Beautifully Broken

by Christa Simpson

  “Felicia, if I die, know that if I had more time in life I would have wanted to spend it with you.”

  My life seems to flash before my eyes, as she chokes on her tears.

  “Shut up!” she cries out. “No one’s going to die.”

  I can see that she’s squeezing onto my hand with a death grip, but I lost all sensation in my hands minutes ago.

  The cold grips me and seizes my insides. My eyes slide shut and it takes too much effort to reopen them. “Help me,” I whisper. Even my voice is tired. It’s like it has run out of time. “I’m dying.”

  “You’re not going to die,” she stammers. “You hear me, Matty? Not today, you’re not. You’re going to hang on for me, okay? You’re going to hang on and live for me. You have to.”

  Her voice cuts off. She’s sobbing now. I can tell she’s trying to be strong for me, but nothing can wake me from this nightmare. I’m going to die. I can feel it in my badly broken bones.

  “Matty,” she screams. “You have to wake up.”

  I can’t do that. Too sleepy. I can hear the sirens, but they aren’t going to make it in time. I can feel my life draining from my broken body. This life that I lead is officially over.

  Chapter 1: Rumor Has It

  “Wake up!” Felicia cries. “You have to wake up! Matty, please!”

  Felicia forces herself to a sitting position. She’s covered in a layer of sweat, soaking her bed sheets. It feels like she’s just stepped out of the bath. She wipes a hand over her forehead and cries into her hand. The memory is just as strong as it was at the time of the accident, a nightmare she’s forced to relive again and again.

  She escapes from the bed and walks over to the mirror in her hotel suite. She swipes the tears from under her eyes and scowls at herself. She doesn’t want to be so weak, but it was all her fault. The car had barreled into them and intimately pinned Matt to the death trap, holding all of his insides in place.

  The emergency crews had taken her away. They’d told her the outlook wasn’t good; that she shouldn’t stick around to watch him die. So she didn’t.

  Felicia flexes her foot and twists her ankle. She walks over to the modern bathroom and runs herself a bath. All she had suffered from the accident was a broken foot, but it had healed rather nicely. Matt didn’t make out quite as lucky.

  She’d visited the hospital regularly, but not once had she gained enough courage to step foot in his room. The trauma was bad enough. He’d spent days bouncing between the OR and the ICU. He was jacked up on enough morphine that it wasn’t like he’d miss her at all. She was sure the last thing he needed was his two-night stand showing up to stress him out.

  She cowers at the fact that she would forever remind him of everything wrong with his life.

  Felicia still rehearses that day in her mind night after night. She had held his hand for hours, long after the circulation had left her own hand. Even after he’d passed out from the pain, she continued to hold his hand, reminding him how important it was that he fight for his life. She doesn’t even know if he’d heard her. Probably not. But she’d done it, and she didn’t want to let go.

  The fire department had to pry her cold hand from his with a threat that if she didn’t beat it, his death would be on her hands. Another man, dressed in a suit made for fire, lifted her off the truck and carried her to safety. She whimpered the entire way, but she was too hurt to put up a meaningful fight. Yes, her foot killed like a mo-fo, but it was her heart that hurt the most.

  Felicia washes her face, wishing she could scrub that horrid feeling from her body. She knew visiting Destiny in this town would dredge up some old memories. The drive over was bad enough. Even with the snow long dried up, the memory hangs in the air like a noose starving her of air.

  She rushes through her morning routine and it takes a lot of effort to get through it. When she arrives at Destiny’s new apartment, she takes a look at herself in her rear view mirror. She looks very much put together, not at all like the way she feels inside.

  Felicia heads for the third tower and climbs up the first set of stairs in front of the building. She runs her finger along the list of names until she finds the match. Destiny Saunders.

  Buzz!

  Destiny must be standing at the door. “I’ve been expecting you. Come on up,” she cheers over the loudspeaker.

  Felicia glances around, looking for the security camera that she knows all the residents have access to. Once she locates it, she sticks out her tongue, for any number of people to see. The buzzer rings again, this time unlocking the door. She quickly reaches for it and heads upstairs, smiling.

