The Essence of Shade

by Deborah Jean Miller

  Shade laughed. “Well, I try to play, but I’m not very good.”

  “Well, keep it up. Every bit helps. It was nice meeting everyone. I’d better get back to my mingling duties.” His eyes landed on Shade. “Will I be seeing you at camp this week? Maybe I can give you a few pointers on things to practice with Tyler.”

  That week, Shade called Mary to tell her she would take Tyler to baseball camp. On the drive, Tyler babbled on and on about baseball, and Brent, and his future aspirations.

  “Grandma, do you know what I wanna be when I grow up?”

  “Let me guess. A baseball player?”

  “How did you guess?”

  “I had a good idea. But you might change your mind. Sometimes God has other plans for us.”

  “I think God wants me to be a baseball player. And sometimes, but not all the time, I think God wants me to marry Leah. Because she plays baseball with me. And we could practice together. Will you ever get married, Grandma?”

  “I have you. And that’s all I need.”

  “But if I marry Leah, you’ll be alone.”

  “I’ll never be alone. God will be with me. Always.”

  “If you got married, would the man be my grandpa or my dad?”

  “He’d be your grandpa. But let’s not talk about that. I’m not getting married.”

  “Guess what, Grandma? I love you.”

  “Guess what, Tyler? I love you, too.”

  Tyler bolted from the car and ran toward Brent. “Hey, Brent. I’m here.”

  Brent straightened and stopped what he was doing. “Hi, Tyler,” he said, smiling, looking around. He saw her and waved.

  Shade strode over, her legs drawing his eyes. She wore a loose-fitting casual skirt with a simple white T-shirt and running shoes.

  “Hi, Brent. I came for my pointers. Remember?”

  “I do,” he said, smiling. “Can you stick around after practice?”

  She took a seat while Brent walked the boys through their warm-up exercises.

  “Okay, boys,” Brent shouted. “What’s the most important thing you can bring to the team today? Remember, we talked about this last week.”

  “Attitude,” they shouted.

  “That’s right. If you don’t have a good attitude, you won’t work hard, and you won’t be excited to play.”

  Brent went to work, teaching the boys how to keep the ball in front of them when fielding. He paid special attention to the less athletic kids, administering one-on-one instructions, never losing patience.

  When they were done practicing, Brent walked over to her. Tyler stood beside him, talking about the game and asking questions, while Brent thoughtfully answered.

  “Are you ready for your pointers?” Brent asked Shade.

  “Ready as I’ll ever be.”

  He took her out onto the field, demonstrating batting techniques for Tyler to practice.

  “As much as you can, let him practice swinging the bat while you throw the ball. Watch his hands. He needs to keep his hands at chest level, never dropping to the stomach. If he does, it will cut down on his reaction time to the pitch. Here,” he said, handing her the ball. “Why don’t you throw and watch how I swing.”

  She tossed the ball to Brent. A rush of wind caught hold causing her to grapple with her skirt. It sailed airborne. Brent, distracted by the scene, failed to duck. The ball zeroed in at his left temple, smacking him on the side of the head.

  “Grandma,” Tyler screamed. “You hurt him.”

  “I’m so sorry.” She ran to him, fingering the spot on his head where the ball struck. “Are you okay?”

  “Don’t worry. I’m fine,” said Brent. He shook his head, as though trying to shake the intimate moment away.

  When they finished, Tyler ran ahead to the car. Brent walked with Shade.

  “I’ve coached a lot of kids, but Tyler is different. His skills at such a young age are rare. If this is something he wants, it’s important that you continue to feed his drive.”

  “He’s obsessed with baseball. And I’ll do everything I can to help him.”

  “I’m glad to hear that. I used to be a baseball scout for the MLB. I know what they look for, and I’d be willing to mentor him.”

  A wave of suspicion swept over her. Be cautious. “A baseball scout?” she asked. “Is that like the Boy Scouts but focused on baseball—for adults?”

  He grinned. “No. I represented Major League Baseball teams and evaluated athletes to determine if they were talented enough to be in the Majors.”

