Linda Goodman's Sun Signs

by Linda Goodman

  Virgos are unquestionably dependable and sincere. Nevertheless, they’re capable of pretending to be sick when they don’t want to go somewhere or do something. At these times, the latent Virginian talent for acting comes forth. Occasionally, they manage to convince themselves of such imaginary ills, but the cool eye and clear head of Mercury-ruled people insure that most instances of such self-deception are short-lived. They’re are fastidious and exacting in grooming, eating, working and romance. Your neat Virgo friend who looks as if he just stepped out of the shower probably just did. He takes more baths and showers than any four people you know put together. He also has very precise ideas about health, little patience with laziness, and very few illusions about life and people, even when he’s in love. Male or female, romance never clouds Virgo’s eyes with a thick enough film to blind him to any existing flaws and shortcomings in either the relationship or in the loved one. To use the idiom of the day, Virgo always “knows where it’s at,” though the slang-hating Virgos will shrink in distaste from that phrase.

  Of course, you shouldn’t get the idea that everyone born in late August or September is fussy, prissy and dogmatic. Lots of Virginians shine with a clever Mercury wit—if you catch their side remarks—and they project a bright, Mercurial charm that’s hard to resist. Cameron Diaz is a Virgo, which should settle that point once and for all. You may run across a Virgo who is so busy keeping the corners of his (or her) mind neat and orderly, that he’s become careless about his clothing or his surroundings, which may fool you when you catch him in an off moment. But wait. Sooner or later you’ll find him picking up a pin from the rug, brushing his hair or pinching a piece of lint off his shoulder.

  Although they dream very few impossible dreams, Virgos often have the inconsistent trait of looking like lovely dreamers—as if they were all wrapped up in the very rainbows their logical minds refuse to believe in or follow.

  When they’re annoyed by vulgarity, stupidity or carelessness, Virgos can suddenly become cranky, irritable, scolding and nervous. But most of the time they’re gentle folk, and quite nice to have around, especially around the sick room. Some of the finest doctors and caregivers are born under this sign, full of efficient sympathy and crisp capability. When you have a headache, your Virgo friend is the one most likely to run to the drugstore for you. If you’re at his place, he won’t have far to go, because there will probably be a miniature drugstore right in his house. His bathroom medicine cabinet is usually loaded down with patent reliefs for stomach-ache, constipation, upset liver or acid indigestion. Peek inside sometime. He’ll never take a drug unless he’s familiar with each ingredient and how it works, so he’ll be an expert at telling you which remedy will be best for your headache, depending on what caused it. Virgos who travel often take their portable drugstores right along with them. They may carry an extra suitcase, just for the pills and bottles. If they’re used to a certain brand of soap or lotion, they’ll tuck that in, too. It would be a disaster if they happened to get stuck in a town where they didn’t sell what the Virgo is accustomed to using. He usually buys his soap and sundries by the case, because it’s cheaper—or at least by the dozen—which is another reason he doesn’t like to purchase things en route. Sometimes a Virgo will even tote his own water with him on trips. Don’t laugh—do you know what can happen to a person’s stomach when certain foreign bodies in strange drinking water enter the digestive system? Virgos can tell you. When these people form habits, they form habits, and taking a vacation or a business trip is no excuse to break them. If he’s used to keeping his socks in the middle left-hand drawer of the bureau at home, that’s where the socks go in the hotel room. If it’s one of those bureaus with only three large drawers, and no choice of left or right, it can really hang him up for awhile. He may end up just leaving them in the suitcase, but his sleep will be restless. The next morning, the waitress in the hotel dining room will quickly learn that when the Virgo says three-minute eggs, he doesn’t mean two minutes and forty-five seconds. Or when he says sunnyside up, he doesn’t mean sunnyside down. And he’ll definitely base his tip on her attention to such details.