  The elevator is small but elegant. It dings with every floor it passes. When it finally reaches her destination, it stops and the door slides open.

  “Felicia!” Destiny squeals. She attacks her with a hug before she’s even left the elevator. “I’ve missed you.”

  “Really? It’s only been—what?—two months since you’ve moved out here?”

  “When’s the last time we’ve spent two months apart?”

  Felicia thinks about it. “Never?”

  Destiny drags her down the narrow hall, lit by dim wall sconces, and smiles back at her. “My point exactly.”

  They enter the open door and Destiny shows her around her new apartment. It doesn’t take long. The place isn’t very big at all. Cozy, she’d call it.

  “I can't believe you've moved here. I have some family who live up this way, but I don’t really talk to them anymore."

  “I hope that doesn’t mean you won’t visit regularly.” Destiny looks sad.

  “As often as I can. Anyways, enough about me. What about you? Settling in nicely?”

  “Getting there.”

  “Still want to get married, or has the man already driven you batty?”

  “The man is perfect. Life couldn’t be more perfect. Actually, if you would move out here, then I’d have everything.”

  Felicia tilts her head to the side and gives Destiny a pointed glance. “You know that’s not going to happen.”

  “Why not? Matty’s out here.”

  She doesn’t like the way Destiny’s voice fluctuates when she says Matty’s name. “My job pays way too good to give it up.”

  Destiny ignores her excuse. It’s a lame one anyway. She hasn’t been at her job very long and she knows with her education she could be making more money with less travel in a small town like this one.

  “What ever happened with you and him?” Destiny asks. “You had such great chemistry.”

  Felicia is intrigued. “Why? Did he tell you that?”

  “No. It was obvious. Why? Did you hope he had?” Destiny answers, with a smirk.

  Felicia scowls back. “No.”

  Destiny laughs out loud at her rebuttal. “I don’t care how many months we’ve been separated, I can still tell when you’re lying. Liar!”

  “Whatever. Did you really think anything would ever come from that weekend? It was all about the sex.”

  “Was it?”

  “The sex was good. Great, really. I've never had hotter and Matt never left me wanting, but that was all there was to it.”

  Destiny belts out a sound of comical disbelief.

  “What is that supposed to mean?”

  Destiny is starting to grate on Felicia’s last nerve, but she knows right when to turn more serious. “Are you sure there wasn't something more to it?”

  Felicia keeps her expression steely. “If there was, I couldn't see it.”

  Destiny shakes her head, like she’s disappointed. “You really believe that two people with that kind of sexual chemistry don't have at least something to build on? You want to throw all that away?”

  “That was over six months ago. We’ve both moved on.”

  “Speak for yourself,” Destiny mumbles under her breath.

  “What did you just say?”

  “Nothing.”

  Felicia glares at her. “Now who’s the liar?”

  Desti
ny tilts her head and puckers her lips animatedly. “Fine. If you must know, Matty hasn’t been himself ever since the accident. At least that’s what Skylar’s been saying. I can’t say I really knew him well enough to give my opinion, but I hear he isn’t the man-whore he used to be.”

  Felicia rolls her eyes at that. “Yeah, I guess it’d be a little hard to take off the morning after when you’re wheeling around in a chair. He is still in the chair, right?”

  “Yes. Tell me that isn’t what’s stopping you from going out with him. I know you’re not that shallow.”

  “That’s not it at all.”

  Destiny persists. “Look at how far Skylar and I have come. You two have a lot of catching up to do.”

  “Quit comparing us to you and Skylar. It's not the same. Matt is not the same.”

  “That’s an awfully bold statement for someone who only concentrated on the sex.”

  “Quit it. I see what you're doing here. Did he set you up to this?”

  “To what? I haven't talked to Matty in weeks. Skylar's been visiting him on his breaks. Sounds to me like you’re digging for info. You wish he were asking about you, and you’re pissed that he isn’t.”

