Forever Touched

by Lilly Wilde

  Without looking away from me, Aiden said, “Good afternoon, Andrea.”

  “Hi, Mr. Raine. I’ll give you some time,” she said, stepping back and closing the door behind her.

  I swallowed the shock of seeing him walk into my office. He was strolling towards me, just as he’d done so many times in the past. Previously, I would have reacted to his visits with some type of irreverent greeting, but this time, I just didn’t know what to say to him.

  “Hi, beautiful,” he said.

  A lump formed in my throat, but I willed myself to speak. “Aiden.” That was about all I could muster.

  “It’s been a while since I was here,” he said.

  When I didn’t reply, he stepped closer.

  All I could do was look at him, and even though I was happy to see him restored to his former self, I knew it wasn’t apparent in my expression. Instead of being the chatty, exuberant wife, my ability to speak had been muted by his unexpected appearance.

  “Are you going to talk to me?” he asked.

  “What would you like me to say?” My thoughts and emotions had been all over the place lately, and seeing him standing in front of me, as he’d done on countless times, didn’t change that.

  “You can start with the obvious,” he replied.

  “Which would be?”

  “That I’m walking again. Without the cane. That everything is finally as it should be,” he said.

  “I always knew you’d make a full recovery,” I said.

  “I knew my appearance wouldn’t receive the reception I’d hoped for. I don’t expect you to fall into my arms.”

  “Good, because I’m not,” I said.

  “May I sit?” he asked.

  He was asking? Although not as much of a shock as seeing him walk into my office, the fact that he requested permission was within itself astonishing. But all I said was, “Why not?”

  After an extended period of silence, he said, “I want to move back into our bedroom. I miss you. I miss us and I miss being a family.”

  “So am I supposed to want the same thing? Now that you’re what you see as acceptable husband material?”

  “I didn’t say that. But we need someplace to start. I know things have been strained between us, and it’s mostly my fault,” he said.

  “Mostly your fault? Mostly? Why not try all? It’s all your fault. But wait, maybe there’s something I did wrong. Hmm. Did I pressure you? Nope, I didn’t do that. Well, what about lashing out at you? Did I do that? Did my support ever waver? You know, I don’t think that ever happened either. So please tell me how any of this is my fault?”

  “Are you done? Will you let me talk?”

  “Why ask me? Just shove your handkerchief in my mouth and shut me up. That’s more your style isn’t it? Doing what you want, when you want. To hell with how other people feel, right?”

  “You’re still upset with me, and that’s okay.”

  “Glad to know you think it’s okay. Now I feel justified. Thanks.”

  “I know you’re hurting. I am, too,” he said.

  “Are you, Aiden? Are you?”

  “Can I tell you my side of this? Please.”

  “I’m not sure what you think you can tell me that I didn’t already live through. I went through it every damned day. Same as you.”

  “We both experienced it, but on different levels.”

  “So that makes it all okay? You get to check out on us whenever you feel justified in doing so? That’s not what I signed up for.”

  “I know what you signed up for, Aria.”

  “I don’t think you do. As a matter of fact, I know you don’t.”

  “Listen to me. Do you think I wanted to push you away? To shut you out? It killed me. I did it for you.”

  “Don’t waste your breath. Don’t say another word about doing any of that shit for me. It was all about you and your ego. You couldn’t handle being less than what you considered perfect. Well, guess what? You’re back in working order and you’re still not perfect. You never were and you never will be.”

  “I never claimed perfection, Aria. I just wanted to be perfect for you.”

  And that’s when the first blow was delivered. His words, the sincerity of the eyes staring into mine, they started to shake the wall I’d built around me.

  “I didn’t think I could give you what I’d promised. And I knew you’d never go on your own. So I had to give you a reason to do it. To make it your choice.”

  “By making me feel worthless?” I asked. “By making it appear as though you didn’t need or want me?”

