Filthy Royal

by Roxeanne Rolling

  My heart is pounding.

  I really just want to turn on my heel and run away from here, rather than talk to any of these people.

  But I guess my good conscious is too strong.

  “Can I help you?” Finally my voice gets loud enough.

  “Hey there pretty lady,” says the guy on the ground slowly, apparently using the last of his energy to eye me up and down as if I’m some pinup in a girlie magazine.

  “You having trouble with your RV?”

  “You can say that again,” says one of the girls, surveying me with competitive eyes. Not that she has anything to worry about. This guy on the ground’s not my type at all.

  “What happened?” I say.

  “Who can tell these days?” says the guy on the ground. “Want to come party with us, though? We’ve got plenty of beers, not to mention a healthy sized sack of good old American weed.”

  “Don’t you need to get someone to get your RV back onto the road? You know you to change that tire?”

  “Nah, but the prince sure does. Or his sidekick, I mean. His royal sidekick.”

  The girls giggle.

  I really don’t know what any of this means. But the guy’s so drunk he’s slurring all his words. Maybe he’s just delirious from the beer.

  Then again it could be the heat. And they shouldn’t be lying out like this.

  “Why don’t I get the park ranger to help you guys out?”

  “I’m tired of this anyway,” says one of the girls. “Maybe I’ll go with you. Are you going to the headquarters now?”

  I realize she’s talking to me.

  Come on. Think of something to say.

  Why did I get myself into this mess? Now I have to save this RV full of drunk idiots?

  “Yeah,” I say. “Come on.”

  She fishes around inside the RV for a minute, reaching in, so that her bikini-covered ass is hanging out.

  She emerges with a very small t-shirt, which she puts on, covering up her bare breasts.

  “Now at least I’m presentable,” she says.

  I don’t say anything, but I’m thinking quite the opposite. The t-shirt barely covers her any more than a bikini would, and it’s white and completely soaked through, completely transparent.

  She’s tired and more than a little drunk, but she does all right keeping pace with me as we walk away from the RV.

  “Well, here it is,” I say. We haven’t spoken a word to each other the whole twenty-minute walk along the scorching dusty road.

  “Thank god it’s air-conditioned in here,” she says, flopping down on one of the benches in front of the park rangers who sit in neat uniforms at their desk, reviewing information on their computers, and chatting with one another.

  Immediately, this drunk girl calls a lot of attention from all the men. They stop what they’re doing to get a good look at her. After all, her arms are above her head, making her breasts pop up and stick out from under the bottom of her t-shirt.

  “You all right, honey?” says someone.

  “They got stuck in their RV,” I say. “I found them on the side of the road. I think they might be sick from heat stroke.”

  “That can be a real danger out here,” says one of the women. “Not to mention snakes.”

  “Oh yes,” I say. “The copperheads, the rattlesnakes…” I go on, naming all the plant and animal dangers commonly found in Texas.

  “Someone’s done their homework.”

  I smile a little.

  “They’re probably just too drunk,” says one of the rangers. “I’ll go check it out. You said it was out near the lake, right?”

  “It’s south south-east from the lake, about a mile,” I say.

  “You’ve camped here before or something?” he says, apparently taken aback from my directional ability.

  “I just like maps,” I say. “First time in Texas.”

  “Well welcome to Texas,” he says, tipping his hat.

  I like the way everyone says that here. You’d never catch anyone in Pennsylvania saying, “welcome to Pennsylvania.” It would just sound too crazy.

  “Come on, miss, let’s go get your friends,” he says, speaking to the girl stretched out on the bench.

  “They’re not my friends. Just some jerk prince from Liberia or something. I’m not going back there. Can you just call me a cab or something?”

  The ranger starts chuckling. “I don’t think cabs come out this far. You’re a ways out, you know?”

  What’s all this about a prince? Is there really a prince with them? What kind of Liberian Prince travels in an RV way out here in Texas?

  “Well, good luck,” I say to the girl, as I leave. She doesn’t respond, but gives a heavy sigh as I walk out the door. I’ve done what I could, but I’m not going to baby sit this drunk girl all day.

  When I step outside, I’m boiling again, and I remember my original intention of going swimming.

  I basically have the maps memorized, so I take a route that’ll take me around and away from the crashed RV full of drunk idiot party animals, spoiled ones none the less, apparently. The walk through the woods is peaceful, and I stop every time I see a lizard to admire it, despite how intense the heat is.

  Before coming, I checked out books from the library on the plants and animals out here, so I’m having fun just trying to differentiate between the cactuses as I walk by them. It’s not too hard once I’ve seen a couple of them. I’ve always had a good memory, and can recall the pictures of them in the books pretty easily.

  Finally, I get to the swimming hole, known around here as Diablo’s Canyon.

  There are rocks all around, with cactuses perched on them. The sun reflects off the lake and makes patterns that dance across the rocks.

  It’s calm and peaceful and beautiful. Just what I wanted. This is the opposite of the office life. This is why I come camping so often. And this is why I came all the way out to Texas.

  It seems like no one’s here, and it’s so hot that I take a big risk and take off my sports bra and shorts, setting them by the side of the lake.

