Back To Good

by Laura Benson

  I dressed casually yet smartly in a cream-colored loose linen pants. Stefanie was always a fashion whore, so I thought she’d appreciate that underneath the sweater, I wore a purple tank top that had glitter running through it. I was comfortable and cool. The humidity these days in L.A. was stifling at times. I couldn’t get used to the smog either, but knowing how chilly it was indoors, the sweater was necessary.

  Stefanie was waiting outside the diner when I walked up. She looked the same as she did in high school, but a bit more refined. Her chocolate brown hair was styled in a French twist, and she wore a royal blue wrap dress, which showed off her navy blue eyes incredibly.

  Throughout high school, Stefanie was a knockout. Now an adult, she was gorgeous. As she lifted her hand to wave, I noticed the huge rock on her finger. Of course she’d marry well. Every guy always went crazy for her. She was the atypical gorgeous teen, though. She didn’t cheer. She hated football and basketball. She was in the godforsaken math club, and she was the class salutatorian, whereas I ranked about one-forty out of 600. It wasn’t that I did not want to see Stefanie, just after so many years, but I just really didn’t think we’d have anything in common anymore. She went off to law school after graduating from Arizona State, and I came to work at my father’s firm.

  I smiled when I saw her. “Stef...” I hugged her.

  She squeezed me tightly just like old time. Stef was always a hugging machine. “Oh Charlie, it’s so good to see you!” she said brightly. One thing I loved about Stefanie, was that she was a genuinely good person. If you were a friend, then to her you were a friend for life. But if you weren’t friends or even just a minor acquaintance, she still made you feel respected. Seeing her here in L.A. just brought back all the memories of the fun and gossip we used to share with each other. My mom was onto something when she practically begged me to call Stefanie. There were unshed tears in her eyes. If she kept it up, I’d be crying right along with her. “Let’s get inside before I become a blubbering mess.”

  She held the door open for me, and I went in ahead of her. The interior was an interesting décor for a diner. It had that fifties vibe, but there was something else to it, a homey feel. We were seated by an older woman in a typical horrendous mustard yellow polyester waitress uniform. The white frilly apron tied around her waist just added to the fifties look.

  “This place is incredible.” I glanced around at the posters of fifties rock stars and Hollywood starlets and famous actors from that time period affixed to the wall. There was a Wurlitzer Juke Box in the corner, but it was a newer model. Inside were CDs instead of vinyl. My eyes were like saucers, taking everything in from the napkin holders on the table to the straw dispenser. It was an interesting concept, and I was glad that Stefanie suggested it.

  “The food here is great, too,” she said brightly, tucking her napkin on her lap and opening the huge, oversized menu.

  I looked over mine and decided on a burger with fries and a milkshake.

  “So how have you really been, Charlie?” she asked sincerely. “Your mom said you’re the publicist for Joey Carino. I have to admit I was surprised when she told me. Has it been difficult?” She shook her head and smiled sympathetically.

  I took a deep breath and laid my menu flat on the table. “Well, seeing as we just told him about it yesterday, it’s been a bit difficult. He needs some time to think things through.” I folded my hands, trying to keep them still. I was uneasy, talking about my former relationship with Joey. It was inevitable that Stefanie would ask questions. That didn’t make it easier.

  “He didn’t take it so well?” she asked, genuinely interested.

  “Oh, no.” I tried to stifle a groan. “First of all, Matthew being Matthew blindsided the both of us last night. So technically, I should be trying to smooth things over with Joey. Instead, I’m enjoying my weekend by having fun with you.” I smiled back at her.

  She laughed. “Good for you! I remember how tough Matthew was to you during high school. Some of us thought he was jealous.” She gave me a knowing wink that I really didn’t know about.

  “Um, Stefanie,” I choked out. “That is entirely impossible. We hated each back then and it looks like things haven’t changed much for us. He’s still difficult.” I smirked at her.

  The waitress came over and took our orders. When she was gone, I’d finally noticed the big rock on her left hand. “That is gorgeous, you must tell me all about him!” I cried. I could tell that I’d taken her by surprise changing the topic so quickly.

