Forever Touched

by Lilly Wilde

  For your hired hands to humiliate me again? No thanks, I’ll pass.

  I would like to speak to you. Please.

  About?

  Us.

  Was this more bad news? No, it couldn’t be. He wouldn’t have asked for Lyric if that were the case. He would have asked that I come alone.

  What’s this about?

  If you come over, I’ll tell you. Will you come?

  Sure. But only if you can behave.

  I will. I’ll see you soon.

  He’d agreed almost too quickly. And although I had my reservations, this visit would allow me a chance to see him, so I’d go.

  A half hour or so later, Lyric and I were approaching the front door to the guest house. I was surprised to find it unmanned. Maybe Aiden really had come to his senses. I didn’t want to presume too much, so I tried to rein in my expectations.

  Stepping inside the house, I found Aiden waiting for me in the foyer. My heart clenched. It was good to see him. Really good. And given his expression, he was thinking along the same lines about me. I stood in the doorway, overwhelmed by the surge of familiar emotions. I didn’t know what was appropriate in this situation. A hug? A kiss? Nothing at all?

  “Thank you for coming,” he said, putting an end to my inquiry. “I haven’t exactly given you a reason to want to be around me.”

  “Oh, so you’ve noticed?”

  He didn’t reply. He motioned for me to follow him to the family room. Lyric wanted out of my arms, so I passed him to his father. Then, sitting down, I unzipped the baby’s bag and pulled out some of his favorite toys.

  “Da-da,” Lyric said.

  Aiden’s grin widened as he observed his child.

  “So, I was thinking,” Aiden finally said.

  “About?”

  “Maybe you should take a trip. Visit some friends.”

  I cocked my head, assessing him and wondering what had brought this on. “I don’t have any friends. You know that. And why would I want to take a trip when I should be here with you?”

  “I have twenty-four-hour help, Aria. They are the press of a button away. There’s no reason to place your life on hold.”

  “Why do you choose to look at it that way? As opposed to how it really is? That I’m your wife and I love you, and I’m here for you in good times and in bad.”

  Aiden reached for Lyric’s bunny, passing it to him. “Why can’t you look at it as though I’m trying to lighten your load?” he asked.

  “Please don’t start this bullshit again today.” I placed Lyric’s bag on the chair beside me. “If this is why you wanted to talk, I’m leaving.”

  “Wait, Aria,” he said. “I was thinking it might be good for you to spend some time in New York.”

  “New York? Why?” Wait. He started this conversation suggesting I visit friends. And the only friend I had in New York was Kellan. Aiden knew that.

  “So this is part two of your plan to push me away? You want me to spend time with Kellan?”

  Aiden studied me, his dark green eyes taking in my reaction to his latest move. “I think it will give you a fresh perspective.”

  “On what?” I asked.

  He stared at me, saying nothing.

  “Silly me. Here I thought—hoped, rather—that you’d really want to set things right with us. Instead you go one step lower. Do you want me out of your life so badly? That you’d try to push me back into the arms of the man you hate?”

  “That’s not what I’m doing,” he said, his voice calm.

  I felt a headache building. “So what exactly are you doing, Aiden?” I asked, massaging my temples.

  “In the past, when I wasn’t there, McClane was. He gave you something I didn’t. Something I will never be able to give you—an uncomplicated life. And my main concern will always be your happiness, and if I can’t give that to you—”

  “Not that I don’t see this as super fucked up as it is, but he’s with your sister. Doesn’t her happiness matter to you, too?”

  “That relationship was doomed from the start. Sloan is very ambitious, and her desire to make a name for herself will be her priority. She won’t have the time or patience for a relationship. I’m sure McClane realizes that by now.”

  “And the thought of rotating beds doesn’t bother you?” I asked. “You’re freaking crazy.”

  “Aria, I’m not suggesting anything like that. I just think being around someone else will provide some clarity.”

  “Hmm. Clarity. Why don’t you go ahead and tell me exactly what you want?”