  A Virgo may criticize your statements with hairsplitting arguments which drive you wild, but if you are in a jam, he’ll also quickly step in to turn things right side up again with no motive except to serve. If the job you tackled has you so bogged down in boring details, you despair of meeting the deadline, Virgo will roll up his sleeves and pitch in willingly. It’s not ego that makes him itch to take over when things are in a shambles. It’s just that his orderly Mercurial mind can’t stand procrastination, neglected details or confusion of purpose. He may even straighten things out before he’s asked, with no intention of rudeness, because bringing order out of chaos is instinctive with him. He’s the kind of guest who will happily help the hostess clean up after the party. But he’s also the kind of guest who will notice immediately that you have carefully placed the Vanity Fair on the coffee table to hide an ugly stain, and arranged the cushions on the couch to cover the cigarette holes.

  Like the Libran, Virgo is quick to deny his habits and traits. He has an apparent blindness to his faults and he seems unable to see his own weaknesses in as clear a light as he sees everything else. But the truth is that he does see them—and he sees them in such infinite detail that he can’t bear to hear them generalized. Try to tell a typical Virgo he’s critical, a worrier, fussy, neat or unusually concerned with diet and health, and you’ll face a flat denial. Who, him? He’s not like that at all. I still have the ten-page letter from a Virgo mother, written in a tiny, precise handwriting, in which she carefully details all the reasons why the descriptions of her Sun sign don’t fit her, never realizing that the very orderly form and length of her hairsplitting complaint was giving her away.

  “I’m just not neat,” she wrote. “My house is terribly sloppy.” But then she continued, “After all, I do have two very small children, who constantly make messes which drive me crazy. I pick up after them every second of the day.” (She then proceeded to itemize her endless tasks, one by one, very carefully.) “I try to keep things in a particular spot, and I never waste time reading or watching TV like my neighbors do. But things are still untidy when my husband gets home for dinner. I don’t think he has any right to complain, because I do work till after midnight while he’s sleeping, getting the house in shape for morning. I couldn’t get breakfast in a dirty kitchen. Dirt breeds germs, and sickness spreads fast in a family. But before he leaves for work everything’s a mess again. So this neatness thing about Virgos really annoys me. I’m really not neat. I’m also not a worrier nor a hypochondriac. I never criticize my husband’s mistakes with the check book, at least not very often, because it’s not my place to do that…. I’d like to be neat, but what can I do with the children and all? Really, if you could see how they …” and so on. (Naturally, she carefully included a self-addressed, stamped envelope for a reply.) The last line in her letter wondered, “Can you tell me why the descriptions of my Sun sign don’t fit me at all?” Those pages are framed and now hang on the wall under a symbol of Virgo.

  You should be able to pick out a Virgo in a roomful of people with no trouble. He’s incapable of sitting still for very long. After a while, he’ll become visibly restless and pace the floor or change chairs like a jumping jack, and project a vague sense of urgency as if he’s late for another appointment somewhere. At the same time, the facial expression will portray a certain tranquility, like a mask. The full damage caused by Virgo’s nervous intensity seldom shows completely on the outside, but it surely can mess up the digestive system inside. That’s why you’ll often find them carrying a roll of Turns for the tummy.

  You won’t find those people lavish in affection or in spending money. They’re normally prudent in both areas, giving their love quietly and steadily with little demonstrativeness, and handling cash just as conservatively. Strangely, as willing as Virgos are to give efficient service to others, they have an almost neuroti
c and intense dislike of accepting favors themselves. They don’t want to be obligated to anyone for any reason. And they don’t want to depend on anyone but themselves for anything. The deeply imbedded fear of dependence in old age is what makes many of them live so economically as to be called stingy. But that’s really too harsh a word. When there’s plenty of security and no need to worry about the future, Virgo will spend money more freely, although even then it will be spent with full value received—or back to the store for a refund.

  Though he has absolutely no sympathy for beggars or idle wastrels, he is unfailingly generous when a friend is in trouble. The Virgo who is almost miserly where his personal needs are involved, will make charming gestures of financial aid to those who really deserve it, or to people he really likes or loves. But you’ll never find him throwing money away carelessly, because waste is one of his pet peeves. Virgos labor hard for what they have, and extravagance never fails to shock them. They usually have a few sharp things to say about spendthrifts and people who are too lazy to work.

