Gluttony

by LJ Baker

  Az opened his mouth to speak, but Harley glared at him hard, so he closed it again. She needed to think and she couldn’t do it with his yap flapping with that nonsense. She knew Luc better than anyone, so she should know what to do to help him out of his funk. She knew it wasn’t to call in Cupid, but she didn’t know what the answer was.

  After several minutes of silence, Az decided to chance it, and spoke. “What if we don’t pick the next girl right away.”

  “That was pretty much a given.”

  “No, I mean what if we don’t give up on Amanda?”

  She narrowed her eyes. “I’m listening.”

  “What if we find a way to help her along, to you know, fix her life and shit.”

  “Maybe don’t put it that way if you talk to her.”

  “Yeah, yeah, whatever, but seriously, if we help her get a handle on things, maybe she would be in a better place and they can finally get to know if they’re meant to be together. I kind of get the feeling that Luc was left wondering. With Ronnie, he knew she wasn’t the one, at least not at this point in time. But with Amanda, he was all twisted up from the start. He probably doesn’t know what to think and Lucifer doesn’t do well with not knowing all the answers.”

  Harley stared at Az for a long moment. It wasn’t often that he had something smart to say, but this might just be the time he surprised her.

  “I can get behind that idea. You have any suggestions?”

  Az thought for a moment before answering. “What if we have a seance and bring back her dead boyfriend and he tells her it’s okay with him if she moves on? Then she can get closure and not worry about betraying him or anything. I can probably find him if he’s in Hell, and from what I’ve heard about him, that’s probably where the guy went. Then if he agrees, I can get him to make a one-time trip back here to give her what she needs. There, all fixed. Life moves on. Everybody wins. Well, except the poor dead boyfriend. There’s nothing for him in all of this.”

  Harley stared at Az for a long time, not saying a word. She was trying to figure out of dropping an angel baby on its head could cause the kind of malfunction that was Az’s brain.

  “Every time I think maybe you’re not a complete idiot, you go and open your mouth again.”

  “What?”

  “You were joking with all that, right? Tell me you were trying to be funny.” Harley waited, but he wasn’t laughing.

  “What’s wrong with my plan? Her problem is that she feels like she shouldn’t be happy because the boyfriend is dead and it was her fault. So she can’t be with Luc, or anyone, because she doesn’t have the closure she needs.”

  “There’s no such thing as closure.”

  “Whatever, call it what you want. She can’t move on. So if we give her the chance to see him again, to hear him tell her he doesn’t blame her, that she should move on, then she can let go.”

  “And what if he does blame her? What if he doesn’t want her to move on? What if he tells her she’s the worst bitch to ever walk the Earth and he hopes she ends up in Hell with him so he can watch her burn in a fiery pit for all eternity?”

  Silence.

  “Az, I know you mean well, but having her dead boyfriend show up isn’t a good idea. Even if he did say all those things you want him to, there’s no way to know if it would help her, or make things worse. Do you want to be responsible for that if things go bad?”

  “Well, no, but, what if they don’t go bad?”

  “And what if they do?”

  They were going to have to come up with a way to help Luc that didn’t involve temporarily raising the dead and potentially ruining a poor woman’s life. They couldn’t just let the month run out and move on. Luc needed closure, even if it didn’t really exist.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  “Amanda?”

  She looked up from the box she was struggling with to find Luc’s brother Az, standing a few feet away.

  “Hey, what are you doing here?” She temporarily gave up on the box and wiped her hands off on her jeans. She certainly wasn’t expecting to find Az outside a rival bar, lurking by the delivery bay, at eight in the morning on a Saturday. The impression she got was that he didn’t roll out of bed before noon and he seemed to spend all his free time at his brother’s bar, drinking for free.

  “I had some business with Sal. You deliver to him too? I didn’t know you’d branched out this far. Good for you.” He took a few steps forward and motioned to the box, she nodded, and he lifted it easily onto the dock.

