Beautiful Broken Mess b-2

by Kimberly Lauren

  He wraps his arm around my shoulders and half leads, half carries me out of the ER. As we exit the sliding doors, I hear him mumble under his breath, “I’m going to kill that asshole...”

  JACE -

  When Quinn leaves the room shortly after Audrey, no one speaks to me. I don’t blame them. But right now I could give a fuck because all I can think about right now is my brother. In the corner of my eye, I see Cole get up to comfort Em and ask if she needs anything. Em isn’t talking to any of us though, not unless it’s about Jax.

  I begin to pace the room. We’re all getting antsy waiting in this stupid, depressing, cream-colored room. How can they ask people to sit in here for so long? It really is a prison, except they know you won’t leave so bars aren’t necessary. The door finally opens and all three of us immediately look to see who’s coming in. When it’s only Quinn, Em and I let out a deflated breath.

  Cole rushes over to her and she squeezes him tightly, kisses his cheek, and then pushes off of him.

  “Audrey convinced the nurse to let us in to see him,” she murmurs, while making her way back to the door.

  “Oh, thank God. I knew I loved that girl.” Em quickly rushes out into the hallway.

  “Is she still out there?” I ask. At this point, I don’t know if I’m asking because I don’t want to see her or because I hope she didn’t really leave.

  Quinn rolls her eyes and pushes by me. “Don’t worry, she followed your orders.” Ouch. I shadow behind and with every step, my heart beats louder in my chest. What will he look like? I’ve never seen someone in a coma before. Will he look like he’s hurt or sick? I’m not sure I can stomach the idea of seeing my brother like this.

  Anytime he’s sick, I’m always right there next to him, feeling all of the same symptoms. This whole night I’ve been waiting for our freaky twin vibe to kick in. Give me a headache or any kind of pain. Give me something that lets me feel connected to him. I feel nothing. Absolutely nothing. I feel like I’ve lost him. I can’t believe I ever complained about being a twin. I never wanted this.

  Two doors away from the waiting room, we walk into Jaxon’s large, noisy room. There are machines beeping and people talking. They all sound far away, as if I am standing at one end of a tunnel and my brother is lying unconscious at the other end. Em holds his hand and drapes herself across him with her head on his chest. He would like that. He would want her next to him as much as possible. Cole snags a chair, pulls Quinn onto his lap, and they both stare at him. I’m pretty sure we’re all staring at him and thinking the same thing. Wake up. Please man, just wake up. I’ll give up everything I have, if you’ll just wake up.

  My mom eventually comes barreling in the room, dragging her suitcase and bags. Shit, I should have gone and gotten her. She didn’t need to lug all of her stuff around. But I don’t even know where my car is at the moment. It probably got towed from the hospital entrance. And Jaxon’s truck...is still at the stadium, where he left it. Fuck, I hate this shit.

  “Oh, my poor baby,” mom cries from the doorway.

  She rushes to Jaxon’s bedside, across from where Em is sitting, and hugs him while patting Em on the back. Mom’s little body can barely reach around his larger one, but she manages to squeeze as much of herself around him as possible. Not exactly easy since Em still hasn’t moved her head from Jaxon’s chest. I keep hearing her speak to him quietly, but I haven’t been able to decipher what she’s saying.

  This can’t be good for her though. Em’s reason for not letting anyone get close to her in the first place was due to the fact that she was afraid of them either cheating or dying. Just another reason Jaxon has to make it through this. He would be leaving behind too many unsalvageable pieces.

  “Cole, bless your heart. Thank you for calling me, darling boy,” Mom weeps and pulls him in for a smothering hug. Shortly after we got in here, Quinn passed out on his lap again. Cole tries to hold on to his girlfriend and hug my mom at the same time. Mom just pats her on the head and whispers a few more sentiments to him.

  She makes her way back to the hospital bed and wraps herself around Em. “Oh, you poor soul. I’m so sorry this is happening to you.” She runs her fingers through Em’s golden hair and kisses her on the cheek. These two have gotten incredibly close this past year. I often hear Em on the phone with her, and anytime I’m talking to mom, she always asks about my dating life and then how Em is doing.

