Only Today

by Jeri Odell

  “Graduate school? That means I’ve already been to college?” This all sounded like someone else’s life, not hers. “How old am I?”

  “You’re twenty-six, and yes, you must have gone to college somewhere and have a degree. Otherwise you couldn’t be accepted into grad school.”

  Kendall rubbed her forehead. All the straining to recollect gave her a serious headache.

  “Anyway, according to what your father told my dad, your plan is to return to Mexico and marry Javier—”

  “Javier?” Kendall squeezed her eyes shut, trying to put a face to the name.

  “Javier Gonzales—your fiancé.” She knew Brady tried to act unaffected, but his tone revealed his true feelings. His jaw was tense; a muscle pulsated in his neck.

  “Environmental engineering. That sounds hard. Why would I want to do that?” She shook her head. The idea held zero appeal.

  “I guess you and Javier plan to follow in your parents’ footsteps and serve the tribal natives. You apparently have big plans to improve the living conditions for the people groups that reside in the outlying areas.” Brady’s voice carried an angry edge.

  “I sound like some sort of saint.” She felt mystified, because none of the facts seemed connected to her.

  “A real Mother Teresa.” She didn’t miss the sarcasm lacing each word.

  “Why are you angry because my life obviously had purpose? You chose a career as a medic to make a difference. Why isn’t it okay for me to make that same choice?” She didn’t get his attitude. This wasn’t like Brady at all.

  He rose and walked to the window and stared out for several seconds, his back toward her.

  “The truth?”

  “Nothing but,” she demanded.

  He swung around and faced her, leaning against the windowsill. “I am angry—angry that you have a fiancé, angry that your life will take you far from me, angry that I didn’t meet you first.”

  Her own irritation melted away at his confession. “At least I’m not married,” she reminded him in a quiet tone.

  “I know, but your plans are already in motion. How would we ever meld our two very separate lives?”

  “I don’t know, Brady. I don’t know.” She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “I still have no memory of any of this.” The frustration of her situation returned.

  Brady looked at the ceiling and let out a long, slow sigh. “I know. You and I—as a pair—feel more hopeless all the time.”

  Kendall couldn’t disagree. “When will I meet my parents? Maybe seeing them face-to-face will trigger something. At least that’s what the doctor said about the familiar.”

  Brady nodded. “They’re coming, along with Javier. Probably tomorrow. They planned to catch the first available flight.”

  At Brady’s announcement, Kendall experienced fear and excitement. Her stomach knotted in anticipation.

  “Here’s the thing, Kendall: I’m here against my dad’s advice and probably against the voice of reason in my head.” He returned to his chair and took her hands in his. “I can’t get you out of my mind, and you are rooted deep in my heart.” His eyes were intense—his words soft and sincere. “I don’t doubt for a second that I’m in love with you, that I want to spend the next seventy or eighty years with you.”

  Kendall’s heart raced. Are you going to ask me to be Mrs. Brady Cooper? And in that second, the truth hit her like a brick falling on her head. She’d pledged herself to another. This wasn’t right.

  “I want you in my future,” Brady continued when she failed to respond. “I’m willing to fight for your love or wait for it. I’ll do whatever it takes, because I’ve waited a long time for you, Kendall Brooks, a very long time.”

  Instead of bringing delight, his words broke her heart. She loved Brady, too, but apparently she loved another man, as well. And Brady was all she knew. Maybe Delanie had been right all along. Maybe she’d mistaken gratitude for love.

  Brady slid his hand under her hair and cradled the side of her neck. “You think on all I’ve said. I know it’s been a big day, and you must feel like you’re on information overload. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here again tomorrow and the day after that.”

  Kendall knew she should tell him not to bother, but she couldn’t put a voice to the truth piercing her heart.

  Brady leaned in, and though she didn’t move toward him, she didn’t move away, either. One last time, just one last time. She reasoned away her lack of good judgment, but when Brady’s lips touched hers, guilt filled her to overflowing.

  She pulled back. “Brady, I can’t.” Not able to face the hurt and rejection she might see in his eyes, she stared at her lap. “Maybe you should leave.”

