by Joan Kilby
He handed her a cup and they sipped, listening to the sounds of the forest. She kept waiting for him to talk and disturb the peace. Finally she realized he wasn’t like Leif, who would fill any silence with talk. Would she always judge all men by her late husband? She hoped not. The habits of half a lifetime were hard to break, but she needed to work on that.
Adam lay on the blanket, gazing up at the boughs of the trees. “I should play hooky more often. These trees are amazing. So tall, like skyscrapers.”
“Only more beautiful.” Hayley lay on her side facing him, her head propped on her hand. “Why did you go into architecture? Did you want to build skyscrapers?”
He laughed softly. “It’s a long story and will sound crazy.”
She checked on the horses. They were a little ways off, dozing in a patch of sun, sleepily whisking at flies with their tails. “Try me.”
“Okay, here goes. My grandmother loved birds but hated to see them caged. So my grandfather made birdhouses for the yard. Lots of them, like a small town, all different colors, shapes and sizes. Then he got fancy, creating multistoried houses with feeding platforms and bird baths nearby.”
“Sounds like an avian resort complex. Was there a tiny golf course?”
He chuckled. “No, but that would have been cool. Anyway, as a kid I used to watch the birds with Grandma and we’d make up stories about them as if they were families moving into their new homes and enjoying the view and the amenities. On rainy days for fun I’d draw bigger and better houses on paper, then eventually whole towns of animals living in little houses. The birds up in the trees and wombats and echidnas underground.” He paused, smiling as he remembered.
“I love it. Go on,” Hayley prompted. “What appealed to you about that, aside from anthropomorphizing bush animals?”
“I liked to think about the birds or animals living in a cozy home with everything they needed around them. I drew in root cellars for the wombats and a dozen bedrooms for the bandicoots.”
“You do know bandicoots are solitary creatures and only bear two or three young?”
“Really? There were so many around the farm I thought they must live in huge packs.” He threw her a sheepish glance. “It all sounds nuts, doesn’t it?”
“It sounds as if you care more about the occupants of your buildings than the buildings themselves.” She loved that this big, handsome, sophisticated businessman had such a strong streak of whimsy. And that he’d trusted her enough to share his childhood fantasies with her.
“I was telling a friend at the café about the plans you drew up for my house,” she added. “He asked if you’d be interested in designing a house for him, too.”
Adam was quiet.
“There’s a ton of work in Hope Mountain for an architect,” Hayley went on, but still Adam said nothing. “I guess it doesn’t pay as well as luxury apartments in Shanghai.”
He sighed and shook his head. “It’s not that. I couldn’t live here. Hope Mountain is beautiful, I’ll grant you that. But this area was never my choice for a home.”
“Bushfires as bad as the one last year don’t happen often.”
“Let’s not talk about the fires.” Adam traced the line of her cheekbone down to her jaw, then tipped her chin up. His eyes darkened and he lowered his mouth to hers.
His lips were firm and cool. She opened her mouth, and his tongue was warm and tasted of coffee. He pulled her down so they were lying on the blanket, her arms around him and his leg twined with hers. He undid the top button of her shirt and slipped a hand inside, caressing her until her nipple peaked and her breast ached. He pressed closer, and she could feel him hard against her jeans. Sensations stirred inside her that she’d thought dead, or at least dormant.
Part of her wanted to make love to him, badly. It had been so long since she’d felt a man’s touch. Not for lack of opportunities, but she hadn’t wanted anyone. Until now.
Making love to Adam could be the prelude to something lasting and beautiful. Or it could be nothing more than a brief interlude.
She eased back to look at him. His eyes were warm and very compelling, and his hand cupped her breast as if he was holding her heart. Maybe he was. “What are we doing?” she whispered.
“We’re exploring and enjoying the attraction between us.” He licked delicately at the corners of her lips, creating little curls of heat that went straight to her breasts and belly. “I think you’re awesome. I’d like to spend more time with you, to get to know you.” His voice dropped, became husky. “I want to make love to you.”
She wanted that, too, and it terrified her. What happened when he made her care for him and then left? But at least he was being honest. He wasn’t telling her he wanted forever, and maybe that was okay.
She did need to move on, as Jacinta was always telling her. Adam could be the man to transition her from grieving widow to a woman again, with needs and desires. Yes, she might get hurt. But she might also experience something wonderful with Adam. However long their relationship lasted, she knew instinctively it would be good.
Even so, she was still afraid. Trusting wasn’t going to come easily, thanks to Leif. But she didn’t want to introduce Leif into a moment that was just about her and Adam. So she kissed him again, opening her mouth the way she wanted to open her heart.
His answering kiss was slow and languorous, reaching way inside her, melting her. His hand still circled her breast inside her shirt, his thumb teasing her tingling, taut nipple. Then his mouth replaced his fingers, sucking and drawing her in further. Her breath became shallow and her heart raced. She gave herself up to the moment, moving her hands over his heated skin and hot, hard muscles. Oh, he felt good.
