Only Today

by Jeri Odell

  Her father’s words struck a familiar chord with Kendall. She wondered what wild things she’d done in college.

  “Young lady, it’s time for you to grow up and face some responsibility.” A vein popped out near her father’s temple.

  “That’s exactly what I’m trying to do—take responsibility for my life, my decisions, and myself.” Kendall’s voice rose, and she somehow knew she and her father were often combustible.

  “You have a responsibility to Javier.” Her dad’s low tone dared her to deny what he said. “When you said yes to his marriage proposal, you gave your word. The Bible clearly says let your yes be yes.”

  Kendall let out a long, loud sigh, trying to collect herself. “I don’t know him. I don’t love him.” She glanced from one to the other. “Is that what you want for me—a loveless marriage to a stranger?”

  Her mother drew her lips together, and tears gathered in her eyes. “He wouldn’t be a stranger forever. You can get to know him all over again.”

  Tears pooled in Kendall’s eyes, and her mother reached for her hand. In less than a day, Kendall knew this precious woman was tenderhearted, gentle, and kind. “Mama, I’m in love with someone else.”

  “I will not give my blessing to that home wrecker.” Her father jerked open the door and left in a huff.

  “He didn’t know. We didn’t know.” Kendall whispered the words to her mother.

  “Your father only wants God’s best for you.” She wiped her cheek with the tips of her fingers.

  “Do he and I not get along well?”

  Her mother made a clicking noise with her tongue. “You’re both strong-willed; your wills clash fairly often.”

  Kendall felt a camaraderie with her mother.

  “Did I get into trouble in college?” She couldn’t ignore the comment her father had made earlier.

  “Your teen years were hard, but once your brother died, everything changed.”

  “How so?”

  Her mom shrugged. “It seemed to ground you somehow. You picked up his dreams where he left off.”

  Kendall shivered. “What were my dreams—before?”

  “Before Patrick died, you couldn’t get out of Mexico fast enough. You would have gone to high school in the States if we’d let you.”

  Kendall only nodded, but she wondered if she’d changed somehow or if she’d just adopted Patrick’s life to fill the void for her parents.

  “I hope you won’t hate me, but I can’t be that compliant person anymore. I have to figure out who I am and what God has for me.”

  Her mother said nothing, only nodded.

  “You think I’m wrong, don’t you?”

  “I don’t know, Kendall. I’m not sure you ever loved Javier.”

  “What are you saying?”

  Her mother looked torn between sharing her observations and keeping her mouth shut.

  “Because I don’t feel like I ever loved him.”

  “I just wanted you close to home. I hoped in time you’d grow to care about Javier.”

  Kendall studied her mother. “Have you told Dad any of this?”

  Her mother shook her head. “He says I read too much into things.” Her mother stood and paced between the chair and the window, biting her lip.

  “Mom, if you know something, please tell me.”

  “All I know is that after Patrick died, you changed your major from elementary education to engineering, which was his major. You suddenly adopted his vision to improve living conditions for the village natives. And just as suddenly, you accepted his best friend as your fiancé.”

  “I suspected as much. Nothing seemed to make sense or fit.” Kendall digested all her mother had revealed.

  “Were you just going to let me keep living Patrick’s life?”

  Guilt oozed from her mother’s eyes. “After eight years of power struggles, you and your dad were working together, excited about the future, and close. You’d filled the enormous gap left in his life by Patrick’s death.”

  Her mom lowered her head. “Forgive me, but I wanted you close. If you’d stayed in the States, I’d have lost both my children—one to death and one to distance. I wanted to keep the peace between you and your father, but then I’d see the sadness in your eyes and not know what to do.”

  “I guess they were my choices, but I can’t keep making them.”

  Her mother smiled a sad, knowing smile.

  “Dad will probably hate me.”

  “He’ll get past the disappointment, and he has Javier. In many ways, they’ve become father and son. Javier’s parents died when he was a teen, so he’s an orphan in his own right.”

  “And I guess the truth is, God wants me to be whoever He created me to be and to stop trying to be Patrick.”

