Play the Man

by Jaymee Jacobs

  “Ry—”

  “Hold on a sec, babe,” he said. “You like art. I thought about getting a painting that you would like, but... you like so many different kinds. Honestly, I was a little afraid to get something that you wouldn’t like,” he continued with a chuckle. “And, I know you like art, but you also like to share it with other people. I mean, you’re always trying to drag me here. So, this is what I did. I made you a beneficiary to the President’s Exhibition-Acquisition Fund, so that the Institute can bring new pieces to the museum, for everyone to see. I hope you don’t mind that I gave them your new name, since we’re getting married this summer.”

  “You did... what?” Jenna was stunned. She was speechless. This was, quite possibly, the most incredible thing that anyone had ever done for her. It wasn’t about Ryan spending money on her; yes, he did it for her, but he did with her wishes in mind and not so she could show off.

  “I figured that sharing a lot of art with other people would be better than getting one painting for you. So tell me, Jenna, what do you think? You love it, right?”

  “Ryan,” she began, her mouth agape. “This is the nicest thing you’ve ever done.” She ran her fingers over that engraved name, Jenna Linsenbigler, and wondered if she would ever be called that. There was only one way she’d know: if she told him, and if they could somehow, possibly, maybe, find a way to work it out. She wanted that name, but it had to be Ryan’s decision if he still wanted to share it with her. “But I have to tell you something.”

  “What?”

  Her eyes began to cloud with tears. She had to tell him, even though it would render that plaque meaningless if he never wanted to see her again. If he decided against giving her his last name. She still wanted it, but it was all up to Ryan now. “Ryan, I... I had an affair.”

  Chapter 19

  “You... you what?” Ryan stood dazed in the lobby of the Art Institute, knowing that his ears must have been playing tricks on him. Jenna would never, under any circumstances, ever have an affair.

  Jenna placed her hand over her mouth, surprised at herself at how she had just blurted out her confession. There wasn’t an easy way to tell him, but that certainly had been the simplest. She repeated herself through her fingers. “I, uh, had an affair.”

  “No,” he said, closing his eyes and shaking his head. “You mean you just flirted with someone. Maybe you kissed him. Or he probably kissed you first. That’s it, right? You didn’t do anything else, did you?” He opened his eyes and examined the face of his distressed fiancée, waiting to see that this was all some kind of joke or misunderstanding. “You didn’t... sleep with him, did you?”

  She couldn’t deny it, like he wished she would, so she chose not to admit it and instead apologized profusely. “Ryan, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry,” Jenna said, reaching out for him. She had told him; it was out in the open now. Even though she was worried by his initial reaction, the hard part was over. Now they had to find a way to work through it.

  He jerked back to avoid her touch. The thought of what those hands had done, what they had touched, who they may have touched, disgusted him. The idea of some other man holding his woman repulsed him even more. Where had he touched her? Had she enjoyed it? The thought made him physically ill; Ryan felt like he was going throw up. “Don’t touch me. Don’t you dare touch me. Are you serious? You seriously slept with some guy?” He watched as Jenna slowly nodded, her eyes closed to pinch the tears back from falling down her cheeks. “Wh-when? Why? Jenna....” His voice faded out, because he couldn’t find the words. “Why would you do that? Oh my god, are you still...?”

  “No! It’s over and done with. It didn’t mean anything to me, Ryan. I love you—”

  “You can stop right there,” he snapped, running his hand over his face and trying to take a deep breath and calm down. Suddenly, though, he’d forgotten how to inhale. “You.... Oh God. You tell me you had an affair, but you love me? Wh.... Je.... I can’t, ugh, I can’t even think straight!” he yelled, beginning to pace the floor and run his hands through his hair, over his face, and then back through his hair again. He didn’t care that he was making a scene. In fact, he didn’t even notice. All his focus was on the matter at hand and the news that she had just broken to him. “I... I love you, Jenna. How could you do this? How could you just give my love away to someone else?”