  There’s one thing that will remove some of the sting of Virgo’s criticism, however, and that’s the knowledge that he’s secretly as critical of himself as he is of you. He just can’t help seeing the flaws, because he was born to notice the tiniest crack in the vase. He won’t take to lateness any more kindly than he does to wastefulness. Actually, to be late is waste of a kind. It’s a waste of time, and to Virgo, time is the stuff of which life is made. So be punctual if you want to avoid his stinging disapproval. Frank Sinatra’s friends learned that when the singer said “dinner at eight,” he meant eight, and not eight-fifteen or eight-thirty. Although Sinatra was a warm, fiery Sagittarian by Sun sign, he did have a Virgo ascendant which also explains why he was so painstaking about rehearsing and such a bug for detail in music arrangements. Every note and every tone had to be exactly correct when he recorded or the session would be repeated until he was satisfied. Add such meticulous and impeccable taste to the Sagittarius fire and warmth and you can see why he sold a song or two.

  It’s hard to understand why Virginians are sometimes called selfish, since they usually find more satisfaction in serving others than in satisfying their own personal ambition. The selfish label probably arises from the Virgo ability to say “no” and really mean it. He gives freely of his time and energy, but he won’t go beyond the point of reasonableness. When demands become excessive, Virgo will balk and make his objections quite clear, perhaps too clear. As much as he loves to point out the flaws of others, he fiercely resents open criticism of his own mistakes. When a Virgo makes an error, which will be rare, point it out tactfully if you want to keep his friendship.

  Virgos are surprisingly healthy, in spite of their traveling drugstores (unless they worry themselves into illness through overwork, mental tension and pessimism). They take good care of their bodies and they’re fussy about their diets. Still, they may complain about minor ailments, such as upset stomach, indigestion, chronic pains in the intestinal area, headaches and foot problems. They should baby themselves when they have a chest cold, because they’re susceptible to lung ailments if their individual planets are afflicted in the natal chart. They may be plagued with pains in the hips, arms, shoulders—gout, arthritis, rheumatic troubles and sometimes sluggish liver and back aches. But the Virgo’s concern about his own health will prevent most serious illness. Many of them are vegetarians. If not, you can bet they know exactly what they should eat and how it should be cooked. Now and then you may come across a germ-conscious Virgo who wears rubber gloves to mix a meat loaf or boils his toothbrush every night, but that’s an extreme. Still, even the average Virgo will be sure to wash his hands with vigor before a meal.

  Virgos like cats, birds and small, helpless creatures. They also like truth, punctuality, economy, prudence and discreet selectivity. They hate gushy sentiment, dirt, vulgarity, sloppiness and idleness. Theirs is a practical nature, with excessive discrimination—the true individualists, whose keen perception keeps their desires clear of muddy, wishful thinking. A fresh breeze blows through the dream of a Virgo, sweeping it free of wisps of wild, inaccurate fancies. Once he’s learned to master life’s complicated details, instead of letting details master him, he can shape his own destiny with more certainty than any other Sun sign.

  Cool, green jade and pure platinum complement him and bring him luck. But Virginian good fortune is always followed by five kinds of loneliness, and duty’s clarion call is never still within these gentle hearts. Don’t forget that the shy, wistful smile of Virgo hides a secret or two. The quicksilver of Mercury runs through his quiet blood, as he dresses in his favorite colors of gray, beige, navy blue, all shades of green and stark white. Underneath his serious manner lies the alluring aura of the Virgin—purity of thought and purpose, symbolized by the Virgo hyacinth. Once you’ve known the fragrance of this Easter flower, you’re never quite free of its spell. It returns each spring to haunt the memory. Virgo has its own, secret way of making the heart remember.

  Famous Virgo Personalities

  Yasser Arafat Colin Firth Sophia Loren

  Lance Armstrong Henry Ford II John McCain

  Ingrid Bergman Johann Wolfgang von Goethe H. L. Mencken

  Leonard Bernstein Hugh Grant Cardinal Richelieu

  Warren Buffett Prince Henry of Wales Oliver Stone

  Sean Connery Michael Jackson William Howard Taft

  David Copperfield Lyndon B. Johnson Leo Tolstoy

  Cameron Diaz Stephen King Lily Tomlin

  Queen Elizabeth I D. H. Lawrence Roy Wilkins

  The VIRGO Man

  “Why, if a fish came to me,

  and told me he was going on a journey,

  I should say, ‘With what porpoise?’”

