Relativity

by Dodd, Lauren

  Knox laughs and replies, “I still don’t know what I want to do when I grow up, man.”

  “Nothing wrong with that. We’re still young’un’s,” the cop jokes.

  “How about you, man? Is that badge real?” Knox teases.

  “It better be. I paid five bucks for it. America’s Most Wanted doesn’t exactly scout Jasper but there’s enough petty stuff to keep me busy. I don’t get to bust any serial killers or anything, but some of the work is kind of fun.”

  “Plus, you get to drive fast and mess with those lights and sirens,” Knox reminds him.

  “Those are definitely a perk,” he agrees.

  “Give me some dish, dude. I want to know the secrets of the good folks of Jasper,” Knox says, encouraging him. I can feel his eyes on me and I can’t stop myself from bending over a little further than necessary, just to give him a show.

  “Well, it’s all supposed to be really confidential these days and stuff,” he says, in a hushed voice. “But this is just too good to keep to myself. The other night I get a phone call from John Fonner, you remember him out there at the edge of town.”

  I see Knox nod, riveted, out of the corner of my eye.

  “He heard something suspicious out in his barn and wanted me to check it out. So I roll up all stealthy and shit. I’ve got my gun drawn totally expecting like Freddy Krueger to jump out and guess what I find?” He is really animated and practically bursting with excitement. I almost laugh but I don’t want them to remember I’m here, although I know Knox hasn’t forgotten.

  “Don’t leave me in suspense, Officer Wheeler,” Knox teases, throwing a dishtowel over his shoulder. I long to be that towel draped over his shoulder and down his chest.

  “It was so awesome. It was the only time I’ve ever actually wished I had on one of those body cameras the department keeps threatening to buy.”

  “Just tell me already,” Knox begs. He looks so adorable joking around with his high school buddy. I could watch him all night.

  “So I creep in and see these three kids going at it like crazy,” he says.

  “Having sex?” Knox clarifies.

  The officer nods his head, excitedly. “I haven’t even told you the best part yet,” he says.

  I feel sick because I have a feeling I know exactly what he is going to say as Tate’s words on the quad come back to me. This is a clusterfuck of epic proportions. The minute these words leave the cop’s mouth Knox is going to know I lied about being with Tate in the hotel room and then he will want to know why. He isn’t stupid and eventually he is going to figure out that I was covering for Natalie.

  “So, he’s drilling away on one girl, her prom dress practically drowning her, and the other girl is behind him doing stuff that my fiancée won’t even do,” he laughs. “And the whole time, he’s got this crown on. I guess he was the prom king but, seriously dude, I felt like I busted in on some weird ass porno being filmed. It was classic.”

  I stop wiping the tables and meet Knox’s eyes head on. I didn’t expect to feel so relieved that he knows the truth. Natalie is just going to have to clean up her own mess. I need to start worrying about myself.

  “Why were they in a barn?” Knox asks, confusion clouding his beautiful features.

  “You remember what it’s like, man. When you’re that age, you just fuck wherever you can. I guess the kid does some odd jobs for John so that’s why he picked his barn. I told them to get dressed and hit the road.”

  “Here you go, Officer Wheeler,” Mr. Parsons says, handing the cop three pizza boxes.

  “Awesome seeing you guys,” he says, making his way out of the restaurant.

  I see Mr. Parson’s pat his back pocket, searching for his phone. Natalie is still AWOL looking for clues on it. I should probably try to distract him but I don’t even care if she gets caught.

  Knox walks toward me but I can’t read him. He should be happy knowing that I wasn’t at the hotel with Tate. I know it probably doesn’t matter because he is with Greer now but I know he must have had some feelings for me because I couldn’t have imagined everything.

  We continue walking toward each other and I fantasize that he is going to wrap his arms around me and kiss me passionately. To hell with anyone who doesn’t want us to be together. Natalie isn’t exactly begging for my approval with her love life and Dad seems to be ready to move on with his so why shouldn’t I be happy?

