First Love

by Tiya Rayne

She chuckles then blows her nose in the balled up tissue. I stand to my feet. I shouldn’t press my luck. We were still on rocky ground.

  “I’m sorry about what I said the other day.” Her voice is that low vulnerable whisper again. “I didn’t mean any of it. I’m glad you’re back. Even if you hate me.”

  “I never hated you, Maya. I love you. You’re my big sister. I use to look up to you.” I admit.

  Her eyes widen when she looks at me. “Really? That’s funny, I use to wish I could be you.”

  This news has me sitting back down in my seat beside her. Clearly I heard her wrong.

  “You wanted to be me?”

  “Of course. You had a blithe disregard to the cares of the world. You wondered around life with a complete insouciance to others thoughts.”

  My face scrunches. “That makes me sound like an asshole.”

  Maya laughs. “Not at all. I loved that about you. You were always so carefree and brave. Do you remember that very first dance recital?” she asks and the memory makes her shake her head. “I watched you dance on stage in front of a hundred strangers, to a beat that only you heard. I remember thinking, I wish I had that courage.”

  “To be honest, I had no idea I wasn’t doing that dance right.”

  We both laugh.

  “I still don’t think it would have mattered. Remember cheerleading tryouts?”

  “They asked me to leave after my shoe flew off and hit that girl in the face.”

  “And you didn’t even get upset. Meanwhile, I couldn’t get out of the bed for days after I missed that question for the mathalon.” Another shake of her head. “I always envied the way you rolled with life’s punches. Even when you were being bullied and terrorized for dating Luke, you stood firm. Watching you tell Mama and Daddy that you were pregnant and keeping the baby without even breaking a sweat, it made me snap. I was struggling in school at the time. Barely making passing grades and here is my sister, having a life changing crisis and she wasn’t even scared. So, I told you that you were selfish. It was stupid and I ruined your life.”

  I place my hand on my sister’s knee. Her words that night did alter my life. Had Maya never told me that, I would still be with Luke right now. And who knows, we could have been happy together. However, we will never know that. I think part of my healing is starting to forgive others. It was time to take responsibility for my actions and decisions. It wasn’t Maya’s fault I went the route I did.

  “Don’t worry about it. At the end of the day, I got my beautiful little girl out of the deal. Luke got the career he always wanted, and the woman that deserves him. Everyone is happy.”

  “You’re not happy.” Maya says placing her hand over mine. “Not by a long shot. You won’t be happy until you are with him again.”

  “That will never happen. He’s moved on. I refuse to be his leech forever.”

  “Now who told you something stupid like that?” She scoffs then smiles. “Well, baby sister, I’m going to give you some very good advice that someone very smart told me. Go fight for your man.” She bumps her shoulder into mine.

  If only it was that easy for me.

  “I will,” I lie. “But first, you and I are going to plan a damn wedding. We aren’t leaving here until we have a date, time, location, and colors. And then, we are going to get my brother-in-law back.”

  Maya laughs so hard she snorts like I do.

  “I’ve always liked the idea of a winter wonderland wedding.”

  I pull out my phone and go to the calendar. At least one of us was going to get our happily ever after.

  Chapter Nineteen

  I stare at my phone again. I just sent another text and she still isn’t responding. It’s been five days and I’m going crazy. I can’t believe how things ended. I knew it couldn’t last, I knew I could only have her for a short time. I told myself that was all the time I needed to get over her. To get her out of my system. Now she’s even further in my system. Watching her scratched up face tear up when she saw Melissa broke me. I’ve never felt so fucking guilty for anything. Not even when I refuse to have sex with Melissa while she was here. The guilt I was feeling, you would have thought Zora was my fiancée and not Melissa. All I know is that I miss Zora like I would a missing limb. Why did I think this would be a good idea? I take another sip of the beer I’ve been nursing.

  Me: Please call me. We need to talk.

