the feather-light kisses just simply not enough. “Yes.”

  Ian pulled her bra down, freeing her breast and sat back. “You have the most perfect tits. They’re absolutely jaw-droppingly perfect.” He traced a finger around her nipple, took it between his fingers and squeezed, gently at first and then harder. She moaned and he squeezed harder still, rolling it between his fingers.

  “Do you like that?” he asked when she gasped.

  “Oh, Ian! Yes!”

  “And what if I do this?” Ian bent and took her nipple into his mouth and sucked, pulling her into his mouth so hard that she arched her back again. Moaning and groaning and feeling the moisture build between her legs. He stayed there for a while, alternating between sucking and biting, using his teeth to add light pressure to the sensitive skin. Just when she thought she couldn’t take it much longer, he drove a hand into her panties, his fingers grazing her clit. Her back arched and she cried out.