  It feels wonderful and calming to be naked like this in nature.

  There’s moss on the rocks that lead into the lake, and I go sliding down them until I plop into the water.

  I look up and the sun is coming down and completely beautiful. The water is fairly warm, but cool enough that it’s a huge relief to be out of the sun.

  Floating on my back, I know this is what I came here for. To be alone, to be in nature, and to enjoy everything…

  This is why I love the outdoors. If only I had a job that allowed me to do this kind of thing everyday. Well, maybe not swimming in the nude, but at least be out in the wilderness rather than some stuffy office.

  But it’s hard to get a job as a forest ranger unless you’ve been in the military. And I’ve never been close to being in the military.

  Something slithers around my leg.

  What was that?

  A snake?

  My heart is racing again. My pulse has skyrocketed.

  Here’s that anxiety again.

  There are a ton of dangerous, seriously poisonous, snakes out here in Texas. There are a lot that like to swim around in the water. If I accidentally kicked one, it could get mad and retaliate by biting me in order to defend itself.

  It’s there on my thigh, moving against it.

  It’s definitely a snake.

  Despite all my reading, I freak out completely. What you’re supposed to do if you disturb a snake is stay completely still until it can retreat. Then, hopefully, it won’t want to bite you.

  OF course, that’s a little hard when you’re swimming. But I could just try to move less, using my arms to keep me buoyant.

  But instead I flail around and try to swim back to the shore.

  I’m splashing wildly…and it bites me.

  It bit me!

  Fuck.

  It’s sur
prisingly painful. But that isn’t the worst part. The worst thing is the poison. And I’m fucking far away from a hospital. There’s nothing else to do but get to a hospital, and I might not make it.

  I’m not thinking straight, because I’m absolutely positive now I’m going to die any minute.

  But at least I’m swimming towards the shore.

  Or I thought I was. But I was headed the wrong way. Now I’m faced with just a sheer cliff rock.

  “Help,” I scream, completely panicking. Although it’s not like someone’s going to be able to help me much.

  I just need to get back to the ground, get my clothes, and get back to the forest ranger lodge as soon as possible. They may be able to get me to a hospital, or figure out whether it was a poisonous snake or not. Although unless someone’s a serious expert, there’s really no way to tell when the snake is still in the lake.

  “Help,” I cry, too paralyzed with fear to do anything but tread water and scream, while grasping desperately at the rock cliff that juts out of the water.

  Suddenly, there’s a flash of someone diving off the cliff from high above.

  I don’t quite register on what it is at first. It just looks like a blur that flies past me and lands in the water.

  Shit, is he or she OK? The water’s not too deep out here? You’d have to really know what you’re doing to dive off a cliff like that into this water. I forget about myself for a moment, and look around for the person to emerge, but they don’t for a moment.

  Suddenly, there are hands on me.

  “Are you OK?” says someone, with a strange accent that I can’t place. It sounds vaguely French, but much different, much more…I don’t know, regal.

  “I’m…”

  But for the moment I forget completely about the snake bite. The potentially poisonous snake that might kill me if I don’t take care of the bite immediately.

  I forget all this because the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen is right in front of me, with his hands on my naked body.

  There’s something incredible about his face. It’s chiseled, and he has a nose like I’ve never seen before. His eyes are piercing…a deep blue.

  His hair is dark, although I can’t tell if that’s just because it’s wet. He did just jump in the water after all.

  His muscles…wow, holy shit.

  If I wasn’t so scared, I’d be turned on right now.

  I catch him doing a little bit of a double take, seeing that I’m naked, but he moves past it.

  “What’s wrong?” he says.

  “A snake,” I say. Then I remember I have to say more. “A snake bit me,” I manage to say. “I mean I think it was a poisonous snake.”

  “You’re not sure?”

  “No, it was in the water when I was swimming.”

  “Stay here,” he says. It feels like his eyes are piercing me. “Are you OK treading water for now?”

  I nod.

  He immediately turns and dives into the water below, seemingly not leaving a ripple.

  I catch a glimpse of his strong back as he dives down. His muscles ripple. He’s amazingly chiseled. The site sends a shiver through me. I just hope the shiver isn’t from the snake venom working its way through my system.

  He’s gone a long time. At least a full minute.

  What the hell is he doing down there?

  Finally, he emerges with a splash. There’s something flopping around in his hand.

  “You caught the snake?” I say, my voice full of shock probably. How the hell did he hunt down a snake underwater and grab it? I’m half glad he didn’t kill it, since that’d be a shame, but the site of the snake flopping and writhing in his fist is still freaking me out.

  To my horror, this beautifully muscled stranger swims closer to me, holding the snake out for me to see.

  What the hell is he playing at? I’m remembering now: I probably need to get to a hospital.

  “I’m not familiar with American snakes,” he says. “Do you know if this is a poisonous one? It’s the only one down here. I’m pretty sure it’s the one that bit you.”

  “How could you know it’s the only one down there?”

  “I’ve studied animal tracking, and I know how snakes move in lakes.”

  It sounds a little vague. Who trains in animal tracking underwater, for instance? It sounds like some kind of Navy Seal stuff, but I’m pretty sure even they don’t do that.