  The unanswered text continues to stare back at me. I was just about to make the mistake and call her again when my phone goes off in my hand. My heart jumps at first. The excitement of it actually being Zora, but then that feeling fades when I notice it’s my agent’s name that appear across my screen.

  “Not now, Scott. I’m not in the…”

  “What the hell are you doing down there?” Scott’s angry voice comes through my phone. “I sent you down there to lay low, not hook up with some black prostitute.”

  I sit up in my seat, placing my half empty beer bottle on the table in front of me. “What are you talking about?”

  “Luke, I just got a call from a source at ZMT, they have photos of you and some hooker making out at an empty field. What were you thinking?”

  Fuck! I shoot to my feet and run my hands through my hair.

  “You have to stop those pictures.” I yell through the phone in a panic.

  “Are you insane? Don’t you think I’ve tried? Money has already been exchanged for the photos. The only reason I got a heads up is because I know someone at ZMT. The most I can do is hold them off until tomorrow, Luke.”

  “Shit!” I grab my keys off the mini bar in my room and stick my feet in my tennis shoes by the door. “Do we know who sold those photos?”

  “That isn’t what you should be worried about. Your face is plastered across every TV in America and in other countries. You have a lot of people banking on you keeping a clean profile. If they find out you’ve been cheating on your fiancée with a hooker…..”

  “Stop fucking calling her a hooker.” I shout as I continue to press the down button on the elevator.

  “That’s what they are calling her. They told me the source told them that she was a well-known prostitute.”

  “I’m going to kill someone. She’s not a hooker.”

  “Look, Luke, I don’t care who the girl is. You need to get back to California, and hold a press conference so that we can start denying these allegations. Maybe even get with Melissa so she can be by your side to show a united front.”

  Fuck! That seems like the only word I could think of at the moment, but I had completely forgot about Melissa. I rush out of the elevator in the lobby of my hotel and tell the valet to bring my truck.

  “Scott, I need you to take care of things. I have to go and handle something here.”

  “Luke are you listening to me. You need to be on a plane as soon as possible and back in San Diego.”

  “I have to go.”

  I hang up on Scott and climb into my truck the moment the valet brings it around. I use the truck speakers to call Melissa. It was midnight in Paris right now. Melissa’s groggy voice comes through the speakers of my truck.

  “Luke, is everything alright?”

  I take a deep breath before I tell Melissa everything. When I finish talking she’s silent on the other end of the phone.

  “Lissa, I am so sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”

  “So is she the reason you wouldn’t sleep with me when I came to visit?”

  I stop at a red light and drop my head on the back of my headrest.

  “Yeah.”

  “I knew something was up. You think I didn’t see the scratches on your back?” She scoffs. “Everyone warned me about dating an athlete. They told me I would always have to share you with groupies. I thought you were different, Luke.”

  There was no need to defend my actions. I didn’t have to tell her that until this moment I had never stepped out on her. Until Zora walked back in my life I had no intentions of ever doing it.

  “
I’m sorry.” Is all I could say.

  Melissa sighs. “I forgive you, Luke. We will go to counseling and work it out before the wedding. Right now I just want you out of that town and away from that woman.”

  “No!” The words came out without much thought.

  Melissa had every right to want me away from Zora. I had fucked up, and being around Zora was not going to make me do better.

  “Excuse me? Luke, you can’t stay there with her. And you can’t have us both.”

  “I know that, Lissa.”

  “Then what’s the problem?”

  “I love her.” I say the words out loud finally.

  After all these years, saying those words out loud feels like a relief to my soul. “I’ve loved that girl since I was six years old and I will never love anyone else the way I love her.”

  I can hear Melissa’s gasp on the other end of the phone, followed by her sniffling. The light turns green and I move the car forward through the intersection.

  “I never meant to hurt you, Lissa. If I would have had time before the pictures came out I would have told you this face to face. I really did love you, just not the way I love her. I don’t want to hurt you anymore.” Her sobbing continues and I feel like the dick that I am. “Melissa…”

  “Just stop, Luke.” Her tearful voice shouts. “I can’t deal with this right now. I have to go.” The line goes dead.