  Lyric tossed his blue friend and then whined to get him back. Aiden placed the baby on the floor, and then he and I watched as Lyric walked over to Mr. Bunny.

  “I want you to be happy,” Aiden said, turning back toward me.

  I stared at him. He was so unbelievably handsome and so unbelievably clueless, but even now, with so much tearing us apart, my heart longed for him. “I am happy, Aiden. At least I was until you launched your mission to destroy us. Why are you doing this?”

  “I just want you to be honest with me. With yourself,” he said.

  “You once told me that I made you different—that I made you better. Look at you. This is not different. It’s not better. And it’s not what I want.”

  “What does that mean?” he asked. “Are you saying we’re over?”

  “Is that what you want me to say? Don’t hold your breath. You’re a clever boy, so if you want us over, I know you’ll figure a way to make it happen.”

  He held my gaze, saying nothing. And I didn’t suspect he would, because he couldn’t end us any more than I could.

  “What I was saying is that I have to ride this out, and hope that one day your word to me will mean more than your pride,” I said. “That your word will remain a constant in the direst of circumstances.”

  “I love you, Aria … more than my own life. And you may not see it right now, but that’s what I’m doing. I’m keeping my word. I’m placing your happiness above mine.”

  “So that means I have to leave you? What if the tables were turned? Would you leave me?”

  His jaw tightened. “I’ll do whatever I must to ensure your happiness. Everything I’m doing is for you.”

  “This is not for me. This is all about you.”

  “You think this is for me?” he asked, his voice raised. “Why the hell would I want any of this? I’m giving you an out, but your sense of obligation won’t let you accept it.”

  “An out? Why would you even go there? Forget it. I can’t do this with you right now. If you insist on coming up with insane plots that insult who we are, go right ahead. But if your plan is to keep pushing and pushing in hopes that I run away with my tail between my legs, you’re going to have a very long wait, asshole.”

  I didn’t want to be mean to him, but he’d rarely made it easy before the accident, and when he was like this, it was that much more difficult.

  *****

  Three days later, I wondered around the house, aimless and desperate for a distraction. I ended up in the family room, my gaze falling upon our wedding album as I sunk into the large sofa. Alongside the album were a few advanced copies of the magazines to which Sienna had given exclusive access to our wedding. On one of the covers was a picture of Aiden and me embracing at the altar, the heat of our gazes powerful, as if we were seconds away from melding into one being. It was such an intense and intimate depiction of our love. As a matter of fact, looking at it now, it was too intimate to share with the rest of the world. But it was too late for second thoughts. We were probably in the homes of thousands by now.

  I traced a finger over the image, my heart swelling as I thought fondly of that day—of that night. Flipping to the pages that provided more insight into a wedding that wouldn’t soon be forgotten, my breath caught when I found myself staring at a full-page photograph of Aiden. As glorious as the picture was, it didn’t hold a candle to the real thing. I thumbed through a few more pages, smiling at some images and clutc
hing my heart at others. Each photograph was a reflective phrase in a chapter of an untold story, each demonstrated the profundity of emotion Aiden and I shared. Anyone viewing the pictures would perceive what I felt—a love that was destined, a love that would never end. And that much was an absolute—the love wouldn’t end. Ever. But the relationship—did it have an expiration date? Did it have the necessary ingredients to stand the test of time?

  I kicked myself when doubt slipped into my thoughts, but given Aiden’s mindset, how could it not? It’s hard to hold on when it seems you’re the only one gripping the wheel. If the situation had been reversed, Aiden would never have given up on me, even in the darkest hour. That alone was enough to make me look to the future with him. One that we’d have—one that we deserved to have.

  The photographs took my breath away. They were the embodiment of love. They pulled you into the fantasy—inviting you to jump inside the pages of the magazine, to join the enchantment of a day overflowing with warmth and happiness. I studied each and every picture, taking myself back to the palace and to the moments I’d never forget. Unable to stop myself, I scoured each photo, and I was pulled into the same impossible fantasy that thousands of readers would undoubtedly be pulled into also. When I’d reached a point of tear-shed, I ignored the photos and turned my attention to the article that revealed a play-by-play of our special day.