  “Don’t you mean ‘purpose?’” said Alice.

  “I mean what I say,” the Mock Turtle replied

  in an offended tone.

  We may as well get this out into the open right away. Don’t pin your hopes on a Virgo man if your heart is hungry for romantic dreams and fairy tales, or you’ll find yourself on a starvation diet. A love affair with a Virgo will dump a warm sentimentalist on the cold ground with a hard thud, and it can hurt.

  This man lives almost entirely on a practical, material level, and he has little use for the abstractions of storybook romance. Of course, the whole problem may be academic anyway, since it will take no little effort to bring him anywhere near the threshold of a man-woman relationship in the first place. He’s not the type to serenade you beneath your boudoir window. You’ll have a long, lonely wait on your moonlit balcony until he starts climbing the rose trellis (or the fire escape, if you live in a walk-up).

  Actually, Virgos are deeply involved with love from earliest childhood, but not the Romeo-Juliet kind of love. His chief way of expressing the word is concerned with unselfish devotion to family, friends and those weaker or more disorganized than himself. He was born with an instinctive love of work, love of duty and discipline and devotion to the helpless. Even the un-evolved Virgo, who doesn’t quite reach such heights, feels slightly guilty that he isn’t living up to a selfless ideal in some way.

  The kind of love which displays itself in dramatic emotions, sentimental promises, tearful declarations and mushy affection, not only leaves a Virgo man cold, it can frighten him into catching the nearest bus or train out of town. (Planes are too fast and too expensive for him, unless he’s really desperate.) But he can be melted if the temperature is just right, even though he seems to be made of a combination of steel and ice. There are definitely ways to the Virgo heart. Secret ways. Aggressive pursuit is not one of them. Neither is coquetry nor sexuality, as many a flirtatious vamp and slinky siren has learned, to her surprise and disappointment.

  Virgos seek quality rather than quantity in romance. Since quality is at pretty much of a premium in any category, they have few real love affairs, and the few they do have are destined to be unlucky or sad in some way, more often than not. Virgo’s reactio
n to such a disappointment is normally to bury himself in the hardest work he can find, stay away from society in general, and be twice as cautious at the next opportunity. You can see that you’ll have to use considerable strategy and patience. The basic Virginian instinct is chastity, and he’s turned from it only for a good cause or for a mighty good woman. Many Virgos—though admittedly not all—can live with celibacy far more easily than any other Sun sign, just as they put up with rules of discipline they don’t understand, because obedience to fate without struggling comes naturally to them. If fate decrees a single life, Virgo is prepared to accept it without excess regret or emotional trauma, so there are lots of Virgo bachelors around—but still, in their quiet way, they can manage some very poetic, if fragile, love affairs.

  Although he’s never obvious, Virgo can be a master of the art of subtle seduction. A couple of generations of women who have trembled inside when a certain Englishman smiles his shy, gentle smile, can tell you all about it. Colin Firth has never been categorized as a swinging ladies man, and his characters tend to be on the conservative side. But he’s plenty popular among the women owing to his own brand of subtle sex appeal.

  The Virgo man is a blend of sharp intellect and solid earth. He can be detached enough to break lots of hearts with a cool kind of flirting, but his critical analytical sense and his fastidious discrimination seldom allow these frequent excursions to leave the platonic arena. It has to burn with a white heat to produce real passion in a Virgo. His modesty and selectivity alone prevent undue promiscuity. Of course, there may be an occasional fall into an earthy, physical experience, but such indiscretions are the exception, rather than the rule. The rule is aloof interest. I know one Virgo man who accepted a part in one of those really raw “for adults only” films, but he did it strictly for the cash—he was flat broke at the time—and he still blushes when anyone mentions it. Naturally, a man is a man, and not all Virgos remain technical virgins, but they do always remain pure in outlook. There’s invariably something clean and chaste about Virgo love, which is never allowed to become soiled—even in the midst of passion—no matter what unfortunate events may give the outward appearance of casualness.