  One heart has already been broken tonight, I’m pretty sure another one will join it.

  ************

  “A January wedding!” my mom cheers again.

  I smile as Marcus wraps his arms around Maya’s waist and plants a kiss on her temple. They look so happy together. Turns out, it didn’t take much to get Marcus to come back. Not that I thought it would. Earlier today, Maya and I was able to set a date, set up three locations to view next week and pick out the color—silver and gold. Once she called Marcus and told him that she had set a date, he was here in less than five minutes. It looked like he was in worse condition than my sister. Since the crisis had been averted, my mom decided to have a little celebration at the house. My parents, Langston and his family, along with Maya and Marcus was here. Peyton was upstairs playing with her cousins while the adults sat in the living room enjoying glasses of Champagne.

  “After Maya ties the knot, it will be time for you, Zora.” I almost choke on my drink.

  “Nessa,” My dad warns.

  “Oh hush, Charles. It’s every mother’s dream to have her kids happily married. Langston don’t you have some single fraternity brothers?”

  Langston laughs. “I do. I can give them a call right now.” Kyra smacks his arm.

  “Stop teasing your sister.” Kyra warns.

  “I think baby sister will be fine.” Maya says lifting her glass to me. “She just needs to take her own advice.” She winks at me before kissing Marcus on the lips.

  I think again about the text message Luke sent me. He wants to talk to me. It’s not a good idea. If I see Luke face to face I will only fall back in his bed and that’s not good for either of us. This is the best way for the both of us. Just then, lights flash through the front window of the house.

  “Anyone expecting company?” My dad asks.

  We all shake our head no. He stands to his feet and go to the window.

  “A truck is outside.” He calls over his shoulder and my heart quickens in my chest.

  He wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t show up here.

  My phone vibrates in my pocket and I pull it out to look down at it.

  Luke: I’m outside.

  Me: Outside where?

  I ask the question even though I knew the answer already. I was just hoping I was wrong.

  Luke: Come out the door, Zora. Or I’m coming in.

  Damnit.

  “Whoever it is isn’t getting out the truck. Let me go….”

  I jump to my feet before my father could move from the window.

  “I’ll go.”

  I drink the remainder of my glass before I put it on the coffee table. I don’t pay attention to the curious eyes watching me. I slip out of the front door and the moment he sees me, Luke climbs out of the truck. I storm down the steps towards him, my heart pounding in fear.

  “Luke what are you…..” His lips seal to mine before I could finish my question. His warm hands cup my face as he takes my lips. My hands fist in his shirt trying to anchor me to the earth. His powerful kiss has me drifting off to heaven. I feel every bit of his love for me in that kiss, every bit of the time we spent apart. Not just the last five days, but the last eight years are seared into that kiss. He finally lets me go, breaking the kiss to whisper those dangerous words across my wet lips.

  “I love you, Zora.” His words wrap around my heart and squeeze. “I can’t live without you, baby. I’m sorry for the other day, I didn’t touch Melissa the entire time she was here. I even called off the wedding. I want you and only you, Zora. Be with me. He can’t love you like I can.”

  Elation spreads through me covering me in a warmth of euphoria. Hearing Luke say those words has been my dream since the day I left him. As happy as I was, I was quickly brought back down to earth.

  Peyton.

  “Luke, we need to…..” Luke steps away from me. He’s looking at the porch.

  “You heard that.” He yells.

  I turn to see my entire family standing on the porch watching us. “No one else is taking her from me. I don’t care who doesn’t like it. That includes you, Calvin.”

  “Who the hell is Calvin?” Langston asks from behind me.

  “Luke, stop.” I pull at his arm to get him to focus back on me.

  The moment he turns to me the last voice I wanted him to hear shouts his name.

