Fuck this war, fuck the warriors, fuck my father for ruining my one chance at happiness. Fuck me for taking this war, and making it all about my stupid feelings. Fuck Cole for refusing to let go.
Fuck the rain.
He overtook me, and I let myself be overtaken. Another kiss, this one desperate, hungry, bending me backwards and pushing me down into the earth. I didn't fight it. I didn't even try.
I tasted the saltiness of tears, and I didn't know whose they were. With a growl, he reared back and yanked my jeans down, popping one of the buttons so that it bounced and skittered away on the pine needles. The heat was rising and I felt it boiling through my blood, burning on my skin. I was actually surprised when each falling raindrop didn't sizzle and turn to steam just from touching my flesh. Cole turned me into a living breathing fever, with no thought, just burning desire.
He lowered his head down to my sex and licked, long and hard, his tongue stiff and angry and so unlike his usual gentle caresses. It worked. My body stiffened in pleasure almost immediately, a quick jolt of unexpected climax rocketing through every nerve ending. A moment later he slammed into me, god, how can he possibly be so hard already, oh god -
I felt him grow longer, thicker, inside of me. Instantly I thought of our last encounter, over the dining table, which still bore gouges from his claws. But this was different. The transformation was only just beginning, driven forward by our frantic coupling.
Above me, his face was contorted into a snarl. I watched as his eyes changed, not in shape or color, but changed all the same.
This is it. This is how it's meant to be.
I could never shake that feeling when we were together, especially when we were together like this, and I tried to tell myself it was just hormones and desire running wild. I could ignore it. I should ignore it. Even as I thrashed and moaned underneath him, even as he licked up the side of my neck with a tongue that grew rougher every moment, even as he clawed the earth and his groans became howls, I wanted more.
I wanted forever.
He fucked me like it was the only thing that mattered, like the world was ending tomorrow, like we'd never have another chance.
He fucked me like he was saying goodbye.
Or maybe that was just in my imagination, knowing what I was about to do.
When he finally stilled on top of me, chest heaving, I felt the tears come again. I couldn't stop them.
Cole was catching his breath. "I'm sorry, Sunshine. I don't know what comes over me when I'm with you."
I was in love with Cole Jackman, and I always would be. But that didn't change anything.
I couldn't be my father's pawn anymore. I had to let Cole live his own life.
And there was only one way to be sure of that.
"Just one night?" The desk clerk looked up at me, snapping a wad of gum in the back of his jaw.
"Yes," I said, handing him my credit card. "Thank you."
I'd only been driving for a few hours, but exhaustion was starting to creep into my bones. This nameless motel on the outskirts of some farming town, just off the highway, was the best I could hope for tonight.
If I spent one more night in Alki, I might change my mind. But I couldn't drive any more tonight. I had to rest, clear my head, and start fresh in the morning.
The room smelled comfortingly musty. I collapsed on the bed and didn't move for several hours, until a loud pounding on my door roused me with a panicked jerk.
Heart pounding, I wished for a peephole in vain. It wasn't Cole - I would have known. And that only left one other option.
In spite of my better judgment, I opened the door.
My father looked up at me.
"How the hell did you find me?" I demanded, still blocking the door with my body.
"Lucky guess," he said, flatly. "Let me in, Heather."
There was no point in refusing. He could force his way in if he wanted.
"You followed me," I said, watching him flop down in the well-worn armchair by the TV.
My father sighed. "Princess, if I was following you, do you really think it would have taken me this long? One of my friends spotted you heading this direction. That's all I knew. I've been hitting up every motel along the way. Tedious as hell."
"Gosh, well, Dad - I'm sorry to have caused you so much trouble." I sat down on the edge of the bed, my arms folded tightly across my chest. "But I'm afraid this has all been a big waste of time. I'm not coming back."
"Cole must miss -"
"Don't you talk about him!" I shouted, my veneer of calm shattering. "Don't you dare say his name. You've done enough damage."