  “Am not,” Felicia answers, realizing how childish she sounds. But she can’t really argue when Destiny knows the complete truth.

  Why isn’t he asking about me?

  Chapter 2: Unleash the Blackness

  Matt struggles with the clear glass door and then rolls into his physiotherapist’s reception area.

  “Matthew Knight, looking good.”

  “Katie,” he answers.

  “Coming in for a round with me, sweet cakes?” she lewdly suggests, with a provocative voice that leaves nothing to guess work.

  “Actually, I have an appointment with Sarkis. Is he ready for me?” Matt knows how to deal with Katie. Be short and sweet, just like her.

  Katie flaunts her hips as she rounds the reception counter and grabs onto the handles of his wheelchair. She’s so short, when she leans forward, her breasts press against the back of his head, by no accident.

  “You’re missing out, honey. If you change your mind and are looking for some private practice, you know my bedroom door is always open.”

  Matt smiles. He’s hit the sheets with Katie a number of times before, and certainly he could use a good lay, but he’s been so focused on getting back on his feet that he’s vowed to keep off his back and keep his mind on recovery.

  “I can count on you, eh, Katie? Taking one for the team?”

  Katie is fun, but lately the idea of that kind of fun hasn’t been very appealing to him.

  “Oh, honey, you know we’d both enjoy it.”

  Just as she pushes him around the corner, Sarkis meets them at the door to the main rehabilitation room. He instantly notices the look on Matt’s face and turns his eyes on his sister.

  “Have you been hitting on my clients again?” Sarkis asks her pointedly.

  Katie shrugs her shoulders. “Only this one.”

  “Jesus, Katie. How many times do I have to say it? Leave my clients alone.”

  Katie smiles, not looking worried in the slightest. “But look at him.”

  “Yes, look at me,” Matt agrees. “I’m dilapidated.”

  “Katie, get out of here. You,” Sarkis says, pointing at Matt. “Get on your feet.”

  Matt listens but struggles to pull himself up without wincing. Katie turns back for once last glance at Matt before disappearing to the front desk.

  Sarkis approaches him, wearing a smirk across his face. “It should be illegal to bust a sag like that.”

  Matt turns around slowly and pulls up his pants. “Give me a break.”

  Sarkis continues to poke at him. “It’s called a belt.”

  Matt stumbles away from his wheelchair. “Sitting all day will do that to you. You should give it a try and see what it’s like. Besides, I wasn’t expecting anyone to check out my ass today. Clearly I was wrong to think that.”

  “I’m not gonna lie. You have a nice, tight ass. If you was a woman, I’d tap that.”

  “Oh, Sarkis,” Matt groans. “Too much information, buddy.” It’s impossible not to laugh.

  “What? I’m confident in my masculinity. I’m not afraid to recognize when another man looks good. We’ll have you up and running in no time. I’d bet your bed feels a little cold lately. Sounds like Katie might sort that out for you.”

  “Yeah, well, I think my bed needed the break anyway.”

  Sarkis clears his throat intentionally. “Alright. Enough about breaks, let’s get into fixes. You’re a mechanic. You fix things, right?”

  “Well, I was. There’s little I can do at this point without killing myself. I feel more like a bookkeeper now.”

  “Trust me when I say this, Matt. You will get there. These things take time. Now, come on. Enough negativity. You have to think positive. If you want to be walking down that aisle by the time Skylar’s big day gets here, you’re going to have to work for it.”

  “What do you want me to do?” Matt asks, clutching the bars in front of him.

  “Now that’s what I’m talking about. We’re going to do a few warmups. Stretches. I don’t want to push you too hard today, since you have a thing tonight, right?”

  “Yeah, about that. If you’re not busy tonight—”

  “Whoa, stop now. Are you asking me on a date? ‘Cause this sure sounds like you’re asking me on a date.”

  “Sarkis,” Matt groans.

  Sarkis breaks out in laughter. “I’m only playing with you. You want me to pop over for a bit? I have something else going on later, but I can definitely make an appearance.”