  “Mr. Luke!” I turn to see my daughter dash down the steps, avoiding my dad’s arms as he tries to stop her, and into Luke’s stomach. Luke has the largest smile I’ve ever seen on his face as he picks Peyton up and hugs her tight.

  “Hey, Beautiful, what are you doing here?”

  They speak to each other as if they are old friends. I turn to my family and they all look as confused as I do.

  “I can’t believe you came to see me. How do you know my mom?” That’s when it happens.

  Luke turns to me and back to Peyton. I watch the smile slip from his face and get replaced with confusion, recognition, and finally rage. My brother must have noticed it too, because he’s at my side now.

  “Peyton, why don’t you go back in the house with the boys?” Langston says.

  I’m glad he is thinking clear because I’m not. All I can focus on is the anger in Luke’s eyes as he stares at me.

  Luke ignores Langston. He doesn’t release Peyton and she has no intentions of letting him go either.

  “Who is this, Zora?” His voice is so cold I find myself rubbing my bare arms to get warmth.

  I look at my daughter’s hazel inquisitive eyes as she looks back at me. She seems to be asking the same question.

  “She’s your daughter, Luke.”

  The words hit him hard. His face crumples in pain and he clutches my daughter to his chest burying his face in her neck as she hugs him tight. The sight is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Hearing a man like Luke cry over his child is heart wrenching. I don’t dare say anything to break the moment. Luke falls to his knees still cradling our daughter. When Peyton finally pulls away from him with misty hazel eyes, Luke touches her face with so much admiration before he releases her and stands to his feet. He looks to me and I take a step back at the fire in his eyes.

  “You lied to me.”

  “I protected you.”

  He takes a step towards me. The look in his eyes tells me he wants to strangle me. Langston steps in between us and Marcus is now behind me for more protection. Luke turns away from me. He runs his hands roughly through his hair. I knew he was struggling with his anger.

  “Luke, I just wanted you to have your dreams.”

  “You stole he
r from me.” He shouts at me.

  “I gave you your dream.”

  “YOU WERE MY DREAM.” His words are shouted so loud his face turns red and the vein in his neck looks like it’s going to explode.

  “Luke, please, I’m so sorry. I did it for you.”

  The disgust on his face when he looks at me tells me he doesn’t believe me.

  “I can’t stay here. I can’t even look at you right now.” He shakes his head before walking towards his truck. I follow behind him.

  “Luke, don’t leave like this.” I grab at his shirt, anything to keep him from leaving. He snatches away from me so quick I almost lose my footing.

  “Get away from me!” He shouts.

  I feel my brother’s hands on my shoulders holding me back.

  “Let him go, Zora. Let him go.” Langston pleads.

  I can barely hear him over my own crying.

  Luke climbs in his truck, he turns to me and glares. “You will hear from my lawyer.” He slams the truck door close and tears out of the driveway in reverse.

  Only for a second I allow myself to be consumed by the pain. Luke hates me. Not even when I broke his heart all those years ago did he ever look at me like he did tonight. I know he is pissed.

  “Don’t worry, Zo. I’ll call up my people in family law. I won’t let him take Peyton from you.”

  Those words spoken so close to my ear is what makes me snap out of my self-pity. I didn’t have time to hurt. I needed to protect my daughter. I rub the tears from my face and turn to my daughter.

  “Peyton, go pack your things, we have to go.”

  “Zora, you can’t run.” My mom whines.

  I’m not interested in hearing what she has to say right now.

  Peyton doesn’t move. She only stares at me with tears in her eyes.

  “Peyton go pack.” I say again.

  “NO!” she shouts. “You lied to me. You told me my father couldn’t be with us. You kept him away from me.”

  “Sweetheart, that’s not true. You just don’t understand. I’ll explain it later.” I try to grab my daughter’s hand and she snatches away from me and takes two steps back.

  “Peyton. I don’t have time for this. Go in the house and pack.”