  “Sounds exciting. What do you do now?”

  “I’m the Athletic Director for Edelweiss Schools. I love working with young kids. I guess it’s in my blood. What about you? Where do you work?”

  “I’m the owner of Shady Lane’s Bakery and Café. It used to be Bonnie’s Bakery, but I recently took it over.”

  “I’ve heard of Bonnie’s Bakery but haven’t been there in a while. It must keep you busy.”

  “Yes, it does,” said Shade.

  On the drive home, Tyler talked baseball while Shade thought about Brent. He was good with Tyler, but she had to be careful. Vigilant. She wondered if he was married. At least that’s what Mary thought.

  “Grandma, do you like Brent? I like him a lot.”

  “I like him a lot, too,” said Shade. “He seems like a nice man.”

  The flashing light on the answering machine caught her attention when she walked in the door. “Hello, Shade. It’s Mabel Johnson. We talked about getting together. Maybe we could meet for lunch. Please call me.”

  “It’s so good to see you, Mabel,” said Shade, arriving at the restaurant the next day. “I’m glad you called. How have you been?”

  “I’m doing good. Just having a few health issues, but nothing concerning. These bodies weren’t meant to last forever. I turned Mabel’s House over to a lovely woman, Patsy, but I still help occasionally.”

  “It’s good to keep busy. I wanted to bring Tyler, but he’s in school. So much has happened since we spoke.”

  Shade told Mabel about Bonnie’s accident and all she had inherited, including the bakery, and about Tyler’s progress and his passion for baseball.

  “How sad for Bonnie,” said Mabel, shaking her head. “What a horrible way to die. But it sounds like you’ve been blessed, dear.”

  “Yes, I have,” said Shade. “Mabel, I need to ask you something. Something that’s always eating at me. Do you remember when Stanley asked me to marry him—when I was living at your home?”

  “I sure do, honey. Like it was yesterday.”

  “You told me we needed to pray before I accepted—to be sure it was God’s plan. But I never waited for an answer, or a sign. I was so overcome with joy, I accepted, convinced it was what God wanted for me. But looking back, I wonder if it was only what I wanted. When you prayed for me, did you get an answer?”

  “You know, God gives us signs. Thoughts he puts in our heads, or a feeling something isn’t right. That was the answer I received. A feeling something wasn’t right, but I didn’t understand why. Do you feel you didn’t make the right decision by marrying Stanley?”

  She looked off before answering. “He wasn’t the man I thought he was, and I wonder why God didn’t intervene.”

  “Maybe God did intervene, and you weren’t listening. You don’t have to give me the details, honey. What’s done is done. That’s the path you chose, and you can’t turn back. As you go forward, raising Tyler, remember to look for signs or a subtle nudging at your heart. It may be God’s way of speaking to you. Pay attention and try to make right choices.”

  “I don’t feel I’ve made right choices in life,” said Shade, pulling in her tears. “I know God is forgiving, but as much as I try to believe, I still feel stained. Unforgiven.”

  “Stop punishing yourself. No matter how much remorse we carry or how far-off God seems, He is still with us, leading us out of our mess and into His blessing.”

  Shade reached for Mabel’s hand. “Y
ou’ve always been such an inspiration. You’ll never know how much you’ve impacted my life. Thank you.”

  Driving home, she considered Mabel’s words. They brought her comfort. Hope. She felt blessed seeing her again, and she thanked God for the beautiful woman He wove into her life.

  Her joyfulness quickly shifted south. The prince of darkness took hold, shrouding her soul like an unforgiving spirit, haunting her all over again. He was always there, ready to pounce. To strip away anything good.

  She pushed the negative feelings away. She had gotten good at hiding her pain—wearing a mask. Her defense mechanism, the byproduct of her dysfunctional life, kept her sane. Fix your eye on the goal, she chanted.

  Chapter Thirteen

  One person gives freely, yet gains even more; another withholds unduly, but comes to poverty. A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.

