And Then You Fall (Crested Butte Series)

by Heather A Buchman

  It was one of those perfect, blue-sky Colorado days and she wanted to ride. Renie followed on one of the boarded horses, it wasn’t likely Pooh would be able to keep up with Micah.

  “Where do you want to ride today Mom?”

  “I’m gonna let Micah run today sweetie.”

  “So the over the crest to the meadow?”

  “Yep.”

  “You’re sure?”

  “Never more sure.”

  As soon as they came over the hill and the prairie stretched out in front of them, Micah took off like a rocket. Liv hadn’t felt this alive in months. There was no hesitation between her and her horse, it was as though they rode like this every day.

  Billy saw Renie and Liv from the back steps of his parents’ house. He loved to watch them ride. No one rode like the Fairchild women. Liv and Renie were coming to the house later, to have Thanksgiving dinner with his family. One day they’d be part of his family, he could feel it in his bones.

  ***

  Ben walked out on the back porch with his cup of coffee in hand. In an hour he’d go pick up the boys and bring them back for Thanksgiving dinner with his family.

  He looked out over the valley and up to Mt. Crested Butte. The sky was blue, the sun was shining, and he was spending the day with his boys and the rest of his family. All should be right in his world. Nothing could’ve been further from the truth.

  He went into the Goat last night, looking for a distraction. And he found one. Pretty little thing, sweet as could be. Her name was Melinda, or Melissa, or Melanie. He couldn’t remember, so he called her Mel all night. That seemed to work. She was a firecracker, dancing up a storm. He had fun with her, the most fun he’d had in a long time.

  “Let’s get out of here,” she said to him, pulling him by the hand. He grabbed his coat off the rack and followed her to parking lot. They got around the corner and she was on him so fast, Ben didn’t see it coming.

  He picked her up and held her against him. She wrapped her legs around his waist and he pressed up against her.

  “Wait,” he said, unwrapping her body from his and setting her back on the ground.

  “What?” she answered, breathless. “What’s wrong?”

  “As much as I’d like to get you close to me tonight pretty girl, I can’t do this.” He was about to say it was him, not her, and he decided against it. Better to just walk away. No explanation was necessary. He didn’t even say goodnight.

  ***

  “Come here girl and give me a big ol’ hug,” said Dottie when Liv walked in the back door.

  “Hey Dottie.”

  “God I missed seeing that color of pink in your cheeks. How’re you feeling? Billy said he saw you out ridin’ a bit ago. You and Renie. He said it was like watchin’ a beautiful wind blow.”

  “It felt like . . . I can’t describe it. Right. If felt right.”

  “You goin’ back out then?”

  “Soon as I can. Not much left this year.”

  “Nothing stoppin’ you from training. Get yourself down to Oklahoma in January and get busy.”

  “You don’t think I’m crazy Dottie? You don’t think I should give up the dream?”

  “I’ve told you before, there hasn’t been a day since I’ve known you that I haven’t been proud of you Liv. Don’t make it today. You’re no quitter, but what do the doctors say?”

  “That I’m fit to ride, or do whatever else I want to do. My injury is healed and that part of my spine is probably in better shape than the rest of me.”

  “Any pain?”

  “Not really.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “My pain has nothing to do with my injury Dottie.”

  “You wanna talk about it?”

  “Not today.”

  Renie walked in with Billy behind her, carrying the rest of the pies. “Where are these supposed to go Miss Dottie?” Renie asked.

  “Down to the bunkhouse. We’ve got a crew with us this year, we’ll eat in the main dining hall down there.”

  “Hey Livvie, you comin’?” asked Billy.

  Dottie watched her son escort Renie and Liv out of her kitchen. Dottie knew Liv was still in love with that guitar-playing man from Crested Butte. It was only a matter of time that one of them would give in to their stubbornness. Dottie knew it, they hadn’t seen the last of Ben Rice around here.

