First Love

by Tiya Rayne

  “Uh, no. He’s a cop.” She says with a shrug.

  “Oh!”

  It’s hard to hate a guy that puts his life on the line to protect others? I mean I still hate him, but his occupation does make it hard.

  “How long have you guys been together, is it serious?”

  She blinds me with that dazzling smile.

  “Why all the questions?”

  I shrug and stab my fork into my beef, if it wasn’t already dead and cooked to perfection, I would have just murdered it with how hard I was jabbing at it.

  “I don’t know, from the way you smiled the other day when I brought him up, I figured it had to be serious. Yet, I don’t see a ring on your finger.”

  “Speaking of rings,” She clears her throat and sits up in her chair. “When’s the big day?”

  Now it’s my turn to be uncomfortable.

  “Next April. Lissa wants a huge wedding with all the bells and whistles. Over 500 people are set to come.”

  Her eyes widen at the number. “Jeez, it’s outside, though right? I know you always wanted an outdoors wedding. Preferably near a barn.” She giggles as she recalls my wedding wishes.

  My heart pauses and restarts—I’m pretty sure that’s not healthy—when she remembers my wedding plans. Plans I’d made as a kid and even from that young age included her. When I proposed to Melissa and we started planning the wedding, she asked me if I had anything that I wanted to include in the wedding. I thought of those plans I’d made as a child, but I told her no. I couldn’t imagine having the wedding of my dreams without the person that has starred in those dreams since I was a six.

  “No, it’s not outdoors.”

  “Oh!” She says looking down at her plate.

  “What about you? I know you’re not rocking a ring, but have you guys talked about a wedding? Does he know he’s going to have to pay a ton of money to get Boys to Men to sing at your wedding?”

  Zora laughs so loud the couple a few tables down turn to look at us. I sound like a broken record as I once again acknowledge how much of her I missed. That laugh has to be one of the top five things. It isn’t dainty or cute, it’s the loudest thing anyone has ever heard. It makes you think she’s choking and it always ends in a snort, but damn I loved the sound of it.

  “I’m over the whole celebrity filled wedding.” She says swirling her fork in her Lo Mein. “At this point I’ll settle for a groom and a court house.” She giggles.

  “Naw, Darlin’. You’re too good for something so simple.” My words take the playfulness out of our conversation. They are said with all the seriousness the conversation deserves. No matter what she’s done, Zora will always deserve to be cherished and treated like the queen that she is.

  Zora’s dark chocolate eyes look up from her plate to stare at me and the heat in her eyes almost scorch me. Damn, that tension is back smothering us. I can feel my heart beating throughout my body. I fist my hands to keep from reaching out and touching her. I have to remind myself that I no longer have that right. I had Lissa now, and Zora had Calvin.

  I clear my throat and look back down at my plate. The beef not as appetizing as it once was.

  “So, how long have you and Calvin been together?” I realize she never answered that question before.

  Her brow lifts but she doesn’t lift her head from her plate.

  “A while.” She picks up her napkin and wipes her mouth. “You and Lissa were together for two years before you popped the big question.” She takes a sip of her wine. Her lovely full lips hugging the rim of her wine glass and I have to look away to keep my dick from knocking against my slacks.

  “Yeah. Almost two years.”

  “How did you know she was the one? You dated a few women before you started dating her, what made her so special?”

  Her words were said with a smile and as gentle as possible, but I know this girl better than I know myself and I can see the jealousy all over her face. I’ll admit, it feels good to know I’m not the only one dealing with these old feelings.

  “For so long I felt lost. I was going through life in this haze, almost like a robot. I could do the basic things, but anything other than wake, eat, football, was lost to me. Then one day, I looked up, and she was there. It was like, I opened my eyes for the first time and she’s the first face I saw welcoming me back to the world of the living. I knew then she was someone special. Someone worth keeping in my life.” I admit truthfully.

  Melissa was special to me. She meant the world to me. She brought me back to life after being dead for so long, I owed her everything.