  “Your brother actually recommended me to him, and well, now here I am.”

  “Hopefully you’ll still have time for Luc’s place.” Az laughed and they stood awkwardly for a few moments.

  “Well, I better get back to work.” Amanda turned to go back to her boxes, but Az grabbed her wrist.

  “I actually am glad I ran into you.”

  “Oh yeah?” She glanced down at his hand on her, then met his eyes. “Why?”

  He released his hold on her and took a step back. “I was hoping we could talk about Luc.”

  “What about him.” Amanda tensed. She wasn’t sure what Az wanted to know, but she was pretty sure it wasn’t something she wanted to have a chat with him about.

  “My brother is used to getting what he wants.”

  Probably not the best way to start off.

  “What I mean is,” Az paused, took a deep breath and swallowed, then continued. “He’s not used to having to work so hard.”

  Still not helping his case.

  “Well that’s good to know.”

  “This isn’t coming out right. What I mean to say, is that he likes you.”

  “That was a bad way of saying it.”

  “I know. Shit. I’m sorry. He would kill me if he knew I was even talking to you about this.” Az stuffed his hands into his pockets and kicked at a rock on the ground. “Look, I don’t know what went down between you two, but he’s been quiet and brooding ever since. Maybe if you just gave him a chance?”

  Lucifer Morningstar, brooding. It seemed unlikely.

  “You’re a nice guy, Az, and I can see that you care about your brother, but like you said, you don’t know what went down between us. It’s between me and Luc.”

  “I get that, and I’m sorry for sticking my nose into your business, but I can’t just sit here and watch him suffer.”

  “Suffer? I think maybe you’re being dramatic.”

  “Can’t you just go talk to him?”

  “I’ll see him soon for our regular meeting. I’ll talk to him then.”

  “I was kind of afraid you might not go, especially since you seem to have more customers now.”

  “I have a contract. I’m not going to break it, but honestly, I don’t think you need to worry about Luc. Nothing serious happened between us. I’m sure whatever is bothering him, has nothing to do with me.”

  Even as she said the words, she wasn’t quite sure she believed them. The look on his face when she left him standing there flashed into her head. He didn’t want her to go, but she couldn’t stay another minute. So much guilt crashed in on her that she wasn’t sure she could breathe. Everything had been fine. And then it wasn’t.

  “I hope you’re right.” Az eyed the rest of her boxes like he wanted to offer to help, but changed his mind. “I’ll let you get back to work then.”

  She nodded and watched him walk away. She’d been so focused on her own feelings and what she was going through, that she’d selfishly blocked Luc from her mind. She felt bad, but she wasn’t sure she had room in her head to worry about both their needs. Hopefully, he would understand.

  ***

  “Are you nervous?” Harley pushed a glass of bourbon at Luc and flung her bar towel over her left shoulder.

  “What? No. About what?” Luc picked up the glass and took a small sip.

  “Amanda comes for your meeting today.”

  “So?”

  “You haven’t seen her in a while. How are you feeling about
all this?” Harley pretended to busy herself with stocking and cleaning, but Luc saw her watching him out of the corner of her eye.

  “I’m fine, Harley. Just let it go. I played the game, the month is over, and I’m ready to move on to the next sin.”

  He wasn’t at all ready, but he was going to do it anyway. She knew he was lying. He wasn’t even sure why he was, or why he wasn’t ready to move on. He wanted to be, but something wouldn’t let him just walk away. Something about her kept hold of him, no matter how much he wished it hadn’t.

  “Oh you are huh?”

  “Yes, I am.” Luc gripped the bourbon, but made no move to drink.

  “Cupid was here again.” She avoided eye contact as if she wasn’t completely innocent in what she was about to say.

  “Oh?” Luc didn’t want to play this game with her. She could spit out what it was she was going to say, or he could finish his drink and walk away.

  “He’s been calling for weeks. He really seems like he wants to help.”

