Forever Yours

by Nikki J Summers

  “Anyone would think you were going to the gallows, not for a date with a hot guy, you look terrified!” Robyn joked as I downed the last mouthful of wine in my glass.

  “I feel terrified, what if I make a fool of myself tonight?”

  “It’ll give you something to laugh about. Listen Hun, it’s a fun night out with a guy, just go with the flow, and see what happens.”

  Robyn was right, it was just dinner. The doorbell rang and my heart jumped into my mouth.

  “Crap he’s early.” I gasped looking at Robyn nervously.

  “So what? You’re ready.” She smiled opening the door.

  “Max! What are doing here?” Robyn stood back and let Max in, he took one look at me and I could see him swallow uncomfortably and start to stammer.

  “I’m sorry…I should have called ahead…are you going out Ella?” I looked down at my dress and then over at Robyn for help.

  “Ella has a hot date.” Robyn announced.

  Shit did she need to word it like that? I still didn’t know what Max felt any more about anything, especially me. I’d pulled myself so far back I felt detached from everything, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings.

  “Wow…okay…Do I know him?” He asked looking as if he wanted to bolt right away, he was super uncomfortable right now.

  “He’s called Alistair. He seems like a good guy, he works with Ed. We’ve been chatting for a few weeks now and this is our first date.” I shrugged shyly trying to look cool, calm and collected. The doorbell rang a second time. “And that’s probably him now.” I said, my hands suddenly shaking like a leaf and my heart beating out of my chest.

  “Deep breaths Ella, remember cool as a cucumber.” Robyn said as she answered the door to an impeccably dressed Alistair. He looked like he’d walked off an Armani photo shoot he was seriously hot. Why was I feeling so much dread? He smiled at me and those adorable dimples appeared, instantly making me feel more at ease and I smiled back.

  “Ella, you look absolutely stunning. Are you ready to go?” I nodded and walked out to join him. I said my goodbyes to Robyn and Max and walked down the path to Alistair’s car. It was only once I was sitting in the passenger’s seat that I thought how rude I’d been not introducing Alistair to either of my friends, but in all honesty I’d just wanted to get the hell out of there. It felt too weird having my old life collide with the new.

  Joe

  I saw Max’s number appear on my phone and I considered declining his call. Since everything that had happened with him and Ella, I couldn’t quite bring myself to be the same with him as we had been. He’d crossed a line, broke a bond of trust that I didn’t think we’d ever get back. The call rang off but within seconds he was ringing again.

  “What?” I answered irritated.

  “Joe. Listen I’ve been a shit friend to you lately I know that…”

  What was this, a weak ass phone apology? I wanted to hang up or tell him to stick it up his ass but something told me to hold out. He had been making an effort lately and he’d done a lot for me since the accident.

  “Just spit it out Max, I’m tired.”

  “I’ve just come from Ella’s place…she’s going on a date tonight.”

  Instantly I felt sick to my stomach. Great, why was he telling me this, did he want to rub more salt into an already gaping painful wound?

  “Well thanks for telling me, that just about makes my night. Was that all?”

  “Will you just quit with the ‘couldn’t care less’ attitude Joe, I know that isn’t how you feel. I’m telling you now, as your best friend, you need to do something if you don’t want to lose her. The guy she’s out with is…well he’s ripped and good looking if you’re into that kind of thing…which Ella is, but I know she still loves you so if you want to get her back you have to act now. Mate this guy is gonna slide in and steal your girl if you don’t stop him.”

  “What makes you think she still wants me? She’s moved on Max.”

  “She hasn’t, I can see it in her eyes. She’s doing what she thinks she needs to do to get over you, but shit man, you have to at least try to fight for her.”

  “And make a goddamn fool of myself?”

  “Yes if that’s what it takes. Listen bud, if she says no, tells you to get lost you’ll be no worse off. At least you’ll know you tried. No regrets right?”

  “Why are you doing this Max?”