  Stefanie’s face lit up as she went on about her man, Ben. They’d met coincidentally when they were dating other people. She clarified, “But we didn’t cheat on our partners. It just so happened that when I broke up with the guy I was seeing, he asked a mutual friend for my number, and well…” She raised her hand again.

  I sighed, in jealousy. Granted we were in our early twenties and getting married wasn’t on my mind, but having someone to talk to at night and snuggle with on the couch sounded so much better than snuggling with a drooling basset hound.

  We talked about school and life. Well, more like my lack of a life. Right now, I had to focus on work and that meant focusing on my gorgeous ex-boyfriend who I was trying to maintain a professional relationship with.

  “You can always fool around with him, Charlie,” she mentioned in a hushed tone with a wink.

  “What?” I blinked at her. “That would give him the impression that I was okay with his cheating, and I want him back.” Which I don’t. Clearly. “That would be more catastrophic.” I shook my head.

  “What about Matthew?” she asked, giving me a knowing look.

  I choked on my milkshake, spewing it in front of me and thankfully not down my shirt. “Are you crazy? You know how well we get along. It’s like mixing oil and water. No. Thanks.” She had to be crazy. Me and Matthew, psssh. Never. Never, never, never.

  Stefanie just quirked her brow up in response to my vehemence.

  Okay, stop trying to convince yourself. Let it go.

  “Stefanie, if you saw Matthew now, you wouldn’t believe it yourself. He’s filled out in all the right areas, he’s gorgeous. I mean he’s always had killer blue eyes, but now, they just pop at you. He’s always so relaxed and in command. I mean, I’d have to be dead to not say that I wasn’t attracted to that, but with our relationship it’s a no go.” I sighed exasperatedly.

  Stefanie flicked her fingernail against the Formica table. “I could set you up with a friend of Ben’s.” She waggled her eyebrows at me, causing me to nearly lose my milkshake again.

  I grimaced. “Um, thanks, but no. I’m good.”

  With a compassionate look, Stefanie took hold of my hand. “Don’t work too hard. You’ll find someone. You know what they say, when you least expect it.”

  I squeezed her hand, then waved her off. “Yeah, yeah. I know.”

  I rolled my eyes, but Stefanie was serious. Her happiness was infectious though, and I was really happy for her. I told her about Joey’s concert at the Hollywood Bowl and promised her and Ben VIP tickets on my behalf.

  After lunch, we went our separate way with promises of keeping in touch and Stefanie inviting me to drinks at her house to meet Ben.

  I walked around a few vintage stores and bought couple of dresses and tops that would look nice with a simple black skirt. Then I stopped at a coffee shop for a well-deserved cappuccino, and had just sat down when my phone started ringing.

  “Hello?” I didn’t recognize the number popping up on my screen.

  “Charlie?” It was Joey.

  “Hey.” I was surprised that he got my number and that he’d actually called me. I took a deep breath and tried to calm my nerves. “Yeah. How are you doing?” I asked.

  “Um, good,” he said anxiously. “Good. It was good to see you last night. Sorry if I freaked you out. Just took me by surprise is all.”

  “I know,” I tried to put him at ease. “It wasn’t exactly how I wanted that meeting to go, but Matthew
is the same old Matthew.” Just the thought of it made me want to roll my eyes. Some things never changed.

  Joey chuckled, and I heard some voices in the background. They were muffled, but one was definitely female. “Yeah, Matthew, I think he meant well. I just didn’t want you to think that I don’t want to work with you. Because, um, yeah, I don’t have a problem with that.” I heard him pull the phone away and hiss at someone.

  “Um, Joey, are you okay? There seems to be a lot of commotion going on behind you.” I closed my eyes, trying to get my nerves under control. Even though we weren’t together, a part of me didn’t want his sexuality flaunted in front of me.

  “It’s fine,” he said casually. “I do have to get off the phone, but I wanted to know if you had any plans tonight. I want to take you somewhere we can talk alone.”