  Zora tilts her head back and devours the wine in her cup. She looks away briefly and when she turns back she has a smile plastered on her face.

  “She sounds amazing. Now, I just have one more question for you, can we talk about that game against the Cowboys this season?”

  This time I laugh out and Zora joins me. She starts ribbing me about one of the only games I played horrible and only barely won the game. I allow the jokes and the ribbing. I let her change the subject. I’ll never let her know that I saw the pain and hurt in her eyes after I answered her question.

  Chapter Eleven

  S leep did not come easily last night. Luke’s words about Melissa kept playing in my head like an unwanted song. “For so long I felt lost…… Then one day, I looked up, and she was there……I knew then she was someone special. Someone worth keeping in my life.” I had no right to hate her. God knows after how I hurt Luke he deserved to find happiness. Yet, it didn’t make hearing about his love for her any easier. It also didn’t help how bad my body wanted him. Everything he did reminded me of My Luke. His smile, his laugh, even the way he cut his food had me missing that man. And oh God, I haven’t had to tuck underwear under the hamper since I was a teen and first started having sex with Luke. But after the drenching they took last night there was no way I was leaving those for someone to find.

  I head towards the kitchen after showering and getting dressed for the day. It’s after nine in the morning when I finally make it into the kitchen.

  “Morning, Mama!” My daughter says cheerfully.

  She’s already dressed and sitting at the bar with Maya and Marcus.

  “Morning, Baby.” I say placing a kiss on her head.

  I head for the Keurig in the corner. I can feel my sister’s judgmental eyes burning a hole through my back. I caught the look she gave me when I first walked in the kitchen, but I’m choosing to ignore it.

  “Mama, Aunt Maya and Uncle Marcus invited me to go to the Children’s Museum with them today. Can I go, please?”

  Right away I can see that gleam in my daughter’s eyes. Anything that can make Peyton this happy is definitely worth splurging for. Even though I had already planned out a spending budget for this trip, I was going to make this happen for her.

  “Sure, Baby. How much is it?” I ask, as I grab my purse off the counter I stuck it on when I came back last night.

  Maya scoffs and when I look up she rolls her eyes at me. Before I can ask what her problem is, Marcus speaks up.

  “Don’t worry, Zora, it’s on us. Peyton’s actually doing us a favor. Maya and I have been dying to go to the museum ever since they opened that new science wing. We just never went because, we both thought it would look crazy with two adults running around without kids. We thought about taking Langston’s boys, but I doubt they would enjoy it.”

  “Me either. I’ve spent time with them, and I don’t think a 2-year-old and a ten-month-old would enjoy a three-hour educational tour.” Peyton says.

  Marcus and I both laugh.

  “Ok,” I say pulling my wallet out of my purse. I skim the meager contents of my wallet. I go over the amount inside twice as if maybe I counted wrong and there is extra cash hiding somewhere. I pull out a twenty, one of only three, and hand it to my daughter. “This is for food, and if you want to grab yourself something at the gift shop.”

  “Twenty dollars?!?!” My sister repeats in disgust li
ke I just offered my daughter magic beans to trade with.

  I cut my eyes at her bougie ass.

  “Twenty dollars will be fine.” Marcus says holding up his hands as if he’s trying to ward off the police.

  I roll my eyes at Maya, I refuse to ruin my daughter’s excitement by dragging her aunt across this kitchen. I turn back to Peyton with a smile.

  “Go change this top and put on your school shoes.”

  “Yes!” Peyton cheers as she rushes out of the kitchen.

  I call out to her retreating back, “I’ll be up in a few to do your hair.”

  “Aww Man!” Her disappointment makes me laugh.

  I head to the cabinet and pull down a coffee mug. My phone chimes in my pocket. I pull it out and immediately a smile breaks across my face as I read the text from Luke.

  Luke: I just wanted to apologize again for yesterday. I was an ass.

  Me: I already told you all was forgiven. Besides, your expensive restaurant choice made up for it. LOL!