His face hardened, but he still wouldn't look at me. "Heather, you have to understand. These creatures are ruthless. When the bloodlust comes over him, you're just like prey. And the rest of the time, when he's wearing his human-suit and convincing you that he's in love - even if he means it, can you really trust someone like that?"
My jaw clenched. "He didn't ask to be what he is."
"And neither did I," said my father. "But we're both just trying to survive." His eyes moved in my direction, but his head didn't. "Whose side are you on, Heather?"
"There are no sides." I stood up, fuming. "Nobody except you and your stupid minions want there to be 'sides.'"
"There's so much more at stake here than you know." He reached into his pocket for something, but came up empty, frowning. "If you'd just trusted me from the beginning, and taken my word for it, this would be so much easier."
"What would be easier?" I demanded. "We're finished. This is over. I'm not helping you. I never was."
"Are you really telling me that you want to give up your sacred duty?" My father's voice grew even more bitter. "Your birthright?"
If I never hear the word birthright again, it'll be too soon.
"I can't listen to this," I said, turning away to pace the room. "If you don't leave, I'm calling the police."
"Don't you threaten me!" my father warned. "When all this goes down, you'll be sorry you turned your back on your old man."
"When all what goes down, Dad?" I demanded. "What exactly are you trying to do? I knew you weren't telling me the whole story before, but Christ. I don't know what you're talking about."
He was silent for a long while.
"Hello? Are you serious? Have I really got you at a loss for words, for once in your life?" I stalked over to him, stopping just a few feet away. "What are you planning to do?"
Finally, he lifted his face, meeting my eyes full-on. "Destroy them," he said. His voice was dead and hollow, filling me with a cold sense of dread. "Once and for all. Wipe them out. Leave one survivor to spread the news to the other clans, all over the world. We're sending a message. We're not gone, and we never will be. We're taking our world back."
The blood turned to ice in my veins.
"What?"
"You heard me," said my father, deadly calm. "If you'd cooperated with me, I would've let you pick the survivor. But honestly, I don't know if that's such a good idea anymore."
"You're joking." My lips felt numb. I wasn't sure how I was still talking. "This is - this is insane."
"Do I sound like I'm joking?" My father stood up, slowly, and headed for the door. "Don't worry. You're getting your wish now. I'm leaving. Now that you know what's at stake, you can make up your mind. Come fight with me, or run away."
He paused, with his hand on the knob.
"Or, of course, you can play the martyr and die beside your lover. But I've always thought you were smarter than that."
My father walked away, slamming the door behind him.
Chapter Nine
I sat there in silence for a long time, nothing but the ringing of my ears keeping me company. My father's words had left me gutted. I couldn't even begin to wrap my head around the depth of his treachery.
Using me was bad enough. Using me to fight a war, putting me in harm's way for the sake of his stupid vendetta…
I had to tell them. Even if Cole hated me for my betra
yal, even if they didn't believe me, I had to try.
The drive back to Douglas Mountain felt endless. I sped the whole way, in silence, not even turning on the radio. My mind raced. I knew absolutely none of the details, but it didn't matter. I knew more than they did.
I didn't go to Steve and Andrea's. After the note I'd left, I didn't want to see them and have to explain why I was coming back, after all. Not yet, anyway.
There was someone I had to talk to first.
I pulled over and parked by the trailhead that was closest to the fountain. I knew instinctively that I'd find him there, sitting crosslegged on the ground, staring at the base of the fountain like it held all the answers to life itself.
He stood up as I approached, walking towards the woods on the other side of the clearing.
Whatever you're about to say, I don't want to hear it.
Now that I'd accepted the reality of hearing Cole's thoughts in my own head, I heard them loud and clear - almost more clearly that I heard my own.
"Please," I begged, taking another step towards him. "I need to talk to you."