  “I’ve told you more times than I can recall that I’ll never stop wanting you. Nothing and no one will ever change that. You’re a part of me.”

  That was his second blow. Was he hoping to pull me back in just as easily as he’d shoved me out?

  “A part that you can obviously live without,” I said.

  “I know you don’t believe that.”

  “Why would I not? Have you given me reason to believe otherwise?” I asked.

  “You can’t let these last few months define us.”

  “But they do. They show me exactly who we are. We aren’t this couple who were willing to take it all on. Sure, we could do battle with the outside world, but when the battle is right inside of what we claim to be, we lost.”

  “We didn’t lose, Aria. I lost. I reverted back to what I knew. I’m still learning here. I don’t claim to know how to handle every obstacle that comes our way. And this one threw me for one hell of a loop. Everything we go through, it makes us stronger. But can’t you see? I didn’t want you stuck with me out of some sense of obligation. I know I did it all wrong, but at the heart of it all, was my love and concern for you.”

  “I take these chances with you, opening myself to you, and each time you penetrate a deeper part of me … and each time, you leave me alone, trembling in your wake. So now you expect me to do it again.”

  “That’s not what this is.”

  “I can’t keep setting myself up to be disappointed by you.”

  I’d scored a blow myself. His face fell.

  “Is that what I am to you now?” he asked. “A disappointment?”

  “Do you have any idea the damage you’ve caused? Do you know what you’ve broken?”

  “We can fix it,” he said.

  “Can we? Tell me how we’re supposed to do that? What if it had been me? Would you have left me if I couldn’t walk? Would you have wanted to? Think about it. Do you hear how fucked that sounds? Did it even cross your mind, or were you too busy rolling around in your own pity and self-righteousness to think beyond yourself?”

  “What do you think I was doing? Why do you think I fought so hard to get better? For you! It was always you and it will always be you.”

  “It didn’t feel that way,” I said.

  “You see me as this strong person. But I have flaws … major ones, and you’ve seen them all up close. I make mistakes. When I think I know what’s best, I take it and run with it.”

  “This is one you shouldn’t have run with,” I said.

  “Let me ask you a question. What if you’d convinced yourself that I was better off without you? What would you do?”

  We were so similar that we were almost the same being. I knew exactly what he meant.

  “You aren’t answering me, but you don’t need to, because you’ve done it yourself so I know you understand,” he said.

  I did, but why were we still there? At the point where we were making unilateral decisions? “Get away from me, Aiden. Please. If you keep talking, I know what will happen. I won’t have the strength to make you go. That’s what you do. You weaken me to a point where I have no strength left … so please, if you’re as sincere as you’d like me to believe, you’ll do as I ask.”

  “Aria, please. Please. I’m helpless without you, Aria. And you may be too stubborn too admit it right now, but with me is where you belong.”

  “If you really feel that way
, why are you hell bent on doing things that only serve to pull us away from each other?”

  Had his appeal occurred weeks ago—even after he’d moved out—I would have abandoned my hostility toward him and run into his arms … but not now. “No. My pleas fell on deaf ears, so why would you expect anything different now that the tables have turned? Go.”

  He didn’t move, he stared at me. I could see he was desperate for the right words, but those words didn’t exist. “I lie in bed every night thinking about you. I want you beside me. I miss your touch. Your smell. I miss knowing you’re there.”

  The perceptible emotion in his voice pulled at my resolve, urging me to tell him what he wanted to hear—to diminish his anguish—but I couldn’t. My resentment and hurt wouldn’t let me.

  Aiden exhaled a sigh. “I’m sorry … for everything. I lost sight of what was important. I miss you, Aria.”

  “So now you miss me?”

  “I missed you then … every minute of every hour of every day. And I’ll never leave you again. I may give you reason to leave me, but I’ll never leave you.”

  “You make it sound so absolute—until it isn’t, and then I’m left in a tailspin trying to figure out what the hell is going on. I don’t like that feeling, Aiden. I should never be made to feel that way by the man I’m married to.”

