First Love

by Tiya Rayne

  “Thank you!” Though a little thick, my voice finally returns and my body begins to function like normal again. Butterflies appear in my stomach in mid-flight. It’s the same feeling I use to have when we first started going out. When I was so unsure of all the emotions I was having for him. Their reappearance reminds me of how dangerous what Luke and I are doing. Unlike him, I don’t have a relationship to think about. However, I do have a huge secret that could hurt us both, and more importantly, it would hurt Peyton. With that reminder I turn away from those eyes, and those lips I’ve wanted to kiss from the moment I ran into him outside of Kroger.

  “Speaking of sisters, how is Holly and the boys?”

  Luke’s eyes sparkle as that smug smile appears on his face. He isn’t fooled by the subject change. It doesn’t surprise me, he was always good at reading me. Thankfully he allows the distraction.

  “The boys are great. They’re getting big. Carson says he wants to play football like me.”

  I giggle at this. Carson was only three when he would try to tag along with Luke and I. Even then he adored his uncle.

  “Holly is doing well. She’s dating a banker. He’s real nice to the boys and he seems to love my sister.”

  I know how big of a concern that is for Luke. Holly hasn’t always made the best decisions when it came to boyfriends. Many times she’d come home with black eyes and busted lips. Luke would go off, ready to tackle any man that put his hands on his sister. It’s good that Holly has found a nice guy. She was one of the few people that never really bothered me. She never went out of her way to be nice to me, but she wasn’t mean.

  I never told Luke about the time Holly and a few of her friends caught me at the store alone. Her friends were all being like everyone else. One of the guys even threw a glass bottle at me. Holly told them all to fuck off. She told them if her brother were around they wouldn’t be doing that shit. She even went on to say, whatever her brother and I did had nothing to do with anybody else. I was in tears by the time she walked out of the store and caught them being assholes. I climbed in my car and sped home after she came to my rescue. It was one of the last encounters I had with Holly.

  “And your parents?” Immediately following my question the smile slips from his face. He pushes away from the truck, sticking his hands in the front pocket of his worn blue jeans.

  “Still together I assume. I haven’t talked to them since I left for college two months earlier than planned.” He kicks at a small rock in front of him.

  “What happened?”

  He cuts those hazel eyes to me and I can see the sadness mixed in with a little anger.

  “We had a huge fight about you. I threatened to kill my pop, and they kicked me out of the house.”

  I look away in shame. “I’m sorry, Luke….”

  “Don’t.” He holds up a hand and smiles. “You’ve apologized about that enough. Now it’s time to move on. I don’t want to waste our time together living in the past. Ok?”

  I nod my head.

  “Good, I want you to go somewhere with me. Do you have time?”

  I take my phone out of my pocket and check the time. Mom said that I didn’t have to rush home. She was going to take Peyton to the movies and then they were going to cook dinner tonight for all of us. But, that wasn’t until seven.

  “Yeah, I have time. Oh!” I’m startled when Luke effortlessly lifts me from the hood of his car and carries me to the passenger side of his truck like a bride.

  “I could have walked.” I say on a giggle.

  “Not when I can carry you.” He places me down to open the door.

  “Yeah, but I’m not that same size three I was in high school.” I try to say it jokingly, but I am a little self-conscious. My body is beautiful and I have no issues with the extra curves, especially since they came from the birth of my favorite person in the world. However, I’m not the same body Luke fell in love with. My ass would laugh in the face of a pair of size three jeans.

  “You sure aren’t.” he jokes. “You’re much better.” He whispers in my ear, then swats my ass playfully like he did when we were dating. “Buckle up.” He states as I climb in the truck and he shuts the door.

  My heart is still pumping fast and those butterflies are dancing in my belly as I watch him walk around the front of the truck. His swagger is like none I’ve ever seen. Luke has never had to try hard, he’s always been a little country, a little jock, and all confidant man. And why shouldn’t he be confidant, with one playful pat, he has me wetting another pair of underwear. Guess I’ll be hiding these in the hamper too.

