Awaken

by Denese Shelton

  Sierra felt the same way, though her reasons were different. As she stepped out of the building, she felt like she was taking a step in the right direction in her life. Volunteering was another new decision she felt sure she wouldn’t regret.

  Chapter 32

  Several weeks had elapsed since Sierra’s epiphany in Dr. Cayden’s office, and she thought that she was making some real progress in her life. She still hadn’t gone back for a follow-up appointment. She knew Dr. Cayden was bound to ask her about whether or not she had shared her story of abuse with her family when she next saw her, and she didn’t want to have to admit to her that the answer was no.

  She still hadn’t quite found the right time to explain things to her family—at least, that’s what she was telling herself. And since her homework assignment was incomplete, she didn’t see any point in returning to therapy.

  Besides, she still hadn’t had any new dreams in the past few weeks. Between all the time she was devoting to her painting, the volunteering she was doing at the community center, and her work, she felt good about the balance in her life. She was still running her real estate business, but was allowing herself the opportunity to do things that had always been a part of her dreams and made up a portion of who she was. She felt she had herself together now.

  Today, she had plans to meet Steve after work; he said he had someplace special he wanted to take her. She had decided to explore the feelings she had for him and not let fear decide for her. She also hadn’t yet completely broken it off with Dale—she still talked to him on the phone and texted him a bit—though they hadn’t gone out since their last date at the movies. He kept trying to make a date with her, but each time Sierra found herself to be busy with one thing or another. She knew that she would also have to address this situation soon, but didn’t feel quite ready yet.

  As she drank her morning coffee, her mind wandered off, and to her surprise she found herself thinking about her last dream. She thought about her feelings for John and how they mirrored her feelings for Steve. She didn’t know what to make of it.

  Maybe John was there in her dreams as someone who was safe because he wasn’t real, but she had real feelings for him. Maybe he was there to show her that she could let go with a man—let herself be trusting—and still be safe. She didn’t know. What she did know, though, was that John and Steve had much in common. Both were strong, attentive, brave, and handsome men; both made her feel safe, desired, needed, and cherished at the same time.

  Sierra sighed, and then smiled. “It’s also possible that I’m overthinking this,” she said aloud. Then, shaking her head, she let those thoughts go, finished her coffee, and headed out the door. She had some showings lined up for the morning.

  Sierra showed a house in her mother’s neighborhood to two different clients that morning, and they both seemed to take a serious interest.

  After the showings, Sierra called Stefani to update her, check messages, and go over some other listings in the area. At the end of the conversation, Stefani asked her about Steve.

  The old Sierra would have tactfully changed the subject, but the new Sierra was feeling much more trusting and willing to let others in. “Actually,” she said, “we have a date today, and I’m really looking forward to it.”

  “Oh really!” Stefani said. “Do tell!”

  “We’ve been hanging out for a few weeks,” Sierra said. “Things are going really well. I really like him.” She couldn’t believe that these words were coming out of her own mouth, but she let them flow, and they felt good.

  “I’m so happy and excited for you!” Stefani said. “From everything I’ve seen, Steve is a really good guy. I hope it works out between you two.”

  Sierra never knew that this kind of support could feel so good. “Thanks Stefani,” she said gratefully. “I appreciate it— and I hope so too!”

  When she got off the phone, she immediately started preparing for her date. Since Steve had told her he had something special planned for that night, she wanted to dress accordingly. She opted for her favorite black dress, which was simple, hugged her curves, and had a hemline that stopped just above her knee. She finished the outfit with her favorite silver statement necklace and her favorite black leather heels.

  Spring had arrived and brought warmer weather along with it for the time being. Sierra checked The Weather Channel; the forecast for that night was clear skies and temperatures in the lower sixties.

  The doorbell rang as she was putting the final touches on her makeup. Instead of the anxiety that she was used to experiencing before a date, she felt only excitement.

  She opened the door for Steve, and there he stood with a dozen roses in his hand and a smile on his face.

  “Thank you so much,” she said, accepting the flowers. “They’re beautiful! Come on in.”

  “Hi,” Steve said.

  “Hi, yourself.”

  “You look . . . beautiful.”

  The way he was looking at her, she knew he meant it.

  “Thank you. You look very handsome too.” Sierra checked him out and approved of the dark gray dress pants and black cashmere sweater. He looked classy.

  Steve smiled. “I’m glad you approve.”

  “So, where are we going tonight?” Sierra inquired.

  Steve shook his head. “It’s a surprise, remember?”

  “Okay, okay,” Sierra said, chuckling. “I’ll be ready in just a couple of minutes. Make yourself comfortable.”

  Sierra knew Steve would look around the living room and kitchen areas while she was gone, making note of the parts of her personality that showed through in her décor. She had taken care to place her paintings and supplies in the guest room. She didn’t want her living room to look cluttered, but more than that, she was still a little shy about anyone seeing her work.

  Within a couple of minutes, Sierra was walking back into the living room with her purse and lightweight jacket, ready to go. Steve helped her put her jacket on, and they were off.

  Steve’s car was waiting at the curb, and he opened Sierra’s door and got her settled before going to the driver’s side and sliding in behind the wheel. He gave her a smile and a quick look of approval again before taking off.

