Play the Man

by Jaymee Jacobs

  This time, he knew he could call for the answer. Ryan picked up his cell and dialed his teammate. After all, Nick and Jenna were friends, and beyond that, they had similar dispositions. If someone would know, that someone would be Nick.

  The sound of his phone going off brought Nick out of his nap. Despite the thoughts running through his mind, he had to focus on his game-day routine. He wasn’t overly superstitious, but there were definitely things he needed to do on game days. It didn’t matter that he wasn’t playing tonight; the team was playing, so he was going to go through his routine anyway. And napping was one of those things. He cursed himself for not turning his phone off and then groggily answered. “Hello?”

  “Marty. I need your help.”

  “Can this wait?” he grumbled, irritated at the interruption and even more irritated that the interruption was Ryan. “I’ll see you in, like, three hours at the arena.”

  “No, I need help now. I want to do something nice for Jenna, but I can’t think of anything that she won’t get annoyed at. Nothing too over the top, but just enough to plaster a smile on her face for, oh, I don’t know, the next month,” he explained.

  Nick groaned. He didn’t feel like helping Ryan try to win over the same woman who he was trying to persuade to be his. He didn’t want to aid him in any way, especially with a ploy that he himself could use. “She’s your fiancée. Shouldn’t you know?” When Ryan never responded to this question, Nick continued. “Well, just think. What does she like? Food, places, things to do. You’ll figure it out.”

  “If I could have ‘figured it out’ on my own, would I have called and asked you?”

  This just reaffirmed to Nick that Ryan was clueless. He didn’t know Jenna; not in the fashion he should if he were going to marry her and be a good husband. He sighed.

  Ryan got frustrated. “I know she pretends to hate it when I tickle her feet, but secretly she loves it. I know she hates chunky peanut butter. She loves snow and misses being able to ski. She likes paintings and art. So excuse me if I don’t know off the top of my head if she’d prefer if I bought her a bracelet or cooked her dinner. Forget I called,” he ranted, hanging up. Brian had been right: something was up with Nick. But he’d find a way to deal with this on his own.

  Chapter 18

  Nick watched as Jenna and Ryan walked into the arena. He’d seen the sight a thousand times before—okay, maybe not that many times, but it felt like it. They always showed up together before games, but Nick thought that maybe today, it would have been different.

  They weren’t holding hands, and they weren’t even standing particularly close, either; however, they didn’t look to be completely at odds with each other. The mere fact that they showed up together was distressing to Nick—if he had been playing in tonight’s game against the Predators, he probably wouldn’t have minded so much. But he was going to be sitting up in the box instead of being out on the ice with his teammates because of his concussion symptoms.

  He watched as they paused by the door and listened as Jenna softly spoke to Ryan. “Have a good game.”

  “That’s it? That’s all I get?” Ryan asked, gently placing his hand on her shoulder so she couldn’t walk away yet. “Where’s my good luck kiss?”

  Instead of arguing, Jenna rocked forward onto her tiptoes and gingerly pressed her lips against Ryan’s scruffy cheek. As she began to pull away, he put his right hand at her waist and then threaded his other hand through her hair to hold her in place. Ryan turned his head to the side, and their lips brushed together softly. He wanted to take it a step further, to make it a real kiss, but he knew not to push his luck so he held back and pulled away earlier than he would have liked.

  Jenna stood still after their mouths separated, eyes still closed, her heart racing. A hundred different horrible words to describe herself flew through her head. At this point, she didn’t even care about what she was putting herself through—she just felt bad for Ryan. Sure, he hadn’t always been the best boyfriend or the greatest fiancé at times, but he sure as hell didn’t deserve what she was doing to him.

  “You all right, babe?” Ryan asked her, noting that she wasn’t moving. He ran left his hand through her hair and then brushed his thumb against her cheek, which had lost its normally rosy color.

  “No,” she whispered, keeping her eyes closed.

  “What is it?” he asked softly, now using his thumb to trace her jawline.