  Without raising her head, I hear Em’s upbeat voice pronounce, “It’s fine. He’s going to be fine. He wouldn’t just leave like this. He just needs time. He’s fine.” There’s something off about her tone. Something too cheery. It’s almost as if she’s trying to convince herself more than us.

  Mom whispers in her ear and then turns and finally faces me. She opens her arms and says, “Come here, Jace. You aren’t handling this well, are you?” I don’t say anything because I can’t cry in front of everyone. I just move into her arms and lift her up in a hug. “He’ll be okay, love,” she whispers in my ear.

  * * *

  The next three days float by like this, all of us just sitting around staring at Jaxon’s eyelids. Coach comes by a couple of times each day to check on his progress. Players from his team filter in and out. Quinn and Cole decide to continue attending classes, so they come by before and after. I haven’t spoken to Em and she hasn’t said anything to me. I know my mom can feel the tension in the room, but thankfully she hasn’t asked about it.

  On Wednesday, Max knocks on the door and steps inside. Em doesn’t even lift her head from Jaxon’s chest. When she’s up, she’s unusually cheery and perky. She floats around the room, cleaning and straightening items that don’t need it. I’ve yet to see her look upset and she hasn’t even cried. I’m not sure if that’s healthy. Aren’t girls supposed to cry in times like this? But pushing away the people you love isn’t exactly healthy either. Audrey...fuck, I miss her.

  “Hey man, how’s it going?” Max asks, while handing me two to-go bags from a local fast food joint.

  “Same,” I pinch out.

  “His scans are looking better. The swelling has gone down a bit,” mom elaborates for me.

  “Damn, that’s good news,” he breathes out. He looks over at Em and offers a sympathetic look in her direction. “So, where’s Audrey?” he asks me directly.

  Fuck.

  My mom’s head whips around to look between Max and I. Quickly, she inquires, “Audrey Mills?”

  Max’s smile grows wide when he says, “That’s the one. Your son is a lucky bastard.”

  I can feel her eyes boring into my skin and then she whips her head back around to look at Em, who hasn’t moved a muscle.

  “Audrey hasn’t been with Jaxon in years. He’s with Em now,” she states in a confused tone.

  “What? When the hell were Audrey and Jax together?” Max blurts out. “That’s weird.”

  I stand up and clasp my hand firmly onto Max’s shoulder and steer him out the door. When we reach the hallway, I say, “Thanks for that, dude. You’ve got a big-ass mouth.”

  “Where is she?” he asks, completely ignoring my comment. I shrug my shoulders and glance down at my shoes. “You fucked it up, didn’t you?” There’s nothing I can say because he’s right. I couldn’t have messed this up any better. But right now I need to be here. My focus is Jaxon, no matter how often my mind drifts over to Audrey.

  “I didn’t tell anyone about our relationship. Jax used to date her back in high school and that ended beyond fucked up. I was going to tell Jax and then time got away from me...”

  “You were a pussy,” he seethes.

  “Yeah I was, okay? But I was finally going to tell him the night of the beach party.”

  “How convenient. I knew there was something weird going on, but I didn’t realize you were keeping her hush-hush,” he says.

  I drag my fingers through my hair in frustration and breathe in and out raggedly. “It wasn’t her, it was us. She understood.”

  “No, she didn’t
understand, but she’s way too nice and trusting to say otherwise. Then you went and did something to mess it all up, didn’t you?” His voice rises in anger but when he realizes his surroundings, he forces himself to calm down. He turns away and begins walking toward the elevator before swiveling around to glare at me again. “You better make this right, or watch someone else do it for you,” he says in a deathly calm voice.

  When he hits the button to call the elevator, I race toward him. “Max, what are you about to do?” I can’t stomach the idea of him going to comfort her.

  Calmly, he steps inside and looks me square in the eyes. “Maybe exactly what you should be doing.”

  The doors begin to close and I shout, “Max, what the hell?! Don’t touch her, don’t you dare touch her!” My fists bang on the metal door and I stop it before it can close on me.

