Forever Yours

by Nikki J Summers

  “If you want to meet good guys, you need to be in places where good guys go. Join a gym or better yet open your eyes when you’re out Ella. The amount of guys who check you out even when we go to get a coffee is insane. One smile from you and they’d come over. If you make it known you’re available they’ll come flocking around you. At the moment you’re closed off, you have that unapproachable air about you that can frighten nice guys away. Trust me…relax…smile more… and just be you.”

  He was right, I did feel closed off and no doubt that showed on the outside. I had to start moving forward now. I would make more of an effort. Operation get my life back was well and truly underway and I was going to start making more of an effort, no matter how petrified I felt about it.

  “Let’s go out for lunch today.” Chris announced in the office around midday. I was loaded down with work but I needed a break, my head was banging.

  “Okay, that sounds good. I could do with the change of scenery.” I smiled.

  We headed out into the street and made the short walk to a trendy bar called ‘The Bank’. It was always heaving with city types, the bar area packed and the air full of voices discussing the day’s trading or a new deal in the pipeline. We found a quieter table towards the back of the bar and ordered a glass of wine each as we perused the menu.

  “Ed comes here quite a bit so don’t be surprised if he pops up whilst we’re eating.”

  I trained my stare onto Chris and my heart froze.

  “What have you done Chris?”

  “Nothing!” He looked guilty as hell and I wasn’t buying it. “Ed mentioned he was coming here with a friend today and I thought we could make it a foursome.”

  I put my elbows on the table and covered my face in despair.

  “Chris, no! I am not doing a double blind date with you and Ed. I told you I don’t want to be set up. Oh my God I’m mortified, I’m leaving.”

  I got up from my chair to leave but Chris shot up.

  “Ella, you can’t they just walked in, please just stay for half an hour. Then you can make an excuse and leave but please don’t bail on me now.” He put his two hands together in prayer and gave me his puppy dog eyes and I glared at him.

  “You owe me big time Chris. This right now, it’s so not cool.” I shook my head disappointedly at him, and plonked myself back into my chair on a huff.

  When I looked up Ed was standing next to our table with a victorious grin on his face, I wanted to wipe it off by being the bitch from hell but I couldn’t because…woah… the guy stood next to him looked like a Calvin Klein model. He was seriously hot, about six foot, blonde hair cut short at the sides and slightly longer on top, a grey suit that made him look like a dream and he had these really cute dimples in his cheeks when he smiled. He was definitely decent man candy even I could appreciate that, Kim would have melted on the spot under his gaze.

  “Hi Ella, this is Alistair he’s my accountant and a very dear friend. Alastair this Ella, she’s just beautiful isn’t she.” Oh my God could Ed give a more embarrassing introduction.

  “She certainly is, hi Ella nice to meet you.” Alistair said reaching past Ed to shake my hand. He didn’t sound creepy though he seemed genuine, sincere.

  We ordered our food and more drinks and the conversation flowed naturally. Alistair was a really cool guy, he was well travelled but had no hint of arrogance about him. He told us all about his trip to visit his family on the weekend. His Mum, Dad and little sister Erin lived just outside the city and his face lit up when he talked about them, so he was family orientated that ticked one box. He spoke about his little sister with such fondness it really was endearing and when he explained that she had cerebral palsy and that he spent most weekends making her dreams come true I just melted. He asked me questions about my work, my Nan and my job. He listened attentively and looked into my eyes when I spoke. I wanted to lean across to Chris and say, “Where have you been hiding him, he’s perfect!” I was waiting for the catch, surely he’d have some gross habit or a crazy ex would stalk in at any minute to ruin the perfect image he was portraying. I felt at ease in his company, for the first time in ages I liked a guy and it made me feel hopeful.

  When it was time to leave Alistair pecked me on the cheek and said how lovely it had been to meet me. He suggested we must do it again sometime and I agreed but felt suddenly shy and awkward. I had enjoyed lunch but I prayed he wouldn’t ask me out or put me on the spot. I wasn’t good with surprises. Luckily for me he seemed to sense it and said he’d get Ed to sort another get together. That suited me fine.

