Avren: An Auxem Novel

by Lisa Lace

  "Oh my God," she said, closing her eyes in pleasure. "This is amazing."

  Yes, it was amazing. I watched her, feeling all the blood leaving my brain and going elsewhere.

  She tilted her head and looked at me, amusement in her eyes as she dropped her gaze to the tent that was growing in my pants.

  "Aren't you coming in?"

  I blinked slowly, taking a deep breath. I quickly undressed and got into the hot water. It felt good, like she said.

  But I was distracted. Kenna sat across from me in a tiny swimsuit. That swimsuit could be removed in about a half a second and then she would be completely naked. I felt myself harden more at the thought.

  I looked over at her and I could tell she was laughing at me. She knew that this would happen.

  It was my own fault. She had offered to stay clothed and I had thought that I was strong enough to stand looking at her in a swimsuit.

  Apparently my faulty memory led to faulty judgment as well.

  "So, we're...ah, staying strong on the position that I shouldn't fuck you anymore," I said after we'd both been steaming for some time. That sounded casual, right? Wait a second, what did I just say?

  She choked a little and looked at me, eyes wide.

  "I said fuck WITH you. Not fuck you, Kenna. I hope I will no longer be doing the former. But I have to admit that the latter would be quite pleasurable." I spoke with the most formal language I could imagine, hoping to keep my wits about me — even with all the blood rushing out of my brain.

  I noticed that her beautiful lush mounds were heaving as she breathed erratically. So I WASN'T the only one who was aroused!

  Good, that made me feel better, though it didn't take care of my straining cock.

  She looked like she was considering my words.

  "Will you?" she said and the look on her face gave me hope that I would get some relief soon.

  "Will I what? Not fuck with you? Or fuck you? Or both?" I said. I could barely speak. We were both having trouble with rational thought.

  "Yes," she said.

  "Come over here, Kenna," I said indicating the stone bench next to me. "It would be my pleasure."

  KENNA

  This got out of hand quickly. But my lust was so strong that before my brain had a chance to think about what I was doing, I was across the pool and in his arms.

  We kissed fiercely, our desire too strong to be overcome by thought. Our bare skin pressed together with the hot water lapping between us. And at that moment I couldn't remember anymore why we shouldn't sleep together either.

  Why had I thought that was a bad idea? This was right. This was so very right.

  I bobbed against him, my breasts rubbing against his chest. I noticed again, as if I had forgotten, that his body was very muscular. He didn't have an ounce of fat on him. No Susohnnan did, because their culture encouraged healthy food and exercise as a way of life. The hot climate also made it hard to put on a lot of weight.

  I ran my hands down his biceps and then slid them down his torso to feel the ridges of his abs. He pulled me close again for another probing kiss and I wrapped my arms around him, feeling the planes of his back beneath my fingers. My hands tingled from touching him. It felt like it had been so long since I had had permission to do so.

  He kissed my neck, sending powerful waves of pleasure down to my core. Then he tugged on my earlobe and the feel of his breath in my ear made me tingle down below.

  It was different in the water. Because we were touching in such altered circumstances and I didn't really know if I would ever touch him again, I felt that every caress was heightened.

  The feel of him was so intoxicating that I had the impression that I would never get enough. If we made love a thousand times, it would never be enough. I would always want more.

  "Kenna, Kenna, Kenna," he murmured as he kissed the length of my arm and then placed a kiss on my palm that made my hips buck in reaction. "I need you so much."

  After a lot more kissing that had me burning up inside, he put his hand between my legs, but I stopped him.

  "Not in the water. It'll dry me up."

  I knew that I was unbelievable slick down there, as long as no water got in and washed it all away. We climbed out and Dar grabbed our towels and laid them on the ground. We were so hot, we didn't need covers.

  And when he did slide his finger inside me, he groaned. I was so soft and slippery.