  Proverbs 11:24-25

  Shady Lane’s Bakery and Café continued to flourish. Shade marketed the business by sponsoring community events, offering reward points to regular customers and hosting cooking classes at the bakery.

  With the Christmas season approaching, orders for cheesecakes were on the rise. She expanded the lunch menu beyond soups, by offering unique sandwiches; Eggplant with Fontina & Caramelized Onions and Prosciutto & Fig Panini were the top sellers. She also added a variety of salads; Balsamic Roasted Beet Salad, Grilled Chicken Orzo, and Creamy Pesto Tortellini. Aside from the dine-in lunch crowd, corporate orders continued to increase. Word had spread throughout Edelweiss.

  At twenty-three, Sally proved to be a capable businesswoman and supervisor, and Shade often bounced ideas off of her. “I’d like to do something for my employees for the holiday and thought about a small gathering at my place,” said Shade, during their morning meeting. “If our single employees brought a guest, and married employees brought their families, how many people would that be?”

  “Let’s see. There would be me and Chad. That’s my new boyfriend. Liz and Ellen plus their families, Ben and Holly and their guests. You’d be looking at twelve, not including you and Tyler. A small party is an excellent idea.”

  “So, Chad, huh? How long have you been seeing him?”

  “About six months. I’m sure you’ll like him. He’s a police officer in Edelweiss.”

  “As long as he makes you happy, then I’ll like him.”

  When the day of the Christmas party approached, Shade’s insides tightened like a twisted rope. What if no one talks, and they stand around staring at each other? And what if no one comes?

  But her worries were unfounded. The guests arrived, and the cottage swelled with merrymakers dressed in their finest garb.

  “Shade, meet my friend Chad,” said Sally. Chad extended his hand.

  “It’s nice to meet you, Chad. Sally tells me you’re a police officer. How long have you been on the force?”

  “About two years. Edelweiss is a great community. And safe. In fact, so safe we get a little bored.”

  Sally gazed up at Chad, his arm wrapped around her shoulders. “Hey, where’s Tyler?”

  “Sally,” Tyler squealed, running toward her, Scone chasing after him. “Look. I have a dog now.”

  “That’s so cool. Hey, do I get a Christmas hug?” asked Sally, bending and embracing him.

  The guests mingled, helping themselves to a menu of heavy appetizers; beef tenderloin served on biscuits, shrimp cocktail, bacon-wrapped scallops, chicken fingers for the children, a mashed potato bar with an assortment of toppings, and dessert parfaits served in tiny cocktail glasses.

  As the evening wore on, Tyler glanced at Sally, a querying look on his face. She smiled and nodded. They went over to the CD player and dropped in the Thriller CD, queuing up “Billie Jean.” They stood side-by-side, bouncing their heads to the beat, before launching into a rendition of the moonwalk, sliding along the wood plank floor, gliding on air. Before long, the entire group of partygoers joined in.

  Later that evening, Shade walked around and handed each employee an envelope. She whispered to Sally, “I’ll give you your envelope in the morning.”

  “I’d like to thank each of you for your hard work this past year and for contributing to the success of the business,” said Shade, addressing her employees. “I couldn’t do it without you, and I’m hoping this gift will help make your holiday season a little brighter.” When the employees opened their envelopes, gasps filled the room as they took in the amount. One-thousand dollars.

  After the guests left, she scooped up Tyler, passed out with Scone underneath the Christmas tree, and carried him to bed.

  “Why were people crying tonight?” asked Tyler, after getting tucked in. “Didn’t they like their gift?”

  She smiled. “I hope they did. Maybe they were crying because they were happy.”

  “What did you give them?”

  “I gave them money. God has blessed us with so much. We need to be generous and share with others.”

  “Can I have money so I can share with others?”

  “What would you do?”

  “I’d buy a gift for Leah. And Mary. And Brent.”

  “That’s nice of you. Maybe we can go shopping tomorrow. Do you still see Brent now that baseball camp is over?”

  “Yeah. I see him in the hall at school, and he always talks to me.”