Adam’s hand slid down, down, his fingers scraping over her belly and dipping beneath the waistband of her moleskin pants. She stiffened, suddenly reluctant to continue. What was that about? She wanted this. Didn’t she? Forcing herself to relax, she allowed him to unbutton her pants, then unzip them.
“Do you like this?” Adam ran his fingers lightly back and forth across her belly, slowly going lower and lower.
“Yes. Yes, I do,” she said, almost desperately. But it was no good. The more she tried to ignore her inexplicable lack of enthusiasm, the more her movements became artificial.
One second she’d been aroused and tight with need, the next she was pushing his hand away. “I’m sorry. I can’t. It’s too soon.”
He let her go and just stroked her hand. “What’s the matter? Don’t you want me touching you?”
“Yes. No. Oh, I don’t know.” A tiny spurt of anger came out of nowhere. She tried to damp it down, but it wouldn’t go away.
She sat up and buttoned up her pants. “You tell me you want to make love. And yet you’re planning on leaving Hope Mountain. Maybe it’s different for guys, but I have a hard time reconciling those two things.”
“I didn’t say it would be easy to leave.” His gaze was pained and honest. “I don’t know if this—us—will end or if it will go on.... Plenty of things are tugging us in opposite directions. But there’s also something drawing us together. I feel it. I think you do, too.”
“I do, but...” She hardly knew what to make of him. Unlike Leif, he didn’t try to sweet-talk her into seeing things his way. Realizing that punctured her anger like a balloon. Adam cared about her feelings, and he liked and respected her. And there was no doubt he wanted her. That alone was a balm to her bruised ego. He hadn’t simply offered her a one-night stand or a fling for as long as he was in town—he’d left the future open a crack. And it was almost enough for a tiny seed of hope to find root and grow, if she allowed it.
She wanted to move forward but was she ready to trust? Despite Leif’s betrayal she still believed in love and commitment. Sleeping around or having casual sex was not an option for her. When she went to bed with a man it meant h
er heart was committed. But right now her emotions were all over the place.
A raindrop fell on her hand and she looked up at the sky. Dark clouds were moving in. “We’d better get back.”
They quickly packed up the blanket and cups. Hayley avoided Adam’s gaze. He probably thought she was awkward and naive and impossibly unsophisticated.
Before she could gather up Asha’s reins, Adam reached for her and held her loosely by the shoulders. He gave her a kiss, a mere brush of the lips, his eyes full of questions. “You said you wanted to take it slow and I didn’t listen. I don’t want to push you into something you’re not ready for.”
“I guess I need a little more time. I don’t mean to send mixed signals. My body is as confused as my head.”
“That’s okay.” He kissed her cheek and stepped away.
Hayley swung up on her horse. Asha seemed to sense her internal agitation and danced and snorted along the trail as they rode out single file. She kept a tight rein on the animal as she replayed her and Adam’s conversation in her mind. She couldn’t make him want something he didn’t want. But neither was she willing to push him away.
When the track broadened Adam caught up and rode alongside. Then without warning, he clicked his tongue and loosened the reins, urging Sergeant into a canter. “Race you to the road.”
Clods of dirt flew up behind Sergeant’s hooves. Hayley gave Asha the signal to gallop flat out. She grinned at Adam as she sped past, his ten-year-old gelding no match for her Arab mare. He grinned and shook his fist.
Hayley laughed out loud. She didn’t know what was going to happen between her and Adam. But she felt more alive than she had in a long, long time. Maybe once she got past the memorial service she would know what she wanted.
Maybe then her mind, body and heart would start acting as one instead of tearing her apart.
She could only hope.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
AS HAYLEY HAD PREDICTED, rain began to fall. Back at Timbertop they hurriedly put the horses away. Then Adam drove into town and picked up Summer from school. The car’s windshield wipers clacked as he drove. His daughter’s phone beeped with a new text message every few minutes. She didn’t even check the sender ID.
“Someone’s trying hard to reach you, Summer,” Adam said.
“It’s not important.” She shut the phone, leaving another message unread.
Adam thought about the boy in the café. He seemed all right, but you never knew. “Is Steve sending you all these messages? You can tell me. I’ll fix it for you.”
“You can’t fix things just by saying you will.”
“I could try.” He thumped the steering wheel lightly. “Whatever it is that’s bothering you, I won’t get mad.”
“How do you know? You don’t know what it is.”
“Aha, so there is something bothering you.”
She paled and turned to the window. Damn. How come he couldn’t talk to his daughter for more than five minutes without getting into an argument?
The rest of the trip was conducted in silence. Which was fine by Adam—he was glad to have a little thinking time. He’d thought he had things with Hayley all sorted out in his head. That they could be intimate—when she was ready—without it affecting their lives and plans. But it wasn’t that easy or simple.
He’d been telling the truth when he’d said he wanted to spend time with her. Lots of time. In bed and out. But she clearly wasn’t comfortable with a relationship that didn’t have a definable future, and he didn’t want to make promises he couldn’t keep. But he could see how “I’m here for a good time, not a long time” wouldn’t be attractive to her.
He parked in front of the house and got out, wincing as he climbed the shallow steps onto the veranda. Shane lay curled up in his basket next to the back door.