  “Because I’d rather she was with you than some random wannabe male model who might whisk her away from us all and keep her to himself. You and Ella were meant to be, we all know it. It’s just you two are so stubborn you won’t admit it to each other. One of you has to make the first move and I think it needs to be you. Find a way to show her what she means to you.”

  “What the hell am I supposed to do at this time of the evening Max?”

  He sighed down the phone at me.

  “It isn’t about expensive grand gestures Joe, not with Ella. Just come and see her, talk to her. That’s all she needs; you calm and willing to talk then listen without going off like the fourth of July.”

  He was right of course. In all this time I hadn’t really fought for her. I wanted her back, I couldn’t think about anything else, but I hadn’t done enough to make it happen.

  “I’ll think about it.” I said and clicked my mobile phone off. I had to think carefully about my next move. I had to think about what I might say, when I might see her. The clock was ticking, sand in the timer was running out, and I had one last shot at this, that much I knew.

  24

  Twenty minutes later we pulled up outside a quaint little Italian restaurant.

  “They do the best food here, their gnocchi is to die for.” Alistair said.

  “Mmm… I love Italian food.” I hummed and he smiled.

  “I’m glad you’re not one of those girls that nibbles on lettuce and pretends she likes it.” He grinned.

  “Hell no, I love food. Lettuce is great in a burger.” I raised my eyebrows and he laughed. So far so good I thought.

  He opened the door for me as we entered the little bistro and the elderly Italian waiter knew him by name, greeting him fondly with a firm handshake and a twinkling smile. He led us to a secluded table at the back of the restaurant and asked us for our drinks order. I shouldn’t have even considered drinking any more than I already had, but I had another wine to settle my nerves and Alistair ordered a beer. ‘I can do this’ I thought to myself and settled back into my chair to read the menu.

  The waiter came back with our drinks and took our order. We had bruschetta to start and I ordered the Genovese pesto gnocchi, whilst Alistair ordered the lobster mezza Luna.

  “So you love to travel, where was your favourite place to visit?” I asked.

  “Definitely Paris, strolling along the Champs Elysee, cruising down the River Seine past Notre Dame Cathedral and I always stay in this fantastic hotel overlooking the Eiffel Tower. It’s beautiful, simply stunning. Have you ever been there Ella?”

  I twirled the stem of my wine glass nervously.

  “Yes, I spent a long weekend there about a year ago I think it was.” The most romantic weekend ever with Joe was not something I wanted to be reminded of when I was on a date with another guy.

  “Did you like it?” He looked at me strangely, he obviously wasn’t picking up on the ‘most romantic city ever, probably saw it with an ex’ kinda vibe I was giving off.

  “I loved it.” I smiled.

  “Last time I was in Paris I managed to head over to the Alps to get in a couple of days on the slopes. Skiing is a passion of mine.”

  Oh hell, not another one. I couldn’t ski for toffee and I’d managed to find the two biggest skiing enthusiasts in the country, great.

  “Do you ski?” He asked probably noticing my smirk.

  “Not exactly. I’ve had a few attempts at skiing but I am the clumsiest person in the world. I can’t ski very well at all.”

  “Have you ever had lessons?”

 
Boy was this all heading into territory I didn’t want to go tonight.

  “A…friend tried to teach me, but all the patience in the world couldn’t co-ordinate these bambi legs.” I joked.

  Alistair smiled kindly across at me.

  “You’d probably prefer the après ski Ella.” I nodded, “I once tried to teach my cousin how to ski, it was a nightmare.”

  “Oh no, why? Was she very young?” I could just picture him helping some little girl on the slopes, making all the female skiers swoon as he gently guided her down the snowy mountains.

  “No she’s the same age as me. I swear I have zero patience, I just don’t get how people can teach like that. I ended up leaving her in the chalet most days and going off with the lads to do the better runs.”

  I hid my distaste pretty well I thought. Jeez how selfish was that to dump her because she couldn’t zoom across slippery as hell snow on a pair of super thin sticks. I mean when you thought about it skiing was a pretty stupid sport. Plus Joe would never have abandoned me like that, then inwardly I scolded myself for thinking that way. I had to give Alistair a chance.

