Grace Restored

by Toni Shiloh

  Michelle had seemed to harbor a deep resentment at Bible study. He thought for sure she wouldn’t darken the church doors. Before he knew what he was doing, his feet propelled him forward.

  “Guy.” Her breathless exclamation reached his ears.

  Apparently, he wasn’t the only one surprised. “Hey, Chelle Belle.”

  The red on her cheeks deepened. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

  “It feels weird and I want to jump out of this monkey suit, but I promised God I would give it a try.”

  She nodded. “I get that.”

  “Do you?” He paused. “I never thought I’d see you in church.” Her gaze drew him in. She had the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen.

  “It’s my way of giving it a try.”

  He wanted to hug her so Guy slid his hands into his pockets instead. “How are you?”

  “Conflicted. Confused. But I’m here. You?”

  “Hopeful for the first time in a long time.”

  “Sit with me?” The question was laced with hesitancy.

  He was thankful for the offer. “I’d like that.”

  They walked down the aisle together. Would this be a regular occurrence or was she just trying to bolster his spirits? He hated that he could no longer read every thought that showed on her face.

  He used to be so good at it.

  The worship service began and “Fill Me Up” carried through the speakers. Guy was surprised he knew the first song that played. Then again, it had been one of Charlene’s favorites. Funny to hear the song so many miles away from when he first heard it. He closed his eyes thankful the usual ache upon thinking her name didn’t follow. Maybe, healing was possible.

  MICHELLE TURNED TO tell Guy something and stopped. A look of familiarity came upon his face as he raised his arms, gently swaying to the music. Her breath caught and goose bumps flitted up her arms.

  He worshipped with such abandonment. She was always conscious of the people around her. Curious, she snuck a glance at those around them. Some people stared straight ahead, Others had their heads bowed, and a few more were in similar stance. Not a single person watched Guy, all seemed to be lost in their own thoughts. Only she seemed to be captivated by the man beside her.

  How could they do it, knowing the horrors that went on in the world? And why couldn’t she let it go and embrace God like others could? Was there something wrong with her? Was she too cynical, jaded even?

  As another song came on Guy’s posture remained the same. He lowered his head and opened his eyes. He turned his head and met her gaze, flashing a quick smile. The peace that shined back at her dazzled her.

  Guy hadn’t looked that happy since he moved back. In fact, the look of joy on his face reminded her of the time he gave her the love knot ring. She turned and looked ahead. She didn’t know what to do with the emotions running through her head. A shiver ran up her arm as his hand graze hers. She turned, meeting his questioning look. Quietly, he offered his hand, palm up.

  She stared at it, for how long she didn’t know. Finally, the desire to be close, the desire to not go through life alone tugged at her. She put her hand in his and wanted to cry at the beauty of the offer. Instead, she turned and listened to the music.

  GUY DIDN’T KNOW WHAT made him offer his hand, but it was obvious from the way Michelle gripped it that she needed an anchor. The Bible study had shown him how blessed he truly was. Despite the estrangement between him and his mom, she still lived. Although his father had walked out on them, he still lived. His girls were his constant companions. He had people to do life with.

  But Michelle didn’t.

  Her parents had been only children, and their parents had died early in life. When she lost her parents, she had lost her only family. All she had left were friends. How did that warp her view of life? Of God?

  He sighed. Lord, I’m not sure what to say to You. It’s been awhile since I thought anything positive where You are concerned. But today, I don’t come to You for me, but for Michelle. She’s hurting and her hurt goes deeper than I can fathom. Jo reminded me that You know our hurts. So I know you know Michelle’s. Please heal her and guide her. Thank you.

  Worship segued into meet and greet. He shook hands with those around him, immediately noting the differences between their hands and Michelle’s. Holding Michelle’s hand during the last song had touched him. He and Charlene had never held hands, but they had both been too wrapped up in worship to give one another a glance. Somehow, he knew Michelle needed the connection.