  He stops in front of me, still unreadable.

  “Why, Ripley?”

  I know he wants to know why I lied but I don’t know how to answer. I just shrug my shoulders. “I’m sorry.”

  “I am, too. You’ll never know how much. Because after everything we’ve been though, I still thought there was a chance. But now I know there isn’t. Anything I might have felt for you is dead.”

  His words hit me like a burst of rogue wind to the face. I can’t catch my breath. The words he’s saying are all wrong. He’s supposed to be telling me how happy he is that I wasn’t with Tate and that no matter why I lied to him, we’ll figure it out. That we’ll be together forever.

  “Knox,” I beg, choking on his name.

  “I thought I knew you,” he says, shaking his head violently. “But I don’t know who you are.”

  His eyes burn through me and it almost brings me to my knees because I finally understand. He thinks I was in the barn.

  Chapter Twelve

  Instead of running after Knox and explaining that the cop didn’t recognize me from a threesome in a barn, but because he brought me the worse news of my life, I stood rooted to the floor of the restaurant. After a few minutes, I gathered my things and went home.

  I pull into the driveway, barely remembering how I got here. When did my life get so damn complicated? When mom died it seemed to have a domino effect on my life. A bad day used to be when I slopped spaghetti sauce down the front of a new outfit. Now, a bad day is being forced to make a choice between my best friend and the man I love.

  Dad is asleep in his recliner when I quietly open the front door. I go around turning off the television and all the lights then make my way upstairs. I take a shower to wash the smell of food off me then slip on my coziest pair of pajamas and crawl into bed with my phone.

  I dial Mom’s number, knowing I will only hear her voice for a few seconds and I’ll never be able to tell her everything in the few seconds I get to leave a message but just hearing her brings me a small amount of comfort. I wonder if she was still here if I would have told her about Knox or Natalie. Probably not, because I would still be clueless about how lucky I was to have her in the first place.

  I put the phone to my ear and instead of hearing Mom’s voice, I hear a message saying the number I am calling has been disconnected or is no longer in service. I hang up, realizing I must have dialed the wrong number but panic starts to trickle in, slowly. I dial the number, very deliberately this time, keeping my eyes on the numbers I push. I put the phone back to my ear and the horrible message comes on again.

  I scream louder than I’ve ever screamed and throw my phone against the wall. I tear the covers off my bed, still screaming. I’m consumed by panic, knowing that I will never hear my mother’s voice again, and reality sinking in for maybe the first time that she really is gone forever. I collapse on the floor in a tangle of blankets, sobs wracking my body.

  My door flies open and Dad stumbles in, looking terrified. “What is it, Ripley? What’s wrong?” he asks, clasping my shoulders.

  I can’t answer because I’m shaking too bad. I just point to the phone. He retrieves it off the floor and turns the still-working screen on. He sees the number I just dialed and instantly understands.

  “Were you still calling her phone?” he asks, heartbroken.

  I nod my head, rivers of tears streaming down my face. “I had to hear her voice before I fell asleep every night,” I choke out.

  Dad drops my phone on my bed, bends down, and wraps me in a hug. “Sweetie, I’m so sorry. I had Mom’s phone shut
off today. I just didn’t think.”

  “She’s gone, Daddy. She’s really gone,” I sob, falling into his arms.

  ******

  I don’t remember anything after Dad hugging me but he must have calmed me down and tucked me in. I feel empty, having cried out every last tear, but rested, I never woke up once last night. I lay in bed wondering about Knox. I can’t help but wonder if he’s waking up next to Greer. The thought makes me nauseous. I run to my bathroom and throw up. After emptying everything I’ve eaten in my entire life, I lean the side of my face against the cool tub.

  The bathroom door opens and Natalie pops her head in. “You okay?” she asks timidly.

  “What are you doing here?” I ask, surprised to see her.

  “Your dad asked if I could check on you because you were still sleeping when he left for work. I hope that’s okay.”

  “Of course it’s okay. I’m sorry about yesterday, Nat.”