  “So skiing isn’t your favourite thing, but what do you like to do?” He asked as our delicious food came and the waiter placed the dishes in front of us.

  “Oh I don’t know, I like going out with my friends, dancing, just being with people really.” I leant over the table to spear some of the food from his plate onto my fork and his mouth dropped open in shock. Oh shit I’d messed up again hadn’t I!

  “Do you always steal other people’s food?” He joked but I could see he wasn’t impressed with the plate and food swapping I always instigated whenever I went out. Everyone I ate food with knew I liked trying theirs too, no one had ever highlighted it as a negative before, Robyn and Chris encouraged it and Joe, he used to think it was cute. I even remember him swapping plates with me on more than one occasion when I liked his food more than my own. Oh no there it was again. ‘You really need to stop that and get a grip Ella!’

  I tried to steer the conversation away from my obviously weird food stealing habit, and asked him about his family. His face glowed with pride when he talked about his sister, it made me warm to him again. A guy who took such good care of a sibling in need like he did couldn’t be all bad. He described special trips they’d been on together and memories they shared. Theirs was a beautiful brother sister relationship. I was just pondering what it would have been like to have a sibling growing up when he said something that made me stop in my tracks and have to ask him to repeat it again, convinced I’d heard him wrong.

  “When I get married my wife will give up her job to care for my sister full time. I’ve always told Erin that would be the deal. She’s my number one priority. She’d move in with us you see.”

  I was sure I looked like a demented gold fish how I just stared at him with my mouth open. Was he looking for a life partner or a full time carer? I mean seriously, what a thing to hit me with on our first date.

  “I’m sure your sister Erin is adorable and a pleasure to look after, but what if your future wife wants a career and doesn’t want to leave work? There are plenty of wonderful carers out there you know.” I couldn’t let this one slide by, he had to explain himself.

  “She wouldn’t be my wife if she didn’t do what I thought was best for my family.”

  Jeez this guy was stuck in the 1950s, I was so not the girl for him. I started to panic and struggle for what to say next. I peered down at my plate wishing I could vanish or magically fly out of the door.

  “I’m sorry.” He said with some sympathy in his tone, “I didn’t mean to bring you down tonight. I know talking about Erin can sometimes cause people to get emotional.”

  Boy was this guy rubbish at reading people. Did he think that was the reason I felt awkward? Seriously? He reached across the table and took my hand in his running his thumb over my knuckles and I froze. The feel of him touching me felt foreign, wrong. I wanted to pull my hand backwards and away from him. He had no place touching me, I didn’t like it, he wasn’t Joe. Oh God he wasn’t Joe was he, he felt like an imposter in the seat opposite me. What the hell was I doing here trying to move on when in all honesty I didn’t want to move on with him. I didn’t want to move on with anyone else.

  An hour later, after much stilted conversation the waiter brought the bill over.

  “I’ll pay half, it’s not fair that you pay Alistair, I am a new woman after all.” I smiled brightly, proud at myself for being so independent.

  “Oh no you can’t pay half Ella,” He replied not looking up from the bill as he scrunched up his forehead in thought, “My main was more expensive than yours, I’ll work out the difference and we can each pay for our own.”

  Lord I was about ready to slap the cash for the whole meal down on the table and bail. Was he seriously going to count up every penny? I wasn’t asking him to pay for me, but really, was this necessary. Even Adam would have just gone halves with me, and Joe? Well he always gave them his credit card at the beginning and asked them to charge it to him without even letting me see a bill. This was surreal. I knew Alistair was an accountant but to split hairs over pennies was insane. I smiled and put my half onto the table.

  “Alistair just take what you need from there, its fine honestly.”

  “I know they say to tip twenty percent but I think that’s way too much personally, shall we say five percent?”

  My eyes bugged out of my head.