  Steve asked about Sierra’s week and Sierra talked about a few showings and said that she’d finished the last painting she’d been working on and had started a new one. Steve wanted her to describe it, but Sierra didn’t really think she could do it justice. She also knew that since he had no knowledge of the dreams she had been having, or her abuse in the past, it would be even harder for him to understand the significance the painting held for her.

  “It’s just hard to put into words,” she tried to explain. Steve nodded in understanding. “Maybe you don’t have to. I would love to see it.”

  Sierra had originally been flattered when Steve and even Dale had expressed interest in seeing her paintings. But now, after thinking about it, she was reluctant. She hadn’t shown anyone her paintings since college, and then only her instructor and fellow students in the class had seen her canvases. Sharing her work had been part of the experience in the class. She wasn’t sure how she would feel having someone whose opinion she cared about look at her work.

  I guess I’ll find out, she thought. “If you want to, you can have a look when I’m sure I’m really done with it.”

  “I would like that a lot,” Steve said.

  The rest of the ride was Steve talking about his basketball team and how they were going to the championship. He invited Sierra to come and support them. Sierra told him that she would try.

  They made it to their destination quickly. They were still downtown and now at the Milwaukee River, where the boats docked for riverboat rides.

  “Is this what we’re doing?” Sierra asked, her face lighting up. “A riverboat ride?”

  “You guessed it!” Steve said.

  Sierra was excited. Even though she’d lived in Milwaukee most of her life, she hadn’t taken a riverboat r
ide since she was a child. That had been a family outing, and was a happy memory.

  Steve parked the car and got out to open Sierra’s door. She noticed a little bounce in his step as he led her forward to the well-lit boat docked before them, his hand on the small of her back.

  The boat was neither empty nor overly full. Most people were standing along the deck near the balcony, admiring the view of the Milwaukee Harbor and the surrounding restaurants. Soft music was playing in the background. Steve led Sierra to a less heavily populated area so they could enjoy the view together and have some level of privacy.

  “Well, what do you think so far?” he asked.

  “I think it’s beautiful,” Sierra said, giving his hand a squeeze. “Thank you so much for bringing me here.”

  “You’re welcome,” Steve responded, looking very pleased.

  They stood quietly talking for another ten minutes, and then they heard the loud whistle of the big vessel as it cast off. After the boat began to move, the chill from the river had Sierra wrapping her arms around her body. Steve, noticing, stood behind her and enfolded her in his embrace, pulling her close to his chest. She leaned into him, enjoying the warmth that took away the cold, and let her head rest on his chest.

  A short while later, a speaker above them crackled to life, and an announcement was made inviting everyone still on the deck to come in, as dinner service was about to start.

  Upon entering the interior of the boat where dinner was to take place, Sierra admired the ambiance of the room. Lit candles on every table shed a romantic glow, adding to the soft lighting already present. On the walls were nautical pictures and souvenirs, as well as photos of well-known sights from around the downtown Milwaukee area.

  The tables were covered with pale cream tablecloths and set with flower bouquet centerpieces. The hostess led Sierra and Steve to a table toward the center of the room, and Steve pulled out Sierra’s chair for her before taking his own seat. Seconds later, the server came with menus and water.

  “I’ll be back in a few moments for your drink order,” he said before heading over to another table.

  Sierra took the opportunity to turn to Steve and express her gratitude again. “This is all very nice. Thank you.”

  He took her hand from where it was sitting on top of her menu. “I’m just really glad you like it, and I hope you’re having a good time.”

  “Of course I am.”

  “Good,” he said, caressing her fingers.

  Sierra made no effort to pull away. She enjoyed the feel of her hand in his.

  When the waiter returned, they put in their drink and dinner orders. When the waiter walked away, Steve sat up straighter in his chair, as if preparing himself for something.

  “So . . .” he began.

  “So . . .” Sierra repeated with a smile.

  “So, we’ve been going out for a few weeks now.”

  Sierra nodded and smiled again, not sure where he was going with this. “Yes, we have.”

  “And I’ve enjoyed every minute of it.”

  Sierra smiled again, shyly this time. “Me too.”

  “Good. Sierra, I want you to know that I really like you.”

  Sierra’s heart fluttered a little. “I like you too.”

  “Thank you,” Steve acknowledged with a grin before continuing. “No, Sierra, I mean I really like you. As in, I can see us being together for as far into the future as I can imagine.”

  “Okay . . .” Sierra returned, a little confused now.

  “What I’m saying is that I want us to be exclusive. I don’t want to date anyone but you, and I want to be the only one you’re dating.”

  The confusion cleared. “Oh . . . I see,” Sierra said. She took a moment to think about it. Her feelings for Steve were very strong—so much stronger than anything she was feeling for Dale. Only her fear had been holding her back from allowing herself to really commit to her feelings for Steve, and she had no problem with that now. If he could put his feelings out there, then so could she. She was ready.

  “Okay,” she said.

  Steve furrowed his eyebrows. “Okay . . .”

  “Okay, let’s make this exclusive,” she said with a smile.

