First Love

by Tiya Rayne

  “You don’t have a car?” my mother shrieks, her coffee cup making a clump as it hits the counter in front of her.

  What part of broke waitress with a kid is she not understanding?

  “How…how do you get around?”

  I roll my eyes to myself and reply, “There is a thing called public transportation. I ride the bus wherever I have to go or I walk. And if I’m feeling really lavish, I take a cab.”

  “Zora Nicole Henderson, that is absurd. You need a car.” She scoffs the sentence out as if I told her I hitchhiked to get around.

  “I’m fine, Mom!” I reply, still trying to find that damn car key.

  “No you’re not. Wait until I tell your father.” She proclaims as she stands to grab her phone. “A bus! How do you get grocery? How do you get Peyton to and from school?”

  “The bus drives by plenty of grocery stores. And Peyton rides the school bus.”

  She places a hand to her chest and gasp. “My grandchild is riding a school bus?”

  At this point I want to say screw the damn spare key and just walk to the diner.

  “Are you at least there to get her off the bus?”

  “No, Mrs. Vasquez does that.”

  “Who? Who is that woman? Zora, I cannot believe you are being so casual with Peyton’s safety. We never let you ride the bus, let alone leave a stranger to watch you. Do you know what people do to kids these days? That poor girl. That’s it, you are moving back home. I won’t sleep at night thinking of her riding that bus.”

  Having enough of these damn keys and my mom’s rant I snap, slamming the kitchen drawer close and snarl. “If you thought I aborted her and you didn’t lose any sleep then I’m pretty damn sure the unwanted grandchild riding a fucking school bus won’t keep you up.”

  The kitchen is quiet, the only sound is the ice maker dropping fresh ice. My mom looks away from me, the hurt my words caused written on her face.

  This is what I feared the most about being back home. I was different. My family was still thinking of easy-going, go with the flow Zora. It’s going to take them some getting used to this version of me. There is going to be many moments like this before either I get fed up and leave, or they come to terms with who I am.

  “I’m sor…”

  “Don’t worry about it.” I cut off her apology.

  I pick up my purse and grab my dad’s keys hanging on the hook by the garage door and head towards the front door.

  “Let Peyton sleep in. She rarely gets a chance to. If I’m not back before she wakes, tell her I went out and I’ll be back soon.”

  “Zora.” My mom calls me in a voice that sounds defeated. I don’t turn back to her, but I stop in the entrance way of the kitchen.

  “Your father is being discharged today. I was hoping you would accompany me in picking him up. It would make him happy.”

  “Yeah, that’s fine.” With that I walk out of the kitchen and head to the car.

  Chapter Eight

  I ’m in big trouble. Every time a new car pulls up in front of the diner my heart nearly leaps out of my chest hoping it is her. I’ve been here since 7:30 this morning. Not just because I was anxious, but I am somewhat of a celebrity around here. Most people know my face as the Super bowl winning quarterback, but even if you don’t watch football, you’ve had to see my face in the many commercials I’m featured in. So I got here early to get a great table in the back facing away from everyone else. I didn’t want anything to distract me from my time with Zora.

  I had a million questions for her. The first and most important one was where has she been all this time. The moment her father showed up at my trailer the day Zora left home, that question has been on my mind. He and Langston, Zora’s brother, was so sure Zora was hiding inside my home. They didn’t believe me when I told them she and I had broken up. When I finally convinced them she wasn’t there, I jumped in my truck and went to our little shack hidden in the woods. Zora and I had a lot of little hidden spots, but our favorite spot was an abandoned school house behind a burnt down church. I ran inside hoping I would find Zora. I was barely surviving our break up. Answering the door to her dad was the first time I had made it out of my room. I’d listened to every sad song that was ever written in country and my new found love, R&B. However, when I got to the school, only thing that was there were the remnants of the night she broke my heart.

  “Can I help you with a little more coffee?” The waitress asks bringing me back from the past. She’s been finding any reason to come to the table and talk to me.

  “No, I’m good.” I give her a polite smile.