  Then again, he sure sounds sure of himself. There’s something authoritative about the way he said it that makes me believe him.

  “I…” I star to say, taking a closer look at the snake. “I think it’s a broad banded water snake. It has the stripes. It doesn’t resemble any of the poisonous snakes. You’re sure it was the one that bit me.”

  “You sure?” His voice is calm and soothing. I can feel my anxiety start to drift away.

  “Yeah,” I say. “It’s definitely a broad banded water snake.”

  He nods, then tosses the snake back into the lake.

  “Come on,” he says. “Let’s get you out of the water. Where are your clothes?”

  I point over at my pile of clothes on the other side. Wow, so I guess I just completely overreacted about the snake. That’s what anxiety will do for you. Then again, there is a real risk of poisonous snakes here. So who can say?

  He swims slowly next to me as I swim back to my clothes. I think I see him steeling a few glances at my body, but at least I appreciate that he’s trying to be discreet and polite about it.

  Not that I’m not sneaking glances at his body, watching as he moves his body through the water gracefully yet powerfully.

  Holy fuck is he hot. I’ve never seen anyone like him before.

  He waits in the water as I get dressed. I try to stand a little behind a bush, to be modest, and he’s more or less looking the other way.

  I’m half hoping he’s taking glances at me, though.

  3.

  Luke

  She’s the hottest woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. And it doesn’t have anything to do with seeing her naked on first site.

  She looks just as hot in clothes. I sneak a couple glances at her as she’s pulling on her clothes, watching as the fabric slips over her curves. She’s the sort of American girl I’ve been looking for. She’s the exact opposite of those party bikini girls waiting back in in the RV.

  I guess my elaborate princely training can come in handy once in a while. It’s been a long time since I caught a snake underwater, but it all seemed to come back to me. It’s not everyday you get to look like a real hero, but I guess today is one of them.

  Then again, who else could do what I did? Maybe there’s something to being a prince after all.

  I have a feeling, though, that I shouldn’t mention to her that I’m a prince. I don’t want to know yet what kind of reaction she’s going to have. Most women simply swoon when they hear I’m a real prince. If they don’t believe me, Eugene always steps in to prove it, sometimes with official documents, which depending on my mood might embarrass me or just boost my ego. I guess it depends a lot on how much I’ve had to drink.

  Despite chugging a bunch of beers earlier, I feel clear headed. Diving off that cliff really did it. And there’s something about the atmosphere here that’s calming, not to mention this beautiful creature I rescued.

  I’ve always had a high tolerance for alcohol though.

  “You’re very beautiful,” I say, climbing out of the water. I’m aware of her eyes on me. I can understand why. Even on this American tour of debauchery, I’ve never let up a day on my exercise regime. I always had the best trainers back in Liseria.

  I’ve just got to play it cool. I’m hoping she’s not the type to be impressed with the princely title. But I can use my upbringing to my advantage. Play it cool. Don’t play up the party beast side of my personality. That’s a big part of my personality though…could be a little difficult.

  “You’re sure a
re direct,” she says. “How did you dive off that cliff without breaking your neck, and then catch that snake? I didn’t know anyone could even do that.”

  “I had an…unusual upbringing,” I say.

  “Did you grow up in the special forces or something?”

  “Something like that,” I say, grinning, trying to make a little joke out of it.

  “So I’m OK,” she says. “I’m not going to die from a snake bite?”

  I shake my head. “Doesn’t look like it.”

  She has a way of wrinkling her face up a little when speaking certain words that makes her look so cute. But she’s fucking sexy at the same time.

  I’ve never met a woman like this. And trust me, I’ve met a fuck ton of women. I think that’s the right American expression.

  I’m not much for beating around the bush, so I step closer to her, incredibly conscious of her body.

  “What are you doing?” she says, but she doesn’t sound worried. She sounds excited.

  I put one hand behind her head and lean in to kiss her.

  Our lips touch for a moment and it’s like a fucking firecracker goes off in my head. I know it now. I need to have her. I’m going to have her.

  It’s like an electrical sensation is running through me. My lips feel a sensation they’ve never felt kissing anyone else.

  And yeah, like I said before, I’ve kissed a fuck ton of women. Known them, kissed them, fucked them.

  She’s kissing me back, her lips moving against mine.

  Then it’s all ruined.

  “Sir,” says Eugene, making a huge racket as he crashes into the little clearing, emerging from the bushes still drenched in sweat. I can smell the sweat on him before I turn and look.

  “Oh,” says the woman, seeming embarrassed, pulling away from me.

  “What’s the situation, sir?” says Eugene, looking back and forth at us with wild eyes. “The last thing I saw you jumped into the water. Are you all right?”

  “I’m fine, Eugene,” I say. “I was just helping this young woman with a snake situation.”

  “A snake…situation?” says Eugene, looking around at his feet wildly, as if a snake is bound to appear at any moment and swallow us all whole. I actually wonder sometimes if he’s more worried about my own safety than his own. He’s got to protect the prince after all. Got to protect these royal balls so that offspring can be produced.