  “You are right, of course.”

  “Mom, thanks for being honest. I know you risked a lot to tell me the truth. I hope you understand that I have to find my own way now. Figure my life out.”

  “I do. It’s your right and privilege.” Her mom hugged her tightly. “I’d best go find your father and calm him down.”

  “Mom, just so you know, Brady is a really good man.”

  “I didn’t doubt that for a minute. He’d have to be to win your love. Javier tried for years and couldn’t do it.”

  “I feel bad about that.”

  “Don’t. Now he’s free to find a woman who will truly love him. He is a good man and deserves more than simply being tolerated.”

  A twinge of guilt hit Kendall. “Is that what I did?”

  “And barely that sometimes.”

  Mrs. Cooper stuck her head in the door. “Hello. Am I interrupting?”

  “I was just leaving.” Kendall’s mother took Mrs. Cooper’s hand. “My husband means well. He’s a little headstrong at times.”

  Mrs. Cooper squeezed her hand. “I know just what you mean. I have one almost just like him at home.” She grinned.

  “I’ll be by later, Kendall. We’re staying with a pastor from our denomination while we’re here in town.” She glanced at her watch. “He’s meeting us out front in ten minutes, so if we don’t make it back tonight, we’ll see you in the morning.”

  As her mother walked away, Mrs. Cooper asked, “Is everything all right with you?”

  Kendall nodded. “Much better. I at least had the chance to connect with my mother on a deeper level.”

  “She seems like a lovely woman.”

  “I think she is.” Kendall smiled. “You said I don’t have to go with them, right?”

  “Not as long as you are past eighteen, mentally competent, and don’t want to go.” Mrs. Cooper’s brows drew together. “Do you expect them to try to force you to go?”

  “Not my mom, but I’m not so sure about my father. He seems pretty determined.”

  “That he does.” Mrs. Cooper smiled. “Do you want me to step in as a social worker and get things in place to protect you?”

  Kendall tipped her head back and stretched her tense neck. “I don’t know. I surely don’t want to make things worse between my father and me.” She paused to think for a moment then focused on Mrs. Cooper with an intense gaze.

  “Do you think because I agreed to marry Javier that I should follow through, no matter how I feel?”

  Thirteen

  “What do you think?” Mrs. Cooper hit the ball back into Kendall’s court.

  “I don’t know. The Bible does say let your yes be yes.”

  “And your no be no,” Mrs. Cooper finished for her. “That’s a tough one, Kendall.”

  “My dad believes I should marry Javier no matter what I do or don’t remember because I gave my word.”

  “You did give your word, but there are extenuating circumstances. I’m not sure what the right answer is. I’d encourage you to go before the Lord in prayer and ask Him.”

  Kendall ended up telling Mrs. Cooper everything she and her mom had discussed.

  “Maybe you should speak with Javier. Perhaps if he knows the truth,
he’ll release you from your commitment.”

  “What if he doesn’t?”

  “Start with what you know to do and see what happens. Don’t worry about the what-ifs until they happen.”

  Kendall giggled. “Brady is always telling me the same thing.”

  “Smart boy, that Brady Cooper. Speaking of Brady, he asked me to apologize to you for saying too much to your father today.”

  “Tell him apology accepted. And I will meet with Javier tomorrow. I do want to be honorable before God. After all, He spared my life.”

  “You’re a remarkable person, Kendall.”

  She felt her cheeks grow warm. “Thank you, but it’s you who invested in me and taught me all I know about the Lord and His ways.”

  “Then we’ll give Him the credit.”

  “My dad plans to leave the day after tomorrow. He has some crucial things going on right now. I’ll have to tell him tomorrow that I’m not going. Will you be here when I do?”

  “Sure, if you want me here.”

  “I do. You won’t have to tell him; I’ll do that. In physical therapy I’ve learned just how strong I am and how to dig deep. I can do this. I will do this.” Kendall wasn’t sure if she was trying to convince herself or Mrs. Cooper, but she said the words with conviction.