  “Me too,” she agrees and just like that we are best friends again.

  “What time is it?”

  “It’s noon, I’m on lunch. I told the office you were sick. You aren’t pregnant or anything, are you?” she teases, trying to make me laugh.

  Fear seizes my heart as I realize that during the tremulousness of the last few weeks I had completely forgotten how careless Knox and I had been the last time we had sex. I flip a mental calendar trying to remember when my last period was. It had to have been before Mom died because I haven’t had to shop for any tampons. That means it’s been at least five weeks. I’m late. I want to lose it but I’ve got to keep my shit together in front of Nat.

  “Dad shut off Mom’s phone. I’ve been calling her phone to hear her voice every night since she died,” I admit.

  “Oh, Rip. I’m so sorry. You’ve been so strong that sometimes I forget how hard this must be for you.” She helps me up and hands me my toothbrush. I brush the vomit aftertaste out of my mouth and follow her to my room. I decide this is as good a time as any to bring up the subject we’ve both been putting off.

  “I know you’ve been having a hard time too, Nat. She loved you and she wouldn’t want you running around with a married man. You deserve better than that.”

  A defensive look crosses her face and I think for sure she is going to storm out of the house denying what she’s been doing so her response surprises me.

  “How’d you know?” she asks, looking ashamed.

  “I forgot my heels in the hotel wing on prom night and I saw you take him into the room,” I admit.

  “Fuck,” she says, plopping down on my bed. I sit on the bed next to her. “He’s like a fucking drug, Rip. I just can’t get enough. I know how shitty it is. I mean, the guy’s got kids, but every time I try to break away he just reels me back in. I’ve never felt this way about anybody.”

  Her honesty rips my heart out because I know exactly how she feels. It’s the same way I feel about Knox. I feel like the biggest hypocrite on the entire planet. I push those feelings down, telling myself it’s different because Cale is married and has children.

  “Let me talk to him,” I offer, surprising myself. “I’ll tell him to leave you alone or I’ll threaten to tell his wife. But then you’ll have to stay away from him. He isn’t going to leave his wife for you.”

  “I know,” she admits, looking miserable. “He never even promised to. At first, it just started out as fun but now he is getting possessive. I’ve tried to break it off. I wasn’t lying when I said that I really like Connor but Cale just won’t leave me alone long enough to forget about him and move on.”

  “Text him and tell him to meet you somewhere. You go back to school and I’m going to go meet him and tell him to leave you alone.”

  “Okay,” she answers nervously, looking at her phone. I don’t think she’s going to go through with it when she fires off a text at lightning speed. A reply is almost instantaneous. “One o’clock in the back lot of Mozzarella.”

  “Did you find anything on your dad’s phone?” I ask, slipping into a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. I pull my hair back in a ponytail. I check my reflection in the mirror and realize that it is good enough for an adulterous piece of shit.

  “That thing was wiped clean. Not one sent text or email. It just confirmed what I already knew. He’s in love with someone else. Nobody keeps their phone that clean,” she says, following me downstairs.

  “Maybe they’ll be happier apart,” I say, trying to make the best of it.

  “My mom is being so weird. She’s like wanting to have mother-daughter shopping days and go see chick flicks. She actually wants to talk to me now. It’s very bizarre,” she says, grabbing her keys off the kitchen table.

  “That’s a good thing. And ending things with Cale is going to be good, too. You’ll see, Nat. Things are going to start turning around for us,” I say, ushering her out the door.

  I just wish I could believe my own words.

  ******

  Cale is already waiting in his Charger when I pull into the back lot of Mozzarella. Confusion crosses his face when I park next to him and get out of the car. I glance around at the surrounding businesses that still have a perfect view of us. No one seems to be paying us much attention. The drive-thru of the burger joint next door provides enough traffic that I don’t feel threatened being here alone with Cale.

  His music is blaring when he rolls down his window as I stand next to his car. “Where is she?” he asks, obviously suspecting something.