  “Well, whenever you’re ready you just give me a holler, Suga.” She flips her hair over her shoulder and winks before turning and walking off.

  “Wow! I wonder are all her customers referred to as Suga, or is that just reserved for handsome football players.”

  Her beautiful voice has me out of my seat in a rush.

  “Hey, Zora.”

  “Hi, Luke!”

  I awkwardly lean in to offer her a one armed hug. She wraps her arms around my back and I’m engulfed in her smell of brown sugar. I pull her body into mine, forgetting about the awkward side hug I attempted. She pulls away long before I wanted to let her go. We stand there for a moment smiling like idiots. Finally I come to my senses and offer her the seat across from me. She slides onto the vinyl bench, and I can’t help but take her in. The peach color of her dress stands out stunningly against her dark brown skin. Her skin is still as smooth and flawless as always. Her wild hair has me dying to put my hands in it.

  “You look Beautiful.” My mouth comments before my brain can stop it.

  Zora smiles and glances down at her hands, those stunning dimples appearing in her cheeks.

  “Thank you!”

  “Are you hungry? You can order anything you want. It’s on me.”

  “Just a coffee. Black with two sugars.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes.” She chuckles at my nervousness. It’s just like before. Any time I’m around this girl I’m back to that stupid kid with a crush.

  I summon the waitress back over and place our orders. When she leaves I just stare at Zora again. I can’t get over how beautiful she looks. Her lips still as plump and full as I remember. God, how I loved kissing on those luscious lips. Her high cheek bones more pronounced than when she was younger, but still adds that bit of exoticness to her looks. Those almond shaped eyes and jet black wispy lashes just as striking. And I’m breaking out in a sweat trying not to look down at the low cut of her dress that has those bountiful breasts peeking out of her top. The breasts that I have licked, sucked, bit, and even fondled. I can tell you everything about those breasts. Large dark chocolate areolas that taste as good as they look. One small mole on the side of her right breast and an upside down bird shaped birthmark right beneath her left breast. I knew those breasts very well. Yet, today I have to fight to keep from looking down at them. They no longer belonged to me. So, I focus again on her lovely face.

  “You’re beautiful.” Again the words fall out of my mouth on their own accord.

  This time Zora laughs out loud.

  “I said that already didn’t I?”

  “Yes. You did.”

  I chuckle. “Sorry.” I shake my head. “So, you’re back.”

  I say the first thing that comes to mind, anything that will distract me from how she looks. If not, I’ll make a bigger ass of myself by telling her she’s beautiful again.

  “Yeah, I am.” She shrugs and leans back in her seat.

  “For good?”

  “Oh no.” She chuckles glancing out the window. “In spite of what my momma says, I am leaving.”

  “When?” My heart kicks up to think I may not see her again. Even though this time is supposed to be my last time. Closure, remember that, Luke. I clear my throat and start over. Making my question more causal. “When are you leaving?”

  “I don’t know,” She shrugs. “I took an exten
ded break from my job so I’ll probably hangout here for a few weeks, maybe the rest of the summer.”

  “Oh! You work? What do you do?”

  “I’m a waitress.” She glances down before looking back up at me.

  “That’s it?”

  She laughs once. “Yep, that’s it.”

  “I mean…… I didn’t mean it like…..”

  She holds up her hand to stop me from digging that hole any deeper.

  “I get it. It’s not the most ideal job, but it helps pay bills.”

  A pregnant silence seems to shroud us. I search my mind for anything to lift this mood. It’s hard to believe Zora is a waitress. She never focused on her future, but she always made good grades and she was extremely smart. I just knew by now she would be a CEO or something.

  “Are you still taking pictures?” My question makes her smile and in return I smile too.

  “Oh come on, Luke? I hadn’t changed that much.”

  I laugh. “Hey, I was looking for you to walk in with that camera around your neck. I’m shocked to not see you with it.”

  “Oh it’s in the car. You know me, I’ll turn anything into a photo shoot.”

  “Trust me, I know. We were quite the pair back in the days, me with a football and you with a camera.”

  We both laugh as the conversation takes us safely down memory lane.