  After saying good-bye to Mrs. Cooper, Kendall spent some time talking aloud to God about all the people she had to set straight tomorrow—in a kind and loving way, of course. The hardest would be Brady. But her mind was made up.

  ❧

  “Dad, I don’t know what to do.” Brady sat at the bar, watching his dad form raw hamburger into patties. “How do I convince her father that he’s wrong?”

  “You stay out of it, Brady.” His mom had just seconds before walked in from the garage. “This is Kendall’s family and Kendall’s business. In her father’s eyes, you are the other man who disrespected Kendall’s commitment.”

  Brady stood. “That’s absurd. I did nothing of the sort.”

  “At least not on purpose,” his mother reminded him, placing her hands on her hips.

  “But you did fall for an engaged woman and have encouraged said woman to leave her fiancé for you.” Having finished the burgers, his dad washed his hands in the kitchen sink.

  Brady swung his gaze from one parent to the other. “All right, I admit it looks incriminating, but I’d never have become emotionally close to Kendall had I known about the engagement. Now we love each other, and I don’t know where to go from here.”

  His mom crossed the great room and walked into the kitchen, standing next to his dad. “It’s not your decision, Brady. It’s hers, and she has enough people crowding her with expectations.” His mom had strong opinions when it came to Kendall. “Don’t try to push her, or you may end up shoving her right out of your life.” Her expression was stern.

  “So you just want me to stand by and watch while they try to force her to marry a man against her will?”

  “I think you’re both too emotionally charged about a girl who is none of your business.” With that announcement, his dad picked up his plate of hamburgers and his long-handled spatula and headed to the patio.

  “Kendall’s a strong girl.” His mom spoke in a softer, less aggressive tone. “No one will force her to do anything she doesn’t want to do. And by the way, she said apology accepted.”

  “Good. At least she’s not a grudge holder.” Brady settled back on the stool. “I just don’t want to lose her, Mom. I’ve waited a long time for her.”

  But he couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d already lost her. Yesterday she’d asked him to leave, and today his big mouth had brought her embarrassment and pain.

  His mom started working on the rest of their meal. He set the table and thought about all that had taken place the past couple of weeks between him and Kendall. What started as an innocent, sweet attraction had become a tangled mess. Of course, if he was honest with himself, his family warned him from the beginning not to get involved with an amnesiac.

  He made a decision. After dinner with his family, he’d drop by the rehab center and apologize in person. Then he’d back out of her life and let her call the shots.

  After dinner, Brady loaded the dishwasher, knowing it was one of his mom’s least favorite jobs. She enjoyed cooking but not the cleanup.

  He bid his parents good night after confiscating a bag full of his mom’s brownies. He figured he might need some sort of bribe for the night nurse since visiting hours were ending in ten minutes. It would take him longer than that to drive over to St. Mary’s.

  Brady buzzed the outside buzzer since the rehab was locked up by the time he arrived. Tiffany, one of the aides who knew him, came to the door.

  “You forget something?”

  “No.” He dangled the bag of brownies in front of her. “Kendall and I had a fight. I just need a few minutes with her. Otherwise I may not sleep tonight.”

  She grabbed the bag of brownies. “Ten minutes. And you’d better not make a sound walking down the hall.”

  Brady saluted her as he came through the door. “Yes, ma’am.”

  She locked the door behind him.

  “Why don’t you come and get me when you’re ready to escort me out? That way I won’t have to risk getting caught wandering all over this place looking for you,” Brady suggested in a loud whisper.

  “I’ll be by for you in ten minutes.” She headed down the hall to the left, and Brady made his way to Kendall’s room. Her door was closed, so he knocked once, softly.

  “Come in,” she hollered.

  She was seated in the vinyl chair with her Bible and a notebook on her lap. When she glanced up, surprise etched itself on her features.

  “I thought you were the nurse. What are you doing here?” She glanced at her watch. “It’s past visiting hours.”

  “I know. I bribed the nurse to let me in this late. Can I talk to you? I’ll only take ten minutes.”