  Luke: I’m glad you liked it. LOL! I just wanted to make sure you were ok.

  There is a pause and then the phone chimes again.

  Luke: He didn’t mind how late you got in last night, did he?

  It bothered me that I had to lie to Luke about seeing someone, but it is what’s best. I need an excuse because the truth wasn’t an option. I definitely had no intentions of telling him about Peyton.

  Me: No. no problems.

  Luke: Good. I want to see you again.

  Before I could reply he sent another message.

  Luke: As friends only. I really miss my friend.

  My heart ached that we were back to being just friends again.

  Me: I miss my friend too.

  I really did.

  “Who are you texting that has you smiling so hard?” My sister’s voice cuts through the mood Luke had me in like an alarm to a wet dream.

  I slip my phone back in my pocket and grab my coffee.

  “A friend.” I reply to Maya.

  I know she has more to say. Her unasked question lingers between us like bad breath in a tight space. I wait for her to ask it. I know my sister and she’s not going to hold her tongue long.

  Right on time her question comes.

  “Mama said you got in late last night. Where did you go?”

  I cut my eyes to her. Her long straight weave is in a high ponytail. Her dark skin looks flawless with only a little make-up. Her arms are folded over her chest. Her silk blouse showing off her slim figure along with her chinos.

  “To mind my business. You should visit it sometime.”

  Maya scoffs at my reply. “It just seems peculiar that you left town for eight years claiming to cut off communication with everyone, yet now you’re back enjoying the nightlife.”

  “Still not understanding how it’s any of your business.”

  “It’s my business because you’re using daddy’s car. And if you wreck it, who do you think will be the one making sure the insurance papers get filed.”

  “A job that I’m pretty sure no one needs you to do, but you’re going to volunteer regardless.” I laugh. “Don’t act like you don’t enjoy being the responsible and reliable daughter, Maya. Maybe if you’d put the same effort into your relationship, you’d have a wedding date.”

  The kitchen goes silent. I knew I had hit below the belt with my comment, but Maya has been gunning for me from the moment I walked into the kitchen this morning.

  “Unlike you, little sister,” she sneers. “I have goals. Marcus understands this. He knows that the hospital is searching for a new head of pediatric surgery. I am on a short list of people that could get that job. As soon as I secure the position, I will set a date.”

  I shake my head at my sister, placing my coffee cup in the sink. “You’re still in the library, sis.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Marcus, how do you feel about waiting?” I lean against the kitchen island, my elbows on the cold marble.

  “Don’t bring him in this. You’re just jealous because I have a man that loves me and what do you have?”

  “Not a wedding date, so we’re the same.”

  “Ladies, let’s not argue.” Once again, Marcus holds those hands up in the air.

  I bet he wished he was dealing with the police and not his angry fiancée and future sister-in-law.

  “You know what, Zora, I don’t know why I bother with you. You’re the same selfish Zora. No cares in the world. Just living life day to day.”

  My back becomes ridged, my pulse quickens.

  “Do not ever call me selfish.” My tone is as stiff as my spine right now.

  Maya does not catch the warning in my tone.

  “But you are. In eight years it never dawned on you to strive for something more than being a waitress? You never thought once to better yourself? Instead you’ve played the victim. “Oh my family ran me away from home”.” She mocks me. “Not once did you think that instead of whining about what you lost, that you should have fought to have something to show your daughter.”

  “You have no idea what my life has been like. Everything I do, I do for Peyton!”

  “Oh, spare me the sob story, Zora. If that were true, you wouldn’t be giving your child twenty measly dollars to eat. The entrance price for the museum is eighty dollars. What the hell is she going to do with twenty dollars? Good thing her Aunt and Uncle has money to cover your inadequacies.”

  “Maya that’s enough!” Marcus’s voice cuts into the silence of the kitchen.