  Bill was finishing up carving the last turkey when the door to the dining hall opened and Paige and Mark came in with their youngest daughter. Renie and Blythe hadn’t seen each other in months and her daughter was thrilled her best friend was there. Liv was glad to see her best friend too.

  “I figured Thanksgiving was as good a day as any for us to make up,” said Paige.

  “There isn’t any making up to do.” Liv hugged her. “I’m sorry Paige, so sorry. I hope you can forgive me.”

  “I forgave you before I walked out that day. I knew you needed space. I kept tabs though. If you needed me, Mark would have said so and I would have come.”

  “Mark is such a good man.”

  “He’s the best. No one else could put up with you and me combined all these years. For some reason he seems to like us.”

  The dining hall soon filled up with ranch hands and wranglers.

  “Gotta love the cowboys,” said Renie.

  “Yep, you do,” said Billy. “How about you and Blythe sit with me today.”

  “You’re not flirtin’ with my daughter are you Billy Patterson?” Liv asked.

  Paige turned around just in time to catch Dottie’s eye. Was this really the first time Liv noticed it?

  ***

  “Whatcha’ doing Dad?” Luke asked him.

  “Hey buddy. Nothin’ much. What are you up to?”

  “I been watchin’ you.”

  “Oh yeah, and what have you seen?”

  “You’re sad.”

  He hugged his son to him.

  “It’s easy to see when someone is sad if you love ’em Daddy.”

  “How’d you get so smart pard’ner?”

  “I don’t know. But if you’re sad, you should do somethin’ about it.” Luke looked at his feet. “That’s what you’d tell me.”

  “What if I don’t know what to do about it?”

  “Oh come on Daddy, you know what to do.”

  “I do?”

  “Sure. You gotta go see the girl.”

  His kids, they slayed him. He thought that a lot. They knew just how to get to his heart.

  ***

  Dinner was over, Paige and Mark had gone home. Blythe and Renie were heading into town to meet up with other friends who were home from college for the holiday. Liv sat out on the porch of the bunkhouse, looking at the stars, she wasn’t ready to go home yet.

  “Livvie, mind if I sit here with you for a minute?” Billy asked.

  “Of course I don’t mind.” She scooted over so he could sit on the bench next to her.

  “Did you have a nice Thanksgiving?” he asked.

  “I did. How about you?”

  “I did. I’m glad you and Renie were here with us this year. That’s what I’m most thankful for.”

  “You’re such a good friend to me Billy, and to Renie too. I don’t know what we would’ve done without you these last few weeks.”

  ***

  Billy asked her and Renie to ride with him every day between Thanksgiving and December 4. He made them laugh so hard, and if anyone understood her desire to get back into barrel racing, it was him.

  “Livvie, I’m tellin’ you, you oughta consider hookin’ up with a bronc rider. You just might like it you know.”

  God, if Billy Patterson wasn’t so much younger than she was, there might have been a day she would’ve considered it. That made her think of Ben, and how she thought he was younger than her too. But he wasn’t.

  Billy wanted her and Renie to go to Las Vegas with them. Dottie and Bill invited them to go too. Billy was ranked second going into National Rodeo Finals, or NFR, the
highest he’d ever gotten. It was a ten-day event. Liv didn’t know if she could handle being there that long, but the schedule would be jam-packed with events, annual dinners, and other functions they would be expected to attend.

  Liv looked forward to watching the barrel racers and seeing Jolene and Mary Beth again, who would definitely be there. There wasn’t a serious competitive cowgirl, or cowboy for that matter, worth her or his weight in salt who didn’t try to attend the finals every year.

  “I booked us rooms at Bellagio, hope that’s okay.”

  As long as they weren’t staying at Mandalay Bay, Liv didn’t care where they stayed.

  The NFR consisted of ten rounds on ten consecutive days. Cowboys and barrel racers earned money by placing first through sixth in any round, and picked up more money by placing first through eighth in the average (cumulative times or points earned during the ten rounds).

