Gluttony

by LJ Baker

  Amanda’s forehead scrunched up and she looked at Harley. “Are we talking about the same Luc?”

  Harley slipped her hand high up on her hip and glared at Amanda. She had a scary glare, one that said, fuck with me and I’ll end you. “And what is that supposed to mean? Are you insinuating that I don’t know Luc? Or do you just think you know him better than me?”

  “Whoa, calm down. I’m not saying any of that. I just never got that vibe from him, but I’m sure you know better.” She took a step back, but Harley advanced, keeping the same distance between them.

  Harley glared a moment longer, then relaxed and dropped her arms to her sides. “All right then. So you’ll do what I asked?”

  Was it really an option to say no?

  Amanda got the feeling that saying yes was the only thing she could do. “Uh, sure.”

  “Good, then we’re all good here. I’ll see you inside.”

  Amanda watched her turn around and leave. That was one bad ass bitch. She thought she might be a bit touched in the head, but if she wanted Amanda to talk with Luc, then she would bite the bullet and do it. She wasn’t sure that she could tell him she wasn’t into him, because it would be a lie, but she would talk to him and see how things went.

  After a few slow breaths, Amanda shook off the meeting with Harley, and headed for her van. She still had some time before she had to meet with Luc, but she wanted the extra time to gather her thoughts and put on a more professional facade. Once inside the club, she felt as if she was right back in that alley with Harley staring her down.

  As soon as she walked in the door, Luc looked in her direction and smiled. It was as if he knew it was her before their eyes even met. Something about the way he looked at her made her take pause. Could Harley be right? Could Luc have feelings for her? Did he need to be let down easy so he could move on? Did she even want him to? Had he been brooding over her like his brother said? Questions swirled around her head making her dizzy. She needed to get a handle on things, because this wasn’t how she wanted it to go. She needed to pull herself together fast, because he was headed in her direction.

  “Amanda, great to see you.” He glanced at the pack slung over her shoulder. “You have some new samples for me?”

  “I do.” She nodded. “I found a few things I think will really appeal to your older crowd. It’s interesting to have a place with such a diverse clientele.”

  “Yes, this place does attract all sorts. Shall we get situated then?” Luc put one arm around her back and the other he held out in the direction of the usual table they sat at to discuss business.

  For a split second, she almost told him they could just talk at the bar, where there were more people. She felt nervous about being in the more intimate setting of the secluded table. A part of her though, wanted to be alone with him. The night they’d spent together was amazing. She couldn’t deny that. And she wouldn’t mind a repeat performance, even if things weren’t going anywhere.

  She did feel something with Luc that was more than what she’d felt with any other guy she’d been with besides Greg, and even that wasn’t what she knew true love was supposed to feel like. Maybe if she was more together in her life, or she’d had more time with Luc, she could fall for him, maybe even fall hard, but this wasn’t the time for it. She had to focus on herself right now.

  Settled into the small nook with Luc, she wasn’t sure where to begin. Should she keep things all business, not initiate anything about dinner, feelings, or personal stuff, as Toby suggested? Was she obligated to talk to him about moving on as Harley insisted? Her head spun with the possibilities, unsure of what it was she wanted.

  And that was her whole problem, wasn’t it? She wasn’t doing what she wanted in her life. She was doing what she thought everyone else wanted. It was time for her to be a little selfish. Her therapist said she’d need to in order to find her way and really be happy.

  Luc had two glasses of water brought over and a basket of steaming fries. Her stomach grumbled in response to the smell.

  “Hungry?” He motioned to the food and waited for her to snatch a few from the basket before he continued. “Look, I know this might be a little awkward, but it doesn’t have to be.”

  “Okay,” she said around the mouthful of fries, then quickly covered her mouth. “Sorry.”

  “Don’t be.” Luc chuckled. “It’s part of your charm.”

  She wasn’t sure if that was a good thing, or a bad thing, but she decided she wasn’t going to care. She just needed to be herself and let the rest of the world fall in around it.

  “How have you been?” She meant it honestly. If he’d gotten hung up on her and needed to be told to move on, like Harley had said, she wanted to know.

  “I’m doing fine. I heard that you made some more contacts and things were going well with the business.”

  “I guess you heard that from Toby?”

  “Yes, he did mention it, and so did Tom Pearson. He was excited to be working with you. Was it wrong for Toby to mention how you’re doing?”

  “No, I guess not. It’s just a little weird for him to be spending time with you and talking about me. But no, it’s fine. He’s thrilled to be working with you. He never shuts up about everything.”

  Luc laughed. “Yeah, he can talk. He’s amazingly talented though. I’m the lucky one to have him. Anything else I can do, or any more contacts you need?”

  “It probably wouldn’t be right for me to take any more help.” She frowned. “It’s just that after taking a few steps back, and seeing that therapist you recommended, thanks by the way, I’m starting to think maybe this wasn’t the right career path for me. I need to figure things out in my own head before I push too far forward.”

  “That is completely understandable and I’m glad the therapist is working out. He comes very highly recommended.” Luc paused, ate a single fry, and made eye contact. “Any idea what it is you would like to do for a career?”