  “Do you ever see him when you’re alone. Just the two of you?” She felt deceptive asking the question, but she needed to protect Tyler.

  “No. Just in the hall. I told him you liked him a lot.”

  Her eyes grew wide. “Why did you tell him that?”

  “Remember in the car? I told you I liked him a lot, and you said I like him a lot, too.”

  “Yes, I remember,” Shade smiled. “Now, let’s get you to sleep. I love you,” she said, kissing him on the forehead. “Don’t forget your prayers.”

  “I love you, too.”

  She stressed over Tyler’s comment. Watch what you say. So embarrassing. Here he is, a married man, and he’s probably thinking he’s got a grandmother hitting on him. She let out a long sigh. Let it go. There are more important things to worry about.

  “Shade, I can’t thank you enough for the gift,” said Sally, embracing her. “It was too generous. Five-thousand dollars? You have no idea how much I appreciate it. And it will help pay for our wedding.”

  “Your wedding?”

  Sally extended her left hand and flashed a diamond ring. “He asked me last night.”

  “Oh, Sally, I’m so happy for you. That’s great news.”

  “We decided on a destination wedding. In Hawaii, next October. Neither of us has a big family. We’ll be lucky to have fifty people, total. And I’d like for you and Tyler to come.”

  “I’d be honored. I’ve hardly been out of the state, let alone across the Pacific. October will give us plenty of time to figure out who’ll manage the bakery. Oh Sally, this is such great news.”

  Shade took Tyler Christmas shopping with the money he had earned doing chores. “Do you know what you want to buy everyone?” asked Shade, on the drive to the mall.

  “Yes. I’ve thought a lot about it. I’m gonna get Scone a baseball, Leah a baseball mitt, Mary a Detroit Tigers T-shirt, and Brent a jockstrap.”

  Her eyebrows came together. She tried containing herself, turning away so Tyler couldn’t see her unrepressed smile. When she tried to speak, her words came out in an unusual, high-pitched tone. “What made you decide to buy Brent a jockstrap?”

  “I saw it in a magazine at school that showed a bunch of baseball uniforms and stuff. I asked a teacher what it was. Mr. Phelps said it was for men. To help them stay in place. Brent’s always saying batters need to stay in place at home plate, so I thought he might like something like that.”

  Her shoulders shook, before she exploded into raucous laughter, wetness tickling her face.

  “Grandma, what’s wrong with you?”

  “Oh honey, I was thinking how much I l
ove you,” she said, choking on her words.

  “You’re weird.”

  “Well, that’s a thoughtful gift,” she said, after gathering herself. “Maybe you’ll find something else when we get to the store in case they don’t have one.”

  Tyler purchased all the gifts on his list, except the jockstrap. Shade convinced him that since they didn’t know Brent’s size, a Detroit Tigers coffee mug would be a better gift. And Tyler agreed.

  Shade pulled into the parking lot at First Church of Edelweiss. After dropping Tyler off at Sunday school, she approached the information desk to review the list of volunteer opportunities. One event captured her interest—women’s prison ministry. She thought about Addy and her struggle with drugs. She may have ended up in prison had she lived. An ache formed in her throat as she considered Addy’s ruined life and the broken lives of the incarcerated women.

  “Hi. Can I help you?” asked the woman at the desk.

  “Yes, can you tell me about the prison ministry?” Shade asked.

  “Sure. A group of women meet at Emmet County Correctional twice a month. The volunteers get involved by leading small group Bible discussions, and they offer one-on-one mentorship to help prepare the women for life outside prison. If you’re interested, call this number and speak to Diane Gallows.”

  “Thank you. It sounds interesting.” Shade took the number. Walking to the sanctuary, she thought about serving in prison ministry. Can I do this? Can I make a difference in someone’s life?

  Shade slid into the pew, her mind focused on serving. She pulled out her Bible and turned to the verse that came to mind about the needs of the less fortunate. Matthew 25:36. “I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.” She felt a gentle nudging.

  The passage of time caught her unaware. The sermon drew to a close.