  He’d been surprised it didn’t take away from his worship with God. If anything, he felt like he had been lifting Michelle up to the Lord. Guy swallowed and took his seat as the Bishop suggested. Had he been wrong to keep his girls from church? Shouldn’t he have lifted them up to God? He didn’t do a baby dedication, something he and Charlene had talked about at length. They had agreed it was best.

  Was it too late?

  He stared at his Bible realizing he had turned to Isaiah 61 just as the Bishop had asked. He shook off heavy thoughts and focused on the words. He read along but stopped when he read, “to comfort all who mourn.” That’s what Evan had been offering by inviting him to Bible study.

  That’s what he had been offering Michelle when he held her hand. To comfort. Again, words from the Bible study replayed in his mind. Jo said they were to comfort others. He inhaled, his heart rate increasing. He swallowed trying to rid himself of the strange tickle in his throat.

  How many people had he pushed away who had tried to help him mourn Charlene? His own mother had told him it was time to stop hiding in the past. To spread his wings and raise his girls on his own. He had been so hung up on the hurt she inflicted, he never stopped to consider the truth of her words. It was time to leave despair behind and pick up praise.

  Praise that he wasn’t alone. Praise that God was willing to give him another chance. Because he needed one. He knew deep down ignoring God not only hurt him, but his children. It had prolonged his mourning. It had suffocated any hope of joy. It destroyed the memory of his late wife.

  He wiped a hand over his mouth, his fingers trembling and the pounding of his heart drowning out the Bishop’s words. His mind turned inward, trying to listen for the still, small voice. Although silence remained, Guy’s heart clamored with the truth.

  He needed to stop mourning. It was time to raise his girls with the foundation of the Lord and honor his wife’s requests. He needed to praise God for the time he had with her. And he needed to look forward, not back.

  Lord, I’m sorry for ignoring You. Sorry for thinking You abandoned me and Charlene. How could I forget the slim chance the girls had of living? They were all supposed to die but they didn’t. Thank You. I don’t know what my life would be like without having their joyous laughter and love to fill my days. I surrender.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Michelle stood in front of the hospitality table. She grabbed a blueberry muffin to go with her coffee. Guy had gone to say hello to Evan and Darryl. She looked around, wondering where Jo and Chloe were. Jo always came with Evan and Chloe never missed a day.

  She stilled when she saw Jo coming from the ladies’ room. Michelle waved a hand and headed her way.

  “Hey, JoJo.” She gave her a hug.

  “Hey. Where’s Chloe?”

  “I was hoping you knew.”

  Jo stared at her in shock. “Didn’t she sit with you?”

  “No, I sat with Guy.”

  Jo’s mouth dropped wider. “Am I dreaming?”

  She snorted. “Not likely. I’m sure you wear overalls in your dreams and not church clothes.”

  Jo laughed. “True. But seriously, you didn’t see Chloe at all?”

  “No. Do you think she’s sick or something?”

  “Only one way to find out. Let’s go to her place.”

  She nodded. Hopefully, Chloe was all right. She didn’t even know the girl knew how to miss church.

  “I’m going to tell Evan. Ca
n I ride with you?”

  “Of course.”

  She watched as Jo talked to Evan. He kissed her cheek, and then Jo made her way back. “Let’s go.”

  As soon as Michelle parked, Jo jumped out of the car, her long legs carrying her up the sidewalk. She knocked on the door, the pounding ringing in Michelle’s ears.

  “Jeez, JoJo, you knock like the police.”

  “Well, if she’s sick she may not hear me.”

  They turned at the sound of the door. Chloe stood there a look of abject misery on her face. “Hey.”

  Michelle’s chin dropped to her chest. “Are you sick?”

  “No. Why?”

  “Uh, Chloe,” Jo stammered out. “It’s Sunday.”

  “And?”

  They gasped. Something was wrong with Chloe. Seriously wrong. Lord, what is going on with her? How do we help?

  Jo pushed through and Chloe stepped aside. Michelle closed the door and stared in amazement while Jo led their friend to the couch. “Tell Mama Jo what’s wrong?”