  Silence filled the room for a heartbeat. “Maybe I should.” Brady rose and carried his chair out of the room. Her heart went out the door with him, leaving Kendall more confused than ever.

  ❧

  The next morning Kendall awoke to the sound of voices near her bed. She opened groggy eyes.

  “Kendall! Oh, Kendall!” A gray-haired woman with tanned skin hugged her close. “It is so good to see you.”

  “Kendall?” Mrs. Cooper’s familiar voice came from the other side of her bed. Kendall rolled over and grabbed her hand. She needed something familiar to hold on to. Six expectant eyes focused on her. Six eyes that triggered no recall but instead made her very uncomfortable. Six eyes that studied her like a bug under a microscope. Kendall sat up and pulled her sheet up to her chin. Her eyes struggled to adjust to the bright lights of the room. The two men crowded in close.

  “These are your parents, George and Diana Brooks, and this is your fiancé, Javier Gonzales.”

  Kendall’s gaze moved from one to the other. Her mother’s eyes were a soft brown, reflecting sadness. Her father’s eyes were a shade of gray-blue. He, too, had a gloom about him, but the black eyes that stared at her were most intense. The small Hispanic man wore the look of a lovesick puppy dog. She felt nothing for him, not even a glimmer of attraction. He was nothing like Brady, though she knew she shouldn’t compare.

  “Ti gunaa stinnne`.” My one woman. The endearment spoken with tenderness grated on Kendall. He reached a stubby hand toward her, and she drew back, pulling the sheet a little higher.

  Mrs. Cooper wrapped a protective arm around Kendall’s shoulder, and Kendall leaned into the safety of her embrace. Hurt and disappointment imprinted itself on the other three faces.

  “She doesn’t remember you. To her, you are all complete strangers.”

  Diana Brooks sniffled, and Kendall noticed tears in the woman’s eyes, only increasing her discomfort.

  “Why don’t we give Kendall a few minutes to pull herself together?” Mrs. Cooper herded them out the door. “There’s a waiting room down this way.” She pointed. They all headed out the door.

  “Mrs. Cooper, will you stay?”

  Her gentle eyes reassured Kendall. “Yes. I’d be happy to.” She turned to Kendall’s family waiting just outside the door. “I’ll help Kendall get ready, and we’ll meet you in a little while.”

  Mrs. Cooper shut the door before anyone had a chance to respond. She rushed to Kendall’s side. “I’m so sorry.” She squeezed Kendall’s hand. “They caught a red-eye and got in very early this morning. I had offered to pick them up, wanting to be here for you when you met them. I should have come into your room by myself first.”

  Kendall had grown to love this woman. “It’s fine.”

  “You slept a little later this morning than usual.” Mrs. Cooper walked to the closet.

  “I didn’t sleep much last night.” Kendall let out a sigh. “It’s not your fault I was still in bed.”

  “I hated seeing you in such an uncomfortable position.” She held up a lightweight wine-colored sweater. “Is this one okay? I know it’s your favorite.”

  Kendall nodded. “I don’t remember them. I’m trying. I really am.”

  Mrs. Cooper removed a pair of sweats from one of Kendall’s drawers
and laid them across the bed. “You have no control over your memory—no matter how hard you try.”

  “So they say, but it makes me feel so helpless.”

  Kendall took her things into the bathroom, returning a few minutes later dressed and teeth brushed. Mrs. Cooper helped Kendall brush her hair. Kendall’s movements were still awkward and stiff, and hair care was the most difficult morning task.

  “Will you stay with me?” Kendall felt silly asking, but she wasn’t ready to be left alone yet.

  Mrs. Cooper smiled. “Of course I will. I have an idea. Why don’t we go out to breakfast? None of us have eaten, and sitting around a table will give you a chance to get to know them and feel safer.”

  Kendall nodded. What was wrong with her? They were, after all, her family. Why the apprehension? “When I met you, we were both strangers to each other, and we got to know each other slowly over time. These people know me intimately, but I don’t know them at all. They want to pick up where we left off, but I don’t know where that was. I don’t know how to relate to them.”