  At the end, there would be two champions in each event. One was the average winner, who won the NFR by having the best cumulative time or score in his or her event over the ten rounds. The other was the world champion, the person who finished the year with the most money, including what he or she earned at the NFR. For each event, the average winner and world champion could be the same person, or different people.

  Billy was riding better than he ever had, consistently placing first or second in every round. Before and after each ride, he’d find them in the crowd and wave.

  He was riding better, feeling better, he was on top of the world, he told them. There were few things sexier in life than a confident cowboy, and Billy was all that and more. There were plenty of dirty looks that came their way when she and Renie sat in the stands, from women who believed Billy Patterson was officially off the market.

  What would it have been like to fall in love with someone more like Billy? Someone who not only allowed her to be herself, but encouraged her to be all she could be, to not lose herself. With Ben, she lost herself completely. The same way she had with Scott.

  That was what she’d been most afraid of with Ben. That all encompassing love. The kind where nothing else mattered but being with him.

  Renie was nudging her and she looked up. She’d almost missed seeing Billy ride, because she’d been thinking about Ben. Thank goodness Renie had been paying attention.

  Dottie watched Liv. She hadn’t missed that far-off look on Liv’s face. If she were a betting woman, she’d take a bet that Liv was thinking about Ben. She wasn’t over that man, not even close.

  And Renie? Dottie hoped that Billy would start paying attention, and soon.

  ***

  Ben sat in the Goat nursing a coke, a little out of it. There wasn’t enough snow to ski, the boys were with Christine, and he was bored. He was worn out from both the tour and the emotional roller coaster with Liv. He didn’t feel like playing, or songwriting, or . . . anything.

  When he looked over at the big screen TV on the other side of the bar, the last thing he expected to see was Liv, but there she was, bigger than life. She was with Billy Patterson. The news ticker across the bottom of the screen read, “Billy Patterson, 2013’s Saddle Bronc Champion.” And based on the smile on Billy’s face, it was Liv he planned to celebrate with.

  Ben felt as though someone had just sucker punched him. Hard.

  Chapter 20

  It snowed Christmas morning, a beautiful white blanket covered the ground. Liv and Renie were going over to the Pattersons a little later. Billy promised to take them out on a sleigh ride after Christmas dinner.

  “Let’s go skiing tomorrow Mom,” said Renie after they opened presents.

  “Oh, that sounds heavenly . . .” But where? Liv knew where Renie would want to go and there was no way Liv would set foot in Crested Butte.

  “Do you want to call and see if you can get a reservation for tomorrow night? How many nights do you want to stay?”

  “First we need to decide where we’re going to go. I’m thinking Breck.”

  “Oh for God’s sake Mom. We love to ski Crested Butte, more than anywhere else. You’re never going to ski there again, are you?” Renie sounded angry.

  “It isn’t a big deal to go somewhere else. It doesn’t mean I’ll never go back there. I just don’t want to go back there tomorrow.”

  “Never mind. I don’t feel like going anymore.”

  Liv hated hearing the disappointment in Renie’s voice, but what was she going to do? If they did go to Crested Butte, she’d be so uncomfortable the entire time, she didn’t think she’d enjoy herself at all.

  She felt just like she had before she and Paige had gone to Las Vegas. Going to Ben’s hometown, at Christmas time, was just asking to bump into him. And was that fair? It was his home.

  She hadn’t heard a word from him since the night in the hospital. For a couple weeks she continued to check Twitter and Facebook, but there wasn’t much that sounded like he wrote it himself, and the pain of even seeing photos of him was too much for her. So she’d stopped looking.

  She had seen a couple photos of his boys that he posted just after Thanksgiving, an outing the three of them had taken together. They were beautiful boys, and she wished she had met them. It was better though, that she hadn’t. They didn’t know her, anything about her, and she didn’t know them. It just would’ve complicated things if they had. Then she might miss them as much as she missed Ben.

  Liv closed her eyes and imagined what Christmas morning would be like for them. In her daydream, Ben’s boys were with him, at his parents’ house. Will and Matt and their wives would be there too. She wondered if they had any kids, she hadn’t gotten to know them well enough to ever ask.