  She knew whatever she chose, he would offer some sort of help. Lucifer Morningstar seemed like the type of man who knew someone for just about everything. It wasn’t that she wouldn’t appreciate the help, or even that she wasn’t yet sure what she wanted to do. It was more that she knew if she stayed in his life, kept accepting favors, or even working with him, she would only want him more.

  “To be honest, I’m really not sure.” She put a few more fries in her mouth and pulled out the paperwork for the week. “I’m sure Toby will keep you informed.”

  “Because I won’t be seeing you?” Luc reached across the table and grabbed her hand before she could stick it back in the fries. “This feels like a goodbye.”

  “This is a terrible way to say goodbye. How about I make you dinner?” The words fell out of her mouth before she could even stop them. Not that she wanted to. She wasn’t completely sure either way.

  “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

  It was like he could read her mind.

  “No, but I want to anyway. Will you come?”

  Luc stifled a smirk and she tried not to follow. The innuendo was there. The tension was boiling over. She knew in that moment, as they sat there looking at each other, holding back smiles, that it might not be the best idea. Not unless she wanted to say goodbye naked, which didn’t actually sound like a bad idea the more she thought about it.

  “I will.”

  “Friday night?”

  “Sounds like a date.” Luc tilted his head a bit and smiled. “A goodbye date?”

  She nodded. “A goodbye date.”

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  “You cleaned?” Toby looked around the apartment with wide eyes. “You never clean.”

  “Yeah, well I also never invite people over for dinner. I figured he deserved at least a vacuuming and a light straightening up.”

  Toby took another look around the room with a raised brow. “It looks like you spent all afternoon cleaning. Are you sure you want this to be a goodbye dinner? This feels like you’re trying to impres
s him. You don’t even cook.”

  “I can cook, a little, and I did not spend all afternoon cleaning. It’s not that much at all really.” She looked around at the spotless apartment. She hadn’t realized just how much she’d done. “Okay, fine. So I cleaned.”

  “What are you cooking? It smells amazing in there. You bought it pre-made, didn’t you?” He headed for the kitchen and tried to peek in her lidded pot.

  She slapped his arm. “I did not. I made meatballs and I’ll make some pasta to go with them when he gets here.”

  “Mmm. Save some for me.”

  “Don’t count on it. Now shouldn’t you be getting your nosy ass out of here?”

  “Yep. I have a date too. And mine isn’t to say goodbye. Hopefully it’s to say hello hello hello.” He waggled his eyebrows a few times and she pushed him toward the door.

  “Don’t wait up,” he called as he skipped down the hallway.

  There was a time when Amanda was as carefree and open to life as Toby was right now. Sometimes, when she thought about it, she missed that part of herself. It wasn’t something she thought she would ever get back. Everything that happened, changed her. She was someone new now, but that new person didn’t need to be closed off and angry all the time. She could still enjoy life in a new way.

  Luc texted and said he was running a bit late, so she put the meatballs on warm and took her time getting ready. She showered and dressed in comfortable leggings and a pullover sweater. This time, she picked out her own clothes and she felt much better about the choice. The old Amanda would have worn the kind of thing Toby picked out for her the last time she had dinner with Luc and that was fine for her. But the new Amanda was different, and comfort trumped showing off her body and feeling sexy, at least for now.

  After she was dressed, she put on a light coating of makeup and a few curls into her hair. Looking into the mirror, she took a deep breath. She looked nice, different from how she was used to seeing herself, but that too, was okay.

  A half hour past their original agreed upon time, Luc rang her doorbell. She was in the middle of tossing a salad together when the bell made her jump. Again, her nerves got the better of her, but she wouldn’t let it stop her from having a nice evening. Even if it might be the last time she saw him outside of dropping off some boxes until their contract was finished.

  She pulled open the door to find an impeccably dressed Luc, holding a beautiful bouquet of flowers. Nothing too fancy, but just fancy enough to know he’d put enough thought into it, so she didn’t read too much into them. She’d bet money that Harley gave him a few pointers before he went to the florist. Then again, he was full of special skills and surprises all on his own.

  “You look beautiful.” He looked over her and smiled, pushing the flowers in her direction. She took them and smiled back. He was polite, even if he might be a little disappointed that she wasn’t in that tiny black dress from their last dinner.

  “They smell amazing. Thank you.” She carried the bouquet back to the kitchen and motioned for him to follow her. He did, without a word, but he looked around at the apartment, taking everything in as he passed.

  As she got out a vase, filled it with water, and arranged the flowers perfectly, he sat on a stool and watched.

  “You have a knack for that.”

  “For what?”

  “The flowers. When I do it, they just fall to the sides and look like a mess. You make them look like a professional set them up for a photo shoot.”

  “What? No.” Amanda scrunched up her nose. “They’re just sitting in there. It’s nothing special.”

  “You’re definitely wrong about that, but okay.”

  She looked at the vase and flowers sitting within it. They did look nice, but it was just what anyone would do, wasn’t it? She had worked at a florist when she was a teenager for a summer and it had been the most fun she’d ever had working in her life. Maybe it was something to add to her list of possible future career choices.