  “Ryan, I—”

  “Hey Biggie!” Brian called, exiting the lounge and looking into the hallway. “Coach is looking for ya.”

  “Thanks, Caveman,” Ryan responded, turning away from Jenna for just a moment to talk to his teammate.

  In that short moment that Ryan looked away, Jenna took a deep breath and caught herself from confessing her biggest secret. She rubbed her forehead and peered down at the floor. “Have a good game,” she repeated as she pushed his hand away from her face and removed the other from its place on her waist.

  “Wait a second,” Ryan said, squeezing her hand as she moved his. He was finally close to finding out what had been bugging her over the past few days. “Coach can wait.”

  “No, you should go get ready. It’s fine. We can... talk later.”

  “But we leave tonight for a game tomorrow against Montreal. I won’t see you ‘til Saturday.”

  Jenna cleared her throat and said, “It can wait, Ryan.”

  He nodded and squeezed her hand one more time. “But I’ll see you after the game, right? To say goodbye?”

  It was her turn to nod, and they let go of each other and headed in different directions—Ryan into the dressing room to find the coach, and Jenna down the hallway toward the office for The Blackhawks Wives and Girlfriends Association. Nick cut her off at the pass and startled her.

  “Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you,” he apologized sheepishly, shoving his hands in the pockets of his dress pants.

  “I wasn’t really paying attention,” she mumbled her eyes never looking up to meet his. “What are you doing here so early? Are you playing already?”

  “No.” Nick shrugged. “I just like sticking to my game-day routine. Figured I could watch tape, help scout or something. But I saw you. I haven’t heard from you in a while,” he added.

  “I know. I’ve been thinking.”

  “You haven’t... decided... anything yet?”

  “I thought you said I could have as much time as I needed?” she asked, shifting her weight from her left foot to her right and staring down at the floor.

  “Oh, uh, yeah. Of course. I just wanted to... you know, see how you were doing. How things were... going.” He wanted to know if she’d decided, who she’d decided, and also if Ryan had launched whatever hare-brained scheme he’d concocted.

  Jenna pursed her lips together and wrapped her arms around herself. She didn’t need this additional pressure from Nick. After feeling bad enough as it was—and after knowing that she couldn’t keep stringing along either man—Jenna couldn’t stand the extra urgency Nick was adding to the situation. “When I figure it out, Nicky, you’ll be one of the first to know,” she promised. “And I’m afraid that’s the best I can do.”

  Nick watched as she walked around him and blew right past him, shaking her head and wiping at her eyes. He watched as she never looked back, and watched until it finally dawned on him that Jenna was never going to choose him. If she were, she wouldn’t have practically run away from him when she was feeling this upset. She would have wanted to be comforted by him, or at least wanted to depend on him a little bit.

  He knew it now, plain as day. The answer was right in front of his face, and Jenna’s, too. Jenna was in love with Ryan, and that wasn’t going to change any time soon. That’s why she was struggling so much, and why she almost caved and disclosed her secret. While Nick had figured it out, he wondered how long it would take Jenna to see that for herself—that her decision had always been Ryan, but she just hadn’t realized it yet for herself.

  Jenn
a had always considered herself to be a good person. She did charity work, and she always put her spare change in the donation jars the registers when she went shopping. She always yielded to pedestrians and never cut off other drivers. She helped whenever she was asked.

  But now, she felt like the worst person on the face of this planet. She was the worst person on Earth. She had two men fighting for her affection, and she was stringing both of them along for no good reason. Worst of all, one of them, her fiancé, had no idea. The man she was supposed to share everything with—her life, her dreams, and her happiness—was completely unaware of her crisis.

  Ryan had been so sweet recently. Did he somehow know? He couldn’t possibly, or else he’d be mad and not sweet. And he would be beyond mad. Furious. She cheated, and not just once. She’d done it twice. Did that constitute as an affair? Sleeping with the same man, who wasn’t her fiancé, more than once?