  I read everything, including the captions below each picture. I’d been in too much of a haze to recall some of the details of that day, but between the photographs, wedding videos, and public articles, several of the gaps had been filled. I flipped through a couple of the other magazines, a warm smile reaching my lips as I realized how well they’d captured one of the happiest days of my life.

  When I happened upon a picture that was described as The beginning of the fairytale that leads to happily ever after, I couldn’t look at anymore. I couldn’t read one more line. I placed the magazines aside and reached for my headphones. I wanted to drown my thoughts. I wanted to forget about the heartache I was coddling. I synced my phone and scrolled through the music files for my Halsey album, pressed play and increased the volume, reclining on the sofa and fading into the music. And I felt it all—every pulse, every crescendo, every lyric. I absorbed it, soaked it in, and pushed out everything else. No more worry. No more hurt. No more wondering. Just music. Just these moments for myself.

  And then amidst my brief respite, Aiden’s face crashed into my mind’s eye. My heart skipped several paces, moving into hyper drive as something in my chest broke. I was unable to pull enough air into my lungs. In a rush, I sat up and yanked the headphones away as I struggled to catch my breath.

  With tear-laced eyes, I keeled over, my hands on my knees, the strength of my love overpowering every organ in my body. Aiden was such an integral part of who I’d become. I was him and he was me, we were just that connected. Our love was being tested, but despite the shadow of our discord, in my heart, I knew it was bright as ever. How could it be anything but? We’d promised forever and we’d have that forever. Despite the current state of our marriage, I was anxious to see where that journey took us.

  Minutes later, I’d gotten over my mini-breakdown, but there was still a tinge of unease that could easily be eradicated with a little bit of help. I stared at the alcohol decanters that lined the wall of the bar, wishing foolishly that I could drink this all away. I reached for a glass just as the bell rang.

  Stepping into the foyer, I opened the door and was taken aback by the handsome face of one of my closest friends. “What are you doing here?” I asked.

  “Visiting you,” he replied.

  I stepped aside to let him in. “Just out of nowhere? With no warning?”

  “So now I’ve been downgraded to a guy who needs to issue a warning before he can visit?” he joked.

  “That didn’t come out right. I just meant … well, it’s a surprise.” Kellan was the absolute last person I expected to see at my door.

  “I heard you were having a tough time, so I’ve come to take you away from it all. Well, you and Lyric both, actually.”

  “Tough time? Why would you say that?” I guessed Sloan must have clued him in on all of the latest with Aiden, but I hadn’t shared with her or with anyone in Aiden’s family how crazy he’d been behaving.

  “I received a call from your husband.”

  I stopped in my tracks. “Aiden called you?”

  “Yes, a few days ago.”

  “Why would he do that? And FYI, I don’t need to be taken away from anything. I’m fine.”

  “Evidently he thinks differently … especially if he had the notion to contact me, of all people. You and I both know I’m on his short list.”

  That’s the one thing Kellan was right about. Aiden didn’t like him. As a matter of fact, he resented him. I sighed, shaking my head as I realized what this was all about. Aiden was at it again—trying to give me what he thought I needed, what he thought was in my best interest.

  “I’m being rude. It’s good to see you,” I said, reaching up to give Kellan a hug.

  “I was starting to think I should go,” he said with a chuckle.

  I motioned for Kellan to follow me. “Don’t be silly,” I said. “Have a seat.”

  I stared at Kellan, the man I’d once thought would be my future. And even now, with so much between us, he was still a much better friend to me than I deserved.

  “You’ve been crying,” he said, his soft brown eyes studying my face.

  I waved it off. “I had a girl moment.” I picked up one of the magazines from the table. “I dare anyone to look at these pictures and not shed a tear.”