  “At least your football got you somewhere. Super bowl MVP. How does that feel?”

  I pop my collar in a show of bragging and she erupts in giggles.

  “So I see I have a Cougars fan in my presence.”

  Zora leans back in her seat. “I’m more of a Cowboys fan, that new quarter back is cute.”

  I stare at her with my mouth open. The Cowboys are our biggest rivals.

  Zora starts to laugh, unable to hold her joke any longer.

  “You better be joking.” I taunt. “I was about to make you pay for your own coffee.”

  She laughs even harder.

  God, I miss that laugh. I miss being able to joke with her. I laughed more with Zora than I have with anyone else. No matter how much shit we went through, we still found the time to laugh.

  For the next 2 hours, Zora and I pretend that no time had passed between us. We laugh, joke and reminisce, both of us staying away from the present. At one point we laugh so hard that Zora starts to snort—something else I missed.

  When the laughter finally dies down, and we’ve run out of safe memories, we are stuck back in reality. Looking back makes me even more aware of why Zora’s break up with me was so unexpected. Because of her, we are stuck in a reality in which the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, is a stranger to me. All because I wasn’t enough for her.

  “So, where have you been?” The pretense of this being a casual meeting is over. I needed answers now.

  Zora sighs and stares out of the window. Her coffee is cupped between her palms.

  “It’s a long story, but I settled down in Chicago.”

  I shake my head at her answer. “Yea, I would’ve never checked in Chicago.”

  “You would’ve checked?”

  “I did for a while when you first disappeared. Even talked to my coach about taking some time off to keep searching.” I laugh humorlessly. “He said I was an idiot. I probably was. You were just hard to get over.”

  There is a brief moment of silence before she asks, “But you did, right? Eventually. You got over me?”

  “Uhhhhh Yeah……. Yeah….. I did.” I rub my sweaty palms against my khaki shorts.

  “Good…. That’s good. I’m glad.” She places her hands down in her lap.

  That awkward silence seems to drift back in, this time it’s Zora that breaks it.

  “So, you’re getting married. Congratulations!” her congratulations is said as an after-thought.

  “I am and Thank You.”

  She nods her head and places her hands back around her coffee cup. Zora fidgets with her hands when she is nervous or uncomfortable.

  “She seems like a nice girl.”

  “She is. Melissa is sweet, she’s funny, supportive and she’s extremely hardworking.”

  I know all this about my fiancée, yet I’m still here with Zora. I’m here with a girl that I can’t get out of my damn head. No matter what I do or how long I’m away from her, Zora will always be in my system.

  “What about you, anyone special in your life?”

  Even though I ask the question—and trust me, it fucking killed me to ask it—I didn’t really want to hear the answer. I regret the question even more when I see the way her face lights up.

  “Yeah, you can say that.”

  It’s obvious that whoever this guy is, she loves him greatly. Now I feel like an even bigger ass.

  Why am I here? Why do I even care what Zora has been up to? My dreams came true. I’m successful, rich, and I’m getting married to a supermodel. I came out on top. Why should I care about some girl from my past? I don’t care.

  Zora’s phone goes off and she pulls it out of her purse to look at it.

  “Shit,” She mumbles before sticking her phone back in her purse. “I have to go.”

  The moment the words are out of her mouth, I forget all the stuff I just said and start to panic. I can’t let this be the last time I see her. I know we both have somebody else, but I can’t let her go yet. I don’t have my closure. I grab her hand before she can get up and the minute my hand wraps around her wrist I get hit with a memory that makes me break out in a sweat. I see her legs wrapped around my waist while I’m buried deep in her snug pussy. My hand gripping both her wrist the exact same way I’m holding this one now. I snatch my hand away as if her skin are flames. My entire body is burning hot with lust. I clear my throat before I speak again.

  “I need you.” I say, and the words come out all wrong.

  Zora’s eyes widen and her nostrils flare. That sexy bottom lip slips between her teeth.

