Deny Me

by Fiona Cole

  “Yes. Yes. Jameson. Yes.” I would have given him anything in that moment. I caved and let the pleasure he sent coursing through me make my decision. And when his arms lifted me up against him while he moaned in my ear, finding his own release, holding me close, I couldn’t remember a single reason I would deny myself this man.

  We both stumbled against the door; my forehead pressed against the cool metal and his pressed against the damp skin of my back, his heavy breathing bursting against my spine.

  “Fuck,” he muttered before placing a soft kiss against my skin and slowly easing out of me.

  A shiver shook my body as I felt him pull out inch by inch. He pulled away and goose bumps broke out across my skin from where the air reached my sweat-soaked body.

  With a light slap to my bottom, he reached for my hand and pulled me toward the bathroom. “Come on, let’s get cleaned up.”

  “I don’t let guys shower here.” It slipped past my lips in a natural response, not thinking about the fact that I’d just agreed to give a relationship a shot with him. My stomach flipped at the thought alone.

  He looked over his shoulder with a raised eyebrow. “Well, I’m not just any guy. And I plan on using your shower often.” He smirked at me. “Not always to get clean though.”

  The one we took together was actually to get clean. The sex against the door had wiped me out, and while most people would want to fall into a small coma, that design I’d been struggling with earlier was quickly forming in my mind, urging me to get it all out on paper.

  As I walked out of my room with a new set of pajamas on, I bumped into Jameson coming out of the bathroom in a towel. My eyes dropped to the defined ridges on his abdomen and tried to focus. “So, umm … are you going to get dressed and leave?”

  He chuckled, but I didn’t see what was so funny. “I figured I would stay and we could watch a movie or something. Have you had dinner?”

  “No,” I responded hesitantly. “But I was working on a design and I don’t want a distraction.”

  “Okay, how about we order a pizza and you can work on your design. I’ll watch TV and answer emails.”

  I stood there with narrowed eyes, unable to come up with a valid reason to object his plan. I couldn’t think of anything. Pizza sounded nice. His company sounded nice. I just wasn’t used to it.

  “You can stop staring at me like I might possibly murder you,” he laughed.

  “I’m not.”

  “Yes, you are.”

  “No. I’m. Not.”

  He shook his head, smiling. “So sassy,” he said, turning to walk away. “You want the Hawaiian? I’ll order in the bedroom so you have some peace and quiet to work.”

  “Okay.” I watched him walk into my room before I moved to the couch, grabbing my sketch pad and settling into the corner seat of my sectional. When he came out, he was wearing his jeans and moved to the kitchen to grab a glass of water.

  I watched him the whole time. Jameson had been to my place many times. He was comfortable there. But seeing him this time was different. He wasn’t there as my best friend’s brother; he was there as Jameson, the man I slept with, the man I was going to try and have my first relationship with.

  Oddly enough, the thought didn’t feel uncomfortable that time. It, instead, brought a smile to my face. But when he turned to me, I fought it and looked back at the paper in front of me so I didn’t give him too big of an ego about it. He plopped down next to me and brought up his phone, getting some of his own work done.

  I was worried having him there would inhibit my ability to get my design down, but surprisingly it came faster than ever before. Just as I was finishing up the final touches, he looked over. “That’s fucking amazing. I’m always in awe of your ability to create.”

  Jameson blew me away with his simple comments. He didn’t say them to gain anything. They came out honestly, and that was why they meant so much more. I had never been with a man who didn’t look at my designing like some kind of cute hobby. Having him openly admit my talent was a breath of fresh air.

  “Thank you.”

  I wanted to say more to let him know how much it meant to me, but the knock at the door ruined the moment. He paid for the pizza and got everything ready so I could put the finishing touches down.

  “You done?” he asked, setting the plates on the coffee table.

  “Yup.” I sat back, letting the feeling of accomplishment wash over me. Getting a design out on paper always felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I had released it into the world rather than carrying it around with me. “You want to watch a movie?”

  “You sure? I don’t want to stop you from your work.”

  “Yeah, I’m sure.” It felt good to have the reassurance that he wouldn’t get in the way of my job. That was one of my biggest worries about a relationship. But as I curled up in the crook of his arm, my biggest concern was that he would move from his spot on the couch before I was ready to let him leave.

  Nineteen

  I hit the start button on my coffeemaker before reaching in the cupboard above for two mugs. Just as I set them on the counter, two large hands reached under my silk cami and wrapped around my stomach, pulling me back against a solid chest. Lips kissed from my shoulder to my neck sending goose bumps down my spine.

  “Good morning, gorgeous.” A nip to my ear. “Are you making me coffee? God, you’re the best girlfriend ever,” Jameson moaned.

  It’s amazing how comfortable I’d become with the word “girlfriend” in the past week. “I am, aren’t I?”

  He spun me around to face him and I looked up into his smiling eyes. “So humble, too.”

  I shrugged and wrapped my arms around his neck, tugging him down into a long kiss.

  Pulling back, he asked, “How about I run down to the coffee shop and get some of those pastries you love so much?”

  “God, you’re the best boyfriend ever,” I said, returning his words.