  I will never let Maya know how much her words have hurt me. Calling me selfish is one thing, but to bring up how I can’t provide for Peyton is a low blow. My lack of funds has been a struggle for me since the day Peyton was born. I’ve worked hard to provide my daughter with everything she needs. However, a lot of her wants are aren’t always met. I make sure she has a place to sleep, lights, and heat. There is always food on the table, even if it’s often generic. If there is anything left over half goes in savings for emergencies and the rest goes to Peyton. I’ll do everything in my power to make Peyton happy. Maya will never understand that.

  I push away from the island and head out of the kitchen.

  “Zora, she’s sorry.” Marcus says and I hear my sister say the opposite behind me. “Please, Zora, we still really want to take Peyton to the museum.”

  I stop in the doorway, my back still facing them. “I’ll have Peyton ready in a few.”

  “Thanks, Zora.” Marcus adds, the relief evident in his voice.

  I turn to my brother-in-law. “You’re a good man, Marcus. So I’m going to give you a bit of advice, if you stay quiet, you will always come second to my sister’s dreams.”

  “Fuck you, Zora! Baby, that isn’t true. She’s just jealous.”

  I walk out, leaving my sister to defend my words. I didn’t have to stay and explain how true they were, deep down, Marcus knew it too.

  *******

  “I don’t know, Luke. Maya has always been an uptight bitch, but recently she’s been unnecessarily vicious in her attack.”

  After sending my daughter off with her aunt and uncle, it was only one person I wanted to see. In the past, anytime I had a problem I would always go to Luke. He was my sounding board, my voice of reasoning. After that last argument with Maya, I needed to talk to someone. I walked away feeling lower than low.

  We were parked at the old fairgrounds. We hadn’t had a fair around here since I was in elementary school. Now it was just an empty lot with dead grass and dirt patches from years of foot traffic. Greenville, the town about 45 minutes from us had more traffic and was becoming one of the popular tourist places to visit after that huge car company opened that factory and brought in tons of money. Now, when the circus or fair comes to town, they go to Greenville. Luke and I reestablished this abandoned lot as our own back then. We usually drove our cars to the furthest side of the fairgrounds near the encroaching forest. Exactly where we are now.
/>   “And the way she treats her fiancé,” I scoff as I once again see Marcus’s disappointed face as my sister mentions her wanted promotion. “The guy is so in love with her and she just pushes him to the back burner like he’s nothing. I want to stay in town. I owe it to Pey…..people, but I may end up killing my sister.”

  Luke turns to me, I smile when those hazel eyes lock on to mine under the bent brim of his ball cap. I love to see him in his cap.

  “Nah, you won’t hurt your sister. I know you, no matter what, you still love Maya.” His soft lips turn up in a playful smile and I have to look away from those enticing lips. “Besides,” He goes on to say. “We both know Maya’s real problem.”

  I turn back to him. I’m sitting on top of his black pick-up truck, a far cry from the rusted beat-up truck he had in high school, one leg tucked under me as the other dangles down the front of the truck. Luke is leaning back on the hood. His elbows keeping him propped up.

  “What problem?”

  He turns around leaning one hip against the Chevy emblem in the front of the truck.

  “Maya is jealous of you. Always have been.” He shrugs like it was an obvious response.

  I laugh. “Come on, Luke. I’m being serious.”

  “So am I.” He says with a straight face that sobers up my laughter.

  “Maya Renee is jealous of me? The perfect daughter? The 4.0 student that never caused my parents any problems? The doctor is jealous of me?” With each question, Luke nod his head.

  “Yeah, why wouldn’t she be? You were always funnier and easier to get along with. You could walk in a room and light it up. You never cared what anyone thought about you. You have this amazing ability to keep going, despite what the world throws at you. You’re strong, smart, creative, and brave. Honestly, I don’t know who wouldn’t be jealous of you.”

  My throat closes, my lungs shut down, and I forget I have the ability to blink as I stare back at him. Every second I spend with him I am reminded of what I gave up, and how much I miss it. In his eyes and the way his voice was steady as he spoke, led me to believe that he seriously believed what he said. There was no doubt in my mind that Luke thought all those things about me. Things that I didn’t even believe in myself.