  “I do love you, Ryan, and he meant nothing to me,” she admitted, realizing now that even though she had offered her body to Nick, Ryan had always had claim to her heart and soul. “It just kind of happened. I was feeling upset with you, because of the wedding—”

  “So this is my fault?”

  Jenna felt as if he’d thrown acid on her as his voice roared and echoed in the marble lobby. She shrunk back and glanced off to the side. It hurt her to look at him, because he was so visibly pained. She made herself look into his eyes while she offered her answer. “No, not at all. It didn’t have anything to do with you.... This is all on me. All my fault.”

  “When?”

  “Ryan....” Jenna whispered, thinking that she didn’t want to do this here and now. Not in public. Then again, it was because of her that they were doing this in the lobby of the Art Institute, because she had just confessed without thinking.

  “Don’t Ryan me, Jenna. Tell me. I want to know. When did this happen?”

  She looked down at her feet. “Two weeks ago?”

  “Two... wha....” Ryan barely eked out, feeling winded. “I can’t believe this. With who?” When she didn’t answer, he pressed her for the information. “Tell me, Jenna, who?”

  “Does it matter?” she whispered, looking at him again. Jenna had already done the worst of the worst that she could possibly do to the man she loved. If Ryan were to find out that it had been Nicky, his teammate, then it would be impossible to move on from that. And as it was, Jenna wasn’t sure how things would progress from here. It didn’t look good.

  “I guess it doesn’t matter,” he ground out between his teeth. “You still slept with someone who wasn’t me. I can’t believe it, Jenna. I fucking love you. And this is what you do? I go out on the road and meet dozens of girls, and never once did I think about doing anything with them! You... you are the one who always does the right thing. You’re the one who makes sure I don’t fuck up. You’re the smart one. The rational one. How... how could you?”

  Jenna sniffed and tried to stay strong. People were staring at them, and she hated that they all knew what a screw-up she was and that she had ruined the best thing that had ever happened to her. “I’m sorry. It was just a physical reaction. And I told you, that it meant nothing.”

  “Well, then, I hope you’re glad to know that you just threw away eight fucking years for something—for someone—that means absolutely nothing to you. I hope you’re fucking happy,” Ryan spat, running his hand over his face one more time and wiping the tears away. When had he started crying? “I wanted to marry you. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I still can’t believe it. I can’t... ugh, I just can’t be around you right now.”

  “Please, Ryan, don’t go,” she cried, reaching out and starting to chase after him as he took long strides toward the doors they had just walked through minutes before. “Please, Ryan,” she yelled, one more time, trying her damnedest to fight against the tears, but it was too late.

  Nick wasn’t expecting this phone call. He knew, without Jenna having to say it, that she wasn’t going to choose him like he had so desperately wanted. So this must have been a mere formality that she was calling him on a Saturday morning to finally tell Nick what he already knew. With a deep breath, he tried to steel himself for what was coming and answered the phone. “Hello?”

  “Nicky?”

  He took a sharp intake of air. Yes, Nick had been expecting this phone call, but he hadn’t expected Jenna to call in tears. “Jenna, what’s wrong?”

  “Um, I kind of need a ride. Do you think you can come get me?”

  So many questions flew th
rough his head. Why was she crying? Was she stranded somewhere? And why was she calling him, and not Ryan? No matter what her reasons, Nick of course was going to do anything she asked. “Where are you?”

  “The art museum,” she answered, shakily. Her whole body was racked with sobs.

  Nick was glad that he lived so close to downtown. “Five minutes. Don’t go anywhere,” he said, hanging up and quickly grabbing his keys. His feet raced like his brain, running down the stairs and heading for his car. He knew that Jenna didn’t love him, or at least didn’t love him like she did Ryan, but his heart held out hope that there was a reason she was calling him. He would find out soon enough, he thought to himself, as he drove down Michigan Avenue and pulled up in front of the lion statues and steps of the Art Institute.

  Jenna recognized his car and promptly ran across the expanse of the sidewalk and got into his vehicle. The five minutes she had to wait for him were the longest five minutes of her life. She thought that maybe they were the worst, but that wasn’t true; the worst five minutes of her life were those that had transpired in the lobby. That Ryan had done something so nice for her, and she had done something so awful.