  “Thanks, buddy. I can’t imagine hanging out there all night around those people.”

  “I hear ya. I’ll go. But now, let’s focus on those legs, okay?”

  Matt does as he asks and struggles the whole damn time.

  There’s no fixing this. There’s no fixing me. I’m worthless.

  After a long but uplifting session with Sarkis, Matt heads over to Skylar’s house. Skylar’s rushing around like a madman, and doesn’t slow one bit when Matt arrives. Destiny had wanted to get a head start on the decorations, so she and her bridesmaids were nowhere in sight and yet they still had a long list of orders for Skylar to meet before he got to the venue.

  Skylar continues to fly around his place, collecting things from every room, while all Matt can do is sit there and take it all in. He’s never been much of an observer. He was usually the one catching all the eyes. Since his accident, though, he’s become much more observant. It might be a stretch, but he’s becoming a pretty good listener too.

  “Everything alright?” Matt asks.

  Skylar returns to the living room wearing a grumpy look on his face. “Don’t ask. Why don’t we head on over there?”

  Eventually, they arrive at the trendy pub where the co-ed wedding shower is supposed to go down tonight. As if Skylar needs any more responsibility, after he turns off his car, he races around to the other side and gets Matt’s door for him. Matt accepts his brother’s arm when it’s offered. Skylar pulls out his wheelchair from the backseat and helps him ease into it.

  “There you go.” Skylar closes the door on the car and turns back to Matt. “You good?”

  “I’m still trying to figure out who invites men to a wedding shower.” Matt smirks.

  No, he won’t let his brother live that one down.

  “Destiny. That’s who. So quit asking.”

  Matt nods, while Skylar’s expression admits he’s whipped already. “Who all’s coming?” He hopes he doesn’t sound too obvious, but Skylar reads into what he’s saying in an instant.

  “Why don’t you just come out and ask already?” He nudges Matt on the back. “You’re curious to know whether Felicia’s going to be here.”

  “You are so off base, Sky.”

  Skylar chuckles. “Don’t even play dumb with me. I remember the last time you two were together as
well as you. I don’t think the cabin has ever been the same after your headboard assaulted the wall that weekend.”

  “That was before.”

  “Oh, so you think you’re Jesus now? Before the accident and after? Come on. Admit it. You’re curious to see what she’s been up to all these months.”

  “Not really.” Even Matt’s sarcasm isn’t strong enough to hide his interest.

  Skylar starts to push the wheelchair, but Matt grips the wheels to stop all forward motion.

  “Is there a problem?”

  “Yeah, I’m not a cripple. I can drive myself.”

  Skylar raises his hands in surrender. “Forget I offered.” He heads inside and leaves Matt sitting at the entrance by himself.

  He sits there for a few minutes before he realizes he’s lost all his balls over the past six months. It’s amazing what a life-threatening injury will do to a man’s ignorance. He doesn’t even know why he’s here. It had been Skylar’s idea to arrive early and help the ladies move the tables around, knowing how particular Destiny can be. It’s not like he was going to be of much use to them.

  He’s not worth much of anything these days. If anything, he’ll only get in the way. Matt tries to force the negative thoughts away, just like his life coach has been teaching him.

  A life coach. Hah!

  A year ago, Matt would have beat up any man who called himself a life coach. Now his life seems to depend on those weekly meetings.

  Sarkis has become more like a best friend than a therapist, but he plays a lot of roles in Matt’s life. It started with rehabilitation. That’s how they met. Sarkis pushes him way harder than any of the previous sissies he’s employed since he left the hospital. He likes that. He doesn’t need men pussy-footing around him. He wants to work hard and push his body to the extremes without hurting himself. Sarkis helps him do that.

  Sarkis has noticed how Matt’s anxiety seems to have doubled over the past few weeks. Matt can’t even deny that it’s this damn couple’s shower thing that’s been the cause for anxiety and helplessness. Felicia’s name even started popping up in their conversations during rehab. Most times, Matt doesn’t even realize it’s happening until Sarkis points it out.