  "Kenna, do you want me?" he said, fear and desperation and need and...love in his eyes. He wasn't sure if I was going to say yes. He wasn't sure of anything and for the first time, I saw things from his perspective.

  I grasped just a little bit how anxious I would feel to know nothing about the people and places around me. My eyes filled with tears. I was his sheeranla and I was supposed to help him. All I had been doing was pushing him away.

  He pulled back when he saw the tears. "You don't?"

  "No," I said, quickly. Oh, he had got the wrong idea. "Dar, I want you. I want you so much."

  I looked him in the eyes, willing him to believe it. His eyes closed in relief and happiness. And then he began to kiss me again and I froze. He hadn't asked me because he remembered the protocol. He really was afraid that I didn't want him. And he didn't remember about the scar. Shit.

  "What?" he said. "What have I forgotten or done wrong? Please tell me. I want this to be perfect. You must have such high expectations."

  He looked desperate and I tried to soothe him, kissing him all over his face.

  "It's okay," I said and he relaxed a little. "I don't have any expectations. We always fit together perfectly."

  I slid down his body, kissing him as I went. I made sure to kiss the hollow of his hip bone that I loved so much; I knew was one of the spots that drove him wild.

  When I reached his hip, I put a soft, reverent kiss on his scar. He hissed and his cock seemed to get even bigger, if that was possible.

  Maybe he didn't remember, but I did. And I would give the proper respect for our coupling.

  "Kenna?" he said, unsure.

  "Shhh."

  We kissed and touched and built up the intensity until neither of us could wait anymore. I pulled him into a kneeling position and straddled him. Then slowly and sensually, I eased myself down on to him, taking my time and letting us both feel every sensation.

  I began rocking, loving the feel of him rubbing against my sweet spot and his pelvis grinding into my clit. We made love as if in a dream and when the orgasm finally took me, I cried out, the incredible climax rocking me to the core. My body shook and convulsed as wave after wave of bliss washed over me. Soon after, he stiffened in release and with a harsh groan emptied himself within me.

  We were covered in sweat and still joined as our breathing gradually quieted. Finally he spoke.

  "Fuck, Kenna, is it always like that?" he said into my shoulder.

  "Pretty much," I said, holding him close.

  "Doing this couldn't ever be a bad idea," he said, pressing his forehead into mine.

  I didn't say anything, but I remembered how our bodies, hearts, and souls had been as close as two people could get.

  If only we could stay this way forever.

  But I knew that could never be because something kept coming between us.

  And I couldn't seem to do anything about it.

  In spite of what Dar and his mother believed, the truth was that Dar and I were never meant to be.

  We must have fallen asleep on the towels in the hot caves because all of a sudden I woke up and Dar was sitting up. His eyes were open, but he was having a dream.

  "I met this girl," he said. "Mana, I...I liked her! I want to find her again."

  I watched, stunned. He was silent for a while as if he was listening.

  "A fake name? Of course. That was it. Why else couldn't I find her in the database?" He slapped his forehead. "But why?"

  It seemed that he was having a conversation in his dream with Mana, reliving when he had met me on Dobu. He
had been unable to find me because he hadn't realized that I was human.

  "Kenna!" he yelled suddenly. "Kenna! Wait!"

  He frowned and tried to get up. I pulled on his shoulders and kept him sitting down.

  "Why isn't she waiting?" he said, his voice anguished. "I can't get to her. She's gone. She's gone."

  Tears were streaming down his face. I suddenly became aware that I had been in a trance of my own, watching him dream. I knew I had to wake him. It wasn't right to leave him in such pain.

  "Dar," I said, loudly. "Dar, wake up."

  I shook him by the shoulders and he looked around and at me.

  "I was dreaming." he said.

  "I know. I heard. I woke you."

  "No, you don't know. It was awful. I couldn't remember who you were. I couldn't remember anything."

  He cupped his hand on my cheek and gazed into my eyes. I held my breath as I realized that he recognized me. He knew me.