  She looked like a wreck, and she knew it; everyone had been staring at her. And not just because of the fight. Now, Nick had his eyes on her. “Thank you,” she choked out, “for coming to get me.”

  “Sure. No problem,” he replied, putting the car back into drive, flicking on the turn signal, and merging into traffic. Nick debated on whether he should say anything. Should he ask what was bothering her? Or should he wait for her to say something? Unsure, he kept quiet, and they made their way through downtown Chicago in silence until he had to ask the inevitable. “So, um, where to?”

  Jenna dissolved into tears. “I don’t know.”

  Nick nodded, even though she couldn’t see through the oceans in her eyes. He drove the familiar route back to his apartment complex. Even though she was so upset, she was still functional and working on autopilot. When they got back to his place, she got out of the car and followed him up the stairs and into his living room before she plopped onto the couch.

  Trying to be kind and sensitive to whatever she was going through, Nick grabbed a box of Kleenex tissues and offered it to her. She grabbed one and held it up to her face, dabbing at her tired, red eyes. “Thanks.”

  “Sure. No problem,” he repeated, taking his seat beside her. “So, are you going to tell me what’s going on?”

  Jenna took a deep breath, which did nothing to help calm her. “I told him, Nicky. I told Ryan that I had an affair.”

  He stiffened; Nick had no idea what this meant. Had Jenna told Ryan because she leaving him? Or to work things out with him? And even though it was a little selfish of him, Nick wondered how he fit into that—both from how Jenna was acting, and how Ryan might react the next time he saw him. No matter what, he would accept the consequences and responsibilities of his actions.

  “Don’t worry, Nicky, I didn’t tell him about us. That it was you. This is about me and him, and I dragged you into it enough already.”

  Nick nodded and inadvertently let out a deep breath. He didn’t even realize he had been holding it in, but he suddenly knew that part of him was feeling incredibly relieved. However, another part of him was deeply saddened. Jenna hadn’t dragged him into anything that he hadn’t been willing to participate in. He’d wanted to make love to her, and Jenna made it sound like she’d forced him.

  And plus, Nick was involved in this in too many complex ways. Jenna was his friend, and he was in love with her even if she didn’t know it. They had made love together. Ryan was his teammate—more than that, Ryan was his captain. She couldn’t simply say that Nick was not involved in this situation; he was wrapped up in it as much as Jenna and Ryan were.

  “So, you told him?” he asked, trying to coax her into continuing. Nick knew that Ryan obviously hadn’t reacted well.

  “Yeah. He, um, he was upset, and he left. He said... he said I threw it all away,” she sobbed, pulling her knees up to her chest and burrowing her face into curled up body.

  Nick wasn’t sure what to do—he didn’t know if it was okay for him to reach out and try to comfort her. Jenna probably didn’t want him to come anywhere near her, seeing as though he essentially just broke up her relationship. But his heart went out to her, and he couldn’t stop himself from pulling her into his arms.

  Jenna didn’t fight it. She allowed him to move closer to her and hold her, and she in turn rested against him. Jenna was upset, no doubt, but Nick was sad, too; he had the woman he loved in his arms, but she wasn’t his.

  Jenna hated herself more than anything. Finally, she had come clean to the man she loved, and it ended with her driving him away. With no idea what to do, she turned to the other man she had been stringing along, and now she was leaning on him for emotional support. Nick should have just stayed far away from her, because she was no good for him. He probably didn’t even really like her in the first place; he just liked the idea of having someone there for him the way she had been there for Ryan.

  The way she would never be able to be there for Ryan anymore.

  It felt good to be held, even though those weren’t the arms she had hoped for. They were strong arms, and they were competent. But they weren’t Ryan’s. Jenna knew that she didn’t like Nick like that, and that made being in his apartment so wrong. Surely he knew by the way she was crying that she hadn’t picked him. Nevertheless, Nick was there for her emotionally, in the way that Ryan couldn’t be.

  The two were as different as night and day. Never before in history could there have been such a sharp contrast between two people. Even though it didn’t make sense for Jenna and Ryan to work out as a couple, that’s all she wanted in this world.