  Jenna wound her way through the United Center and headed for the offices. Surely there would be something there that she could devote some time and attention to, something to distract her for a moment as she tried to collect her thoughts. With the holidays coming up, there would be fundraisers and raffles and tons of other things that would require planning, which was just the sort of thing she needed to take her mind off the two men in the building. Even though she couldn’t see either of them, she felt acutely aware of their presences.

  Didn’t girls usually like the idea of having two men fight over them? It was the idea of being wanted, sought after, desired.... There were times when Jenna didn’t feel like Ryan cared, and now there were too many people caring. It wasn’t supposed to work out like this. Things weren’t supposed to get so messed up. She had always wanted to marry Ryan, to have his babies, and to raise them together in a happy little family. They’d go ice-skating every winter at the rink at Madison and Michigan. They’d go to Shedd Aquarium and watch the fish and whales and dolphins and turtles and penguins and sharks. Most of all, she’d dress the little ones in Blackhawk jerseys, all with the number thirty on the back, and they’d go to the games to watch Ryan play with hand-made signs that would read Go, Daddy, Go! or I love my dad!

  And now, she’d ruined any chance of that. If Ryan knew, he’d never forgive her. But she couldn’t keep this secret forever. As it was, she’d almost spilled her guts to him earlier. She’d almost told him about the horrible thing she had done. As long as she didn’t tell him, they could be together. But if she didn’t tell him, this secret would rip them apart. It was a Catch-22, and no matter the outcome, Jenna was going to lose everything she ever wanted.

  Unless, that is, if she gave it all up voluntarily. Yes, Ryan had suddenly turned sweet and loving—but was that a permanent change? Was that indicative of the way things were going to be from now on? After all, it wasn’t like Ryan was normally a jerk. He was just a clueless, blissfully unaware, typical guy who lived his life on a whim. That didn’t make him a bad person. He was a good person, in fact. A great guy, who just happened to forget their anniversary every couple of years or who didn’t want to take her to go see a chick flick or to the art museum. He wasn’t in tune with her emotions, but what guy was?

  Well, Jenna had an answer for that question: Nick was. He was in tune with her emotions. They were similar types of people with similar personalities. They got each other; they understood each other. But were they too similar or too identical to each other? Jenna worried that she was too different from Ryan but too similar to Nick to find a happy medium.

  Nick was a great guy. Jenna couldn’t deny that. But was he her great guy? She didn’t know; she’d never thought about him like that before. He had always been her friend, the person to turn to when Ryan and Alex and the rest of the guys on the team were drinking beers and celebrating the wins. Nick was someone for Jenna to talk to before she went home with Ryan for the night. Could it be different now? Should it be different now?

  Jenna sat down in one of the chairs and rested her head in her hands. It wasn’t fair to either man, to Ryan or to Nick, that she was being so wishy-washy. It wasn’t fair to Nick that she was stringing him along after he declared his affection for her and that he was willing to risk a lot—everything he’d worked for, in fact—for her. That was the biggest proclamation she’d ever heard. It was bigger than Ryan’s proposal to her that summer.

  Most of all, however, it wasn’t fair to Ryan; Jenna felt the worst for him through this all. He was unaware. Usually, his apathy and devil-may-care attitude was his own fault, but not this time around. Jenna was sure if he knew about what she’d done, he’d have plenty to say about it.

  She did her best to plaster on a smile as she got ready to take her seat for the game. No one else needed to know about the storm that was raging inside her mind. She had to make up her mind, and soon. Jenna had been saying that to herself for a while now, but she really did need to figure out what the hell she was going to do, pronto.

  Ryan was ready to burst out of his skin. It took some major string pulling, but he’d come up with his brilliant idea and had immediately set the ball rolling. And it had also taken a lot name dropping, a lot of smooth talking, and a little extra money to get it done quickly like he wanted, but it was going to be so worth it. Ryan knew down to his core that Jenna was going to love his surprise for her. Yes, he knew that she didn’t care about how much money he spent on anything, but this seriously hadn’t been about the money to Ryan. This time, it was all about the look of pure elation that was going to be on Jenna’s face, like a kid on Christmas morning.