  Mrs. Cooper studied her a moment as she leaned heavily against the walker, waiting to walk out the door. “Do you want me to talk to them before you come down and explain how you are feeling?”

  “Would you?” A sigh of relief slipped through Kendall’s lips.

  Mrs. Cooper hugged her. “You come down in about five minutes. I’ll take care of the rest.”

  “It will take me five minutes longer to get there, even if we leave at the same time.” Kendall often joked that her two speeds were slow and slower.

  “It will be fine, Kendall; you’ll see. God has a way of taking the impossible and working it out.” Mrs. Cooper hugged her again, careful not to cause her to lose her balance. Then she started down the hall to the little alcove for visitors.

  Kendall followed. What if I never remember? She’d placed all her hopes on the fact that seeing them would trigger something, but that hadn’t happened. Now what, Lord? Now what?

  Eleven

  “What if she never remembers us?” Javier asked in his thick accent. Kendall heard the question as she neared the alcove.

  “Then you start from the beginning, getting to know each other again, making new memories.” Mrs. Cooper always seemed to have such wisdom.

  “You don’t understand. She’s our daughter—our only living child.” Diana’s voice carried a pain and a fear Kendall understood.

  “I can’t completely comprehend what you’re going through, but I ask you to remember that this is as hard for Kendall as it is for you. Please give her time and space. She hoped desperately to remember you but didn’t. Let things between you happen slowly and naturally.”

  Kendall rounded the corner, and everyone’s gaze followed her into the room.

  Mrs. Cooper stood. “Why don’t we all go to breakfast? Spend some time getting acquainted.”

  Everyone agreed, rising, and Mrs. Cooper led them to the parking lot. The Brooks clan squished into the backseat of Mrs. Cooper’s small silver sedan, leaving the passenger seat for Kendall. Mrs. Cooper stuffed the walker in her trunk.

  She drove to Walden’s Coffeehouse near where she and Chief Cooper lived. Delanie had taken Kendall there just last week. Upon arriving, they ordered at the counter and then found a table for five.

  Once they’d settled into chairs around the small wooden table, Kendall broke the awkward silence. “I’ve learned that coffeehouses are very popular here in Reno, and Delanie assures me it’s a trend that stretches across the whole nation.”

  Her parents and Javier nodded and smiled, but a sadness hung over them like dark clouds on a rainy day.

  “You know, it’s funny how different their English is than mine. So many of the phrases they use, I didn’t understand. Delanie and Brady tease me about coming from some unknown Podunk place.” Kendall laughed. Now her lack of understanding made perfect sense.

  “The villages are much more than a Podunk place. Our family has poured our lifeblood into those people. They matter to us and to Jesus.” Her father’s expression held disappointment. “They used to matter to you, as well.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you.” Kendall hung her head.

  “You’ve changed.” And she knew from the way he said it, it wasn’t for the better.

  “Who are Delanie and Brady, dear?” her mother asked, and Kendall knew she must be the family peacekeeper.

  “They are my children,” Mrs. Cooper responded.

  “Oh, I see.”

  “Brady is the paramedic who saved my life.” Just saying his name made Kendall miss him. “The whole family has rallied around me, taken me to church, had me in their home, and kept the monotony of the rehab hospital at bay with their faithful visits.”

  “Thank you for that.” Her mother’s kind eyes rested on Mrs. Cooper.

  Their name was called, and Mrs. Cooper and Kendall’s father picked up the trays, passing out everyone’s breakfast and beverage orders.

  Kendall felt crushed by her father’s harsh response. She decided to get to the heart of the matter, ignoring her breakfast completely. “Where were you?” She directed the question at her father. “Didn’t you wonder about me?” Kendall tried to keep the accusatory tone out of her voice, but it sneaked in nonetheless.

  “We waited for the call that you’d arrived safely in America, and after speaking with you, we headed into the jungle for a month of intensive work.” Her dad filled in the blank.