  It wasn’t like Harley to believe anything Cupid said, so Luc was intrigued.

  “He does, does he?”

  “Maybe. I mean, you know he isn’t exactly trustworthy, but I don’t know, maybe you should hear him out at least.”

  Luc took a hard gulp of his drink and placed the glass down on the bar. He stared at Harley with a blank expression. The last thing he wanted to do was discuss that asshole, but he had to admit, he was curious what the hell could have persuaded Harley to even bring him up. Luc was pretty sure Harley disliked him even more than he did.

  “Look, I know this whole game was my idea.”

  “It was.”

  “And I stand by my choices so far as possibilities.”

  “I’m sure that you do.”

  Harley would likely rather be thrown into the pits of Hell than admit that she was wrong.

  “It’s just that I can’t exactly predict the whole timing thing and when these girls might be ready for a relationship. Cupid could nudge things along and—”

  “I’m going to stop you right there.” Luc held up his hand and looked at her with a hard stare. “I don’t need Cupid, or anyone else, to nudge any woman along. If I can’t get a woman to fall in love with me on her own free will, with the right timing, then I guess I won’t find my soul mate. And that’s just fine.” Luc’s tone grew sharp and he was bordering on raising his voice, something he rarely did.

  “Luc, I—”

  “I’m not finished.”

  Harley nodded with her lips pressed together. She knew better than to push it when he was in that kind of mood.

  “We’ll continue on with the game the way we’ve been, until I grow tired of it, or until I find the right person. I don’t need any so-called help from Cupid. So if he calls you again, or shows up here, or sticks his pointy little nose into my business again, send him straight to me.” With that, Luc got up and walked away. If he stayed, he might say something he would regret, and it wasn’t Harley he was angry with. Not really, anyway.

  ***

  “I feel like we haven't talked in ages.” Toby flopped down on the couch in his pajamas and leaned his head on Amanda’s shoulder. “What’s going on with you?”

  “I started therapy.”

  “Wow.” Toby sat forward and looked at her. “How’s that going?”

  “Pretty good. I go a few times a week and he found me a good support group for people who have lost significant others. It’s interesting.”

  “Have you seen Luc?” Toby leaned his head back down and pretended to be only partly interested. She knew that he’d been in contact with Luc. He’d even volunteered to make a couple of her deliveries to the club. She assumed it was to see Luc, not to be helpful.

  “No, but I was thinking I’d invite him to dinner. You know, kind of a thanks for everything, I’m really sorry for being a mess, kind of thing.”

  “Do you… never mind.”

  “No, what were you going to say? You can’t just say never mind and move on.”

  “I mean, maybe that’s a good thing, but maybe it’s not. I don’t really know. Do you plan on sleeping with him after this dinner? Like last time?”

  “Does it matter?”

  “Probably, but I’m not sure which is good or bad, whether you do or don’t. I don’t know, Mandy. I don’t have the answers. What did your therapist say about it?”

  “He said I should do it when I felt ready.”

  “And you feel ready now? Like so soon?”

  “I think so. I don’t know. Maybe?”

  “If you’re not sure, that’s probably a sign that you’re not ready.”

  “I have to see him today. We have our scheduled meeting for the week, so I can see how that goes and how I feel.”

  “Just don’t rush yourself. You don’t wanna just end up in bed with him again.”

  “Did that seriously just come out of your mouth? You are constantly telling me I need to have more sex. Now you’re warning me against it?”

  “Yeah I know. I might be evolving. It’s scary.” Toby covered his face with his hands and stifled a giggle. He was a great friend and she didn’t know how she would have made it through the last two years without him. She certainly had no idea how she’d make it into the future without him.

  “I never thought I’d see the day.” She kissed the top of his head. “Hey, how are things going with you? I’ve been so wrapped up in myself that I haven’t even asked about you.”

  “Good. I’ve actually taken on a side job that is probably going to make me a lot of money.”

  “Oh? Not with Luc’s cousin, I hope.”