  “It doesn’t matter. You guys aren’t a thing anymore unless you want your wife to find out,” I tell him, nearly gagging from the amount of cologne he has on. His white-blond hair is slicked back and he’s wearing a T-shirt that is at least two sizes too small to try and show off what little muscle tone he has left. I would almost feel sorry for him for trying so hard if I didn’t hate him so much.

  “Am I supposed to be scared?” he says, glaring back at me. He opens his door and steps out. I step back but he gets right in front of me.

  I suddenly wonder if I was stupid to come here alone. I force my key between my index and middle finger to use as a weapon if I have to. I force myself to look fearless but I’m screaming on the inside.

  “I don’t want to tell your wife and neither does Natalie. She just wants you to leave her alone,” I say, forcing myself not to step back. If he thinks I’m scared he is just going to take advantage of it.

  “Fuck her then,” he growls. “I was tired of her, anyway. You’re pretty cute though.” He leans in and nuzzles my neck before I have time to react. I hear the screech of brakes and pull away. Cale startles, jumps in his car, and takes off before I even know what’s happened.

  “What the fuck?” Knox shouts, slamming his Jeep door.

  “What are you doing here so early?” I blurt out, knowing it isn’t even remotely the correct response.

  He is so upset he can’t even speak. He just keeps pacing around, throwing his hands in the air. “How many guys are you stringing along?” he asks, finally recovering enough to talk.

  “That isn’t what it looked like,” I defend myself, even though I know that I can’t tell him the truth without hurting Nat and I just won’t do that.

  “Well, that’s a relief because it looked an awful lot like some creepy old dude kissing your neck in a deserted parking lot in the middle of the day when you should be at school,” he yells.

  “It doesn’t matter,” I say, turning away from him to get back in my car. There is nothing I can say to deflect this off of me even though I can tell by the look in his eyes that he wants me to say something, anything, to make sense of the things he’s learned in the past two days.

  “Didn’t I mean anything to you?” he asks, the hard shell over his heart finally coming down for the first time in days.

  When I look at him I nearly melt. I want to pull him in my stupid mini-van, drive to his place, and make love to him for hours. I want to tell him how much I love him but everything has gotten tangled up. I can’t expl
ain without giving up Natalie and even if I thought she would forgive me for being in love with her brother and telling him she was having an affair with a married guy, I don’t think Knox would forgive me for not telling him in the first place. There are just too many lies to go back.

  “Go back to Greer, Knox,” I tell him, getting into my car and driving away.

  I pull into a nearby Walgreen’s, still rattled by my conversation with Knox, and text Natalie to tell her it’s done. Her reply is a bunch of hearts and a kissy face emoticon which feels like a slap in the face considering what I’ve just done for her, but then I remind myself that she has no clue that I’ve just sacrificed the guy I love to keep her disgusting fling a secret.

  I walk stealthily through the store picking up a giant bag of peanut M&M’s, a magazine, and a package of ball point pens just to disguise the one thing I actually came in for: a pregnancy test.

  At home, I read the directions carefully then pee on the stick and leave it on the bathroom counter for twice as long as the directions recommend. When I see the one pink line I surprise myself by being disappointed. As much as I didn’t want to be pregnant it would have been the easy way out. I wouldn’t have had to make a decision about college. I would have been forced to be honest with everyone about Knox, and maybe we could have actually been together.

  Then I remember that even if I would have been pregnant, there is no way he would have believed that it was even his.

  ******

  I spend the time before I have to go to work straightening up the house. I start by burying my pregnancy test as far down in the garbage as it will go then taking the bag out to the garbage can. The last thing I need is Dad finding it. He’d probably have a stroke.

  It is still bothering me that I can’t call Mom’s voicemail anymore when I remember the phone I found in her console. I bolt up the stairs to get it, knowing it’s probably a long shot but maybe if I can get the phone number off that phone, maybe Mom has some old voicemail message on there. I know it’s stupid but I don’t have anything else to do and I have to cling to some small hope.