  He leans his head out and gets close to my face. “How the hell are you going to get all worked up over a girl you just tossed aside? You’re my friend, I wouldn’t touch her. All I’m saying is, there are others who are ready and waiting to offer her the world.”

  “I have to stay here with Jaxon,” I defend in a defeated tone.

  He shrugs his shoulders and steps back inside. “Well, you better hope you’re worth the wait. Oh, and by the way, you might want to fill mama in on all of this. She looks mighty confused over there,” he says, nodding his head behind me as the doors finally slide closed.

  Slowly, I pivot around to see my mom standing casually outside of Jaxon’s door, waiting for me to finish. She heard it all.

  I raise my hands in surrender and rush to defend Audrey from all of the horrible things she must be remembering. “Mom, she’s not who we thought she was. She’s beautiful and amazing. She’s kind and forgiving. Thank God for the forgiving part because boy did Jaxon and I need it.”

  “No girl wants to be kept a dirty little secret, son,” she says, as I walk up next to her. Her line of thought immediately confuses me. She isn’t thinking about the troublemaker we thought Audrey was. She’s thinking about how I rudely kept her a secret from everyone I loved.

  When she sees my wheels turning, she says, “I trust your judgment, Jace. I always have. If you say she’s a good person, then I have to trust that.”

  “If Jaxon were awake, he could vouch for me. Em loves her. Quinn and Cole have become friends with her as well.”

  “Wow, Em loves her?” she asks in a surprised tone.

  “Em bulldogged her into telling her the story of everything that happened. Shit, Mom, we had it all wrong. So very wrong.”

  “And then you shoved her out of here right before I arrived, correct?” she questions.

  “How did you know?”

  “Jace, your greatest weakness has always been caring too much about what others think of you. And I’m your mother, I can read you like a book.”

  I groan and lean my head against the wall outside of Jaxon’s room. “Yeah, I yelled at her to leave. In front of everyone. I freaked out, Mom. Cole told me you were coming and she was trying to comfort me and...I just pushed her away.”

  She gasps and asks, “Jace, didn’t you learn anything from Jaxon’s mistake? At what point did I ever teach you two that it was okay to publicly embarrass girls? Especially the ones you supposedly love.”

  “We’re idiots.”

  “You got that right,” she grumbles. When she disappears inside the room, I try to call Audrey. Three times. No answer.

  - Seventeen -

  AUDREY -

  Five days into my post-Jace life, I hit a groove. I’ve picked up all of Em’s shifts at work while still working my own. Ed tried to convince me to give some to others but I need the distraction. I’ve been doing schoolwork like a madwoman, and now I’ve almost completed all of my assignments for this semester.

  I rarely sleep, and when it does come around, it’s only for a few hours here and there. I feel as if I’m running on pure adrenaline, but I know eventually it will hit me and I’ll crash hard. I’ve scrubbed down the apartment and even tried to hit the gym with Lane once. Going to a gym that only has men is not fun. I don’t care how hot those guys are. I never want to be that self-conscious about the way I look while working out again.

  I get off work early tonight because the customers actually clear out pretty quick for once. Lane has bags under his eyes from the stress of trying to figure what he can do for me, but I don’t need anyone’s help. I’m handling this fine. I’m ready to get on with my life.

  I realize that for five days I’ve kept Lane from sleeping a full night. So when I climb into bed, I force myself to stay and not roam the apartment. Just as I begin to calm down and think about the idea of sleep, my window slides open. I startle as I watch a pair of long legs slip through the window. Chuck gets up with a wagging tail to greet my intruder.

  I can instantly tell by the size and build that it’s Jace. I stay quiet and watch him navigate himself through my room. He steps out of his shoes, slips off his pants, and yanks his shirt over his head. Slowly, he crawls into my noisy bed and searches for me in the dark. He doesn’t say a word, and I can’t catch enough breath to formulate one.

  When his hand reaches my body, he grabs a hold of me and pulls me into the safety of his arms. He’s breathing heavily and he buries his face in my hair. His hands hold me tight and it’s hard to catch a breath from the amount of pressure he’s placing on me, but I don’t have the heart to pull away. He needs me.