  “Are you sure that’s all there is to it?” he asked.

  “Yeah … don’t pay attention to anything Aiden said. I think he’s losing it. He’s hinted at the insane idea that I’d be better off without him.”

  “Well, you know my thoughts on that,” Kellan said.

  “Don’t start,” I warned. “I’m not in the mood.”

  “Okay, but …”

  “But what?” I asked.

  “Maybe you should do it,” Kellan said. “Give him what he wants.”

  “And what did he tell you he wants?”

  “I’m not sure what that guy is on, but if I didn’t know better, it sounded as if he wanted me to …” Kellan trailed off.

  “To what?”

  “To be the person he can’t be right now.”

  “What exactly does that mean?” I asked.

  Kellan stared at me, his brows rose as if stating the obvious.

  “So, he gave you the same cryptic speech he gave to me?” I asked. “You’ve got to be kidding. I think you’ve seen enough of Aiden to know he would never want something like that.” There was no way Aiden would allow another man to touch me, let alone what Kellan was implying.

  “He loves you, Aria. And he’s willing to do whatever it takes to make you happy, even if it hurts him.”

  “You can say that? Knowing how you feel about him?”

  He shrugged. “Why lie?” he asked. “It’s obvious.”

  Did our vows really mean this little to Aiden? That he’d break one after the other whenever the mood struck? And to think, he’d reduced me to some wanton woman who needed this type of connection from a man in order to feel complete. The desolation I thought I’d overcome came rushing back. Turning away from Kellan, I wrapped my arms around myself. “It hurts, Kellan. Knowing he’s trying to push me away. Knowing that it’s killing him to do this.”

  Kellan pulled me into a hug, stroking my hair as a fresh stream of tears flowed. And here I thought I’d exceeded my tear quota for the day. But when Aiden Raine was involved, for one reason or another, tear ducts were always locked and loaded.

  “So you’re not as fine as you’d have me believe,” Kellan said, once I’d stepped back and relieved him of tear catcher duty.

  “Sorry about your shirt.”

  “That’s the least of my concerns, Aria,”
Kellan said, his eyes laced with worry. “I’d actually come to check on you, you know, to get a read on things for myself. After seeing this, I’m starting to think maybe you should come with me. Let me show you and Lyric around New York. Sloan is out of town … as usual, so my social calendar is open.”

  “I can’t leave Aiden like this. He’s so pig-headed, and if I did go to New York with you, he’d think I was considering his stupid offer.”

  Kellan’s expression hardened. “Maybe he needs to think that. Maybe he needs to realize what he stands to lose.”

  “He’s not going to lose me, Kellan. Not ever. And on some level, he knows that.”

  “Well, I’m open to whatever lifts your spirits,” he said.

  “I wonder what Aiden’s next move is. I mean seriously, after pimping me out, how much worse can it get?”

  “In all honesty, I don’t think he was doing that. It was more like he wanted you to have someone to distract you from him.”

  “And that distraction had to come in the form of a man? One with whom I have a past? I know exactly what he was trying to do. On one hand, he doesn’t want me to feel trapped, and on the other, he thinks if he dangles candy in front of me and I bite, then it confirms his suspicions about ‘my needs,’” I air quoted.

  “So I’m guessing I’m the candy?” Kellan asked, with a suggestive smile.

  “Yes, you would be the candy.”

  “Are you going to bite?”

  I couldn’t help but return his smile. “Depends. If it’s the chocolates from Belize, then yes. Those were amazing,” I said.

  “See. You’re smiling. Maybe that husband of yours knows you better than you think.”

  “Ugh. Don’t say that. He really does think that, you know.”

  “I’m not surprised. He has an ego the size of his bank account.”

  “It’s hard to be upset with him right now,” I said.

  “Because of his condition?”

  “That’s part of it. But the other part, I know why he’s doing all of the stupid plotting—he wants to make sure I’m happy.”

  “He wants to spare you unnecessary pain,” Kellan said.