  Chloe’s bottom lip trembled and tears welled in her eyes. Michelle rushed forward to sit next to her. She put her arm around her friend.

  “He didn’t want to see me!” Chloe cried out.

  “Oh, sweetie.”

  Michelle met Jo’s gaze over the top of Chloe’s head. Jo stroked her arm, whispering words of comfort. It didn’t take a genius to figure out Chloe had contacted John Davenport.

  How could a man deny his child? Granted, he may want a paternity test, but still...

  They set there, each trying to comfort Chloe. The sermon rang in Michelle’s mind and the urge to offer Scripture for comfort grew strong. Now Michelle understood why Chloe did the same thing. It was seeped into her spirit. But Michelle didn’t want to hurt Chloe by offering platitudes, so instead she just rocked her softly.

  Finally, Chloe’s tears subsided. She sat up and looked back and forth between Michelle and Jo. “Thanks for being here, guys.”

  “Of course.”

  “Definitely.”

  They chuckled and the air lightened some. Michelle looked at Chloe, wondering if she should share the thoughts in her head. She reached for her ring to twirl and then stopped, staring at the tan line which had slowly begun to fade in the spring’s sunshine.

  “Church had an interesting sermon,” she said softly, cautiously. She didn’t know how Chloe would take her words.

  “Was it a good one?” Chloe looked at her as she sank back into the sofa cushions.

  “It was about turning despair into praise...” she waved a hand in the air. “I think I have that right.”

  Jo chuckled and stuck her tongue out at her. She loved her friends, even the constant teasing and ribbing they sometimes gave her.

  Chloe took a deep breath. “Thanks, Michelle. That’s something I should remember. I was hoping he would want to meet me or at least get a DNA test confirming it, but he didn’t want anything to do with me. He told me not to call him ever again.”

  Michelle turned away, hoping to hide her wince. She felt bad for her friend. She knew how much she wanted to find family.

  “But that’s okay. I’ve gone this long without an earthly father, I can go longer.”

  “Doesn’t mean it still doesn’t hurt.” Jo whispered.

  “It does, but eventually I’ll bounce back.” Chloe tugged on a curl. “I have to.” She sighed and sat up, glancing at Jo and then Michelle. “Enough melancholy. Tell me what’s new? Anything I missed?”

  Jo gave a sly smile. “Well I thought it was interesting that Michelle sat next to Guy in church.” Jo stared her down.

  “What?” Chloe exclaimed.

  Michelle froze, her face heating up. It was probably bright red. Or rather, as bright red as her complexion would allow. Why had she told her friend that bit of information? She should have kept it to herself.

  “Spill,” Jo demanded.

  “There’s nothing to spill. We ran into each other in the atrium. We agreed to sit next to each other. End of story.”

  “I don’t know, sounds like you’re hiding something,” Chloe said in a sing-song voice.

  Jo smirked.

  “Thanks a lot, Jo Ellen.” She rolled her eyes and then faced Chloe. “We had a thing in high school and maybe I wonder if we could rekindle it. But whatever Jo says, don’t listen to her. She thinks everyone needs to have a happy ever after now that she’s in love.”

  “You two dated?” Chloe’s head swiveled back and forth between her and Jo. She looked like a bobble head. “Why am I the last to know?”

  “And since when are you thinking of rekindling the relationship?” Jo asked.

  “Wow, look at the time. I think I need to rest for work tomorrow.”

  “I don’t think so.” Chloe said demurely.

  Her friends stared her down.

  Seconds that felt like minutes ticked away as she passed her comfort zone and entered into the tortured stage. She clasped her hands together on her lap trying not to fidget, hearing her mother’s old instruction ringing in her head. Michelle, ladies never fidget when uncomfortable with the truth.

  But what truth? Chloe was merely staring at her. And Guy...well she had no truth to share at the moment.

  “It’s not over.” Chloe looked her in the eyes. “Lay the truth out now and it will be.”

  Her mouth dropped open. “What are you talking about?”