  “Here make yourself useful.” Amanda pushed a bottle of wine and corkscrew at Luc, then went about getting out two glasses to pour it in. She’d been trying to reign in her drinking since she started therapy, but a glass of wine with dinner wasn’t exactly binge drinking.

  After grabbing a big pot, probably too big, and filling it with water, she set the timer and readied the pasta. The meatballs bubbled gently, filling the house with the most amazing scent. She fought the urge to scoop one out and eat it right away. If she’d been alone, she’d have eaten half the pot by then.

  “That smells wonderful.” Luc expertly poured just the right amount of wine into each glass, then pushed one toward Amanda. “Need any help?”

  “Nah, I got this. I may not be the gourmet chef that you are, but I can handle a little pasta.”

  “I’m sure you can handle much more than that.” It wasn’t the way he’d said it, or anything in his body language, but Amanda still got a shiver that ran over her body when he looked at her that way and spoke.

  Amanda snatched the glass of wine off the counter and took a deep gulp. She wouldn’t get drunk, she told herself, but she needed a little something to keep from forgetting everything she was working toward, and from ripping Luc’s clothes off right there in her kitchen.

  “You seem tense,” Luc said, sitting forward. The decreased space only served to increase the buzz in the air between them.

  “A little.”

  Luc got up and walked around the counter, only inches from her. Her first instinct was to take a step back, but he advanced, and put his hand on her shoulder. “Amanda, talk to me.”

  “What do you mean?” She fought the urge to shrug off his hand. Not that she didn’t want him to touch her, she most definitely did. But she was afraid if she let him, things would spiral out of control and they would never wrap anything up.

  “If you don’t want me to be here, I can leave.” He dropped his hands to his sides and took a step back from her.

  “What? No. I want you to be here. Why would you say that?” She put the knife down and turned to look at him, despite the protest in her head.

  “You look so uncomfortable. If you’ve changed your mind about tonight, it’s okay.”

  Of course he was being the gentleman.

  “I’m not going to lie, I’m a little uncomfortable, but not because I don’t want to do this.”

  “Okay, then why?” When she didn’t answer right away, he continued. “Because of what happened last time? I hope you know I didn’t come here expecting anything like that.”

  She shook her head. “I know, it’s just that when you’re close to me, and when you look at me like that, maybe I want what happened last time.”

  The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them. They were true, but she shouldn’t have said them out loud. It wasn’t helping her situation. She picked up the knife again and started slicing pieces of bread to go with dinner.

  “I missed you.”

  It wasn’t what she’d expected. She didn’t know what she had expected, but that kind of honestly, wasn’t it. She’d missed him too, but that time she managed to keep the thought to herself. Instead, she nodded and kept slicing.

  “I know you’re not ready for a relationship, Amanda. I’m not going to try to change your mind about that. I’m here for our goodbye dinner, though I hope it’s not completely goodbye. Although, if that’s what you want, I will respect your needs.”

  “I appreciate that.”

  “I’m not going to have sex with you though.” He tucked a stray hair behind her ear and went back around to the other side of the island and sat down.

  “You’re… wait, what?” She stopped slicing and stared at him. He was trying not to smile, but failing.

  “I am not having sex with you. No naked fun time. Dinner, conversation, then I leave. Understand?” He pressed his lips together, but the smile broke through. She wasn’t sure if he was joking, or not, but she had to laugh.

  “Is that so?”
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  “Most definitely.”

  “Fine. See if I care.”

  “Fine.”

  The timer for the pasta went off, and after a pause, she went to drain the water off.

  “I hope you like pasta. I should have asked.”

  “Love it. I spent a year in Italy learning to make it fresh.” Luc waited as she scooped out a generous portion to each plate and brought over the meatballs.

  “It seems like you can do just about everything.”

  “Maybe not everything.” Luc flashed her one of his crooked smiles. “But I do have certain skills that tend to be useful.”

  “Meh.” Amanda shrugged. “The stuff from a box is fine. You might have wasted the year.” She spooned sauce and meatballs over each plate of pasta and slid one in Luc’s direction.

  Luc grabbed his chest in mock horror. “A box? Luigi would roll over in his grave if he heard you say such blasphemy.”

  Amanda popped a steaming meatball in her mouth and chewed a few times. “He’s dead, so he can’t roll anywhere. I thought we already settled that.”

  Luc shook his head a few times with his eyes closed.

  “Just because your parents have a sick sense of humor and named you after Satan, doesn’t mean you have to buy into that nonsense.”

  “The meatballs are amazing.” He was changing the subject, but she didn’t care. Debating religious bullshit wasn’t something Amanda wanted to spend their time together doing. “Toby told me you couldn’t cook.”

  “That little rat.”

  “To be precise, he said, be careful what you put in your mouth, because the last guy she made dinner for ended up in the emergency room.”

  “I’ve never made dinner for a guy before.”

  “Not even your fiancé?”

  “No.” Amanda’s stomach twisted. She didn’t want to think about Greg, not with Luc sitting in her kitchen. She certainly didn’t want to feel guilty that she’d never cooked for him, but there she was, pushing down that pit in her stomach, and choking the meatball down her tight throat.