  Steve grinned and reached across the table, gently guiding her toward him so he could kiss her waiting lips. The kiss was gentle and sweet, and it was Sierra who extended the kiss when Steve would have pulled away. That brought a smile to Steve’s lips, which Sierra could feel under her own, which she enjoyed almost as much as the kiss itself.

  They broke apart only when the waiter returned with their drinks and a basket of rolls.

  After dinner service was over, people began to move to the deck again to watch the scenery around them. Sierra and Steve went out on the deck as well. The private corner they’d found in the beginning was still available and they took that spot. From there, they gazed at the shoreline of Lake Michigan before the boat turned and headed back to its home.

  “This has been the best night,” Sierra commented.

  “For me too,” Steve agreed before turning her around and kissing her again.

  As they stood there on the deck in embrace, Sierra had never been happier. She had a sneaking suspicion that she might be falling in love.

  Chapter 33

  The day after her cruise with Steve, Sierra called Dale and broke off whatever was left of a romantic relationship with him. She felt nervous putting all her eggs in one basket, but she felt more like her Dorothy self taking risks and following her heart, even if that meant doing something scary, and that felt good.

  The phone conversation itself was pleasant enough. Dale took the news well—almost too well for Sierra’s liking.

  “I’m glad you’re taking this so well,” she said. She attempted to keep her tone good-natured, but a little bit of edge crept in. Even though she knew being offended by someone taking a letdown so well wasn’t logical, she couldn’t help but feel a little insulted.

  Dale laughed. “Sierra, I knew something was going on. Every time you were with me, you were preoccupied. I like you and I have a lot of fun with you, but just like you, I want someone who is totally into me and returns the feelings that I have for her.”

  That made sense. Sierra had to laugh at herself for her own reaction. She wanted Dale to have a real relationship too. He was a good guy.

  They joked around for a few more minutes after that and then ended the phone call amicably. After hanging up, Sierra sat on her couch with a feeling of accomplishment. She turned on the television, lay down on her side, and turned the channels until she found a good movie. It was a comedy that she’d seen many times before, but she never grew tired of it. She could watch it a hundred times and it would still make her laugh.

  Toward the end of the movie, she found herself getting sleepy. She burrowed her body deeper into the couch and grabbed a couple of decorative pillows to place behind her head. When the credits began to roll, she slowly closed her eyes with a smile on her face, still laughing at the movie.

  When Sierra opened her eyes, she instantly knew that she was dreaming. She was lying down in a bed in a dark room with only a little light coming through the crack in the door she was facing. She could hear breathing next to her. She turned and found that she was facing Diana, who was sound asleep.

  Sierra began to panic. She looked down at her hands and realized that they were little hands; she looked at her body and discovered that she was wearing the nightgown she’d worn when she was little. She was her little girl self.

  As she took in the room and situation, more dread set in. Many years had passed since she’d thought about this night, and now she was living it again.

  Then a squeaky noise had Sierra turning back toward the door, and the light in the doorway revealed Wayne, standing in the hallway. He stood there for a second, looking at Sierra and smiling that weird odd smile that he reserved for her, before creeping up to the bed and tugging on Sierra’s arm, trying to get her to come with him.

&
nbsp; But she wouldn’t. Sierra didn’t want to go. She knew what would happen.

  She didn’t want any more trips to the attic. She wouldn’t go tonight. She hugged Diana and held on for dear life.

  Wayne began to slowly try and untangle her fingers from Diana’s arm, but Sierra refused to let go. She held on tighter.

  Wayne’s face darkened. “Let her go,” he hissed in a threatening tone.

  Sierra continued to hold on, but Wayne began to win— Sierra could feel her body easing toward the edge of the bed. She looked up, and with tears in her eyes, as she had done so many times, she asked the Lord for help.

  Suddenly, a light was shining above her head. The movement toward the edge of the bed stopped. She felt a hand on her hand, giving her strength. She felt another hand on her body, keeping it still. Diana began to stir.

  Sierra felt Wayne let go. She saw him looking above her head, awestruck and trembling. He slowly backed up. Keeping his eyes on the area above Sierra’s head, he opened the door and rushed out without a word.

  Diana settled back into sleep. The hand that was on Sierra’s hand eased its hold, and Sierra gazed up and saw what appeared to be two angels. They smiled down at her, giving her comfort. Somehow, Sierra knew their faces.

  She reached out to touch them, and as she did, she closed her eyes. When she opened them again, she was reaching into the air above her couch in her condo. She was awake.

  Sierra sat up slowly into a sitting position and ran her fingers through her hair as she tried to make sense of what had just happened.

  She had known where she was as soon as she’d opened her eyes in the dream. This was no dream about Dorothy. This was a dream about Sierra. Except this time it wasn’t just a dream—that night had really happened. It was the last time Sierra could remember Wayne trying to molest her.

  The dream, however, was different from how she had always remembered that night. Was it possible that angels really had been there helping her the whole time, giving her strength? Sierra was full of so many emotions right now that she couldn’t quite make sense of anything. She had always assumed that she made Wayne stop on the merit of her own strength. That he had gotten tired of pulling her and hadn’t wanted to wake his cousin.