"Heather, no." He turned away, keeping his eyes on the ground. "Please. For both of our sake's. Just stop this."
I let out a noise of frustration, running after him and cutting him off, but he just sidestepped me to keep walking. "Cole!" I shouted, inches from his face. He flinched, but didn't stop walking. "My father's trying to kill you!"
His feet froze. Slowly, he turned to look at me, his face haggard and haunted.
"What did you say?" His jaw twitched.
I stood tall, my fists clenched, forcing myself not to look away from his piercing eyes. "He wants to start a war," I said, surprising myself with the steadiness of my voice. "Like in the old days. He wants to wipe out the whole clan. He's found everyone who's left. All the warriors. He's one of them, Cole. And so am I."
His face was stony, but his chest rose and fell a little quicker, his nostrils flaring slightly with each breath.
"I wanted to tell you," I said, feeling a lump rise in my throat. "When I found out. But it sounded so ridiculous. And then I was afraid."
Cole's mouth twitched, but he didn't say anything. Didn't try to stop me, for which I was intensely grateful.
"At first, he said it was all about Foxwoods. Trying to get it back. He said they didn't have a right to the land, because of the treaty. I should have told him to go fuck himself. But I was in shock. I hadn't seen him in so long, and I…"
The lump took over momentarily, and I stopped, swallowing hard.
"You realize," Cole said, finally, "that this all sounds completely crazy, right?"
I stared at him for a moment.
"You turn into a wolf," I said. "Can we set aside the judgments about what's crazy and what's not?"
He sighed. "Heather, I don't know what to think. You're talking about someone trying to start up a thousand-year-old war again. It's…it's beyond crazy, it just doesn't make any sense. I don't know what he said to you, but…"
"Listen," I cut in. "Remember all those things I told you, about the history of the war and the berserkers and everything? And you were so confused about why he knew all that? It makes sense. It's the only thing that makes sense. The way the animals follow me. The way you and I…"
His eyebrows lifted slightly, then furrowed. "Are you saying that us - that we -" He gestured vaguely. "Are you saying that's just because of your bloodline? The way I feel about you?"
It was the closest he was going to get, I thought - the closest thing to saying I love you. And there was no time for me to wrap my head around it.
"I don't know," I admitted. "I don't understand any of this, Cole, but I know that my father believes what he's saying. And I know that he meant it, when he said that he wanted to destroy all of you."
Cole raked his hands through his hair. "God damn it, Heather. I don't…I don't know what the fuck to think."
"Take me to Adanna," I said. "Let me explain it to her. I feel like…I think she'll understand."
He was watching me, carefully. Hesitating.
"I never wanted this," I insisted, taking a step towards him. "Please, Cole. Please. It's me. Every moment I spent with you, every time we…"
"Don't say 'made love,'" he warned, and any other time, he would have smiled. I felt a hysterical laugh bubbling up in my chest, but I held it back.
"Fine," I said. "It was all real. All of it."
Even though my father was trying to use me as a pawn.
Cole's face was beginning to soften. "And because you didn't trust me," he said.
"Yeah, all right, fine," I conceded. "Because you hurt me, and I was sure you were going to do it again. But mostly because I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't ever want you to be suspicious of me. I didn't want to see the look on your face right now, doubting everything we've had together."
Tears welled up in my eyes, and I couldn't swallow the lump in my throat anymore. Cole's face softened just a little bit more.
"Baby," he said, coming close and cupping my face in his hands. "I don't know what's going on, but I believe you. Okay? I know it was real. I can feel it."
He smiled a little.
"The rest of it, I don't understand. I won't pretend like it makes any sense. But we'll go talk to Adanna. We'll figure it out."
There was a sick guilt in my chest. Still, even with the clan at risk for their lives, I hadn't found a way to tell him. It didn't matter - except that it did.
He deserved to know.
And if I didn't tell him on my own terms, then my father would.