  ****

  We drive 20 minutes outside of Richland, close to where my Uncle Sullivan lives. It’s mostly rural land out this way. I love peering out the window with the wind blowing in my hair while Luke drives. It reminds me of all those days spent in his truck back in high school. Then, he would have one hand on my thigh as some country singer sung about missing his truck, dog, or woman. Now, we have to be content with stolen glances at each other out the corner of our eyes as the country landscape slips pass us.

  We finally pull up to a sprawling ranch house. A black picket fence runs the perimeter of the large yard. Across from the house is a vacant lot with the same black fencing. Off to the side of the house tucked further back is a large recently renovated barn painted brick red.

  I step out of Luke’s truck and he’s already at my side helping me down. My eyes run over the beautiful home. A manicured yard that will be a task to maintain. A huge covered porch that runs the entire length of the house. From the front of the house, it looks small, like a typical farmhouse. However, looking at the side you can tell just how big this place is.

  “What do you think?” Luke asks me as we both approach the same realtor from yesterday.

  “Luke, it’s…..” I don’t have the words.

  When Luke and I were planning our lives out together, this is the home that we talked about living in. From the porch, to the rocking chairs sitting on the porch. It was perfect. A dream come true, I just wasn’t starring in this dream.

  “It’s perfect for you.” I say as the realization dawns on me.

  “Wait until you see the inside.” He grabs my hand and tugs me up the steps.

  “I knew this one would be the one.” The realtor smirks.

  The front door opens to a gorgeous open floor plan. Light hard wood is beneath me. Vaulted ceilings are above me, a cool muted yellow coat the walls. Natural lights flood the house through the many front windows. This house is truly a dream come true. The kitchen opens up to the family room with the attached breakfast nook. A covered patio can be seen from the patio window. A built in outdoor kitchen with a fire pit is the beautiful backdrop to the massive back yard.

  “It’s everything you ever wanted.”

  “Not everything.”

  I felt his presence at my back before his words brushed across my neck. He’s so close I can feel the heat radiating off his body. His woodsy and musk smell surrounding me the way I wish his arms would.

  His words yank at my heart as if there is rope wrapped around the organ that he tugs whenever he is near.

  I ignore his words and what I hope the meaning of them are. Luke and I can never be again. Despite how I feel about him and how much I still love him, Peyton is my biggest priority. Not only does Luke have his own life going and it would be selfish for me to just bombard myself back in it, my family also made me realize how angry Luke may be about Peyton. Not that I kept her, but I did it by excluding him out of her life. If Luke decided to take her from me, I’m not sure it would be much I can do, and I can’t risk that.

  I turn around to face him and those gorgeous hazel eyes are staring down at me with enough heat to turn this beautiful home to ash. For a moment I allow myself to get lost in his gaze. I allow myself to remember what Luke’s kisses felt like. How they seemed to pull my soul from within my body. How his touch could ignite my nerves and send me spiraling into the abyss of ecstasy.


  I quickly shake my head, clearing out the thoughts that were sure to get me in trouble.

  “Have Melissa seen this yet? I can imagine she loves it?”

  My words seem to wake Luke up as well. His eyes drop from me to the ground. A slight shake of his head and a lift to his lips. He looks back up and out at the property.

  “Lissa grew up on a farm in Kansas, she has no intentions to go back to one. This is for me. I’ve always wanted to own land, this will be my little paradise. Something just for me.” He turns and looks at me.

  “Well, this is perfect for you.” I turn from his mesmerizing eyes. “Plenty of space to plant your garden. What were you going to grow again?”

  That playful smile appears on his face and triggers another tug of my heart. “French fries.”

  We both laugh at the memory.

  “And chocolate trees.” I remind him. “Is over there where your horse will graze? A black Stallion right?”

  It’s amazing how much I remember from our youth. All the conversations we had are still buried in my mind. I hold on to them just as tightly as I hold on to the moments we made love.

  He chuckles. “Yeah, he will run wild right back there.” He points to the open field just to our left. His eyes catch mine again, the anger is gone, but it’s being replaced with a new emotion. Regret.

  I knew that one all too well, however there was nothing we could do for it now.

  “Come on, let me show you the best part.” He grabs my hand and tugs me along down the back porch and towards the large brick red barn. He lets my hand go when we arrive at the black barn doors. I immediately feel the absence of his touch.

  “You ready for this?” He asks when he looks back at me.