  I bit my lip, not sure how I should answer. I definitely wanted to discuss parameters with him, let him know I was strictly doing a job, but I could hear the sadness in his tone, too.

  “Sure,” I softly replied. “That’ll be nice.”

  Before hanging up, he gave me directions to the bar. Thankfully, it wasn’t too far from the hotel, so I’d be able to walk to it. When I ended the call, though, I wondered if I had just opened Pandora’s box.

  Joey was already at the bar when I came through the door. Some fans were surrounding him. This must be what his regular life was like. I felt a shiver at the reality of that. I would hate to be followed and bombarded on a regular basis. Torture.

  The bar was dark, so when I opened the door the light from the sun flooded the space, forcing all curious eyes on me. Joey stuck his arm up and waved me over. It was a strange sight to see him hugging strangers and signing napkins, but he seemed to be in his element. I suspected some of the women were hoping they could bed the rock star tonight. A few looked put out when Joey left them to approach me. He had an easygoing smile on his face as he stopped in front of me.

  “Hey, Charlie. Glad you came.” He stuck his hands in his pockets and looked everywhere but at me. Was he nervous? He had never been nervous around me.

  Taken aback, I tried not to frown. I didn’t want him to feel strange. I wanted to be okay with being his publicist. “Of course, Joey. Thanks for inviting me. It’ll give us a chance to talk without Matthew.” I elbowed him to lighten the mood, but he still bounced around anxiously.

  “Yeah, but I might have an ulterior motive to bringing you here.”

  “Joey, we…” Instantly regretting my decision to meet him here by myself, I tried to find the right words. “You and me…” They wouldn’t come. Damn it.

  Joey gave me an amused look. “Hey, Charlie, lighten up. A couple of bands I wanted you to listen to are performing tonight. I’m looking to invest in them and wanted another opinion.”

  He chuckled, and I sighed in relief. Having to talk about work was one thing. Having to talk about us was an entirely different conversation.

  He walked me over to a table closer to the stage. Since he asked me to meet him early to discuss my plans and how to publicize him, it wasn’t a packed bar. The bands wouldn’t be on for a few hours.

  I went over the plans for the record shop event in more detail, and he was pleased that I’d managed to set it up. He’d met Clara a few times, but only briefly. We discussed his upcoming appearance on the radio station, and I told him that I would get a bunch of questions to the station that were approved. The elephant in the room was the rehab center.

  “Your drug use will come up,” I reminded him. “But I can stop the interview if you don’t want to discuss it. He nodded his head at me.

  “Nah, I don’t mind. It’s a part of me.” He smiled at me, but I didn’t smile back. Knowing that the drug use was a part of him kind of hurt my heart. “I’ve missed you, Charlie.”

  I bit my lip, not sure what to say to that. I had missed him, too, but I couldn’t let my personal life interfere with my professional life. My feelings for Joey ended three years ago when he cheated. “We can’t, Joey. I can’t.” I wasn’t sorry for my feelings, but I was sorry that Joey was feeling conflicted. I didn’t want him to have those feelings.

  I pulled apart the napkin that I’d rolled up in my hand. He just looked at me and sat back with a sigh. The waitress brought over a couple of ice waters and a few beers. Even though we were in deep discussion, we were continuously interrupted by fans who thought they could just come up whenever they wanted. Joey didn’t seem to mind, but I was getting tired of it. He kissed more cheeks and had his picture taken so many times, I was surprised his smile wasn’t a permanent fixture on his face. But the one thing I saw during all of this was the emptiness in his eyes. I remember his green eyes being so warm and bright, but today and even last night, they were dead. No light shining through them.

  I twitched my lips, wondering how I could help him get that sparkle back. It was easy to see he was overworked. The label was running him raw, and the pressure he was under to have a successful one night at the Hollywood Bowl weighed heavily on his mind.

  Reaching my hand out, I lightly stroked his cheek. He closed his eyes as my thumb grazed his bottom lip knowing this was against my better judgment. I couldn’t help myself, but he looked so lost and so tired. “You’re not happy, Joey.”

  His eyes snapped open, and I pulled my hand away, the subtle moment gone. “I’m fine,” he tersely responded, and I knew that this conversation had hit a dead end.