  “He was gorgeous!” Chris’s eyes were on stalks as he turned to me in the street on our walk back to the office.

  “He was lovely. I’m glad he didn’t suggest anything though, I hate being put on the spot.”

  “I know, I already told Ed that you hated that so he would have warned him. Can Ed give him your number though chick?”

  I stopped to search the recesses of my brain for a real reason for me to say no but there wasn’t one. Who wouldn’t want to get to know someone as awesome as Alistair seemed? No he wasn’t Joe, he was quite the opposite, but maybe that would be a good thing.

  “Okay sure.” I agreed and Chris put his arm around my shoulder and gave me a side hug.

  We got back to the office about five minutes later and there sat on my desk waiting for me was a delivery of two dozen yellow roses.

  “He’s never gonna give up is he?” Chris grimaced.

  I saw the delivery guy, who must have been taking another parcel to Frank’s office, heading past us towards the exit.

  “Wait!” I shouted out, running from behind my desk to grab him and stop him from leaving.

  “If I give you twice your hourly rate will you make a delivery for me right now?”

  He frowned and shrugged his shoulders.

  “Yeah sure, what do you need delivering and where?”

  I grabbed my scissors out of my drawer and cut the head off of every single rose. It was a shame to spoil such beautiful flowers but I knew I needed something drastic to get the message across. I picked the envelope out of the plastic holder standing in the middle of the arrangement and out of sheer curiosity I opened it.

  Baby,

  I am so sorry for being the biggest asshole in the world and hurting you. I love you Ella, please forgive me. You’re the only one for me.

  Your Joe x

  P.S Yellow roses say ‘I’m Sorry’

  I picked up a black felt tip sharpie and scrawled ‘Fuck Off’ over the message and stuck it back into the plastic holder, feeling totally vindicated. I handed the arrangement to the delivery guy along with a note of the address for the health club and asked for it to be delivered into the hands of Mr Joe Madden and no one else. The delivery guy looked at me like I was a crazy woman; I felt crazy. Did he think a bunch of flowers made everything okay? All the gifts he could afford wouldn’t make me forgive him right now.

  Chris and Colin gave me a look that said, ‘good for you girl’, and I sat down at my desk to get on with my work.

  “If you get chance video his reaction and come back to show us.” Chris butted in as the delivery guy backed out of the office cautiously.

  “Now that I’d like to see.” Colin added and I laughed.

  “Me too!” I replied.

  22

  From then on Alistair and I began texting each other regularly. I found myself looking forward to receiving his messages and getting excited about our little mobile phone exchanges. It was all very innocent and cute but I felt for the first time in a long time, that this budding friendship could go somewhere.

  It was during one of our text chats that I got a call from Max. It surprised me to see his number flash up in-between my innocent flirting with Alistair and it made me feel slightly guilty. I answered the call with some hesitancy, not sure if I’d done the right thing pressing accept.

  “Hi Max, u okay?”

  “No …There’s been an accident Ella.” My h
eart stopped beating and I went cold.

  “Oh God no…What happened Max, please…tell me.”

  “They found Joe’s car a few hours ago, he’d driven straight into a wall not far from the club in the early hours of this morning. I don’t really know much more but they cut him out of the car and brought him to the hospital. I’m here now waiting for news and I thought you’d want to know.”

  I started breathing fast, my eyes swimming and my head dizzy. I couldn’t speak. Robyn saw my reaction and took the phone out of my hands to talk to Max. I could hear their voices but I couldn’t focus. My mind started to play a slide show of the awful things that could have happened to Joe over and over again. Then the unspeakable reality that he may not survive drowned me in a tidal wave of sorrow. I had to get to him. I felt frantic.