  He pulled out of my arms and grabbed his keys and wallet from the granite counter. “Hey, do you want to ride together to King’s today for lunch?”

  Frozen by his suggestion I just stood there, letting the implications of what us showing up to lunch together would mean. Was I ready to let my relationship with Jameson leave the bubble of my apartment or his?

  “I mean … Do you want to let everyone know we’re dating?” I asked, hesitant to voice my concern.

  His shoulders stiffened and he turned to me with lowered eyebrows. “Evelyn,” he said slowly. “I thought we talked about this. I thought we were in this. No holding back.”

  Wringing my hands together in front of me, I bit my lip and took a deep breath. “I know. And I am in this. I wanted more time of just us.”

  “Well, I’m not doing another lunch where I pretend I wasn’t inside you last night,” he responded irritably.

  “Technically, it was this morning,” I murmured, ignoring the main point.

  “Evelyn,” he growled.

  “Okay, okay.” My hands lifted in surrender. “I’m sorry. This is new to me. But I am trying.”

  He walked back to me and placed a kiss on my forehead. “I know. And I’m trying to be patient. We’ll figure it out. But we have to tell Lu before she finds out any other way.”

  Sighing heavily, I leaned back on the counter. “Yeah. I know. She would murder me if she found out from anyone but me.”

  “And I need you alive for all the naughty sex I have planned.”

  His words erased the anxiety that was building in my chest and I smiled, imagining all the ways he would take me.

  “Now, I’m going to go get the pastries and I’ll be back in ten.” With one last kiss, he walked out.

  Once my coffee was done, I filled my cup and left the other waiting for Jameson. Leaning my back against the counter, I let the mug warm my hands and thought on the last week. I had a hard time imagining what my life was like before Jamaica. But I made the jump from one extreme to the other so seamlessly.
r />   Sure, there were moments I still struggled to remember I had another person to consider. There had been a couple times in the week where I would grab my bag and keys and head to the door, forgetting Jameson was even in my apartment, until he popped his head out of the bathroom or kitchen to ask me where I was going. I would look up and need a minute to remind myself that it wasn’t just me and I needed to let someone else know of my whereabouts.

  The first time it happened, he looked at me like I was crazy, and I had to admit, he might not have been far off the mark. The second time, he said he was going to tie me to the bed if I tried to walk out on him again. That conversation led to him actually tying me to the bed for sex.

  And the sex. Whooo-boy. There was something I never thought would be better in a relationship. I always enjoyed variety and before Jameson, I thought I’d get bored being with only one man. But with being with one person for an extended period of time, you got to know them, and they got to know you; what you liked and what you really liked. Jameson was becoming an expert with my body. I trusted him to try new things that I’d never felt comfortable to do with anyone else.

  Like being tied to a bed. You didn’t get tied to a bed with a stranger unless you had a friend in the closet with a baseball bat if things went bad. But I trusted Jameson. He was my family, so it seemed to happen overnight. And it made our sex that much more exciting and passionate.

  I was interrupted from my thoughts when there was a knock on the door. Jameson had a set of keys to my apartment, but maybe his hands were full. I walked over and flung the door open, already talking. “Well it’s about damn time….” Time got drug out as my eyes bugged out of my head to find Luella standing on the other side of the door with two coffees in her hands.

  She breezed right past me with a smile on her face, making herself at home like she always would. “Hey girl! Thought we could spend the morning together since you have been ignoring my lunch invitations.” I had. I didn’t know how to sit across from her and not tell her I was banging her brother. But I also didn’t want to tell her yet. I was being a pussy and hiding. “I miss you.”

  “I miss you too. I’m sorry I hadn’t gotten back to you. I’ve just been busy.” I hedged around the truth.

  She moved to set the cups on the counter and saw the two mugs resting by the coffee pot. “Oh look, you already have a cup out for me.”

  From behind I see her head cock to the side before turning to look at me with her face screwed up in confusion. I forced a smile to my face, but my mouth flopped open like a fish as I searched my brain for a valid reason to have two mugs out.

  “Oh, am I interrupting a Sunday morning sleepover.” She smiled knowingly as she let her eyes scan the apartment.

  I was pretty sure I was sweating with nerves when I nodded my head dumbly. But then her eyes landed on a bag close to the door and squinted in thought before turning to look at me. “Isn’t the bag I got Jameson for Christmas last year?”

  Fuck. Fuck. It was the only word flooding my mind. I smiled, but it came out more as a grimace in my panic. “What?” I squeaked out.

  There was a heavy silence stretched between us when all of a sudden, the door flung open. “If these pastries don’t make you happier about lunch, then maybe me spreading you out on the table will.” The door slammed and Jameson turned to find Lu and I standing in the kitchen with matching wide eyed looks.

  We all just stood frozen in a triangle as we waited for someone to make a move.

  “Oh, fuck.” Jameson was the first to speak and I broke in with a high-pitched, panicked giggle. “Look, Lu. I can expla-”

  “OH MY GOD!” Lu interrupted Jameson. “It’s about freaking time,” she squealed and reached for me, pulling me into a death grip of a hug.