  “I think twenty percent is just fine, they don’t get paid a lot to wait tables you know. I know, I was waitress when I was in college. Those tips are like gold dust trust me.” I definitely wasn’t going to let this one go.

  “No five is fine.” He stated and left the money on the table.

  We both stood and I reluctantly walked away from the table, feeling utter shame at leaving such a measly tip. When we got outside I turned to face him and announced that I needed to pop back in to the bathroom really quickly and told him to wait outside for me. Making sure he wasn’t looking I rushed back over to the table we’d sat at and put down the extra cash to make up the tip. There was no way I was leaving five percent.

  “He normally doesn’t leave any tip.” A young waitress said quietly as she wiped down a table close to where we had sat.

  “Well he’s a tight ass then isn’t he!” I laughed and she smiled. This whole evening was a huge eye opener for me.

  Once I’d re-joined him outside he suggested having a few drinks to round off the night at a local pub, and put his arm around my waist. It felt all wrong, I had to put a stop to this right away.

  “Look, Alistair, you’re a really nice guy and dinner was lovely but I don’t think this is going to work…you and me. I think maybe we should call it a night.” He looked devastated. I felt terrible. Great.

  “What did I do wrong?” He looked so crestfallen I almost relented and went along with the pub idea, but I knew I had to stay strong, stay focused.

  “You’re a great guy Alistair, any girl would be lucky as hell to have you on her arm, but I’m still not really over my ex. I’m not in ‘that place’ yet. I’m sorry.”

  He nodded a knowing nod and rubbed my arm like a concerned brother.

  “I know what you mean Ella, break ups are tough. Will you at least let me drive you home?”

  I agreed to the lift home, relieved that I wouldn’t have to fork out for a cab or ring Chris for a lift and have to give a blow by blow account of my night.

  Alistair opened up to me on the car drive home. He had recently come out of a relationship himself and admitted he was struggling to cope without her. He asked me for any tips on how to be a better boyfriend so I told him to remember other people have dreams too. I reminded him that every girl needs to feel loved and adored and not to come second best to his sister. After delicately broaching the subject I told him he needed to put a future family ahead of the one his parents made. His sister was important but he’d never find love if he always put her hap
piness above his own.

  As I left his car I sincerely hoped he’d heard what I’d said and would use the advice I gave him. He wasn’t a bad guy he just needed some pointers. His advice to me? Be true to yourself Ella. I always have, I thought sadly, and look where that got me…home alone at 9.30am on a Friday night.

  I watched Alistair’s car pull away from the kerb and I waved my goodbyes then turned to walk down our path. That was when I saw the dark hooded shadowed figure and I screamed.

  25

  “Woah! It’s okay…Calm down… Ella…it’s only me. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to startle you.”

  He lifted his hoodie from his face as I stood there shaking in terror, my handbag clutched to my chest and my breaths coming in short erratic pants.

  “I thought you were a murdering rapist, jeez! What the hell are you doing here Joe?” I doubled over, rubbing my chest now to try to calm my nerves and stop myself from having a full on panic attack.

  “I wanted to see you. To talk…I think we need to talk. Don’t you?”

  “At this time of night?”

  He stuttered, “I don’t even know what time it is, sorry.” He rolled his sleeve up to look at his watch then frowned back at me.

  “You’re home kinda early.”

  “I can go back out again if you want me to.” I rolled my eyes at him in irritation, “I didn’t expect to be accosted on my doorstep tonight otherwise I wouldn’t have come home on my own.” I folded my arms across my chest in a display of defiance.

  “I’m glad you’re home early, and you have no idea how relieved I am to see that you’re alone. I was dreading coming face to face with your date.”

  I narrowed my eyes at him accusingly, “How did you know about…oh…right, Max.” I shook my head, mixed emotions whirling around my head.

  “You know Alistair is a good guy, a better date to come face to face with than your choice. How is the slut in the red dress by the way? Or is it the brunette from the hospital you’re seeing now? I can’t keep up these days.”