  “I have no idea, but I heard the words as clear as day in my head and spoke them.”

  She eyed her friend, a light shiver going up her spine. Jo was the only one who knew. She glanced at Jo who quickly shook her head. She hadn’t told? Then why would Chloe say that?

  Michelle got up, needing to do something, anything but focus on the words her friend had said. But she couldn’t help but wonder if it was a message from God.

  THE GIRLS HAD LOVED church. They had talked nonstop all the way home, through lunch and dinner, and until Guy finally tucked them in. Now the blessed peace of quiet surrounded him. Instead of watching a game, he contemplated his next steps.

  He stared at his cell phone. He’d been holding it for a few minutes now, wavering back and forth. But the little voice in his head wouldn’t be quiet. He took a deep breath and pressed the dial button. He hadn’t needed to put the numbers in because they were still there from when he first picked up the phone.

  “Guy?”

  Michelle’s voice rang loud and clear, if not a little hesitant. “Hey, Michelle.”

  “Hi.”

  Silence met his ears. “I was just calling to...um...see how you are.” He closed his eyes feeling like a moron.

  “I’m fine. You?”

  He pulled the ring out of his pocket. It was now or never. “Will you go on a date with me?” He paused, holding his breath. Would she remember?

  “I’d thought you’d never ask.”

  Guy closed his eyes, but a grin broke out on his face. She remembered the words he’d said when he first asked her out.

  “For real or are you just reminiscing?” Her question hit him hard.

  Didn’t she know when he was teasing? A lot of time has passed, Pierre. “I’m for real. Evan agreed to watch my girls. Of course, he’ll most likely wrangle Jo to help out. Regardless, my Saturday is free and clear.”

  “Then my answer stands.”

  He grinned. “Great. How about I pick you up at five? We can head into the city.”

  “Five’s perfect.”

  He smiled. He knew she liked to eat earlier. The woman had a high metabolism, and he didn’t mind. The twins had him eating dinner early anyway.

  “See you then, Chelle Belle.”

  “Night, Guy.”

  He ended the phone call and stared at it. She said yes. Warmth filled his chest.

  “Papa?”

  He turned and saw Rachel standing in his doorway. “Hey Peanut, what’s wrong?”

  She padded over, her bare feet making a slight noise against the hardwood floors. She climbed into
his bed and he held his arms out. She snuggled closer, laying her head on his chest. “I couldn’t sleep.”

  “Really? Why not?”

  “I was thinking about Mama.”

  He closed his eyes. The girls rarely asked about their mom. But when they did it was like a stab to his heart. He’d never be their mother no matter how much he was there for them.

  “What about her?”

  “How much did she love me?”

  This, he could answer. “Very much. She used to sing to her belly all the time. She read you stories every night. She couldn’t wait to see you and meet you.”

  “But she died,” she whispered softly.

  “She did.” He’d never shield them from the truth, but he still didn’t know how to soften it for a kid.

  “Do you think she’s in Heaven, Papa?”

  “Definitely, Peanut. She loved God very much. In fact, she would read you Bible stories so you would know God loved you and she did too.”

  “That’s what they said at church. That God loves us.”

  “It’s true.” He hated that he didn’t let them know early on. He had a lot to atone for.

  “Will we ever have a mama?”

  He sighed. Lord help him. “I don’t know, sweetie, but God knows.”

  She sat up. “Can I ask Him for a mom?”

  Guy didn’t know whether to laugh or cry uncle. “Sure you can. In the Bible it says to ask Him for what we want and He will hear us.”

  “Okay, I’m going to ask Him.” She got off the bed. “Night, Papa. I’m going to go talk to God.”

  He stared at her, bemused. Usually she asked him to tuck her back in, but apparently, she needed alone time. “Night, Peanut.”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Michelle opened the courthouse doors and breathed in. There was nothing like being in the place where justice prevailed. Well, most of the time. She saw Tanya waiting on a bench and waved. She sat her briefcase on the conveyor belt, so she could pass through security.

  “Morning, Craig.”