  And he remembered everything.

  "Kenna, promise you'll never leave me. Promise. I can't lose you. It was terrible. I lost you, and that can't happen ever again. Please don't leave me."

  I gazed into his eyes and made a promise in a way that I hoped I would be able to keep.

  "I promise Dar. I'll never leave you, unless I absolutely have to. But even if I have to go, remember that I am always with you in your heart because I love you. I will come back to you. If there is any breath in my body, I will find a way back to you. I promise you that."

  "Oh good. Good." He smiled then and his face was so full of love and happiness I felt terrible. Then he closed his eyes again and lay back down.

  Would he remember me this time?

  "Kenna," Dar whispered. "Kenna, wake up. The driver will be wondering where we are. I don't want him to come in and find us like this."

  I opened my eyes slowly with a big smile on my face, remembering first the sex and second that he had got his memory back. The smile faded immediately when I looked at him.

  Dar, the beloved, confused stranger was back.

  "What is it?" he said.

  I shook my head.

  "I remembered again, didn't I?"

  I nodded again, turning away from him and trying not to cry at the pain and despair I felt. To have him and then for him to be snatched back like that was torture.

  "It was wonderful, Dar, but we can't keep doing this. It's tearing me apart," I said softly.

  "I know," he said. Then he got up. We washed in the spring and got dressed.

  By the time we returned to the palace it was the middle of the night. We each went to bed in our separate rooms — more alone than before.

  DAR

  "What do you mean, I've got to take Kenna to a wedding, mother?" I said, frowning. I was sitting at the breakfast table with the queen. Kenna hadn't come down and I hadn't gone to see why.

  My mother looked taken aback. I guess she hadn't expected such a vehement response. But the idea of taking Kenna to a wedding seemed like it would be as much fun as punching myself in the face. Seeing her amazing body in some sexy Susohnnan dress would drive me insane — especially after tasting it already.

  After our very good very bad idea of making love, as we were putting on our clothes we had both agreed that it had been a mistake. We should stick to the original idea of waiting until I got my shit sorted out before we tried to be in a relationship.

  It was painful existing this way.

  But damned if I could get the woman out of my mind so I could figure out how to piece my life back together. It seemed as though she was such an integral part of me now that reconstruct my existence without her was like trying to put a broken vase back together without the glue. It just wouldn't work.

  I had started this conversation taking the position that bringing Kenna to a wedding was completely out of the question. I was learning that my mother was very persuasive and good at getting her own way.

  "I know that you don't remember anything, Darvish, but it would be a bad idea to let anyone else know that. Only myself and a few trusted servants know the truth about you. You haven't been going out much. And you have been spending so much time with Kenna, I had to circulate the rumor that you were engaged."

  "What?" I said, reeling from the bomb that she had dropped into the conversation. I remembered that part of the briefing about Susohnnan culture quite clearly. If we said we were engaged, that meant that we were not only intending to get married, but we were also sleeping together.

  One of the euphemisms for sex in our language is getting engaged. How could she have done that?

  Kenna and I had decided that we should avoid each other for the rest of the trip because it was too painful to be together and now my mother had circulated a rumor that would ensure that we had to spend all our time together? It was way beyond meddling.

  "I know you're upset, Dar, but you have to understand. If I hadn't, people would have noticed that you were spending so much time together in private and assumed that you were..you know..."

  "Mother!"

  "What? I'm a mother. And as such, that means that I've had..."

  "Mother!" I said again, more forcefully.

  She rolled her eyes but continued on.

  "It would have caused an enormous scandal and may have cost you your kingship. Other kings have been ousted for as much or as little. There is far too much democracy on Susohn nowadays. Since I'm sure you will be getting engaged and married eventually, there's no harm done circulating the rumor now and confirming it sometime in the future. Your cousin's wedding will be a nice public occasion to show that you are clearly together in a respectable fashion. The engagement announcement can be unofficial."