  “Jace...” I whisper in the dark. But he never responds and when I wake up in the morning, I’m the one left all alone this time.

  * * *

  I bend down to pull out my newest batch of blueberry muffins. The apartment smells delicious, but I’m not sure what I’m going to do with all of these baked goods.

  “Jesus Christ, Audrey. If you pull one more batch of carbs out of that oven, I’ll go insane!” Lane grumbles from behind me.

  “I think you’re already there,” I reply calmly.

  “I don’t like this. I don’t like how you’re acting. You’re not dealing with this right. Shouldn’t you be crying or bitching about him or eating a tub of ice cream?” he questions, while grabbing a chocolate muffin and taking a big bite.

  I look around the kitchen at all of the pastries I’ve made this past week and a half. I don’t know why I did it, except that it helps to keep my mind occupied. Unfortunately, I’m running out of ideas. Since sleep doesn’t come and I can only work so many hours, baking is the next best thing.

  He looks down at the muffin that he just mindlessly took a bite out of and growls loudly. He glares at me in frustration, as if he didn’t realize he was eating the baked goodness, and harshly throws the remainder in the trash.

  “See? I can’t keep eating this junk! Make it go away.”

  “Shouldn’t you be happy I’m not crying all over the place?” I ask, while scrubbing down the counters.

  “No, because I know you’re sad, but for some reason you’re holding it all in. Pretend I’m a chick.” He props his elbows up on the bar, rests his chin in his hands, and looks at me thoughtfully. Brat. “Seriously doll, pour your little heart out. I’m here to listen.”

  “You’re ridiculous,” I reply, while searching for a container that can hold the blueberry muffins. I haven’t told Lane about Jace’s late-night visit a few evenings ago. I don’t know what to think of it myself, so I can’t say it out loud.

  “Talk,” he growls.

  “No,” I reply flatly.

  “Talk.”

  “Where do you think we’ll live after we graduate?” I ask, changing the subject.

  “That’s not what I wanted to talk about and you know it. But I figured I’d have to follow you to Texas.”

  “You would have done that?” I ask, surprised.

  “Of course. You’re my family.”

  I walk around the counter and hug him tightly. “Now you’re just trying to make me cry.”

  “Did it work?” he laughs.

  �
��No!” I laugh while pushing away from him.

  “Well, just to humor you, let’s go check out my hometown.”

  “New York?” I ask, surprised.

  “Yeah. I haven’t seen my mom in a while. I don’t know if I’d ever want to live there again, but we can go look.”

  “This coming week?” I ask eagerly and then quickly add, “We can afford a break from school.”

  “Why are you jumping on this?” He seems unsure about my motives.

  “I just want to plan a real future.”

  “Oooh-kay. I’ll book it. Even though I think you need to give Jace some more time. Jax isn’t even awake yet.”

  “Lane, he’s never going to get over what others think I did. And I don’t want to talk about him anymore.” I finish packing up as many muffins and cookies as I can get into our plastic containers. “I’m going to take these up to Em and Quinn.”

  “Might run into him,” he speculates.

  “Nah, Em said she’d come down to get them.”

  “Just try to go and see him, doll. He was a fucking asshole, I’ll give you that, but guys have no idea how to handle emotions. Don’t you think that even if he can’t admit it, he still needs you?”

  “I’m going to get ready, I’ll see you later tonight,” I smile, clearly not giving into his probing.

  * * *

  I arrive at the hospital and decide to wait outside in the fresh air. Hospital air is stagnant and stuffy. I would kill to be in there holding Jace’s hand, but since I can’t do that, I’d rather not go in at all. My hands bounce the plastic containers around as I wait for Em to come down.

  “Audrey?” I hear my name called from close by.

  I turn toward the sound of my name and freeze when I spot Jace and Jaxon’s mom coming around the outside corner of the hospital. She tosses down a cigarette and twists her foot on it slowly to extinguish the embers.

  “Please, don’t tell anyone about that. I only do it when I’m stressed,” she says and gestures toward the white stick that’s now crushed into the concrete.

  “Secret’s safe with me,” I mumble.