  “I know. You’re right. Give me the chance to make up for every tear, for every trace of doubt … please.”

  “And you think you can do that.”

  “I know I can.”

  I let out a sigh. “I can’t tell you what you want to hear. I’m sorry.”

  “Come on, princess. This can’t be how our story ends.”

  “No, Aiden. Just like you needed time, so do I.”

  “So you’re doing this as a way to get back at me?” he asked.

  “No, I’m doing what I can handle right now, and unfortunately that doesn’t involve you.”

  “All of this could have been avoided had you done what I’d asked and given me the time I needed to recuperate without the pressure of—”

  “Of what? Me? That’s total bullshit, and you know it. You were more concerned with your pride than you were with your family. So maybe you need to spend some time mulling that over … away from me.”

  “Aria, you’re being unreasonable.”

  “Unreasonable? You think I’m being unreasonable? I can show you unreasonable. Get out.”

  He didn’t move. I should have known he wouldn’t leave willingly. I reached for a button on my desk and a few moments later, the security officers filed in. “Get him out of here,” I ordered.

  They looked at Aiden and then back at me. “And if you value your jobs, you’ll make sure he isn’t allowed in this building anymore.”

  Rage visibly tore through Aiden’s body, the muscles of his chiseled jaw clenched tight. The anger in his eyes flashed with an intensity that cut straight to my core. “It’s my fucking building, Aria.”

  The security team assembled around him. “Mr. Raine, we’re only doing our jobs. Please sir, if you’ll allow us to escort you from the building.”

  “And don’t you dare take this out on them,” I said, before Aiden could do exactly what I knew he wanted to do.

  “If you so much as breathe in my direction …” Aiden threatened. His dark eyes narrowed, halting the men in their steps. Then he looked at me, “You know me, Aria. I’m not letting this go. You can protest as much as you want—call as many security guards as you want.”

  And there he was—the real Aiden. The man who bullied and seized whatever he damned well pleased. Willing my jaw to unclench, I held his gaze and asked, “Are you done?”

  “Not by a long shot,” he said, and with that, he left my office.

  Yep, he was back … and in rare form.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Aiden was long gone, but the remnants of his anger hung in the air. It had been hours since he’d stalked out of my office, but I’d yet to calm down enough to get on track with my day. By now it shouldn’t have, but his audacity still left me slack-jawed. And now that he was finally ready to set things right again, he wanted me to roll over and play nice? Had he honestly thought his approach would be okay? The fact that he could be so presumptuous and expectant after all he’d done was nothing short of insane.

  Aiden was a very smart man, so the only thing that made any sense was that he obviously believed his own version of things. Otherwise, he would not have approached me as though we were in need of a fix for a small bump in the road. This surpassed everything else we’d been through. We both could have been killed. Lyric could have grown up without his parents. Did he not grasp that? I came so close to losing him, to losing us, and instead of celebrating life and everything we still had, he’d focused on the one thing he didn’t.

  The subject of the miscarriage had yet to enter our conversations. That was probably the only point on which we were in agreement … neither of us was ready to walk through that door.

  Leaving my office, I stepped into the room adjacent to mine, thinking some time with Lyric was the medicine I needed. I stopped short, surprised to see he already had visitors. Would wonders ever cease? Sienna and Dianna in close proximity … by choice.

  “Am I seeing things?” I asked.

  Dianna laughed. “It might appear that way, but no.”

  “Hello, Aria,” Sienna said. “How are you? You didn’t return to work too soon, did you?”

  “I’m well,” I said stepping into her embrace. “Thanks for the calls and flowers.”

  “We’ve all been so worried about you. As a matter of fact, we’d planned on a visit, but Aiden insisted it wasn’t a good time.”

  “Well, that’s one thing he was right about,” I said, reaching for Lyric. “So … what’s going on? Why are you here?” I asked. “The two of you together, I mean.”