  I raced across the living room to grab my car keys from the side table then I headed down the path and into my car. I don’t even remember the car journey, but next thing I know I’m parked up at the hospital and staring at the entrance, scared to find out what happens next. I took a deep breath in for courage and opened the door. One foot in front of the other was all I could manage, I had to get myself into the building and find out if I’d lost him. I hiccupped on the thought that I may never see him again, never hold him. I just couldn’t bear the thought of losing him forever, not like this.

  I walked over to the desk and gave the young receptionist Joe’s name, as my whole body shook with fear. She explained that he was still being assessed in the emergency room but that I could wait in the family room down the hall. She directed me to the family waiting area and I walked down the corridor like a zombie, even breathing in and out felt painful right now. As I came towards the family room, the door was open and I saw Max sitting right opposite the doorway that I stood in. He looked up at me in surprise, saying my name but I couldn’t focus on him. My only focus was on the petite brunette he was sitting next to. She was inconsolable sobbing her eyes out and he was holding her hand. Stupid, stupid Ella. Did you think Joe was still pinning for you? Of course he’d moved on and here she was sitting where I should have been, breaking her heart just like I was. It hit me like a ten tonne truck, Joe wasn’t mine to lose anymore, I didn’t belong here.

  I turned round and ran down the corridor as fast as I could and out to my car. I wanted to drive away and never come back to my life ever again. I didn’t want to be Ella Reid loser in love. I felt overwhelming pain in my chest, jealousy that drowned me, and I was insane with worry, I didn’t know what to do with myself. So I did the only thing I could think of, I drove to the common where the bluebells were now in full bloom and the trees swayed gently as if to ward off the rest of the world and keep me safely cocooned within their protective branches, and I broke down. I sobbed in my parked car until my eyes hurt and my tears eventually dried up.

  ‘You get one life Ella, one chance.’ I thought sadly. I’d blown so many chances and wasted so much time. Sitting in that empty secluded car park I realised how pointless some of my arguments with Joe had been. Arguments that we should have resolved but my stubborn ass wouldn’t let me. I was too pig headed to just let the past go and move forward. Always fixated on things I couldn’t change, things that in the grand scheme of things weren’t important, not really.

  I made a vow to myself that day to listen more, be more understanding and try to always look for the good, look to the future. None of us knew when that future would be cruelly ripped away from us, we had to make the most of now.

  I had no mobile phone with me, I’d left it in Robyn’s hands as I’d raced out of the house, so I had no way to know what was happening back at the hospital. I didn’t want to know to be honest, and in my grief stricken brain it seemed like a good idea to check into a hotel. Spend one more night oblivious to reality, a night with my own thoughts and protected from the cruelty of life. So that’s what I did. I spent the night in a local hotel, the television on in the background all night to try to distract my over worked brain from picturing the horrors of the day, but failing miserably. If he survived would he be disabled, brain damaged, what would life be like for him now? Was it better if he did die? At last, at around 4am I managed to cry myself into an uneasy, shallow but exhausted sleep.

  When I woke up the next day I felt numb, and mentally exhausted. My body went onto automatic pilot and I showered, brushed my teeth and dressed without a second thought. Then I left the room and made my way down to the reception area to check out of oblivion and head back to reality.

  When I opened the front door half an hour later and saw Robyn, Chris and Ed sat in the living room I felt wretched. Robyn sprung up from the sofa and launched herself at me crying.

  “Ella, where have you been we’ve all been so worried about you.” She sobbed.

  “I didn’t want to come home, I couldn’t face it.” I said, silent tears rolling down my cheeks.

  “You need to ring Max like now.” She said stepping back and letting Chris come in for a hug.

  “He’s been trying to reach you all night. Joe’s gonna be okay Ella. He has some nasty cuts and bruises but he’s okay.”

  I nodded absentmindedly not really hearing what they were saying to me. Robyn picked up my mobile and dialled Max’s number then held the phone to my ear for me to speak.

  “Ella?” Max answered sounding frantic.

  “Hey Max.” I said quietly.

  “God Ella, don’t ever do that to us again. I was worried sick something had happened to you. Why did you run away like that yesterday?”