  For the next couple of hours, we talked about nothing and drank more than we should’ve. At eleven p.m. the bands finally came out to play. Now the bar was packed, and the crowd swarmed to the stage. The first group was heavy on the drums, a bass line that thumped in time and an electric guitar that seemed to captivate the crowd. The music was good. No, it was better than good. They were great, and Joey could see it. I turned to him and held my beer up in a salute. He reciprocated. We tapped bottles and laughed at our silliness.

  When the band was heading into their second song, I leaned over to him. “They’re really good, Joey.”

  He nodded and tipped his beer back. I turned back around to listen some more. Once they finished their set, they went backstage. A minute later, my jaw dropped in shock when the band members came over and fist bumped Joey.

  It was the first time Joey seemed to have a little spark in his eyes. He was looking at them, but gestured to me. “Hey guys, this is Charlie Banks, my publicist.”

  They each acknowledged me and pulled chairs out from our table and got comfortable. A new waitress came over with a round of drinks. I wasn’t sure how I liked my introduction to the band. Because we were always more. It was strange hearing him introduce me as only his publicist. Not his girlfriend, not even his friend. I guess it might open up a can of worms if he had introduced me as his ex, so in a way I should be thankful. Knowing I shouldn’t be upset, a part of me cringed inside.

  At that moment, a horde of girls descended on our table. Due to lack of chairs, they all easily got comfortable on the guys’ laps. Not wanting to be left out, Joey grabbed the cutest, smallest blonde to plop down on his lap. I took a huge sip of my beer, nearly choking on it. My cheeks started heating up with the brazenness of the brassy blonde. I remembered when Joey would pull me to his lap, wrapping strong hands against my stomach, his lips seeking out my neck. I sighed sadly.

  I wasn’t sure if this was his way of making me jealous, but I pushed it aside, forcing any strange feelings away. I didn’t need that complication right now. We had business to do, and we were done anyway. Our past was the past. He was a friend now, and this was what friends did. Right?

  He played with her hair, lightly touching her neck and causing her to giggle and moan at the same time—if that was possible. I stifled a gag and continued to look elsewhere. Bobby, the band’s drummer, engaged me in some mediocre discussion. But for the most part, the guys just talked about industry and the tour they were leaving for soon. I’d stopped drinking beer and moved onto water. We still had one more band to listen to,
and I wanted to be in the right frame of mind. Anything less would be embarrassing.

  I checked my phone for the time. When I got here, it was six. Now it was close to one in the morning. It didn’t seem like I had been here for seven hours, but if I stood up, I’d probably feel it.

  Thanking my lucky stars, the other band pulled on stage a minute later. To my surprise, it was all female. The drummer counted down, and the lead singer started singing a cappella before the instruments joined her in what turned out to be a rollicking version of an Elvis Presley song. This group was high energy and totally on the money. I turned to Joey to give him a thumbs up, but he was sucking face with the pretty blonde. Immediately my insides sunk. Why was I even here? He obviously wasn’t taking this seriously. I didn’t think he heard any of the song. I wondered if he thought this was serious or if my being his publicist was a joke. I’d had three years to grow up and realize what I wanted out of my life, but watching Joey go at it with the groupie made me question his motives and his maturity. All I could do was shake my head in pity.

  Getting up quickly, I walked to the ladies room to freshen up before heading back to my hotel room. I’m sure Joey didn’t even notice I’d left. There was really no use in getting jealous, I told myself in the bathroom mirror. Joey and I were a thing of the past. He was entitled to pick up anyone he wanted.

  I shrugged at my reflection and pressed back my hair. Nothing wrong with that. I guess I was a little surprised that he’d be so blatant about it in front of me. I mean, what the hell? Even after all these years, he had no respect for me. Lesson learned. Once I dried my face and hands, I walked out the bathroom and out the front door without one glance at Joey. We were done, and I knew finally that anything he said to me or tried to do wouldn’t hold sway over me. Watching him make out with her was enough to ensure that I’d made the right decision three years ago.