  He’d started with the calls on Thursday, before the home game, when he should have been napping. But once the idea came to him, he was way too excited to sleep a wink. So he’d set the plan in motion and had forsaken sleep. His play had suffered for it, and the game had ended with them being shut out and everyone kept off the score sheet. It had been a bad game for the entire team.

  When the game was over and the team had showered and changed, they headed in a line toward the bus like school children getting ready to go on a field trip. Women and families were lined up along the way, so the guys could say their quick goodbyes while being herded to the airport. Ryan stepped out of line when he saw Jenna; she never saw him coming, because she wasn’t looking for him. Her arms were crossed below her breasts, and she was staring at the floor. She must have had the tile pattern memorized.

  Ryan wore a half-smile. Even if she didn’t look thrilled to be there, she had still waited for him. Once again, he sidled up to her and snaked his arm around her waist, pulling her against him. He kissed her temple first, and then her lips. “Hey. So, we’ll be back right after tomorrow’s game.”

  “Okay,” she replied, still concentrating on the floor.

  “Don’t make plans for Saturday,” he continued.

  Jenna looked up at him suddenly, a bit of concern in her eyes. “Why?”

  Ryan smiled down at her. There was a light dancing in his eyes made gray by the fluorescent lighting. “Well, I guess you’ll find out on Saturday, now won’t you?” He kissed her one more time before he let go suddenly and trotted toward the bus. The ride to the airport, the flight to Montreal, and the game against the Canadiens passed by so slowly for him as he waited for Saturday to roll around. He was more excited for this than anything else in recent memory.

  In fact, once he got home from the away game—which they had regrouped to win three to two—he could hardly fall asleep in his own bed. Ryan was anxious and excited and unable to keep still.

  “Aren’t you supposed to be tired?” Jenna mumbled at some point, agitated by Ryan’s tossing and turning, and thereby unable to sleep herself.

  “I’m excited,” he whispered in her ear. “Let’s get ready.”

  “It’s barely six thirty. Ryan, go to sleep.”

  He allowed himself to flit in and out of slumber for the next few hours, unable to drift off and get some rest. Jenna finally threw back the covers around eight o’clock. True to her schedule, she showered
before dressing in jeans, a beige sweater, and brown heels. She was just about to start fixing something for breakfast when Ryan bounded down the stairs, dressed in black slacks and a green button-down Oxford shirt. That was Jenna’s favorite shirt on him because it brought out the green in his eyes.

  “What’s going on, Ryan?” she asked warily. “What do you have up your sleeve?”

  He smiled broadly. His expression was pure, unadulterated joy. That smile always had the same effect: it made Jenna’s knees go weak. “Well, come on and I’ll show you.” He grabbed her hand gently and tugged on it so she had to follow him. “I promise you that you’ll appreciate it.”

  Jenna bit her lip, both intrigued and a little scared. This was the man who had made her fall in love with him. He was spontaneous, self-assured, and yes, a bit of goofball. She let Ryan open the passenger-side door of his car for her, and she sat patiently as he navigated the streets of downtown Chicago, following a familiar route that she knew well. “Ryan, what are we doing at the Art Institute?”

  Again, he smiled. “You’ll see.”

  So many thoughts buzzed through her mind, so she easily complied as he parked and directed her toward the inside lobby. He left her by the entrance as he talked to the clerk, and then she let him cover her eyes and guide her further into the lobby. But she knew the Art Institute like the back of her hand, and she could tell where they were. Instead of going up the stairs or heading into the first-floor gallery, he stopped without really taking her anyway. “Seriously, Ryan, what’s going on?”

  He removed his hands and then he pointed to the wall. “Ta da!”

  Following his line of sight, she looked at the collection of plaques on the marble. One was shiny and new, reading Jenna Linsenbigler. “What... what is this?”

  “I wanted to do something to make you smile. I thought about it a lot, about what I could do to make you happy.”