  “I didn’t want to…impose.” I didn’t want to sit with Joe’s new girlfriend I thought bitterly, but I couldn’t quite bring myself to admit that.

  “You’d never be imposing Ella. He’s okay you know. The police said if he’d been driving any other car he could have lost his legs but his car is built like a tank, and he’s tough our Joe. He looks dreadful at the moment but the wounds and bruises will heal without any lasting damage. I told him you came and he was disappointed that he didn’t get to see or speak to you. Are you gonna visit again Ella?”

  “No…I can’t.” I replied.

  Max sighed. “Okay but when I told him you came to see him it put a smile on his grumpy ass face. He’s making the doctors’ and nurses’ lives hell right now.”

  “I can imagine.” I smiled slightly. I’m sure the new girlfriend is making everything bearable though I thought.

  “The police are looking into the causes of the accident but on initial investigation it looks like Joe’s brakes were cut. It’s a criminal investigation Ella, someone did this on purpose.”

  “What?”

  “Looks like the stalker is stepping up his game. If Joe’s brakes had been cut whilst his car was at the apartment he’d have ploughed into city traffic, he could have killed a lot of people as well as himself. In a crazy way it was lucky it happened at the club, so he only hit a country wall, the traffic at that time in the morning was virtually none existent.”

  I didn’t see how there could be a good situation for this to happen. Someone wanted him dead and they were willing to harm others to do it. Why would someone feel so hell bent on destroying Joe that way? It was beyond my comprehension.

  “Will you let me know if you find out anything?” I asked Max, “and tell him I send my love and hope he feels better soon.”

  “I will.” Max began to whisper down the line, “You know I thought he’d done this deliberately. He’s missing you terribly Ella, he’s been…well, broken… since that night out.”

  Jeez I bet his girlfriend would love hearing that. No wonder she didn’t even look at me at the hospital. I was the ultimate witch of an ex.

  “I’ll speak to you soon Max.” I said not knowing what else I could say then I hung up the phone.

  23

  Two weeks later…

  “So Ella, a little birdy told me you might have a hot date tonight?” Chris and I were standing in the office kitchen making coffee and pigging out on the doughnuts
Eric had left out for us to celebrate his birthday.

  “Is nothing a secret in my life anymore?” I joked squinting my eyes accusingly at him.

  “Not when Ed and I are involved no it isn’t!” He spluttered in between bites, “So where is the luscious Alistair taking you?”

  “He said there’s a little Italian place close to where he lives that he wanted to show me, then who knows? Maybe on to somewhere else or home alone for an early night if he turns out to be a crazed weirdo.”

  “I highly doubt that, Ed has known him for years, says he’s one of the nicest guys you could ever meet. This could be it for you Ella.” Chris held up two fingers crossed for luck but I just shook my head.

  “Calm down cupid, it’s one date and I’m not even sure I still want to go. I feel a bit uneasy about it to be honest.”

  “Why would you pull out chick?” Chris put his hands on his hips and gave me his best dead panned disapproving face to show me he wasn’t impressed with my revelation. “Just give the guy a chance okay, I promise I’ll back off today, but you can’t bail Ella, that’d be rude and that’s not you Hun.”

  I sighed, he was right. I couldn’t let Alistair down, but nothing about this date tonight felt easy. I had nerves and not good ones like the butterflies you get when you are excited to see someone you really like, more like dread. What if we had nothing to talk about? What if he expected more from me than I was willing to give? I was overthinking everything, I needed to start chilling out. ‘Remember forward thinking Ella, focus on the now and the new you’, I told myself confidently. You have to move on.

  When I got home later that evening I took a long hot shower and got myself ready, playing Dua Lipa to give me some much needed diva power. I chose a light blue chiffon dress, not too short but playful enough to suit a restaurant and a club if needed. Then I fluffed my hair and left it down, covering my shoulders and back with my big bouncy curls. Robyn had brought a bottle of wine home to help steady my nerves and I was gulping it down like water.