  Kendall nodded. “Ten minutes? What did you do, rehearse a speech and time yourself?” She raised one brow.

  He laughed. One of the things he loved about her was her dry, sarcastic wit.

  “No—no written speeches. Tiffany will be back in ten minutes to give me the boot.”

  He leaned against a built-in dresser. “My first order of business is to apologize again. I had no right to inform your dad—”

  “And half the world,” she reminded him.

  “Fine. Your dad and half the world that we had feelings for each other.”

  “I forgive you. Now the second order of business?” Kendall glanced at her watch. “Your time is ticking, mister.”

  “I love you, Kendall.”

  Kendall closed her eyes. “Don’t, Brady.”

  His confidence plummeted. “Don’t tell the truth?”

  She reopened her eyes and focused on his. “Don’t make this any harder than it already is.”

  His heart dropped. “What are you saying? Are you choosing Javier?”

  Kendall closed her Bible and sat up straighter. “I’m not picking anyone, Brady. Six weeks ago I suffered major head trauma. I know very little about myself or my life. I have to get to know me before I can know what I want in a man.”

  “Then I’ll wait.”

  She shook her head. “I don’t want you to wait. I don’t want anyone in my life with expectations.” She pushed her hair behind her ear.

  “So this is it?” Brady could hardly believe what he was hearing.

  She nodded, and his heart went numb.

  “I thought you loved me.” He couldn’t keep the astonishment from seeping into his voice.

  “I don’t know.” She closed her eyes again for a moment. “I care about you—a lot—but I’m not sure I’m capable of recognizing love at this point in my life. Maybe what I feel for you is gratitude or hero worship. I don’t know.”

  “Well, I know, Kendall. I know that I love you. I know that I’ve waited a lifetime for you.”

  “I’m sorr
y, Brady. I just need time.”

  He nodded and swallowed hard. “If you ever change your mind. . .” His voice grew raspy.

  She nodded. “I know where to find you.”

  He wanted to hold her one last time, but somehow it seemed pathetic to ask. He struggled to believe this was actually happening. He’d not seen this coming, not at all.

  “I guess this is it, then.” He straightened, no longer leaning on the dresser.

  “Guess so.” She pulled her lips together in a tight line.

  He had to walk past her to get to the door. He leaned over and kissed her cheek.

  She grabbed his hand. “Thanks for everything.” Her eyes glistened with unshed tears. He felt sure his probably did, as well. “If it’s any consolation, I’ll miss you.”

  He could no longer speak. The lump in his throat prevented that, so he nodded and closed the door on his way out.

  He drove straight back to his parents’ house. Delanie and Eli were there. He let himself in.

  Everyone turned from the game on TV and stared at his tear-streaked face.

  His mom jumped off the couch and ran to him. “Brady, are you okay?”

  “I am, but my heart’s not. Kendall doesn’t want me to come and visit anymore.”

  “Oh, honey.” Sometimes there was nothing like his mom’s hug, and tonight was one of those nights. He let her hold him as he cried, just like he’d done as a little boy.

  ❧

  As soon as Brady shut the door, the tears fell like rain. She was glad they waited until he’d left. She didn’t want to leave him with even a glimmer of hope. She had no idea what or whom the future held for her. No use letting him hang on indefinitely.

  And Brady would. He was nothing if not loyal. She had no doubt he loved her. She wished she knew her own heart as well as she knew his. It would have made life much easier—for both of them.

  Kendall wrote in her notebook and cried. The cycle continued until well after midnight.

  Exhausted, she fell into bed, and sleep claimed her quickly. A couple of hours later, Kendall awoke. She stared at the ceiling. In the quiet stillness of the night, she remembered a fight she’d had with her father. It took her a long time to fall back to sleep.

  After what seemed like mere minutes, Kendall was awakened by a knock at the door. She rolled over and rubbed her eyes. She’d told her parents not to come until after PT at noon. She grabbed her watch off the nightstand. It was actually almost eight, not as early as she’d assumed.