  “As soon as we returned from our trip into Oaxaca to drop you at the airport, ti gunaa stinnne`, we received word that many were dying. As soon as your safe arrival was confirmed, we told you of our plan.” Javier reached for her hand but stopped himself. Instead, he picked up the butter and occupied himself with his toast.

  “You were beginning your studies the following day, and as the four of us agreed, your dad, Javier, and I planned to continue the much-needed work until your return.” Her mom spoke in a soft, sure tone, but Kendall read between the lines, believing they must not have wanted her to leave.

  “Your father and I worked very hard to dig a new well. The water supply had been contaminated. People were dying.” Javier’s intense gaze never left her face, and it made her uncomfortable.

  “We drove in barrels of fresh water each day and ran the drilling equipment ourselves,” her father said, continuing the story. “Your mother cared for much of the village and nursed countless ones back to health.”

  “The water had caused many to become ill, others to die,” her mother explained. “We thought when we arrived home after the crisis passed that we’d have a stack of letters from you.”

  “But there were none.” Javier’s words held a note of sadness.

  “We became concerned. . . .” Her mother’s voice had a catch in it.

  “We tried all the next day to get in touch with you, but to no avail.” Her father laid down his fork and took a sip of coffee.

  “The college had no record of you after you registered, and your landlord said you were a great tenant. He never saw you or heard a peep from you.” Her dad cleared his throat. “We finally contacted the authorities and were connected to Chief Cooper.”

  “He told us of your fate. And as they say, the rest is history. You are here with us now.” Her mother patted Kendall’s hand.

  “Where you belong,” Javier reminded her.

  How I wish I felt like I really belonged. His words were possessive, and they triggered a memory of him reaching for her while she tried to avoid his touch. Not a good recollection, but one nonetheless. Why would I duck away from my own fiancé? The remembrance left her unsettled.

  As everyone finished their breakfast, Kendall asked trivial questions about her life. “Was I born in Mexico?”

  “No, we moved there when you were two.” Her mother’s eyes pleaded with her to remember.

  “So where was I born?”

  “In Texas. I was in seminary,” her father answered.

  “Any bro
thers or sisters?”

  Silence fell over the group. Kendall glanced from one to the other. All eyes were down.

  “Just Patrick,” her mother finally answered. “But he died a few years ago.”

  “Patrick.” Kendall said his name aloud, wondering if they were close. “When and how did he die?”

  “Patrick died six years ago while you were back in the States for college.”

  “I’m sorry.” It was the only reply Kendall knew to make. Their pain over the loss was evident. She wanted to know more but wasn’t sure she should ask.

  “Patrick was two years older than you. He stayed in Mexico, having such a heart for the people.” Her mother stirred her tea, a faraway expression on her face.

  Does that mean I didn’t have a heart for the people? Kendall wondered if she imagined the subtle, hidden messages or if they were really there.

  “He and I were out in a jeep, doing some exploring.” Javier interrupted her train of thought. “The jeep rolled, and I was thrown away from the vehicle. Patrick was crushed by it.”

  “You knew Patrick?” The news surprised Kendall.

  “Yes. We grew up together, all three of us.”

  “When did you and I become—” She couldn’t bring herself to say the word engaged, for it bound them together in a commitment of the heart. A commitment she didn’t feel. A commitment she wasn’t sure she could live up to.

  “Shortly after Patrick’s death.”

  Something didn’t feel right. Did she agree to marry him during a time of mutual grief?

  “You came home for the funeral,” Javier continued. Kendall tried to remember. She could feel the emotions but could not recall the event.

  “I’d loved you forever, even as a small child, but to you I was only your brother’s friend. At the funeral you let me hold you and comfort you.”

  A vision of them holding each other and crying flashed through her mind. When he kissed her, she remained unresponsive, but the fact that she’d let him was enough for Javier. His kiss left her dead inside. Brady’s brought her senses to life. The realization fell heavy on her.

  “Before you returned to college after the funeral, you agreed to be my wife and partner with me to finish the goals Patrick and I had set.”