  His excited smile is contagious, and I can feel it transfer on to my lips. I nod my head and Luke uses both hands to swing the large doors open. He steps back, and I walk in.

  The gasp barely makes it out of my mouth. I’ve never seen anything so beautiful in all my life. Beautiful Oak surrounds us. The barn had been recently done in a more contemporary style, oval shaped with a hayloft that wrapped all the way around the room. Large Y shaped beams held up the arched room and hayloft. The barn was bare at the moment, nothing covering the wood floors but a thin layer of dust. Natural light floated in through the arched windows. This barn was just as beautiful as the house. It was so gorgeous I craved to pull out my camera and take a picture of it. I can envision how the light would play off the shot bringing out all the details of the barn.

  “Go ahead.” Luke’s voice appears in my ear sending a shiver over my body.

  He chuckles, and I’m not sure if it’s from what he says or the fact that he just gave my body a mini orgasm by whispering in my ear.

  I look up at him confused. “Do what?”

  He folds his arms over his chest and nods back towards the truck where my bag and camera was stashed. “I know that look. You want to take a picture. I figured you would, besides I have some papers to sign with the realtor.”

  “You sure you don’t mind?”

  He takes a step towards me and grabs my hand rubbing his thumb over the knuckles. The rightness of the touch was not missed on me.

  “Wasn’t that the purpose of us linking up again in the first place?”

  I smile at the reminder of his bogus idea. I knew it wasn’t a real reason to keep seeing Luke, but I wanted the extra time with him as much as he did. It wasn’t like I wouldn’t have my camera with me anyway when we met up. I always had my camera.

  “Just promise me that you will send the pictures to me once they are done.” I nod because my mind can’t control my mouth and focus on the feel of his thumb rubbing across my skin. Such a simple touch yet I felt as if he were rubbing that thumb over my clit instead.

  Luke and I finally went our separate ways. I grabbed the camera out of the car while he handled business with his realtor. By the time Luke returned to the barn, I had taken a few shots of his home, the land, and was in the barn. My phone was jamming as I walked the barn finding new and exciting ways to capture the barn’s beauty. As Prince jammed about being soft and wet, I swayed to the beat as I snapped a picture of a spider web spread across one of the Y beams. The sunlight danced across the silky web. I felt the moment Luke walked back into the barn. My body has a way of alerting me of his presence. I finish my shot before I glance back over my shoulder to look at him. His smile twinkles in the sunlight just as beautiful as the spider web. I hold up the old Nikon and snap a picture of him.

  “Now, this brings back memories.” He jokes.

  I laugh. I’ve taken tons of pictures of Luke over our many years of friendship, but nothing can compare to the pictures I took over the nine months we were together as a couple. Pictures that I have stashed away in a shoe box at the top of my closet.

  “What can I say, you were my favorite subject.” I snap another picture of him.

  He pushes off the barn door and stalks towards me.

  “And what do you plan on doing with these pictures, Ms. Henderson.” He stalks closer to me like a predator hunting down its prey. The butterflies in my belly roar to life. If only I could allow the predator to catch me.

  I snap another picture of him as I continue to back away from his approach.

  “I plan on selling them on eBay. I can use the money to buy one of those shiny cars you leased yesterday.” I yelp and dodge his hand as he reaches out for me.

  My laughter sounds so free even to my ears. I won’t lie and say I haven’t laughed in the last few years. I’ve had plenty of happy occasions, my daughter brings me so much happiness. But there is no laughter like the one I have when I am with Luke Trent.

  Luke grabs for me again after I snap another picture and I dance out of his grip.

  “How am I supposed to believe that you’re a football player? You can’t even catch me.” I tease.

  He growls playfully. I try to shake him once again, I feign left and then go right but Luke is smarter than that. He grabs me with one arm and lifts me off my feet pulling me into his chest. I squeal in delight. And his chuckles brush across my bare neck.

  “What was that smart-ass comment again, Darlin’?”

  I can’t answer because he’s tickling me while holding me to his chest with one arm.

  “I can’t…. I can’t…” I gasp out.

  Finally, Luke stops tickling me. My feet hit the ground and I can finally catch my breath. Our laughter continues to linger until there is nothing left but our heavy breathing and the sound of my music playing on my phone.