Adanna was sitting there in perfect silence, her face betraying nothing. I'd just finished telling her about my father's plans, and my throat felt like a desert.
"Why should I believe you?" she asked, softly. It wasn't a challenge, exactly, but she expected an answer. I swallowed with an effort.
"Because," I said. "If I was lying, I'd come up with something better than this."
She almost smiled.
"That's as good an answer as any," she said. "I thought this day would come, but I never thought I'd live to see it."
Cole leaned forward. "I thought this was over," he said, urgently, like he thought he could talk his way out of war.
"Things like this are never really over," said Adanna. "Sometimes they lie dormant. Sometimes for years. Decades. Centuries. But they're never over."
"So what do we do?" he wanted to know.
"First thing." Adanna sat up straighter. "We find the man responsible for this. We find Bill Alexander." She glanced at me. "Don't worry. We won't hurt him, unless he forces the issue."
"That's fair," I said.
"I already have Steve and Joe looking for him," she said. "They should be more than capable of bringing him to us. We'll find out as much as we can." She sighed. "And then, unless we can reason with him - we prepare for war."
I pinched the bridge of my nose, closing my eyes briefly, trying to wrap my head around everything. "Should you get - I don't know. Body armor? Something. What if they come at you with assault rifles?"
"They won't use assault rifles," said Adanna, calmly. "Weapons like that are…ineffective against us."
It took an actual effort for me not to ask about silver bullets.
"We have to be -" Cole made an unmistakable slicing gesture, his flattened hand sliding in front of his throat. "And we can only assume that they know that."
Oh.
"But you can use guns," I said, hardly believing what I was suggesting. "I mean - even if it's just for intimidation."
Adanna shook her head. "That's not how we fight," she said, simply, in a tone that didn't allow for any discussion.
"Okay," I said, glancing from one to the other of them. "Well, in that case, uh…I'm all out of ideas."
"Don't worry, Heather," she said. "I know you want to help. And you have helped. But we can take this on. We've had to fight for our right to exist plenty of times, and we still have that blood running through our
veins."
Adanna's office phone started ringing. She answered tersely, just nodding at first. "I understand," she said, at last. "Thank you."
Hanging up, she looked at me. "They've found your father," she said. "He's not hurt. They're bringing him here. If you want to leave, I'll understand."
"No," I said, quickly. "Please. I want to say something to him."
"Fair enough." Adanna gestured to both of us. "Come. We'll meet him outside."
My father looked like a sniveling, snarling animal, more so than any of the berserkers he was so desperate to eliminate.
Word had spread through Douglas mountain, either directly in directly, I wasn't sure - or maybe there were more mind-readers and empaths in this place than just me. Many of my neighbors had gathered around, staring at my father with accusing eyes, some yelling questions and invectives as Steve and Joe frog-marched him over.
"Just so you know, if you kill me now, my warriors are still coming," he shouted, as he approached. "The gears are moving. You can't stop this now."
Adanna stared at my father like he was a flea she wished to step on, but couldn't quite reach. "We have been at peace for centuries, Mr. Alexander. We have no desire to fight your people."
"I'll bring the war to your doorstep," my father snarled, "whether you want it or not."
"Bill, you're being completely unreasonable." Joe's voice was strangely calm - almost too calm, I thought. A calmness that foretold much worse things ahead. "Sit back and think about what you're doing here. What you stand to lose. You're putting your daughter on the front lines of a conflict that you have no hope of winning. I don't know how many of you there are left in the world, but I know it can't be many. Not nearly as many as there are of us.
"You and I were friends, Bill. How many backyard barbecues did we have together? You can try to convince me it was all for show, but I know better."
"Friends!" my father scoffed. "Sure, you almost had me convinced that you liked me. Not that it matters. But I know what kind of person you really are. And all this time, you've been sniffing around my daughter like she's a dog in heat."
Becoming His Mate: Douglas Mountain Shifters (Fountain of Love) Page 10