  I finally let out the breath I’d been holding since I opened the door to find Lu on the other side. Wrapping my arms around her, I look over her shoulder to find Jameson still frozen.

  “You’re not mad?” I asked her.

  “Of course not.”

  Jameson finally relaxed a little and moved to set the paper bag on the counter.

  “Well, I’m sorry. I was going to tell you. We were going to tell you today at lunch,” I said, still clinging to my friend.

  She pulled back and waved the apology away. “I’ve only told you a thousand times I wouldn’t care.” She turned to Jameson. “I hope there is enough pastries in that bag for me, too. I have some questions and I could use some food while we talk.”

  We moved to the table and Jameson set out the croissants in the middle before taking a seat next to me. She asked about how and where it started and we vaguely explained Jamaica. I didn’t want to go into too many details about everything that happened

  “What about your mom?” Lu asked me before popping a piece of bread in her mouth.

  Jameson perked up at the question, looking to me for my answer. “What about her?” I asked.

  “What does she think of you in a relationship?”

  “I haven’t told anyone. You’re the first to know.” I purposefully avoided the question because I didn’t want to have the conversation in front of Jameson before I had time to think about it. Truthfully, I hadn’t even considered telling my mom. It was all still so new and I didn’t find the need to tell everyone just yet. I didn’t think she would mind though. My mom had always been supportive of my decisions.

  Lu picked up on my silence and must have decided to let it be. She balled up her napkin and began collecting her things to clean up. “Well, I will leave you two to your morning.” Walking over to the door she grabbed her purse and turned to me. “I’ll see you at lunch?”

  “Yeah. I’ll see you then.”

  She turned and opened the door. But before she walked out she turned and pinned Jameson with a stare. “Don’t hurt my friend.” I laughed until she turned to me too. “You, don’t hurt my brother.”

  She didn’t leave room for a response before she walked out the door, leaving us alone with her warnings.

  Jameson and I both stared at each other with amused faces, not saying anything. I finally decided to break the silence and loosen the tension of the morning. “You said something about spreading me out on the table?”

  Twenty

  “So, this is it,” Jameson stood back and spread his arms wide in the open space. “I’ve talked to the realtor and we’ve hammered out a lot of the details, but I needed your opinion on it first before I locked it in.”

  His words warmed me from the inside out. Honored that he valued my opinion so much. He’d called me last night and asked if I was available today to look at something important. Jameson didn’t usually ask for much, so I made sure I cleared my schedule. He picked me up in his truck and drove us up to the north side of Cincinnati, explaining that he’d found the perfect building in a new oversized shopping area.

  “I’ve got to admit Jamie-Boy: I’m impressed.” Looking around, I took in the modern yet rustic details of the beaten hardwood floors and thick support beams throughout the room. One wall had spotlighting on a stone feature and I could imagine the liquor bottles lined up with a massive bar in front of it.

  “The whole area is new and right off the highway, so it’s not too far of a drive. The owner of the apartments above us approved the bar opening. He said it would be a huge draw for renters to be able to have somewhere like King’s within walking distance.”

  I stood back and watched him move his hands animatedly. His face glowed around his huge smile. It was contagious and I had to hold back a giggle of joy for him. “So lay it out for me,” I asked, wanting to see what he saw filling the space.

  “That’s what I have you here for.”

  “I can help you with the little designs, but I don’t know the flow of restaurants and what the best set up should be.”

  He rolled his eyes, but began telling me his ideas about booth and table placement, a stage, and a dance floor. “Over here, I thought we could set up a large glass enclosure to house brewi
ng equipment. We could make smaller custom batches here, but I’ve already talked with a brewer that could create a specialized selection for us. I’m not one-hundred percent on that yet since I don’t know how a we could balance that.”

  I walked up to him and stood on my tip-toes to place a kiss on his bearded chin. “You’ll do amazing. You conquer anything you set your mind to.” He was about to lean down and continue the kiss until a knock at the front doors interrupted us. “Who’s that?”

  Walking to the door, he answered over his shoulder, “I ordered pizza.”

  “What? Are you allowed to do that?” I asked, shocked.

  He paid for the pizza and came back with a basket too. “I talked to the realtor and told him I was trying to impress my girl and asked for some time alone to show her the place.”

  Butterflies still swarmed my stomach every time he possessively called me his girl, even two weeks later.

  He set the basket down and pulled a checkered blanket out before shaking and laying it flat on the ground. He stretched out on top of it and patted the spot next to him. “Don’t look so shocked. I’m giving you a surprise picnic so come sit with me.”

  A laugh bubbled out and I moved to sit down next to him. “What kind of pizza did you get?”

  “Hawaiian. Duh.” He opened the box and began serving the slices up.

  “You’re too good to me, Jamie-Boy,” I swooned. Jameson set his phone up to play a jazz station while we ate.

  When I’d had my fill, I fell back and groaned. “I think the fifth slice was too much. My pants might bust.”

  “I recommend taking them off then,” he suggested.

  I just rolled my eyes.

  He picked up the trash and set it by the door so we could grab it on the way out. Lying back down, he reached his arm out for me and I moved to curl up on his chest. In the comfort of his arms, I relaxed and shared what had been plaguing me.