  “No, not him. Luc hired me to design a programming system for the club. Kind of like those cheesy tablet things they have on the tables of some chain restaurants, but not cheesy, and much better.”

  “Like a video game?”

  “Well no, much more complex than that, but it will have a few games in there too. It’s really got me excited, and well, he’s throwing a lot of money at me, so that’s more exciting.”

  “Money is good. As long as you’re enjoying what you’re doing. I don’t wanna see you doing something just because it pays well. Your heart has to be in it.” She sighed.

  “My heart is in it, but I’m thinking that maybe you should take your own advice.”

  “I thought this business was what I wanted. It didn’t even occur to me that I would do anything else with my life.”

  “And now?”

  “And now I’m not so sure. But it’s going so well. Things are finally starting to come together. I’ve got a handful of good customers. I’m actually making money.”

  “But your heart isn’t in it.”

  “No. This was always Greg’s dream. He wanted this and I wanted to make him happy. I didn’t even think about what I wanted for myself.”

  “Then maybe it’s time to make a change?”

  “I don’t know. I need to keep paying my bills, so I’m not going to just stop, but maybe I need to think of a different long term path.”

  “I think that might be a good idea and something you should bring up with your therapist.”

  “I have. We talked about it. I just don’t know how I feel just yet, so I’m not ready to make any decisions on it.”

  “I’m glad you realized it wasn’t right for you. I was wondering if you ever would.”

  “You knew?”

  “Of course I did. I’m your best friend, Mandy. I know you, even if you don’t know yourself.”

  Amanda wrapped her arms around Toby and pulled him into a bear hug. She might be a mess, but she had a great friend. It was a start.

  On the table next to the sofa, Amanda’s phone buzzed. She picked it up and read the text. It was Harley. She wanted to meet up with her before she had her meeting with Luc. That was a surprise, but she texted back that she would meet her and put her phone down. She had no idea what that was all about, but maybe it would be good to get a feel for things before she had to fac
e Luc on her own.

  Hopefully, it wasn’t another give Luc a chance ambush.

  ***

  Amanda wasn’t in the habit of meeting people she didn’t know all that well, in back alleys, but that was where Harley wanted to meet up and she wasn’t the kind of person you felt like you could say no to.

  “Ah, you’re here, good.” Harley appeared seemingly out of nowhere, catching Amanda off guard and making her jump. “Are you nervous?”

  “No, you just startled me. You’re like a ninja, you know?”

  Harley laughed. “Yeah, I’ve been told that before. How have you been?”

  “I’m okay. What’s this about? Why are we meeting out here? Actually, why are we meeting at all?” Part of her wondered if maybe Luc had set this up because he didn’t want to see her anymore and he wanted Harley to get rid of her. Harley seemed like the person you would go to if you wanted to get rid of someone.

  “I just wanted to see how things were going with you.”

  “And you needed me to meet you in this sketchy looking alley to ask?”

  “What? I like this alley. It has character.”

  Amanda looked around. There was obscene graffiti on the walls, bottles and used condoms on the ground, and the smell was something she couldn’t even describe. Yeah, it had character for sure. It was just the sort of character most people tended to avoid.

  “Uh, sure, okay. Well I’m fine. So see you later.”

  “Hold on.” Harley grabbed her arm, a bit too tight, and pulled her back. “Look, I don’t know what it is, but you have Lucifer all twisted up. You need to let him know you’re just not into him and tell him to move on.”

  That was more of a surprise than the text from Harley to begin with, or the visit from Az.

  “I don’t really understand what you mean. Luc and I wrapped things up last time we saw each other. It’s not like he’s madly in love with me or anything.” They hadn’t exactly wrapped things up, but her running out of there right after they’d spent the night together, probably told him she wasn’t ready for more.

  “No, but he does have feelings for you, and he’s not used to that sort of thing. Just tell him you don’t have any feelings for him and that he should move on.”