  She could see him so clearly, it was as though she was there with him. The last thing she wanted to do was open her eyes and have him go away. He crept closer in her mind, so close she could feel his breath, his arms, his kiss. The ache for him spread throughout her body.

  Throughout the rest of the day Liv’s thoughts wandered to Ben, and each time she closed her eyes and let them. The ache got worse, so much worse that she tried to shake it away. Where was the off switch? She needed to stop this. If she kept it up, it would destroy her.

  ***

  “Come in here and talk to me for a minute,” Ginny said to Ben.

  “Yeah Mama?” Ben smiled and gathered his mother into him for a hug. Thank goodness he had his family around him today. They distracted him enough that morning that he only thought about Liv two or three hundred times.

  “I’m worried about you Ben. Is there anything you can do?”

  “About?”

  “Don’t. You know what I’m talking about. Let’s not waste time playing games.”

  “It’s over. There isn’t anything to do about it. If you work that hard and it still doesn’t come together, it’s time to give it up and move on.”

  “She’s the one for you.”

  “Thanks Mom. You don’t know how good it makes me feel to hear you say that.” Ben walked away from her and looked out the window.

  “Do something about it Ben. Do something.”

  “What? What the hell am I supposed to do? Jesus—”

  “What’s going on in here?” Bud asked, coming in through the kitchen archway. “You’re raising your voice to your mother on Christmas Ben?”

  “I’m sorry Mom,” he walked over to her to pull her into a hug again. He never raised his voice to his mother.

  “Sorry Dad,” Ben looked above his mother’s head to his father.

  “It’s okay Bud. I started it,” said his mother. “I’m pushing him to contact Liv, which means I’m pushing his buttons.”

  Bud looked at the floor, shook his head and walked back out of the kitchen.

  “We’re both so worried about you,” his mom continued.

  “She’s with somebody else.”

  “How do you know that?”

  “I saw them together.”

  “Oh.”

  Oh was right. And even if she wasn’t, Ben didn’t
know if he had the balls to try again with her. She hurt him. Bad. He wasn’t sure if he could open himself up to it again.

  She knew where to find him. If she wanted him, she could make the first move this time. Which, obviously, she hadn’t. Again, he had his answer. She meant more to him than he did to her. He needed to keep reminding himself of that.

  ***

  They drove over to the Patterson’s since it was below zero when it was time for them to go. Liv doubted they’d take the sleigh ride since it was so cold.

  “Mom, wait,” Renie said, just before Liv turned off the truck.

  “What honey?”

  “I do want to go skiing tomorrow.”

  “Okay honey, I do too. We can make this happen.”

  “Do you think you can? Ski I mean.”

  “We’ll find out. I’ll take the first couple of runs easy, but honestly, I’m stronger than I’ve ever been. I never worked out before the accident, you know that. I worked, but I didn’t work out.”

  The doctors told her she could do anything she wanted to. Her body would let her know when it was too much, she just needed to listen when it did.

  “I want to go to Crested Butte Mom.”

  “Oh Renie, not this again.”

  “We ski there every year. Every single year. We love it there, it’s like a second home to me. If I had a bad breakup with a guy who lived there, would you let me get away with what you’re doing?”

  “This is different.”

  “How so? You and Ben dated for a few months. Granted he was in love with you, but it didn’t work out. If you start dating someone else and it doesn’t work out, will you hide then too?”

  “I’m not hiding.”

  “Then what do you call it? ’Cause it sure looks like hiding to me.”

  “All right, we’ll go. If, and it’s a big if, I can get a hotel room booked for tomorrow night. They got as much snow as we did, if not more. They’re gonna be packed tomorrow. All the ski areas will be.”

  “Already did it.”

  “Did what?”

  “We’re staying at the Grand for six nights.”

  “Six nights, are you crazy? What if I can’t ski?”

  “Then we’ll cancel. But if you can ski, we can stay.”