  She shouldn’t have told—if Jenna had kept her mouth shut, none of this would have happened. Ryan never would have found out, and she would have found a way to live with the nagging and all-consuming guilt. At least, that’s what she was telling herself as she cried and wailed and wept in the arms of not-Ryan.

  At some point, Jenna had physically exhausted herself and she fell asleep in the puddle of tears on Nick’s shoulder. He scooped her up and carried her into his bedroom. For a moment, he thought about disrobing her—with the purest of intentions—and dressing her in something more comfortable to sleep in, but he decided against it. It’s not like he hadn’t seen Jenna naked before, but given the circumstances, it would have been inappropriate. So instead, he removed her heels and pulled the covers around her sleeping body.

  Jenna slept like a rock. She was drained, emotionally and physically, and the world could have fallen apart around her and she wouldn’t have noticed. Hell, her world was falling apart around her. Everything was shattering—her dreams, her hope, her heart, and her life. But now that she was deep in sleep, she couldn’t feel any of the pain.

  Nick watched her for a while, to make sure that she was okay, before he left the room and closed the door behind him gently so he wouldn’t wake her. He wasn’t stupid. Sure, he had made a lot of mistakes in the past two weeks—and he meant a lot—but that didn’t mean that he had ill will toward either Jenna or Ryan. In fact, he loved Jenna more than he had ever loved a girl in this world. And Ryan was more than a guy he played hockey with or his captain—he was his friend.

  He shook his head. How had he let this happen? Nick was a smart guy, and he made plans and followed through. He was twenty-one and an alternate captain of a professional team in the National Hockey League. He set goals, and he achieved them. He scored them. But he had never wanted to cause something like this. Nick had always considered himself to be a good person, but he hadn’t been acting that way lately.

  Everything could be fixed. There was always a way to make things better, right? No, Nick couldn’t rewind time and prevent any of this from happening. The repercussions were rippling out like a shockwave, and the turbulence was only beginning to take its effect on their world. This wasn’
t over just because Jenna had confessed about the affair. No, this was just the beginning. And if they could somehow cut this off at the pass and stop the pain before it snowballed into complete and utter devastation, then all three of them would benefit.

  Nick knew he needed a plan. After all, his life had been one big plan to get to this current position. He was disciplined and focused—and when he set his mind to something, he always, always got it. Well, almost always. He wanted Jenna, but he wanted her to be happy more than anything. So if she was only going to be happy with Ryan, then he needed to find a way to get them back together.

  But he also knew that Ryan was a proud man, and there wasn’t going to be an easy solution to this predicament. Nick sat back down on the couch and thought, but nothing came to him. He couldn’t just outright call Ryan, because that would look suspicious. But he wondered if Ryan wondered where Jenna was. After all, he just kind of left her behind. Sure, he was mad, but he abandoned her, too. That was inexcusable, in his opinion, because even if he was erupting with anger, he should have never, ever left her like that.

  That was why Ryan was Ryan and Nick was Nick. They were different as different could be, and that’s why Nick was willing to help Jenna be happy even if it meant that he was going to be horribly, unfortunately unhappy.

  Chapter 20

  Ryan was feeling a variety of indescribable emotions, but most of all, he was in disbelief. He was also angry, and similarly sad; in addition, he was confused and shocked. However, the overriding feeling was complete and utter disbelief. They’d been together over eight years. It had taken him longer than hoped or expected, but he’d proposed. They’d set a date, and they were going to get married in eight short months. The main thought in his head was: who waits until now to have an affair?

  He thought that it had to be one of those artsy-fartsy fellows in art school. After all, Jenna was a busy person: she kept their home in working order; she came to all his games and did charity work for the team like all the other WAGs; and she attended graduate classes. Was it another student in one of her classes? A professor? Or maybe an artist—a guy who understood paintings and could talk to her on her level in a way that Ryan couldn’t. As her fiancé, he felt incompetent and impotent, because Jenna’s need to have an affair meant that somehow, he wasn’t enough for her.