  Shit, that was not what I wanted to say. I had no real reason to see Zora after today. She was in a relationship and I was about to get married. Everything that needed to be said was already said, however, I still felt there was more. I hadn’t found the closure that I needed. For that reason only, I had to come up with an excuse to see her again.

  “I mean…” I try to clear up my statement before she could respond. “I mean, I need your help.”

  “Why?” Her voice is raspier than before.

  I was officially flying by the seat of my pants. I quickly searched my mind for any reasons she would agree to give me her number.

  “Pictures.” I blurt out the idea.

  Zora’s dark brown eyes narrow.

  “I don’t know if you’ve heard, but I recently got in some trouble. My agent and publicist thought it would be a good idea to come out here and lay low. Remind the people that I’m still a good person. I thought maybe you could take pictures of me doing average things. I can leak them to the press. Maybe get back my good guy persona. Just a few shots here and there, that’s all I need. I can pay you for it if you want.”

  I hold my breath as Zora seems to think this over. I knew my reason for wanting to see her again was complete bullshit. It made no sense, but a desperate man will say anything. And when it came to Zo, I was damn desperate. Part of me was still angry with her for how she ended things. Even though I did everything I wanted to do, I still fault her for this vacancy in my heart. Yet, another part of me just wants to have communication with her.

  Zora looks down at her hands, twirling her fingers in the fabric of her dress. I just know she’s going to call me out on this hoax of a plan.

  I try a different approach. “We were friends once right? Though I could use the help, I would also like to hang with my friend again.”

  I watch the emotion play across her face. I could tell she didn’t believe the lie about needing pictures. And me bringing up our friendship was a low blow and again desperate.

  I had a feeling she was going to still turn
me down, so when she opens her mouth and says, “OK.” I’m struck dumb.

  At that moment, I know one thing is for sure, Zora wants time with me as much as I want it with her.

  “I should get your number so I can set something up.”

  I pull my phone out of my pocket and hand it to her. She puts her number in and hands it back to me. The moment she does her phone goes off. She takes it out and answers it with a huge smile.

  “Hey, Baby, I’m on my way now.”

  I try to keep my face neutral. It’s obvious she’s speaking to her boyfriend on the phone. The way he seems to brighten up her face you would think she wouldn’t be too quick to take my offer.

  Zora pulls the phone away from her ear and covers the mouth piece.

  “Sorry, I have to go. Thanks for the coffee.”

  “You’re welcome, Zora. I’ll call you.”

  I watch Zora walk off, still on the phone with him. Zora and I were playing with fire, and somebody was destined to get burned. At this point, I don’t which was more in danger, our friendship, or our relationships. The anger inside me was still there. Yet, it seemed to dull in her presence. I never knew what I was going to do when I saw her, either kiss her or strangle her. I really just want to not care at all.

  I made up my mind, I have to get Zora out of my head. I mean it this time.

  I call for the check and as I wait for the waitress to bring it, I hear a familiar voice from behind me.

  “Well, well, well, if it isn’t Richlands own local celebrity.”

  I don’t have to turn to know who the voice belongs to.

  “Look boys, I hope you got your pens and paper ready for an autograph.” I could easily detect the sarcasm in his tone.

  Buck Mitchell steps in front of me, leaning one of his beefy hands on my table. He’s about a hundred pounds overweight. His greasy hair is thinning at the top and has already started to recede to the back of his neck. The buttons on his police uniform are fighting to hold in his beer belly.

  “Buck!” I say by way of greeting.

  Buck Mitchell and I had a rocky past. I never will forget the day I walked up on Zora’s bloody body beside my truck. I almost lost my shit. When I found out that the cops had questioned Buck Mitchell for the attack on Zora, I went crazy. I knew this town, so I knew Buck would not get charged for his involvement. I waited for him outside of Roadhouse, a local hangout kids frequented back then. When he left the inside of the old train stop to take a piss in the woods, I followed him out there. The asshole had the nerve to tell me the only thing he regretted about the attack was that she hadn’t died. I beat him until my knuckles bled. I beat him until I couldn’t lift a hand to beat him anymore and he passed out covered in blood and his own urine.