  "But mother..."

  "Whatever your arguments are, they won't fly, Darvish. You need to do this for yourself and for your country. Losing you now would be truly terrible for Susohn. Being a king is who you are, whether you remember or not. I'm afraid the crown never comes off, not even for a case of amnesia. Go wake Kenna up. The royal dressers will be there to do a fitting in an hour."

  "Mother, can you give me a minute to explain?" I protested feebly.

  She cut me off again.

  "Dar. No choice," she said. "On the upside, you won't have to keep sneaking around. You can share a bedroom."

  And she winked at me. I blushed to the roots of my hair. I didn't want my mother thinking about me having sex. What I did with Kenna was private and not something my mother should concern herself with.

  Sharing a bedroom!

  What once would have sounded like a dream come true now only sounded like a torture sentence.

  "Engaged?!" Kenna practically shrieked when I told her.

  "Calm down, it wasn't my idea!"

  She began to pace around the room wildly.

  "I thought your mother was done with her meddling but this, this is too much."

  "It's not that bad, is it?" I said. Was it such a hardship to be engaged to me?

  "Not that bad?" she said, looking like tears were imminent. "Not that bad? Do you know what it means to be engaged on Susohn?"

  "Well, kind of. There was a briefing. Not really." She cut me off.

  "Being engaged means that you're a couple. You're going to get married — not that many engagements on Susohn are broken off. It's a serious thing that couples do because they love each other. And REMEMBER each other! All the time. Not just a few seconds here and there."

  "Kenna," I said, feeling the despair rising up in me again.

  "No, Dar. You have idea because you don't remember. You never proposed to me. We never even talked about marriage, really. You would be furious that your mother had done this to us. I mean, as if she hadn't pretty much forced us into it in the first place after the fucking volcano.."

  I had many question rise up, but they would have to wait till later. Kenna was going off the deep end. The guy with the medical condition would have to calm her down.

  "But she was going to let us get engaged at our own pace.
And now...Ooh!" She balled her hands into fists, walking back and forth in silence for a minute. I didn't say anything, sensing that she wasn't done. I WAS able to remember when to keep my mouth shut. Sometimes.

  "You know everyone will assume we're sleeping together, right?"

  "Aren't we?" I knew it was a stupid question on so many levels but it just came out of me. I couldn't remember when to keep my mouth shut all the time.

  "No. We were. We're not anymore, remember?"

  I didn't say anything, thinking about last night.

  She let the tears fall that had been shining in her eyes since I told her the news. She plopped herself down on the floor beside the bed, drawing her knees up to her chest and putting her head down on her arms. She was the picture of desolation and I felt terrible.

  "We could get married," I said, feeling that at least offering this much was the proper thing to do.

  "No!" She lifted her head so that I could see her beautiful brown eyes, stormy and red-rimmed. "I don't want you to ask me until you know what you're doing, Dar."

  "I just wanted to say something." I trailed off, not knowing what to do. We had said we weren't touching in any way anymore. But I didn't know how to comfort her. Words weren't working. I couldn't just leave her to cry alone. Not when I was here.

  I sat down beside her and put my arm around her. She sighed deeply and dropped her knees so she could put her head on my chest.

  "I thought we weren't going to touch anymore," she said.

  "This is platonic," I said, waiting to see if she had a reaction. She looked up me, a grin on her face. And inside me, something let go. She was smiling again. If only I could take her pain away so easily all the time, forever.

  That's when I realized that whether or not I remembered what had happened between us in the past didn't matter.

  Here. Right now. In the present. That's all that mattered.

  I was falling in love with this woman. And there was nothing I could do to stop myself.

  KENNA

  Fuck, I was so confused.

  Dar had comforted me after I had been so upset about his mother leaking information to the press about us being engaged. Now we were sitting on the balcony of his bedroom since it faced west, watching the two suns setting in silence.