“Why are you walking so stiffly?” Summer asked.
“Hayley and I went for a horseback ride.” Hayley had told him to stretch afterward and he hadn’t listened, instead going straight into town.
“You went riding without me?” Summer’s face fell. Shane dropped his ball at her feet. Mechanically she threw it across the yard for him. “You know I’ve been dying to ride.”
“You were at school. You’ll get a chance.”
“Today?”
“That’s up to Hayley. She mentioned she wants you to do some horse therapy this afternoon.”
Adam went past Summer and into the house. Hayley was coming down the stairs as he entered the living room. He caught her lightly by the wrists, wanting to make amends for his clumsiness by the creek and restore the closeness that had been growing between them.
“I’m sorry if I came across like a jerk earlier. I don’t blame you if you don’t want to get involved with some fly-by-night architect who’d rather live in the city than your beautiful woods.”
She didn’t pull away, but slid her hands into his. “I’m sorry I called a halt so abruptly. I don’t mean to tease.”
“You’ve got a right to be wary.” He was dying to kiss her but he held back, taking his cue from her.
“Hey, listen,” she said. “The memorial service for the first anniversary of the bushfires is coming up. Afterward, there’s a dance. Do you want to go with me?”
A date. This was progress. He should have thought of that himself. “Sounds good. Is this something teens would attend?”
“The whole town will be there, from grannies down to tots. If you’re wondering whether Summer will want to go, I’m sure she already plans to.”
“In that case, I wouldn’t miss it.” He ran his thumbs over the backs of her hands. They were soft and smooth compared to her lightly callused palms. “You’re different from what I thought when we first met. Not so prickly.”
Her eyes looked into his and her voice softened. “It’s because you’ve been so good to me.”
“I’m glad you decided to let me help. You needed to let someone in.”
“I have Molly and Rolf and my friend, Jacinta....” She trailed away. “But they’re people I’ve known for years.” She bit her lip. “You’re right. I wasn’t letting you in. I can’t help it. Trust is an issue.”
“Not every man is like Leif.”
“I know you’re not.”
He drew her close and she didn’t resist, sliding her arms around his neck and lifting her mouth to his. Her lips were warm and sweet and trusting. He held Hayley tenderly, wanting to prove to her he would never hurt her.
The screen door slammed open. “Hayley, where’s the lunge line—?” Summer stopped with a squeak of her rubber sole on tiles. Adam let go and stepped back but not in time. The teen glanced from him to Hayley. “What’s going on?”
* * *
HAYLEY’S HEART SANK. Busted. She glanced at Adam, letting him take the lead. She wished Summer hadn’t caught them kissing but maybe it was better if she and Adam were open about their friendship. After all, she was a widow and he was divorced. They weren’t doing anything immoral. They’d barely done anything at all.
“Nothing,” Adam said quickly. “Hayley, did you want Summer for a horse therapy session now?”
She glanced at him, eyebrows raised. What, total denial? Oh, she knew they’d already decided not to tell the girl, and really, what was there to tell? She didn’t expect him to ask Summer’s blessing and start planning a wedding. But still...
“That’s right,” Hayley said. “Summer, I’ll be out at the lunge ring once you change out of your school clothes.”
“But...” Summer made a frustrated sound and turned to her dad. “You didn’t answer my question. You and Hayley were kissing.”
“Never mind that now. You heard Hayley. She wants to get started.” He walked past them both and into the study.
“Get changed and come outside, okay?” Hayley said
to Summer. “We’ll talk.”
She went out the kitchen door, whistling to Shane, who fell into step behind her. While she brought out the buggy reins and the padded vest and helmet, she thought about what she would say to Summer.
Adam might not want to tell his daughter what was going on between them, but he had no right expecting Hayley to lie. Honesty between patient and therapist was vital. If she wasn’t honest with Summer, how could she expect the girl to trust her with the truth?
Summer found her ten minutes later at the paddock. She got straight to the point. “You and Dad were kissing.”
“There was a little kissing going on, yes,” Hayley said calmly, though her heart was beating so hard she could hear it.
“Wow, do you two like each other?” Summer said.
Hayley was taken aback at her eagerness. “Your dad’s been really good to me and he’s a nice man. Of course I like him.” And she was dodging the issue.
“No, I mean, are you and he dating?”
“We’re going to go to the dance together, but I’m not sure that could be classified as a date. To tell you the truth, we’re just feeling our way. We like each other, but we’re being cautious because our lives are so different.” She paused. “How would you feel if we were dating?”
“I would love it,” Summer said enthusiastically. “I think you’re awesome.”
“Thanks.” She gave the girl a big smile and hugged her impulsively. “I think you’re pretty amazing, too.”
She hadn’t realized how worried she’d been about Summer’s reaction to her and Adam being together. It was still a dodgy ethical issue and Adam’s reaction stung, but at least Summer wasn’t against the idea. “Are you going to the dance?”
“’Course. Zoe’s coming here for a sleepover afterward. I haven’t asked Dad yet, but he won’t mind.”