  “Dance with me.” Luke says and grabs my hand before I can respond.

  I take my camera off from around my neck and place it down at my feet. Luke pulls me to the middle of the barn floor.

  I like to say I never believed in stereotypes. However, the very first time Luke asked me to dance with him I wasn’t expecting him to be so good. I guess that’s also why his sex game was so damn good, but it’s best I not think of that. Luke pulls my body close to his. His large calloused hands grabs both of mines. He lifts them out in front of me and his hips start to sway to the upbeat tempo of the song. My white boy has moves. I chuckle at the thought that runs in my head. Then sober as I remember he is not “my’ anything. I allow my hips to move with a lot more sway to it than his. He watches the way my body moves, at first playfully and then that smoldering look starts to take over. It heats my body and causes it to move, just for him. He lets go of one of my hands and spins me around, then pulls my body to his. My back to his front. I grind my hips into him and his hand tightens around my waist. I won’t lie like I had no idea what I was doing. I won’t pretend that my intentions weren’t to feel that thick bulge that is pressing against my back. I won’t even pretend that I don’t find pleasure in feeling it and knowing that I am the reason for it. I should stop. I should pull away from Luke and ignore this pull that we have. He is the sun and I am the planet caught in his gravitational pull. So even though the warning signs are going off, telli
ng me to stop, to step away, I don’t.

  Luke’s hands are gripping my hips so tight I may end up with bruises. I can feel the erratic beating of his heart through my back. It mirrors the fast pace of my heart. His head drops down near my neck. I feel the hotness of his breath as his lips are only inches from the sensitive skin on my neck. Something about having him that close, knowing what he wants to do, but is fighting not to do it, has me more turned on than if he actually did kiss that spot. His heat and body feels so good pressed against mine that my hands fist in the material at his thighs. A growl slips from his lips and my head drops on his shoulder. His hands slowly rise from my hips to the tops of my leggings, then the hem of my shirt, right before they slid underneath my top. His large hands feel like heaven against my skin. A moan slips out and I’m too turned on to be embarrassed by it. The sound of our heavy breathing drowns out the sound of the music. I turn my face towards Luke’s. He’s so close that his lips are nearly touching mine. So close we are recycling the same air. I bite down on my bottom lip, what I wouldn’t give to feel those lips on mine just one more time. The look in Luke’s eyes tell me he’s thinking the same thing. His hazel irises expand even more when his fingers dance along the skin under my shirt.

  I see in his eyes, he’s looking for a protest. He’s waiting for me to tell him to stop, that this isn’t ok. He won’t get any help from me because I can’t form words out of my mouth. I couldn’t tell him to stop if my life depended on it. Slowly his hands begin to move in opposite directions. One heading north and the other south. My breath hitches and Luke stops. His eyes never leaving mine. He’s still waiting for that one word that I’ll never be able to give him. Once he notices I won’t be redirecting him, his hands start to move in their opposite directions again. His north bound hand reaches its destination way before the south bound one. His thumb rubs the swell of my breast under my satin and lace bra. It feels wonderful, but nothing can distract me from the hand that has just breached the waist of my leggings. His hand dips between my leggings and skin and then slides down towards my panties. My heart nearly explodes with anticipation. I’m so wet my panties are sticking to my swollen pussy lips. My hearts beating so fast and loud I know he can hear it. The moment he cups between my legs we both let out a moan. I imagine his is from finding me so hot and wet and mine is because my pussy is finally home in his hands. Neither of us speak. Too afraid to shatter the moment we are living in. Words may bring in the reality. Silence keeps us hidden in our bubble and away from the truth, so we allow only our bodies to speak. With his palm covering my hardened nub he pushes down on it sending blissful fissures through my pussy up through my stomach. His hooded eyes still on me, hot minty breath blowing over my parted lips. We both wait for that next step. I feel his long nimble fingers push aside the drenched seat of my panties. My breath catches as I anticipate the feel of his fingers breaching my vagina. The first non-inanimate thing that has come into contact with this part of me in a very long time. He slides his fingers between my slippery lips, my eyes cross at how good he feels. I’m so wet, the gushy sound of his finger slipping over my soaked sex drowns out our breathing. I wait for the moment he dives his fingers into my heated canal.