  “We’re concerned about you and Aiden,” Sienna said.

  “Oh, that,” I said, taking a seat and moving my fingers through Lyric’s curls. “I don’t want to talk about him.”

  “He came to us both,” Dianna said.

  “About?” I asked.

  “He wanted us to speak with you. He wants to come home,” Sienna said.

  “He’s already home, he’s just not in the part of the house he’d like to be in right now.” Aiden Wyatt Raine reached out for help? He’d spit on mine for weeks, yet he was now willing to accept theirs. Odd. He didn’t ask when he wanted something. He never asked permission. He bulldozed his way. Everyone knew that. Was his earlier display a cover for what he wasn’t ready to show me?

  “He’s a mess, Aria,” Sienna said.

  “Well, I was a mess, too. So maybe he needs to stew in his a little while longer.”

  “So this is just temporary?” Dianna asked.

  “If you’d seen him a couple of hours ago, you wouldn’t have thought he was anything but Aiden. And I don’t know if this is temporary or not.” Even if it was, Aiden needed to realize once and for all that his actions had consequences. I hadn’t signed up for a life of being parented by that man.

  “You may be teaching him a lesson, and maybe that’s the only way he’ll understand, but it’s not healthy for your marriage. If you aren’t ready to talk to him independently about your problems, maybe the counselor you were considering can help,” Dianna said.

  “Aiden’s not willing to go to any counselor. I’ve tried that.”

  “If you were to suggest it now, I’m certain you’ll receive a much different response,” Sienna said.

  I was deeply hurt by Aiden’s actions. And yes, a part of me was being petty. I knew that, but I wanted to keep being petty. I wanted him to wonder, to lose sleep, to stress out the way I had.

  “Dianna, may I have a moment alone with Aria?” Sienna asked.

  “Of course. I’ll take our favorite little guy for a walk,” she said and reached for Lyric.

  Once Dianna had left the room, Sienna turned to me. “Everything Aiden is do
ing …well, that’s just Aiden. He gets an idea in his head and no one can tell him a thing. He was like that as a child.”

  “How would you know?” I snapped. “You were barely a mother to him.” A pained expression washed over her face. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that,” I said. “I’m trying to be strong but, some days it gets to be more than I can handle, and some things come out that probably shouldn’t.”

  “Aria, you don’t have to have it together every hour of every day. But you’re right: I wasn’t there for him. I wanted to be a mother, I did, but I never made it the priority I should have. As a result, I was unable to rein him in as much as I should. To be honest, whenever he became ornery, I always called Dianna and she somehow managed to settle him down.”

  “You still resent Dianna, don’t you?”

  “Is it that obvious?”

  “Were you attempting to conceal it?” I asked, smiling at her. “If so, it wasn’t working.”

  “I guess you can say I have some antipathy for Dianna.”

  “You once said she’d usurped your authority with Aiden. Why did you not fire her?”

  “Because of Connor. He and Dianna have somewhat of a past.”

  My eyes widened. “What?”

  “Oh, no. Not that. They grew up in the same neighborhood. Connor and she were friends, and he’s quite fond of her. He always has been.”

  “Oh,” I said. That explained a lot. Plus, Sienna had a different relationship with Aiden than she had with her other children. Sienna would have fired Dianna had it not been for her past with Connor and even more so because of her connection with Aiden. As much as she resented their bond, she couldn’t ignore Aiden’s love for Dianna. And she’d known if she’d done anything to hurt that relationship, it would have been another blow to the one she had with Aiden, possibly destroyed it altogether.

  “As you know, I lost my mother when I was a child,” she said. “My grandmother did the best she could, but she didn’t seem to have it in her to share the words of wisdom a child would typically receive from a mother. And from what you’ve shared with me, your mother didn’t either. I’d like to think your mother would say to you the exact things that Dianna and I are saying. She’d encourage you to fix your marriage.”